How single male finds single female in swinging

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

A common question from single males....

 

"I am new to the lifestyle and am looking for a female to swing with as a couple. Any advice on how and where to find someone. Seems a lot of the ads on the internet are not for real."

 

Any answers?

[LittleOralAnnie 16]

Funny, as part of a swinging couple for almost 7 years, I now find myself as a single female looking to find a single male to attend clubs and parties with.

 

Annie

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Shouldn't be too hard. There are tons of single males out there that would be happy to help you. Of course I have seen very few clubs that won't allow a single female in alone... so you always have that option.

 

Julie

[bm8 15]

I am new also to the lifestyle and am looking for a female to swing with a couple. The worst thing is that I am in Hong Kong and having difficulties to find my partner. My female friends are all too shy (or pretend to be decent) and are not willing to join!

 

It's so discouraging!

[danc694u 19]

Holy Cow! Batman

 

As a former single male seeking to continue swinging after the divorce. It's Tough!

 

I would recommend finding a couple that swings, and asking them to assist. If they know you are serious, and you're not a total dumbass. You might get a foot in the door. Then you get a chance to meet some singles within the lifestyle.

 

Of course this doesn't guarantee that the single male will develop a relationship with another single in the swinging community. But, it does increase the odds.

 

We've tried taking singles to clubs with us. But!! Our last attempt was a dismal failure. And, female at that. So we're being very selective about people who ask us about our lifestyle, and request a tag-a-long for a social.

[LIZA 20]

I think most women get into a relationship first, then for one of several reasons become open to the possibility of swinging in that relationship or marriage.

 

I don't think too many single women are out there looking for a "swing partner" only. For one thing, women don't NEED a partner to swing as men normally do (especially where clubs and party's are concerned) Secondly, it just doesn't seem like something that appeals to single women on their own. Hence the shortage of "single bi females" that so many couples seem to be seeking!

 

 

[danc694u 19]

Quote

Originally posted by LIZA:

I think most women get into a relationship first, then for one of several reasons become open to the possibility of swinging in that relationship or marriage.

 

We agree 100%.

 

Quote

Originally posted by LIZA:

Secondly, it just doesn't seem like something that appeals to single women on their own.

 

We know several single & straight females that swing. More straight, than BI to be totally honest.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Having had a swinging relationship for 10 years before my wife passed away I spent 5 years single. I had no problem finding females to attend swing parties with me. But I am smarter than the average bear in this department. I would love to start a site that could teach single males to develop a plan that doesn't always include internet connections to establish relationships with women to swing with. I wish someone like Julie would help me do this. I could guarantee that just about any single guy out there could find a gal to swing with within weeks if they use basic common sense and develop the instinct of knowing which women to approach on this subject. If Julie or anyone would like to help me do this I would in a heartbeat.

[Very new Guy 15]

I agree, there are a lot of "single" swingers out here, but we have also problems getting into some places with some privileges pre-set and in place.

 

By-the-by, I would be available to enter new experiences with an open appeal.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by Very new Guy:

By-the-by, I would be available to enter new experiences with an open appeal.

 

Hmm, let me check my list Yup, you're on it!! Number 256,967. We're currently serving #3, can you please wait for a few? We'll be right with you.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Very new Guy:

I agree, there are a lot of "single" swingers out here, but we have also problems getting into some places with some privileges pre-set and in place.

 

By-the-by, I would be available to enter new experiences with an open appeal.

 

You might want to explain better what you mean by your comments.. you totally lost me with the we have also problems getting into some places with some privileges pre-set and in place.

[danc694u 19]

Julie,

 

I think he was refering to clubs that limit the number of single males. And, limit the areas of the club in which they are allowed.

 

We know a few clubs, that do not allow singles in certian areas.

 

We also know of one club that requires the single males to sit at the bar (all night), unless invited to a table, by a couple. Their policy, regarding singles, is on their website. It is very defined.

[FTnPV 15]

We wish there was a site or ads strictly for single guys looking for couples. We're looking and are having a hard time finding a guy that suits us. She's very selective, but she can be that way...she's really pretty, sexy and great in the sex dept.

[Perseus 16]

Quote

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN

Having had a swinging relationship for 10 years before my wife passed away I spent 5 years single. I had no problem finding females to attend swing parties with me. But I am smarter than the average bear in this department. I would love to start a site that could teach single males to develop a plan that doesn't always include internet connections to establish relationships with women to swing with. I wish someone like Julie would help me do this. I could guarantee that just about any single guy out there could find a gal to swing with within weeks if they use basic common sense and develop the instinct of knowing which women to approach on this subject. If Julie or anyone would like to help me do this I would in a heartbeat.

