Ignored at the club

[Newfoundintrest 1]

Hi all, 

My wife and I have been to a few club events over the past couple of years and I've noticed on more than one occasion. I get ignored for the most part by pretty much all the women.

 

Now this is not a rant, I'm just curious as to what I'm doing wrong.

I'm not shy, I do my best to joke and socialize with people.

I keep myself in shape ( not 6 PAC), no dad bod here. But it seams all the attention goes to my wife, and while she loves it and takes me along for the ride. I feel more like a added extra than a team member. If that makes any sense.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions

[discreetplay 235]

You say 'on more than one occasion...', what does that mean exactly? You've been to 'a few club events' over the 'past couple years' and 'on more than one occasion'.....goodness, are you a politician? You wrote all those words and said nothing. How many events have you been to and how many is "more than one"? You've been to 10 events and ignored at 2? That's good success. You've been to 5 and ignored 4? That isn't. 

 

What kind of events are you going to? Are you going with another couple or just showing up?  Many couples arrange to meet up with other couples at events rather than just show up, thus an unknown couple (like you two) must bring something good to the table to get noticed.

 

You say you keep yourself in shape. No "dad bod". What does that mean? "In shape" meaning you're thin?  Does your wife generate attention? 

 

A whole lot of vagueness in your post makes it difficult to provide real assistance.

 

[njbm 2,868]

The best players in baseball get a hit 30% of the time. I doubt swinging is much better. I have spent quite a few house parties eating coffee cake. The suggestion to go to a club with another couple is a good one. When we go to house parties and know people, things happen. When we don’t know anyone, often nothing happens. Pre-screen your event’s attendees, connect with some online first. 

[enhancer 1,584]

I realized very early on in this lifestyle the women are the ones that are in demand and as a man I just have to know that this is the way it is and I can go along for the ride or just not bother at all! 
 

That is why there are so many single guys out there that are not given the time of day regardless of what they look like and single woman are going to have people hitting them up non stop regardless of what they look like.

 

Women are the ones with the power in this lifestyle.  I have no problem with that at all.

[lovefest04 697]

If women are in demand, and have the power, which I suspect is true, then men need to be on the prowl, the aggressors (not in a bad way). Someone is getting the attention of your wife, you need to get the attention of someone else's.

 

Really tough for guy like me that are more shy and reserved. But I wouldn't blame the situation, but rather myself.

[njbm 2,868]

20 minutes ago, lovefest04 said:

If women are in demand, and have the power, which I suspect is true, then men need to be on the prowl, the aggressors (not in a bad way). Someone is getting the attention of your wife, you need to get the attention of someone else's.

 

Really tough for guy like me that are more shy and reserved. But I wouldn't blame the situation, but rather myself.

It’s not in my personality to “hit on women” (I mean flirt, not literally hit), but those are the guys who succeed. 

[Lionheart72 2,190]

The few times I went to a swingers club alone, I realized very quickly that if I followed my usual habits I would have a great time people-watching but I wouldn't interact with anyone and I certainly wouldn't hook up with anyone. I had to step very much out of my comfort zone (in a good way) and actually go be social with people.

 

While that doesn't sound like Newfoundintrest's problem (you say you're not shy and socialize with people) the truth is, women just aren't going to throw themselves at you. It really isn't the dynamic most of the time. As others have said, women have the power here. If you meet a woman you are interested in, you need to approach her. You also need to accept that you are probably one of many guys who has approached her that night and she will probably say no. Something else I learned quickly was how to deal with being turned down, sometimes not so politely, and keep having a good night... and that's the the key, I think: to have fun anyway.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

6 hours ago, Newfoundintrest said:

Hi all, 

My wife and I have been to a few club events over the past couple of years and I've noticed on more than one occasion. I get ignored for the most part by pretty much all the women.

 

Now this is not a rant, I'm just curious as to what I'm doing wrong.

I'm not shy, I do my best to joke and socialize with people.

I keep myself in shape ( not 6 PAC), no dad bod here. But it seams all the attention goes to my wife, and while she loves it and takes me along for the ride. I feel more like a added extra than a team member. If that makes any sense.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions

Yes, we have a couple of suggestions:

 

Always remember, you are a team. And, whatever you are doing has to work for both of you, not just one. You have her back, and she has yours. Full stop. No qualifier needed.

 

There are a number of different ways of finding potential partners/playmates. Going to clubs, or attending group events, is only one of them and is not well suited to certain people for a variety of reasons. It just may be you are not the clubbing type?

 

Ann and I are not the clubbing types. We never embraced the idea of throwing a bunch of lipstick and cologne against the wall to see what might stick. In fact, we find the very thought of it to be revolting. We don't like crowds. We don't like loud music. We detest cigarette smoke. And we don't appreciate a bunch of strange men ogling her like she's a piece of meat at auction. We quickly learned the types of people who enjoy that kind of manic, in-your-face, speed-dating atmosphere are not the kind of people to whom we are attracted, anyway, and vice versa.

 

Ours has almost always been a far more slow and selective approach. How did we initially find partners/playmates? For sometime, we were very active on the lifestyle websites with modest success. After a while, we grew tired of the on-line games and, fortunately, had established a big enough circle of lifestyle friends that allowed us the opportunity to meet people the old fashioned way--being introduced by other lifestylers. Today, we have a small circle of lifestyle friends. Currently, we're happy with them and are not out looking for new partners/playmates. Besides, there's the whole pandemic thing...

 

The point: Don't get locked into thinking there is just one way to do things. There are plenty of other people in the lifestyle who are just like you. Find your own path. When it feels right, it is right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 18, 2021 by AndrewandAnn

[Newfoundintrest 1]

Thank you all so much for your advice. Il certainly keep it all in mind if we make it out again.

We've been out 6 times and only one of them I felt like i was fitting in. 

Still as It was mentioned at least I'm present and having fun.