What if you become pregnant?

[fredandwilma200 16]

What would you do if you were swinging and became pregnant from the others partner?

 

Would you tell the other person? Would you never tell them? if your the man would you want to be told? Would you want to have an involvement with the child or would you be able to give up all your rights? What if it wasn't so easy to hide that it wasn't your husbands child? If if the other person you were swinging with was of another color? How would you all handle this if you have other children? You would pretty much be forced into explaining something if the child is of another color? Just thought I would ask about this since I haven't seen anything on this subject here!

[fun_couple 17]

This is something I have often thought about, My DH has had a vasectomy, & because of that, I am not even on the pill, I am a smoker, so being on the pill puts me at a high risk for alot of medical problems, So far we have used condoms & only been with men that are also V-Safe, But if we did happen to full swing with a couple where the man wasn't Vsafe & the condom broke, I would get the morning after pill. (But I do plan on getting another form of birth control,) Any good suggestions besides the pill? (remember I'm a smoker) I have 3 children & raising another just isn't in the cards for me...... No chance Noway, Nohow! :nono:

[fredandwilma200 16]

Actually to answer the question any suggestions? I am talking to my doctor about getting my tubes tied..He said it takes about 15 minutes! Seems like it would be an easy solution..but has anyone had that done? Or do you or can you tell me anything about it?

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We have thought of the same thing.

 

That would be a BAD situation since I am V-safe and our families know that.

 

Mrs naughty went on the patch. But that also isnt recommended for smokers. Plus we always use a condom.

[bugaboos 16]

Hubby is V-safe and I am fitted with an IUD. I believe the 10 year type has no hormones and my be safe for smokers.. but don't quote me on that! We also use condoms.

 

Our families are aware of hubby's choice and it would be hard for us to explain it away, were it to happen. I'm not sure what we'd do. Keep it, for certain, but in regards to everything else involved in such a situation...I just don't know, I guess we'd take baby steps and try to figure it all out together.

[SwtPixieDst 16]

I think that you would have to be upfront and honest with the potential father. If you are open enough to have sex with him then you can certainly tell him that he might be a father.

 

If it were me personally and I had other children I would seriously consider an abortion. That's a little extreme and controversial but what DO you say to your other children -- an adult decision to swing would certainly impact them in ways. If I hadn't had any children, which is the situation I'm in now, I would possibly consider having the child.

 

An alternative to the pill would be to use a contraceptive film or foam as a back up. It's not something I would advise using prior to oral sex since it tends to change the taste. But it's quick and easy and not messy to use. And you don't have to go to the doctor to get it -- it's available at the drug store/grocery.

[4forfun 15]

Well I don't think we would keep it, sad as it is but as I'm 45 now it wouldn't be very safe for the babies health, so as my dh has also had a vasectomy we're going to have to take extra measures not to get pregnant.

We haven't swung yet but I have thought about it a lot as my youngest is 3 so it looks like I'm still fertile as I've got a 5 year old as well:8-0::

Mrs.

[tntfuncpl 15]

I have thought long and hard about this topic. I have had my tubes tied - but hubby is not V-safe. If he were to get another woman pregnant - I don't think I would handle it very well. I feel very selfish admitting it - but its true. If the family had to know he got someone else pregnant - I don't know if I could let them know I had approved of his actions. We use condoms - but there are always risks. I don't know how we would be able to make it through that.

 

Wilma- the surgery was not that bad - I think I had it on a Thursday and was back to work on Monday. It was worth it - for sure!!!

[OhioCouple 41]

Wow! So many questions and food for thought. I am no longer able to bear children, however my husband can. In the case of playing with a couple in which the female is still fertile, a condom is always used. Condoms can and do break or slip and this could become an issue.

 

I think it makes a difference on how well you know your play partners. If it could be one of several people, then you are into another whole can of worms. We choose to be friends with our play partners (which are very few) and I would hope if this situation arose that they would come to us about it, so we could all make an informed decision of how to proceed. Speaking from experience (that I'll not go in to) it is very important to know the medical histrory of the unborn child's bio-logical parents.

 

I would have to think that morally, if I could become pregnant and did, that we would let the others know. We would learn their position on it and decide where to go from there, dependent upon the response from the other couple/single. If nothing else, we would need their family medical history and wouldn't be able to get that without letting them know.

