When swinging becomes more than that

[MarniJohn 172]

We have been in the lifestyle for a very long time.  We always have fun and try to keep things light.  We were playing next to a couple last night and alarms bells were ringing in my head while I watched.  The passion between a couple who swapped (one man, one woman) was palpable.  Their spouses lightly played and enjoyed each other but this couple had a passion that was hard to ignore.  When their spouses noticed how hot they were, they tried to intervene and touch but they were completely ignored.  

 

My husband and I agreed that there is a fine line between fun and lifestyle danger.  This seemed like more than simple swapping.  Ignoring your spouse seems so wrong to me.

 

Thoughts?

[njbm 2,870]

Agree 100%. But everyone has a different sexual response. Some people are more intense. Some people don’t make an effort at all, which is not good. I trust my wife, but I decided early on to let her express herself without my coaching or advice and she gives me the same lattitude.  Our only strict rule is safer sex (condoms).

[Thislifewehave 11]

I'd say you can't always tell....My experience with my husband is different alone than when playing with others because we are more comfortable with one another. We are used to crazy passionate sex just as much as comfortable passing the time enjoying pleasure. However, when I'm with someone different, I tend to amp up the crazy passion because it is new and different. I am one who typlically focuses on who they are with and gets lost in the moment. I'm willing to bet that outside looking in, it looks like I'm standoffish or not as responsive to my husband. However, to me, it is more of feeling extra hyped by the different stimuli in the moment of something new and different. When we are home alone,  we do the same. 

[Billygoat 443]

We have been in the lifestyle for over 20 years.  Although the Queen has slowed down (her choice) We still attend gatherings, party and events.  I am the only active player but we attend as a couple.

 

I'm sure those that attend and do not know us may think many things….but it is our choice.

 

we have had over the years many relations ships that were more poly based as opposed to anonymous sex play partners with constantly different experiences. Im sure from the casual observer they could imagine or suspect many assumptions.   
 

many times we or those we are with could get lost in the moment.  But it is left to the person or couple to decide if they over stepped or let slip aside a personal rule or guideline.  We have and have observed other singles and couples do the same.  It is up to them to decide.  
 

 

[MarniJohn 172]

Good points!  That's what I love about this forum.  You can get other points of view!!  Thanks!!!

[couplers 4,638]

11 hours ago, Thislifewehave said:

focuses on who they are with and gets lost in the moment

 

5 hours ago, Billygoat said:

could get lost in the moment.

In my mind that is the goal regardless of who you are with, male or female, spouse or not.  Being all in, physically and emotionally, having a great orgasm and getting that feeling afterwards. 

[Sophy 569]

We are passionate lovers, we prefer same room sex and group dynamics like moving back and forth between partners and positions, we also enjoy lots of dirty talking. Some people love this but others can find it distracting and/or overwhelming, sometimes leading to glances of  jealousy or performance issues on boys.

 

Because of that, we have suggested and/or agreed on a few occasions to separate room play, not our preference like I said, but it has worked fine and we have managed to have fun. 

[enhancer 1,585]

We both are extremely passionate people in anything we do!  Whether it is sex, sports or playing music it isn’t worth doing unless we can put all of our passion into it.  

We both want each other to have the best possible time they can when they are having sex with other people or we just don’t see the point of doing it.  That is why we don’t have a list of do’s and don’ts for each other when it comes to lifestyle play other then we are both there.  We also avoid couples that do have big lists of rules for each other.  No kissing is a big no thanks for us.

There have been many times in play with others where she is completely lost in passion and not paying attention to me at the same time!  I love the fact that she lets herself get lost in the moment and is the best lover she can be with someone she is attracted to.  

I just back off and enjoy watching her until my opportunity opens up.  I know at the end of the day that I will be getting that same kind of passion from her all the time.  
 

Some folks enjoy random robot sex with others!  We do not.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

Yeah... I really don't understand the issue the OP is raising...?

 

"The passion was palpable?" Gee. I would hope so.

