Performance Issues

[txffswinger 1]

Question, mostly for the men

 

My wife and I are new to the LS, and we pretty well jumped in full bore. We have had two experiences with the same couple. While my wife got the full swap experience both times, I have had performance anxiety both times. Ive read some posts on here about it but the second time was worse than the first. Bad enough it I freaked and ruined the whole night for everyone. Any help or advise is appreciated. 

[Sophy 568]

Performance issues are common in men that are new to the Lifestyle regardless of age, the pressure of performing in from of an audience can be overwhelming, my suggestion is to start with some separate room action to build up your confidence, then move gradually to same room encounters.

 

Also, there is nothing wrong with watching at the beginning, usually, I start with the other girl while the boys watch and acclimate and warm-up, then they join us by turns once they feel ready, it is totally ok to take your time to enjoy the show while you touch yourself a little.

[NC_Seniors 515]

Or maybe next time, just try same room … i.e. both couples staying with their own partners while watching and being watched.  See if you can handle being naked and performing in front of other people before moving on to any kind of swap.

[njbm 2,863]

Did you use vitamin V, as my urologist calls it? I call it my insurance policy. If you have problems getting an erection, ask your doctor if a prescription is a good idea. It will give you confidence. 

[MrMrsswinger 202]

2 hours ago, njbm said:

Did you use vitamin V, as my urologist calls it? I call it my insurance policy. If you have problems getting an erection, ask your doctor if a prescription is a good idea. It will give you confidence. 

 

I wouldn't recommend anyone take a prescription drug without a need. 

 

With that said...wink, wink, nod, nod, we've come across a few couples where the guy was taking it. I totally understand it. Being in a sexual situation with another couple is tough for a guy. That dang erection is a freaking mystery. When you want it, sometimes it doesn't show. When you don't want it...it shows. I've spoken with other guys about their blue friend in other forums, in person, etc and almost all of them say they take a small dose as insurance. 

 

As I said, getting it up isn't as easy as you get a little older. It isn't easy when you are in your first few swinger situations. It isn't easy if you had a drink or two to take the edge off of the nerves. It isn't easy when you start to worry that it isn't instantly up. How many strikes is that??  Strike four, you're out. And when you see your significant other having a blast with the other couple and you're standing there with a wet noodle, you start getting mental. Once the mind goes, you're finished. Turn on the TV and find a game to watch.

 

So I second what NJBM said. From what I've learned, the smallest dose of the blue insurance will help. If you decide to give it a shot, the generic comes in 10mg. The blue one comes in 25mg (I think that's the smallest). Again, if you go that route, give it a test at home first so you know whether you have any side effects from it, see how it works in your body, etc.

 

[njbm 2,863]

To be clear, I did say to ask your doctor about it. I do not suggest ED medication for recreational purposes. You have to need it. I am not a medical professional.
 

I am in my 60s and use it in swinging activities. Somewhat regularly the similarly aged male of the other couple does not use it and it’s shrinkage time. 

 

[NC_Seniors 515]

There’s a 20 mg generic (Sildenafil) that can be prescribed for “off label” use. For me at least, one is enough to do the trick.

[Funlatincouple 44]

Similar experience here. It wasn’t until the 3rd  event until i settled in. Anxiety, excitement, all of the above plays with a your mind. 

Edited November 10, 2021 by Funlatincouple

[Idahocouple6969 294]

Without daddies little helper I couldn't perform, besides being over 60 I have MS.

With ED meds instead of wishing I could go 2 or 3 times I CAN.

Now TBH the knees, elbows, back etc give out first. 😉

[txffswinger 1]

Thanks for the replies, I get I should give more info. Im 38 with zero medical issues. Ive never had an ED issue until we've attempted to swap. My mind is all in, im super excited and then BAM, no hard on.

[Fitlakecouple 450]

6 hours ago, MrMrsswinger said:

 

 It isn't easy when you are in your first few swinger situations. It isn't easy if you had a drink or two to take the edge off of the nerves. It isn't easy when you start to worry that it isn't instantly up. How many strikes is that??  Strike four, you're out.

 

You forgot strike 5 - condom use. It disrupts the flow of action plus you lose sensation.

Another thing that will help is when you lose it, is to reconnect with your wife briefly and see if she can help bring it back. If you've taken that small dose, you'll likely keep it. then move on.

But, just to be clear - 90 percent of erection issues in this game - for men new to this game - are mental not physical. Once your big head is straight and less overwhelmed by the hyper sexual situation - your little head will be just fine.

[njbm 2,863]

Yes, we have had men with erection problems return to their wife for oral stim. Or both wives give him oral stim on a double team. That usually wakes sparky up. 
 

Condoms are a problem. I use Trojan Double Ecstasy. They are lubricated inside and outside. So you feel like you are in a wet vag, not schtupping rubber. 

[Thislifewehave 11]

6 hours ago, txffswinger said:

Thanks for the replies, I get I should give more info. Im 38 with zero medical issues. Ive never had an ED issue until we've attempted to swap. My mind is all in, im super excited and then BAM, no hard on.