 

Good questions.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

Like it was said earlier, abortion is a controversial topic, but that would be our route. It can't be any more controversial or harder to deal with then having another mans baby when you are married. I wouldn't want to be that child, born in a situation like that. Too hard to explain, & embarassing for people to know if you were that child. The world is just too cruel to put a child in the world with something like that starting out.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by fredandwilma200

Actually to answer the question any suggestions? I am talking to my doctor about getting my tubes tied..He said it takes about 15 minutes! Seems like it would be an easy solution..but has anyone had that done? Or do you or can you tell me anything about it?

 

It is a relatively simple and routine procedure, with minimal discomfort and down time.

 

If you are certain you don't want more children, and you want to continue in the lifestyle, it certainly seems to be the best alternative, IMO, and certainly preferable to finding yourself pregnant or even worrying about the possibility. It might even make sex between you and your husband better without having to worry about unexpected pregnancy.

 

But what of your husband? Has he had a vascectomy?

 

- EBF

[OhioCouple 41]

Well in my attempt to answer the original questions, I missed the intent. The other questions are very good ones tho.

 

I had a tubal 20 years ago. Obviously things have changed tremendously as mine was not a 15 minute procedure nor did it have minimal discomfort. Down time was only about three days tho.

 

I would be interested in hearing from others who have had this done in the last ten years or so.

 

[mrs good times 73]

I'm also considering getting my tubes tied or an IUD. Mr. is V-safe and we have no children and don't want any. I would not tell the partner because I know I would not want to carry the child and since it is my body I feel it would be my decision. I also realize that abortion is controversial but for me it would be the only answer. I also have a disease that could be genetically passed on to the child and could cause me serious medical problems during pregnancy.

[fredandwilma200 16]

No my husband HAS NOT had a vasectomy however he had cancer and the radiation that was given, made him sterile! He will never again have a child! No medical way, no way! His whole family knows this!

The main reason I have not went into talk to doctor yet is because for one I would have to explain why and two...I had to be gassed once to have surgery and they had a hard time waking me up...so there is that risk head bang

[fredandwilma200 16]

Mrs good times,

 

Most people have no trouble with the iud I had a hell of a time! My cervix was to small to have one in all the time! So they had to take it out! IT was bad but my cousin has had one (maybe not the same one) since she was 16 and is now 29 and has never had problems with it!

[Mulder 15]

I am surprised that no one would consider either keeping the child or putting it up for adoption (especially since there are private adoptions where your expenses can be paid up to 30K or so). Personally, for us abortion would not be an option even though we are in our mid thirties and have graduate school plans that definitely don't include another child (we believe it involves the taking of a life). I would worry about our jobs finding out, but as nurses we can get hired almost anywhere. As for my family and friends if they don't like it well they can.... IF we swing (to this point my wife has only given oral sex to one of my friends several years ago on two occasions) it will be something that we both are comfortable with and while I wouldn't quite use the word "proud", I certainly wouldn't use the word "ashamed either". As to how we would tell our current toddler, IF it was an issue I would be inclined to tell him the truth (my wife might vetoe me on this one). I truly believe that swinging can be a valid, healthy, life style decision.

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by fun_couple

Any good suggestions besides the pill? (remember I'm a smoker) I have 3 children & raising another just isn't in the cards for me...... No chance Noway, Nohow! :nono:

 

Other the obvious answer, "Quit smoking," (which would offer more health benefits than not taking the pill) it seems a tubal ligation would be the obvious answer for you since you're quite sure, and reasonably so, that you don't want more children.

 

Mr. Alura

[wildchld97 19]

This is an interesting subject. My husband and I have discussed this at length. Neither my husband or I are "fixed" and since I am also a smoker..I can't use chemical birth control. Our regular swing parnter is a single man and not V-safe either.

 

IF I would become pregnant we would keep the child and raise it as my husband's...but our swing partner would know the truth and help out with the child as much as possible...from the background. We usually bring these "what ifs" up in a lighthearted conversation with potential swing partners long before we jump into bed with them. We found that discussing issues such as condom use, what to do with a pregnancy, dealing with unexpected feelings for a parner, and other "hard hitters" are necessary before we decide on compatibility. The last thing we want is a partner that refuses to wear a condom at the critical moment, or a man that *insists* that a child will carry his name, or a partner who might fall in love with you.... It's all part of the swinging risks...if you play...somebody might have to pay.