 

Ok Flori_DAMAN, we single guys are still waiting for this site to show up. Come on, share that "Don Juan" wisdom with us.

[Odie043069 15]

Trust me...I have been looking for awhile now for a serious single male in my area!

 

And when I mean serious...I don't mean someone who just wants a one night stand...I mean a man that wants to be partners with me in life and the lifestyle!

[OhioCouple 40]

Quote

Originally posted by Odie043069

Trust me...I have been looking for awhile now for a serious single male in my area!

 

And when I mean serious...I don't mean someone who just wants a one night stand...I mean a man that wants to be partners with me in life and the lifestyle!

Perhaps because I did not know anything about the "lifestyle" prior to a couple of years ago, I would have to think it is hard to find someone who automatically comes with an open and willing mind of both. I would have to think that anyone that meets as singles in the lifestyle probably take time to build their own relationship for a while before delving back in as their situations and circumstances would have changed.

 

I suppose it is possible to meet someone in the lifestyle and continue life as you knew it, but in my opinion the two only go together after building a relationship. For me, our relationship is the most important and swinging is just something we do for recreation. Kind of like if we had only looked for a mate who enjoyed reading, bass fishing or bowling, we might have over looked the love of our lives since one of us didn't care for any of the above sport. My hubby still doesn't care to read, I won't bait a hook and he finds bowling terribly boring (mostly because I can whoop his butt...) But the thing is we have learned to find some common grounds that we both enjoy.....swinging just happened to be one of them.

 

Lori

[dreamguy4fun 15]

Hi,

 

I live in Seattle, WA. I found that it is not easy to swing as a single male. Seems like most swingers prefer to swing with either couples or single female. I was wondering if there are any woman in the Seattle area that is interested in getting together as a swinging partner to swing with other couples? Any suggestions on finding swinging partners?

 

Thanks,

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by dreamguy4fun

Hi,

 

I live in Seattle, WA. I found that it is not easy to swing as a single male. Seems like most swingers prefer to swing with either couples or single female. I was wondering if there are any woman in the Seattle area that is interested in getting together as a swinging partner to swing with other couples? Any suggestions on finding swinging partners?

 

Thanks,

 

Seriously now.

 

It is not easy to swing as a single male.

 

This board is used to vent those frustrations or to give opinions on them but not to advertise.

 

If you want to advertise go to the wonderful section that Julie has made for that purpose.

 

It allows you to catergorize yourself by lots of categories.

 

John

[EternallySingle 32]

A long time ago I realized if I look for something too hard I will never find it. This goes for finding keys, spare change, the remote, and the ever elusive swinging single female looking for a relationship with a single swinging male. The three I met were all by chance and I found out they were also swingers only after being with them for many months as a regular couple. Of course there were clues, like the married couples that sometimes stayed the night, she had more bathing suits and lace lingerie than street clothes (even though she is a banker or nurse), and she always had a drawer full of new Everready D-Cells, but no flashlights or portable radios to use them in. Any two of those things mean that you have a chance to at least talk to them about the idea without them running for the hills.

[Ashley 22]

I got a kick out of it too.

Ashley(who has more lacey lingerie than street clothes!)

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by EternallySingle

..... she had more bathing suits and lace lingerie than street clothes (even though she is a banker or nurse), and she always had a drawer full of new Everready D-Cells, but no flashlights or portable radios to use them in.

This is hysterical. I can't say that I own more lingere than I do street clothes, BUT, I've got quite an assortment. When anyone of the kids are suspected of dropping in, we do the "three stooges routine, minus one" in trying to hide the evidence. We do have a flashlight, but I believe the batteries in that are probably dead. Never dead though in the toy compartment. I suppose I need to check and see if the bedside batteries are interchangalbe with the survival kit items. It doesn't hurt to be prepared....

 

Lori

[Perseus 16]

But which is the survival item, the flashlight or the toys....

 

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

You gotta have a backup...one may need the flashlight to find the toys....

 

lol,

 

John, the real survivalist.

[ircouple4swing2 15]

Very interesting issue at hand here, when getting past the comics. Now I personally believe that when I was a single man or am without my partner, I believe that it's all about your approach to how you address a couple or host to a party as a single man. I did not find it to be very difficult to attend parties nor join couples once that couple realized that I was for real, was polite , respectful of there relationship and desires, and was just a fun person to party with. Now I did find issues outside of the fact that I was a single man but that is a whole different subject dealing with folks in the lifestyle with closed minds or clouded minds, maybe I will bring this up in a new forum.

