New need advice

[Newbie 23 0]

Me and my bf of 2 years have been talking about adding a third person to spice it up. The problem is for me (f) to be comfortable with it I have alot of specifications on they type of person and what they can and cant do. I think we both agreed it has to be a female and we both want hee to mainly be focused on me and isn't aloud to have sex with my bf. And honestly if like to talked it really slow and have her just watch at first and as we get comfortable slowly start letting her join in. Ig the problem is how do you find the right person thats ok with basically just  letting us tell her what's cool and what's not as we go... I don't want her to be disappointed if we decide we just want her to watch but I also don't want to feel presser into doing something I'm not ready for. Dose anyone else do this or do you normally already have a solid understanding of what's ok and what's not. Is it better to look online or at a club? Do you ask for proof of no STDs or is that weird?  Any tips on how to make sure your partner dose t get jelouse or make sure you don't get upset yourself? I have tons of questions so any advice form swingers in serious relationships would be awesome.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Welcome to the Swingers Board, you've found the right place to get answers to your questions!

 

Nothing wrong with taking it slow. One of the things you'll read here a lot is "go at the pace of the slowest partner."

 

Along with that though is the #1 thing you're read here in some form or another and that is Communication.  There must be good communication all the way around, not just between you and your boyfriend, but also between you and potential playmates, and him and potential playmates.  Good communication where everyone knows what to expect will head off 99% of any potential problems with crossed boundaries, broken rules, disappointment, etc.

 

Finding people is always tough. It takes work and patience! But when the search pays off, it can be awesome.  Online vs clubs is sort of a personal preference.  Some people just aren't into the club scene and like the slower pace of finding someone online and then feeling them out during one or more meets for drinks or whatever.  If you have a certain scenario in mind, and it sounds like you do, then communicating that in a club hookup type situation and everyone talking it through and getting comfortable might be a little more difficult than the slower pace of meeting someone online.  Without a doubt though, one night at a club will put you in contact with more potential playmates than months of searching online and meeting up to feel each other out.

 

Some people ask for STD test results, but it's a small percentage.  For one thing, that only tells you what things were the day of the test, not what things are now.  Like most things in life, there is always an element of risk, and you just have to evaluate where your risk tolerance line is.

 

Jealousy is best dealt with through communication.  If there is good communication, there should be trust, and trust is the antidote to jealousy.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

The only thing we can add to the above is to realize that finding a single, bisexual girl that is willing is going to be HARD. They are called unicorns for a reason (they are about as common as a unicorn). It's not impossible, but it will take time and effort...a lot of time and effort so you need to understand this from the start and keep looking until you find the right match. At the same time, this is why most of us end up finding other couples to play with...there's WAY more couples than single women in the L/S, and as long as you are up front with the couple and know what you are looking for, will either take a pass or be willing to work within your boundaries.

[discreetplay 235]

As mentioned above, finding a single woman is very difficult. You may be better off finding a couple where the ladies play and the guys play only with their significant others.

 

[enhancer 1,586]

2 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

As mentioned above, finding a single woman is very difficult. You may be better off finding a couple where the ladies play and the guys play only with their significant others.

 

We have played with this kind of arrangement  with couples in the past and it worked out great!  As long as the guy in the other couple isn’t a what about me person lots of fun can be had by the ladies.