 

We have never been with anyone of a different race or anyone that is sooo different in appearence that it would be hard to hide, so that's not really an issue for us right now. If it would crop up, I'm sure that our decision to raise the child ourselves and let the chips fall where they may would remain the same.

[meowkittyhascla 17]

My opinion would be to go thru any lengths not to get pregnant. I have quit smoking to go on the pill and there are so many different kinds of pills that almost every woman can go on them. Now if for some reason that I did get pregnant, I would go through the pregnacy and would consider adoption, but since we have already adopted one child, raising another man's child is no concern of ours or his. The only reason why I would consider putting the child up for adoption is because of my age and not wanting to raise one at this age. This will sound selfish, but chasing after a teen when in my 50's is something I wouldn't want.

Hugs and kisses from Missouri

[fredandwilma200 16]

wild child,

 

 

what if your swinging partner changed his mind right before the birth of the baby and said he wanted the child to have his last name and wanted visitation? What if he was willing to take you to court? Just what if's !

[wildchld97 19]

Originally posted by fredandwilma200

wild child,

 

 

what if your swinging partner changed his mind right before the birth of the baby and said he wanted the child to have his last name and wanted visitation? What if he was willing to take you to court? Just what if's !

 

And it's a great "what if" to think about.

 

1) We're very careful whom we choose to play with. This means that their views must be very similar to ours.

2) We discuss these things ahead of time at length.

3) We realize that there are some things that cannot be planned for..so we hope for the best and expect the worst.

 

With that said...I'll answer your question.

 

IF the biological father wanted to be a jerk about it, we would do what we had to do in the best interest of the child. Luckily he could not *force* me to give the child HIS last name...but he *could* go crowing around town that the child was his if he chose to. We would have to cross that bridge when we come to it though.

 

Visitation should not be a problem as I said before...he would be asked to take a background involvement. He would not be called "daddy" but be a very special friend who would be permitted to be there for the child anytime he wants to...unofficially. Now, if he wanted to take me to court, I would hope that he has a LOT of money...because it could get really nasty....

 

In reality though, I'm confident that the men that we play with would not go to such lengths. They just ain't the daddy type. Some are married and their wives would not be happy about THEIR name getting dragged into the mess. In fact, they would be more than happy to thrust upon us any child that MY hubby would produce with them... let alone allow their husband to demand visitation of a child I'd produce with their husband...

 

For our current regular partner, he's my brother-in-law (step brother in law actually) and he wouldn't DARE open up that can of worms. His mother would kill HIM before she killed me.

[tisha 15]

One word :::: ABORTION ! If your swinging, and your a female ( LIKE ME ) you should either be on the pill or have your tubes stapled, thats an easy reversal, and if just as effective as the pill.

Just my opinion. T

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

about the IUD, after I had my second child, I was going to get one until I really talked to my dr. about it. She told me it isn't something to get if you have multple patners, increased chance for infections. Also, the nurses aid had one, & she told me how much she hated it. She said her boyfriend could feel it when he fingered her & had sex with her. Also, she said it constatly worried her, & she'd have to check it all the time to make sure it was in place. But really the thing that scared my the most was the dangers of having multiple sex partners!

[wildchld97 19]

Originally posted by tisha

One word :::: ABORTION ! If your swinging, and your a female ( LIKE ME ) you should either be on the pill or have your tubes stapled, thats an easy reversal, and if just as effective as the pill.

Just my opinion. T

 

If those methods work for you...that's cool. Not every female who swings would feel comfortable with those options though.

[BettyAnnMBSC 24]

What if you become pregnant?

 

Well, I'd have a baby. If the playmate was of a different race -- I'd have a bi-racial baby.

 

Explaining it to others -- why bother? They're going to make assumptions anyway. In this case, their assumptions would be correct.

 

Would I tell the bio-dad? Nope! Would hubby have a problem? He says "that's one of the risks we take swinging..."

 

Telling the family? It'd go like this... "We really like sex and we often invite others to enjoy it with us..."

 

But; I'm on the pill and will trust them for now.... Even though, I've seen some very pretty bi-racial babies. hmmmmmmmm I can't say that I've never thought about getting PG on purpose with a playmate...

[dave_susie2001 15]

Susie has had her tubes tied since before we ever met. When we started swinging, we were careful about who we played with because I could still father a child. One couple we played with, the male was V-safe, and the female was not safe. When a condom broke, it kind of made us realize the risks about unwanted pregnancies.