 

Good luck in your hunt!!!!

[EternallySingle 32]

It is not that difficult to find couples if you are a single male and serious, but that was not what this topic was about. It was about finding single women to swing with and how long you should be involved with them before telling about the lifestyle and your involvement in it.

 

On that point, I've found (and I think I've said it in other posts) that single women in the lifestyle are NOT interested in even friendships with single men in the lifestyle. Not being a woman I cannot even guess why that is, but I've been told on numerous occasions by single women I've KNOWN were in the lifestyle and were platonic friends that they did not want ANY type of relationship with single men that was not strictly sexual. I've also been told by single women in the lifestyle that I had a sexual relationship with that they didn't want anything more than a sexual relationship...not even friendship (talking about work, music, going to movies, etc) and especially not anything resembling dating, from single men in the lifestyle. However, many have tried (and failed) to introduce men not involved in the lifestyle into it, only to have the man leave either immediately or after finding out it wasn't an occasional thing. I guess its one of those mysteries of human nature you have to accept.

[OhioCouple 40]

I have to agree about the single women in the lifestyle. The online paysites that we have belonged too and even the single women we met at a house party that we talked with extensively, were most definitely not looking for an intimate relationship (as in terms of dating or marriage). The online ads of the single females clearly state that up front.

 

Having talked at length with one single woman at the house party we attended, she had been involved in the lifestyle prior to her divorce and she had no desire to ever get married again. She loved being around sexually open people and of course enjoyed the fact that sex was readily available when she wanted it, with no strings attached. She was satisfied with the way her life was and she loved the fact that she had sexually open friends. She also loved her peace and quiet when she went home and living her life without having to worry about dining at a certain hour if she didn't have to, wasting a whole day away reading a book or soaking in a tub.

 

Lori

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by dreamguy4fun

Any suggestions on finding swinging partners?

 

Thanks,

 

Hit the chat rooms that cater to your area. We frequent several where there are single females and couples all the time.

 

I'm not saying it will be easy. Just that it is possible.

[Roxysbayou 20]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

I have to agree about the single women in the lifestyle. The online paysites that we have belonged too and even the single women we met at a house party that we talked with extensively, were most definitely not looking for an intimate relationship (as in terms of dating or marriage). The online ads of the single females clearly state that up front.

 

Is it just me, or do the single women on those paysites usually seem to be a bit older?

 

It seems as if they have either been divorced and are not looking for a steady relationship, or just fed up with traditional dating.

 

Maybe it's because the under 30 crowd are still picking out white dresses and having babies.

 

Hmmm...just an observation.

[danc694u 19]

Quote

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

It seems as if they have either been divorced and are not looking for a steady relationship, or just fed up with traditional dating.

 

Be warned, a couple we play with uses those types of sites. They get PAID to.

 

The wife is a knock out, she post as single and bi in her ads. So you can't always believe what you are reading. But, she makes good money.

 

Just an observation also.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by danc694u

Be warned, a couple we play with uses those types of sites. They get PAID to.

 

The wife is a knock out, she post as single and bi in her ads. So you can't always believe what you are reading. But, she makes good money.

 

Just an observation also.

 

I suspect that the majority of single female adds posted are for the purpose of profit.

 

John

[Roxysbayou 20]

Originally posted by danc694u

Be warned, a couple we play with uses those types of sites. They get PAID to.

 

The wife is a knock out, she post as single and bi in her ads. So you can't always believe what you are reading. But, she makes good money.

 

Just an observation also.

 

I have often wondered about a few. The ones that look like they were clipped from the pages of a Playboy Magazine. Hubby has responded to one I think, of course his note is still showing Not Read...lol. Poor Guy!

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by danc694u

Be warned, a couple we play with uses those types of sites. They get PAID to.

 

The wife is a knock out, she post as single and bi in her ads. So you can't always believe what you are reading. But, she makes good money.

That is really interesting. I had sort of wondered about that just due to the fact that I couldn't fathom why some of them would be "single".

 

And yes, Roxy, I've noticed they all appear to be older. Generally in the 35 years and up range. While I am sure that some are genuinely single, I can't for the life of me figure out why many of them would need to place an ad. They could open the front door and the wind would blow in a few hundred couples every morning as they stooped out to pick up their newspaper.

 

Hubby has responded to one I think, of course his note is still showing Not Read...lol. Poor Guy!

