Discomfort with receiving oral

[PNW_Mr_Tom 0]

I feel weird posting this and hope someone can help me understand what is going on.

 

I have always had a problem when women give me head. It is either feels great or it doesn't. There is no middle ground. Let me give you a example this weekend....

 

Wife and I went to a swinger party and the play started too happen. One woman came over and started to give me head. It was perfect, felt good and I liked it. Then another woman came over and started and it was very uncomfortable, almost to the fact I was biting my lip to hold in the conformity. I know people have different methods and techniques. But its more of the positioning. If I stand in front of the person and they are on their knees, that works. If I am lying down and they are off to the side, NO WAY. It is way too sensitive and is unpleasant. This most of the time kills the mood for me, which totally sucks (not in the good way)

 

I know the issue is with me. My wife and I have talked about it and over the years know that it has to be done a certain way.

 

Am I crazy or is my penis broken. How do I tell the other people that its ok, I do not need to have oral?

 

Mr Tom

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Some of us are always willing and looking to learn. Maybe the other woman doesn't know how to do it 'right' or maybe she just doesn't how to do your version of 'right'. Sometimes a 'can you try it like this...' is all it takes (for you and/or for her). Everyone can't be expected to know how to do everything to please everyone.

[couplers 4,638]

2 hours ago, PNW_Mr_Tom said:

when women give me head. It is either feels great or it doesn't.

Fortunately, you do have the good ones.  Be upfront and tell potential partners that you are weird in this way, that it doesn't always work, it's you.  If it were me hearing that, I would take it as a challenge and try to do it right by you and please.  Part of the fun of swinging is addressing the individual quirks we all have.

[MarniJohn 172]

My husband is not circumcised and oral is a REAL challenge for him.  He is very sensitive and the majority of women he has encountered,   have been very rough.

 When we met he didn't tell me what the issue was and often avoided having me suck him.  I was perplexed!   When I finally asked him and he told me, I showed him how wonderful it could be if he would trust me to be gentle and follow his lead.   I have told him often, to be honest with women in the lifestyle because frankly, if a woman is giving a guy head, it is to please him.  A brief comment before she starts would make all the difference!  

 

I would bet no woman would have a problem with a man telling her what he likes!

[travelingprofessional 47]

Oral sex feels different for different people, based on different positions, based on the person performing and the mental situation of the receiver. Penetration....always feels good. Oral sex is a puzzle that is sometimes never solved.

 

Personal experience is that some women are lousy at it. As I already mentioned, this is my opinion and how it feels to me. I've heard from the male side of a couple that his wife is awesome. Yet when she gives me oral it feels like she's chewing on me while stroking with a handful of 150 grit sandpaper. 

 

My SO is awesome at it. During dinner conversations with other couples we've heard many times "my husband never comes via oral" only to have the other husband cum in a couple minutes of receiving it from my SO...to the shock of the other wife.  

 

With that said, there are some nights where it doesn't feel good when she does it for me. Maybe my mind is elsewhere. Who knows. There are some positions where it feels good but there is no way I'll ever cum. There are other positions where I'll finish in a couple minutes regardless of where my mind is. 

 

I think the answer to your question is communication. A woman who is performing oral on you would love for it to feel good. Let her know what feels good and what you like. Heck I love when a woman directs me to how she likes it. I think I'm pretty good at finding the prize but any tips a woman wants to provide is definitely welcome.

 

[Sophy 569]

As a woman I have never received a complaint in regards to my blowjob skills, all men seem happy at the time, but I do understand, we all are all different, and the experience can vary from person to person, now, communication is the key, nothing sexier than a man telling me with moans or actual words what he is enjoying the most, I don't think any woman would complain of a communicative play-partner.

[NerdsAreFun 226]

As a guy that likes giving and receiving blowjobs I know for me getting too much direct stimulation of the frenulum becomes unpleasant,  Like a few licks at a time spaced apart but not sucking directly on it for a long time or a continuous tongue lashing.  I also get the urge to just "grin and bear it" if it's not the right sensation for you because they're nice enough to be sucking your cock to begin with.  But by all means communicate what you want as the sucker just wants to please you.  Having the guy be verbal/moaning with you is so much hotter than just being a silent recipient anyway.  It certainly is common for guys to just go the silent route.  With the home field advantage I can usually get the job done regardless.  Can also just try out a variety of techniques and explicitly pause and ask for feedback while continuing to stroke. 

But with a woman I am also certainly appreciative of a little nudge to the left or moaning in response to a certain letter of the alphabet when trying out that trick(writing letters on clit with tongue then going with that pattern) or outright steering my head or what have you.  If she just stays silent she'll have a similar frustrated experience and likely either fake it or just abandon the effort and proceed to fucking.

Bottom line is just that communication(in any form, before/during/after) makes for better sex.  Ask your wife to do a tasting menu of various things and then remember what you like and don't like to communicate to a new partner.

Edited November 5, 2021 by NerdsAreFun