 

I decided to take the plunge and get the little snip. Explaining it to our doctor wasn't that hard. She knew Susie's medical history, and I was worried about her asking why I wanted to be fixed. The subject never came up. I scheduled an appointment, told her that I wanted a vasectomy consult, and that was that. 2 weeks later, I was shooting blanks.

 

(An interesting side note to this story is that a month after my vasectomy, Susie needed a Hysterectomy...so now not only am I shooting blanks...but I don't have a target anymore!)

 

And believe me...it has made swinging a much more pleasurable experience to know that both of us are fixed, and that there is NO way that either of us could be natural parents ever again.

[wrnakedru 38]

About a year after ex-hubby's vasectomy, we went back to his home town on vacation. One wild and crazy night at the beach with his best friend from high school resulted in us bringing home an unplanned souvenir.

 

I went to my OB-GYN and asked if he would 'take care' of the situation for me. He didn't perform the procedure, he said, but he would recommend a reputable clinic for me. I told him when the time allowed - I wanted a tubal done. [Actually, my preference would have been a hysterectomy, but Doc said I was "too young"??]

 

Two weeks later, I had a miscarriage - totally without provocation, I assure you. I was however probably the most gleeful dnc patient that hospital had seen.

 

In due time, I did get the tubal done. Only negative side effect I had was a susceptibility to urinary tract infections. (Doc said a common side effect after the surgery).

 

Years prior to that, I had an IUD right after the birth of my second child. Got pregnant with it too. Doc said ex-hubby knocked it into my uterus. I miscarried at just under 3 months - not really gleefully that time - but nevertheless grateful to not be faced with babies 12 months and 10 days apart.

 

We could not have made the decision to abort the child conceived despite the IUD - we had just had a baby and were definitely in "High Parental" mode.

 

But the vacation souvenir - well, we were relieved the outcome didn't hinge on our decision - but the decision had been made. And for us, we felt it was the right one.

[CuriousElders 15]

It amazes me how many swingers here are abortion adverse. It's another form of birth control - perhaps the ultimate method. We've know quite a few single women who have had a abortion for any one of a number of reasons - mainly that having a baby was incompatible with other life ojectives or the realization that parenting is a demanding job and single-parenting even moreso. Pregnancy is just one of the many possiblities of fucking. It would seem that people who do it with a number of other people had best have an answer for this contingency. Luckily abortion is an option. Women still have a choice. Best of all, if you don't believe abortion is an option, don't have one.

[CTNYGuy 15]

How much does cigarette smoking affect birth control pill effectivness? A partner of mine is a heavy marijuana/cigarette smoker on birth control, this thread has started to worry me a little.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by fredandwilma200

The main reason I have not went into talk to doctor yet is because for one I would have to explain why and two...I had to be gassed once to have surgery and they had a hard time waking me up...so there is that risk head bang

 

There is always an anesthesia risk with any type of surgery. That is a given. However, that can be minimized by careful discussion with the anesthesiologist. There may have been other factors that caused difficulties coming out of anesthesia.

 

As for discussing with your doctor...really, you don't have to discuss with your doctor the why's and wherefore's of wanting the procedure. You are paying him for medical advice - not moral advice. And yes...I know...that is a hard thing to do.

 

- EBF

[fredandwilma200 16]

"How much does cigarette smoking affect birth control pill effectivness? A partner of mine is a heavy marijuana/cigarette smoker on birth control, this thread has started to worry me a little"

I was told when I was on Birth Control Long ago, that smoking not only had more health risks but also was not as effective! I dont know if that was just the doctors oppinion or it was medical facts! However, I can say that I was on Birth Control and smoked and It was about eight and a half years ago and I have a beautiful and wonderful child that will turn 8 soon!

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by fredandwilma200

"How much does cigarette smoking affect birth control pill effectivness?

 

You can do a simple google search on smoking and birth control and get lots of information. Here is an excerpt:

 

An excerpt from the Physician’s Desk Reference (PDR), a text describing prescription medications and the risks associated, reads as follows:

WARNING: Cigarette smoking increases the risk of serious cardiovascular side effects from oral contraceptive use. This risk increases with age and heavy smoking (15 or more cigarettes per day) and is quite marked in women over 35 years of age. Women who use oral contraceptives should be strongly advised not to smoke. More specifically, risks increase for heart attacks, blood clots, stroke, liver cancer, and gallbladder disease, although the risk is very small in healthy women without underlying risk factors.