You sound a lot like my husband at first at 40. He never had problems getting or keeping an erection, but had performance issues at first. Like others have suggested, it was mostly mental. What helped for him was a combination of things. For one, he talked openly to me and one of our friends in the LS about it. His friend assured him that it was very common and described some aspects of it as a caveman instinct that your woman is yours (no matter how much your rational side wants to let go and have fun). From there we kept talking it out and kept playing and it worked out. The other part of the equation was “the blue pill” he ended up getting a low dose one off of the “blue chew “ site. No prescription necessary, there are 2 types. My advice is to try them and see how you feel (assuming you are medically ok to). The pills helped get over the last mental hurdle and he doesn’t use them much any more unless we are having a marathon sex night. 😄

[MrMrsswinger 202]

7 hours ago, Fitlakecouple said:

You forgot strike 5 - condom use. It disrupts the flow of action plus you lose sensation.

Another thing that will help is when you lose it, is to reconnect with your wife briefly and see if she can help bring it back. If you've taken that small dose, you'll likely keep it. then move on.

But, just to be clear - 90 percent of erection issues in this game - for men new to this game - are mental not physical. Once your big head is straight and less overwhelmed by the hyper sexual situation - your little head will be just fine.

 

Man, I probably forgot a few more than that. You are correct, the condom is another one. 

 

I remember one encounter with another couple where I was looking ok (still relatively new) probably 3/4 ready but was heading in the right direction but the other guy was struggling. They were brand new. His struggles distracted me, which led to a super slow-mo fall on my side for some reason. Eventually we both were up and running via oral from our significant others. However, as soon as both ladies started giving him oral, explosion. It was almost instantaneous. He was surprised. Embarrassed. So he went down and never returned. Then my mind went to "I'm supposed to be interacting with his and my wife while he's done for the evening??" So, it turned into a voyeurism night with the ladies playing.

 

I tell you, if you own the equipment, you get it. If you don't own the equipment, you have no idea how temperamental it is. Insurance isn't a bad idea.

 

[discreetplay 235]

 

On 11/9/2021 at 9:31 PM, MrMrsswinger said:

etting it up isn't as easy as you get a little older. It isn't easy when you are in your first few swinger situations. It isn't easy if you had a drink or two to take the edge off of the nerves. It isn't easy when you start to worry that it isn't instantly up. How many strikes is that??  Strike four, you're out. And when you see your significant other having a blast with the other couple and you're standing there with a wet noodle, you start getting mental

 

I'll toss my two cents in here. As MrMrs said, the equipment is like a cheap chainsaw. Sure, when it starts it'll work for you. However, getting it up and running when you want it...quite difficult. So the whole 'insurance' discussion is interesting. I know many guys who use it. It should be noted that none of them order it from some website. That's a gamble none are willing to take. They all talked with their doctors and got a prescription. I've heard the best approach is to get the 100mg and cut them down to 25s. This is a significant cost saving from just getting the 25s. This depends on your insuance I guess. One buddy said his insurance restricts him to 6 pills a quarter, and it costs $50 for the 6 (size of the pill doesn't matter). Getting the 100s and cutting them gives him 24 doses of 25mg for the same $50. 

 

Again, this is a discussion to have with your doctor. Some doctors will prescibe the 100s, some won't. Remember, it is a prescription drug so that makes sense. I haven't had that discussion with my doctor yet but will likely have to a few years down the road.

 

There is something to be said about diet and exercise. One friend lost a lost of weight in 2021 and his libido took off. He's in his late 40's. Though, back to what MrMrs said, the swinger situation overrides good functionality quite often though.

 

 

[EastInWest 1,524]

29 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

So the whole 'insurance' discussion is interesting. I know many guys who use it. It should be noted that none of them order it from some website. That's a gamble none are willing to take. They all talked with their doctors and got a prescription. I've heard the best approach is to get the 100mg and cut them down to 25s. This is a significant cost saving from just getting the 25s. This depends on your insuance I guess. One buddy said his insurance restricts him to 6 pills a quarter, and it costs $50 for the 6 (size of the pill doesn't matter). Getting the 100s and cutting them gives him 24 doses of 25mg for the same $50. 

Just as an aside here, for people in the U.S. who are still hesitant to go through their regular doctor/insurance for whatever reason:

 

Lemonaid Health writes real prescriptions and will send them to your preferred pharmacy. Amazon Pharmacy has amazing Prime discounts for tadalafil (Cialis), at least, and they can run a Flexible Spending Account card. No insurance hassle needed.

[EastInWest 1,524]

22 hours ago, EastInWest said:

Amazon Pharmacy has amazing Prime discounts for tadalafil (Cialis), at least, and they can run a Flexible Spending Account card. No insurance hassle needed.

Just a quick price check: a 10x 20mg prescription is about $20 per fill. A 30x 5mg prescription (daily use) is about $17 per fill.

[realcplub2 513]

On 1/5/2022 at 1:38 PM, EastInWest said:

Just a quick price check: a 10x 20mg prescription is about $20 per fill. A 30x 5mg prescription (daily use) is about $17 per fill.

Thats better than Honeybee health, 30X5mg 39.99