Rules Changed and we are Enjoying

[cplnluv1 872]

Our Rules

No long term relationships

No couples close to home

No single play, couples only together. 
 

It has been months since I met a gym member who is friends with a couple we met who lived hours away. She searched me out and after getting to know her we agreed to be their first swinging friends. In these crazy times I became close friends with her as we have much in common, seeing her in the gym, lunches, shopping and the husbands seem to get along, easy talk and liking the same sports. Up to now we would ghost people after a month, not our new friends. We had broken two steadfast rules, getting involved with locals. 
 

 

 

[EastInWest 1,524]

This type of rule-making is beneficial because it sets a gold standard, but allows for some flexibility where you know what you need to discuss at length and in detail before you consider a special case and to weigh why you made those rules in the first place and whether or not it's really worth it.

 

Like you, we also broke a few rules to entertain a local offer with someone we know personally, a newly-single workout buddy of Mrs. E's. I sought some advice from this forum and we were cautioned against some things, which was smart feedback taken into account, but all three of us still wanted to move forward with part of the plan. 

 

Since then, she's been a reasonably steady play partner for two years now.

[lcmim 1,082]

21 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

"Up to now we would ghost people after a month"

Really?? Without so much as a heads up?

(Strains of the song Lemon tree come to mind.)

 

That seems a bit harsh to me.

 

I can see "We have a one month limit so lets have fun now".

 

Just ghosting can cause stress on the other couple. 

I can see it if there is cause, but just because of your rules doesn't strike me as one of them.

 

I hope that I am misreading you on this it seems out of character.

[EastInWest 1,524]

17 minutes ago, lcmim said:

Just ghosting can cause stress on the other couple.

Fair observation and I agree. I missed that.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Rules, especially in swinging, should be written in pencil and not ink for this very reason. They should be flexible and able to change as the two of you see fit.

[enhancer 1,585]

It is easy for us to not break any rules, because we only have one!  We are in this for shared experiences only.  We do not chat, sext, cam, meet or play with anyone unless we are both present.  This rule will not change and we both do not want it to.

 

When it comes to play time with others anything each of us wants to do they can!  Having to worry about stepping out of line with your partner would take a lot of the in the moment fun stuff out of it and that isn’t a whole lot of fun.  We each have things we do not want to do with others so we don’t.

 

As for ghosting people we have had that happen a couple times with people we played with more then once!  I can honestly say it doesn’t bother us.  People move on and that is there choice.  We are not poly in any way and are not looking for anything, but fwb situations.  We are not looking for long term relationships.  Just short term fun.

 

[Sophy 569]

At this stage, we do not have any particular rules as long everybody is having fun, we are ok with mostly everything, but we do understand why people have rules and we respect them, it is important to feel safe/confident and move together at the same pace, with experience rules will evolve/disappear, that is only natural. 

[cplnluv1 872]

13 hours ago, lcmim said:

 

I hope that I am misreading you on this it seems out of character.

Maybe I used the wrong term, trying to use terms that I misunderstood. 
We are not that type of people who would hurt others by not saying what are intentions are. We keep in touch with many of the people we have met over the years. I even check in to make sure nothing has hurt the relationship of those who we were the first. I am happy to give advice if asked, we just never wanted to continue physical relationships too long where we become the major go to couple. We want others to grow and not use us as the crutch. 
I certainly don’t want this to be another Covid post, we had decided to cut back on the people we meet. Meeting people we enjoy being with happened at the right time, not that we hadn’t met equally nice people before. Maybe because they live close, and go to the same gym made it easier to break our rule. 
I apologize for using the term Ghost, that is not intended and not our modus operandi. 

[njbm 2,870]

We met a couple on a lifestyle cruise that had a “three and out” rule. They would have sex with other couples on up to three occasions and that is it. They were afraid of romantic attachments. 

I don’t know if they told other couples about their rule. It would seem fair to disclose it. 

[Fitlakecouple 451]

9 hours ago, njbm said:

We met a couple on a lifestyle cruise that had a “three and out” rule. They would have sex with other couples on up to three occasions and that is it. They were afraid of romantic attachments. 

I don’t know if they told other couples about their rule. It would seem fair to disclose it. 

Yes, be clear about how you operate as a couple. If you are 'one and done' say it. 'Three and out'?, state it clearly. But don't give the impression that you are long term, social swingers and then ghost the couple.

 

 

[lcmim 1,082]

10 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

"Maybe I used the wrong term, trying to use terms that I misunderstood"

I thought that might be the case. 

 

Ghosting in our lexicon is the sudden and complete cessation of all communication, usually without explanation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[cplnluv1 872]

1 hour ago, lcmim said:

I thought that might be the case. 

 

Ghosting in our lexicon is the sudden and complete cessation of all communication, usually without explanation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reading that sounds so mean, I never want to be that person. What we have found some people don’t know how to go to the next step in their lifestyle journey. We try to explain that part of the thrill of swinging is experiencing others, staying with one couple is not much different from being monogamous with one partner. The first time is the hardest, now spread your wings and explore. We have been with those who can’t make that next step finding comfort with us. Maybe we are too comforting, non threatening, caring. Others out there can be too hardcore for newbies, in our beginnings we met people like that, the reason we make an effort to be like that. 
 

[lcmim 1,082]

That sounds more like you. That is why I reacted.

 

[cplnluv1 872]

1 hour ago, lcmim said:

That sounds more like you. That is why I reacted.

 

I feel guilty now, going to discuss later if we should contact some of the people we haven’t heard from. 
I have heard from others that what we have embraced, softly lead curious women and their husbands has been great, what people miss is that we are excited to be a first. Guys brag about being a first when they are younger, not as much is written about the women/girls who were the first for the guys. Every guy has also had a first sexual experience and that girl who took his virginity. I can go into a whole discussion of our feelings and wants growing up, guys are not the only ones trying to get their date “bedded” 

For Alan and I we have found a new way to relive those firsts. Our philanthropy is also selfish, the thrill of being the first to a curious woman, Alan’s thrill of being the first for a monogamous woman. The actual sex act for me is not always the best part, being a first is what is the real catalyst. 
I don’t think we are much different from many many others who look for the newness of partners and then disappointment of the act. We decided never to let disappointment be a major factor, we are human.