 

 

- EBF

[tazzie_n_truck 17]

With us we take strong measures to avoid pregnancy, but if something were to happen say Tazzie got pregnant, we would raise the child. Right now, she is pregnant, and so we don't have to worry about it right now. lol

 

As far as using abortion as an option of birth control, the 2 of us are very strong opponents to aborting unborn babies, and we personally believe abortion should be illegal.

 

soapbox

[wildchld97 19]

Originally posted by CuriousElders

It amazes me how many swingers here are abortion adverse. It's another form of birth control - perhaps the ultimate method. We've know quite a few single women who have had a abortion for any one of a number of reasons - mainly that having a baby was incompatible with other life ojectives or the realization that parenting is a demanding job and single-parenting even moreso. Pregnancy is just one of the many possiblities of fucking. It would seem that people who do it with a number of other people had best have an answer for this contingency. Luckily abortion is an option. Women still have a choice. Best of all, if you don't believe abortion is an option, don't have one.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you mean when you say that you are amazed at "how many swingers HERE are abortion adverse." From what I've read on the whole thread, most of the people who responded are FOR abortion. There were only a few of us *here* on this thread who would choose to raise a child from an unplanned pregnancy.

 

I for one am personally against abortion but I don't tell others how to live their lives and they can legally choose abortion as a form of birth control if they want...it's just not for us.

[b_and_sc 16]

We actually had a scare last year. I was 6 weeks late and very scared. However, we had already talked to our play partners in the 'what if' discussions. If a pregnancy was created, the couple would keep and raise the baby as their own. The 'donor' would know about it, but not have any legal claims to it.

 

We personally are against abortion

 

I have no idea what we'd do if it happened with a different race...we talked a bit about it before we went to Hedo, figured we'd tell our family that we got very drunk at a party and well...things happened...thank goodness it never became a situation

 

b

[SnSnLex 15]

Originally posted by BettyAnnMBSC

But; I'm on the pill and will trust them for now.... Even though, I've seen some very pretty bi-racial babies. hmmmmmmmm I can't say that I've never thought about getting PG on purpose with a playmate...

 

 

It might just be us, but the above statement is just totally off the wall. That's just asking for tons of trouble in our honest opinion.

 

If it happened to us, there would be only one solution, abortion. No if's, and's or but's about it, it is a womans choice to do what she wants with her body, be it a face lift, tummy tuck, tattoo's, piercing's or abortion, nobody should be able to tell someone what they can do with their body, ever!!!soapbox

 

I'm sure people will disagree, but tell me this, do the lawmakers own you?? If not, (nobody should be able to answer yes to that question in the USA) you should be able to do anything you like to do your body without remorse.

[wildchld97 19]

Originally posted by SnSnLex

If it happened to us, there would be only one solution, abortion. No if's, and's or but's about it, it is a womans choice to do what she wants with her body, be it a face lift, tummy tuck, tattoo's, piercing's or abortion, nobody should be able to tell someone what they can do with their body, ever!!!soapbox

 

I'm sure people will disagree, but tell me this, do the lawmakers own you?? If not, (nobody should be able to answer yes to that question in the USA) you should be able to do anything you like to do your body without remorse.

 

Dammit...if we can get the lawmakers to stop controlling a woman's body concerning abortion...why can't we do the same thing with drugs? It IS my body and if I want to smoke a joint, do cocaine, or any other party drug....I should be able to. The women's movement made a great argument when it came to abortion....it's HER body...she should be able to do whatever the heck she wants with it. They badgered the government and they WON! I think we need more pot smokers to vote so we can win the next war of the "it's my body and I'll do what I want."

 

Hell, I'd settle for being allowed to drive without a seatbelt at this point.

 

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by meowkittyhascla

This will sound selfish, but chasing after a teen when in my 50's is something I wouldn't want.

 

I'm chasing after two in my sixties and, I gotta tell ya, it's the best time I've ever had. Of course, I didn't do it in my thirties, either...

 

Mr. Alura

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by wildchld97

 

I for one am personally against abortion but I don't tell others how to live their lives and they can legally choose abortion as a form of birth control if they want...it's just not for us.

 

I applaude your stand, Wildchild. The government has no place telling us what moral stands to make.

 

Mr. Alura