 

And why would their spouses want to intervene? 

 

"Honey, I'm cool with letting you fuck him. But, only if you promise not to have too much fun. Then I'll have to put a stop to it!" Lol! WTF?

[Roliin75 53]

Interesting to read both the question and the responses.  My wife and I knew a couple who fell in love in the lifestyle.  They were both married and very passionate play partners.  Nobody thought anything of it.  The two couples were friendly and everyone envied the passion between the wife of one and the husband of the other.  Until they both divorced and ended up together.  

 

I have to say that if I am playing and my wife touches me (be it tenderly or tapping), I will respond.  Even If it is just to let her know that I'm always there for her..  I agree  that fun is fun, but my wife always comes first.  Regardless of how hot sex might be with someone else.  After all, that's all it is, right?  Sex with someone else.  I love my wife and that's really more important than any hot moment with another woman.

 

I have also seen tons of people having sex in the lifestyle. Passion between couples?  Not that common.  Sex, yes, passion, no.  I guess we all see things differently.

[samandtammi 99]

We were at a party one night and while playing I started to feel sick.  I leaned over to gently touch my SO to let him know that I wanted to leave.  If he had ignored me, I would have been shocked.  He is an incredibly passionate lover (I think we both are), but not to the point where he would ignore me if I touched him. 

[AndrewandAnn 360]

17 hours ago, Roliin75 said:

I have also seen tons of people having sex in the lifestyle. Passion between couples?  Not that common.  Sex, yes, passion, no.  I guess we all see things differently.

Yes, people do experience things, and interpret things, differently.

 

Our perspective? Sex without passion is essentially masturbation with one step added.

 

It appears some of you are equating passion with romance. They are not the same things. Can the two be easily confused? Absolutely. But, they are very different things. At least in our eyes.

[couplers 4,638]

On 11/9/2021 at 1:34 PM, Roliin75 said:

My wife and I knew a couple who fell in love in the lifestyle.  They were both married and very passionate play partners.  Nobody thought anything of it.  The two couples were friendly and everyone envied the passion between the wife of one and the husband of the other.  Until they both divorced and ended up together.  

If you know the backstory of our poly family, sort of the same thing happened with us.  I fixed up hubby with my friend Lora.  She had a boyfriend Walter at the time with whom there was no expectation of monogamy, so it was ok.  Eventually Walter and Lora started playing as a couple with the others in our poly family, Clair and Red as well.  During that time, Walter and Lora got engaged, then married.   But also during that time, hubby and Lora were falling in love, as well as a strong Lesbian relationship developing among Lora, Clair, and me.

 

Lora left Walter and joined our family.  Actually, that's what completed our family.

 

There is nothing like the passion I feel in my love for her and the jealousy of her and hubby together. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by couplers

[findinganswers 369]

Swinging was my wife’s idea causing me great anxiety. I finally agreed to swing with good friends. I agreed and then didn’t want her to great sex. I had a hard time watching her totally into sex. At the same time I let myself enjoy her best friend. 
My feelings have changed, why have sex without passion and enjoyment. Sharing your partner’s enjoyment is major to me now. 

[kittyswinger 260]

On 11/8/2021 at 7:16 AM, enhancer said:

There have been many times in play with others where she is completely lost in passion and not paying attention to me at the same time!  I love the fact that she lets herself get lost in the moment and is the best lover she can be with someone she is attracted to.  

I just back off and enjoy watching her until my opportunity opens up.  I know at the end of the day that I will be getting that same kind of passion from her all the time.  
 

Some folks enjoy random robot sex with others!  We do not.

My SO and I have a similar swing mindset. I often get lost in passion when with a partner, and he doesn't mind if I dont give him equal attention during the play. To make the most of the experience, I have to internalize the role of being the best lover of my partner at the moment. A sensitive partner will usually sense that, and will reciprocate the same passion. And since Im wired as poly too, Im open to where it goes if we have chemistry.

 

This is how I met my bf and how we eventually became romantically involved, in addition to my SO.