Is kissing cheating?

[txffswinger 1]

I'll try to make it short. My wife and I are very new to the LS. A couple of months ago we met an experienced couple who we hit off well with, we hung out with them again to get know each other better.

 

Now fast forward to this past weekend when we met up with them again. We went to a bar together and the drinks were flowing, and we were feeling good. Welp, they invited us back to their house and we said sure. The other husband was on a motorcycle and asked if my wife could ride back with him on the bike and I could follow his wife back, and against my better judgment I let her. My wife likes to ride motorcycles, so the other wife suggested they take the long way home.

 

Well, it took me and the other wife about 5 minutes to get back, and it took he and my wife a good 15 minutes. When my wife walked in she was happy and giggly and told me the the other husband had something to ask me, and of course I knew what it was. He asked to swap and I said yes.

 

So for our first experience we attempted a full swap. He and my wife had full intercourse, and unfortunately I had some issues with getting it up and didn't get to have a full swap. My wife allowed some things to happen in the course of her swap that for sure bent, if not broke, our rules. However that's a conversation for another day.  

 

The day after when my wife and I discussed our experience she wasn't forthcoming with everything and even lied about some things that happened. But a few days later when we discussed it again.I asked her about the motorcycle ride, and how we all went from no talk about a swap that night, to when they got back, they wanted to swap. She finally told me that she told him that she was horny and needed to have sex. She says he then pulled over, pulled his junk out, and told her if she wanted it, then they would have to ask me. She then says he kissed her.

 

She said that was all that happened, which I'm not sure I totally believe her on that.

 

So, my question is, is him pulling his junk out, and them kissing before any permission was given, considered cheating? Any advice is appreciated.

[SAMnTINA 362]

It's always cheating if your spouse does not know or you feel you have to hide something!

[Lionheart72 2,190]

It isn't a question of whether or not me or anyone else considers "kissing" to be cheating. It's a question of honesty, openness and communication. It sounds like she isn't being honest and open about what happened. You said already that she bent or broke your rules. It sounds like she may have done other things that you aren't comfortable with and she knows, or fears, that you wouldn't be or she wouldn't be hiding them from you. It's pretty clear you guys have some issues to sort out.

 

It sounds like you guys need to stop playing and start talking. She needs to be open and honest about what happened. You need to be open and honest about how it makes you feel. Try not to turn it into a fight, because that won't help anything in the long run. Just have a real conversation about it. If you can do that, you can resolve this. If you can't, my advice is to stop swinging until you can.

[enhancer 1,584]

I was going to reply to this post, but Lionheart  above me nailed it!  Time to take a step back and get the communication thing fixed before you go any further.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

Swinging can be complicated, and rules will be broken. But they should generally be broken slowly and not right away.

 

It’s normal for one partner to feel like the other is moving too fast - especially at first. Also normal to have a little bit of performance anxiety. Be patient, open, and understanding with each other.

 

To answer your question, for us kissing is an important part of warm ups and foreplay. My wife generally won’t get in the mood easily without a makeout session first.  It never made sense for us to forbid it.

[Thegreyarea 100]

17 hours ago, txffswinger said:

She said that was all that happened, which Im not sure I totally believe her on that. 

Until you have 100% honesty, trust, and communication you should step back and reevaluate why you’re doing this. 

[njbm 2,868]

100% on communication and trust.
 

After we got past the soft swap stage, we both had each other’s consent to do anything we wanted to do with others. I trust my wife not to do anything that would be unsafe for either of us (such as foregoing a condom). It is so much easier to trust your spouse and allow them to express themself without my judgment or criticism. 
 

But I think that our level of trust comes from open and clear communication. It develops over time. She would tell me other men’s sneaky tricks to avoid condoms, launch into anal, etc. We are usually in the same room, but even if we are not, I trust her. 

Edited October 2, 2021 by njbm