ROFL!!! Rejection is tough, even when it isn't in a written format.

 

Lori

[Guest Seymore]

I've seen ads like those too which seemed bogus...but i dont get it. Do the owners of the site pay her to post the ad to attract people to the site? ...and what would be the purpose of that? I dont see why bogus ads would do anything but discourage people from using the site.

 

Can someone explain this?

[danc694u 19]

Quote

Originally posted by Seymore

Can someone explain this?

 

It's all about the money. Like the fortune tellers 900 numbers.

 

There's a sucker born every minute on the web.

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by Seymore

...and what would be the purpose of that?

A while back one particular ad on the pay site we belong to caused quite an uproar. She was posing as (now get this) the squad leader for a high school cheerleading team. Said she was eighteen and just loved anal sex and prefered it over vaginal sex. She couldn't count the number of people she had had sex with and she just couldn't get enough of it. Within 3 days of her trial membership she had well over 2000 hits on her ad and over 400 letters sent to her. (oh did I forget to mention that she has her own personal web site?) Her pictures looked as though she were at least 25 or older. If she was eighteen she had been rode hard and put away wet. Last I looked at her profile she had had well over 5000 hits on her ad and Way over a thousand letters sent to her. To her credit she had responded to nearly all of them but I am sure it was a canned letter that led them to belive she could be better contacted via either her site or another address. This was less than 30 days of her being a member, currently she is a paying member for two more months.

 

As many cheating males as there are on the paysite I'll bet she has earned some big bucks off directing them to her site which another member fell for and it was a indeed a pay site. I would highly doubt the webmasters are paying her to be on the site, she/he (whichever) just saw an opportunity to attract a lot of horny men and those that are seeking the elusive single bi.

 

As Danc69 said, there is a sucker born every minute on the web.

 

Lori

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

It is sooo easy to get guys on the web. I went online as suzysilkythings in a yahoo chatroom once....man the Pm's I got were unbelievable....they would have pulled their visa out in a second if they thought I would just meet them....

 

I actually considered the return for time invested and in the long run it would have made me more money than I make doing what I do.

 

I don't understand how dumb guys are though.

 

They all wanted to cybersex with me. I could have been a 67 yr old overweight black male with the name rufus, but they thought I was suzysilkythigs..and they were willing to get intimate with me online in one second.

 

I wonder how many guys have dumped their jackpot online with gay guys that pose as females.

 

And for the sake of clarification, I only got one guy to come.

 

John, who is J/k and didn't do that to anyone but could have.

[agoodmassage 15]

If those "real dolls" become robotic-beings like cherry 2000, people might actually start having relationships with them. but for now, I see a lot of dummies falling in love with chat bots, lol.

[Guest Seymore]

Thanks lori and john for clearing that up...I've seen ads on swinglifestyle that I knew had to be fake...I just couldn't figure out what they were after...

 

I saw one ad where the "single woman" said "I've done it all and have the pics to prove it"...I was thinking "yeah, so what?"...it makes sense now...

[OhioCouple 40]

Quote

Originally posted by Seymore

Thanks lori and john for clearing that up...I've seen ads on swinglifestyle that I knew had to be fake...I just couldn't figure out what they were after...

 

I saw one ad where the "single woman" said "I've done it all and have the pics to prove it"...I was thinking "yeah, so what?"...it makes sense now...

It is amazing what people will fall for over the web. When I first began investigating this lifestyle I used another IM name from my own ('bout the only smart thing I'd ever done regarding names) and I would make whatever name I wanted to use for the day something sexy sounding, like "Sasha" or "Margarite". Simple but yet very effective in getting any and all information that I wanted and then some. That is actually how I found out that swinging was actually a "sport" (for lack of better words). From there a legit couple (as we have met them at a local swing club in passing) gave us some info on swinging and turned us on to a website that they belong to. We had an ad on that one but let our membership expire as we found one we like much better.

 

The number of IM's though that I would get while visiting these chat rooms were incredible. Sometimes I would just have to shut the entire computer down as it gave me a headache to hear the "chimes" for each new one. My screen name was in essence fresh meat for those looking to cyber. Since we have found the information that we wanted, we have not entered a chat room since.

 

Lori

[EternallySingle 32]

Quote

Originally posted by Seymore

I've seen ads like those too which seemed bogus...but i dont get it. Do the owners of the site pay her to post the ad to attract people to the site? ...and what would be the purpose of that? I dont see why bogus ads would do anything but discourage people from using the site.

 

Can someone explain this?

 

Well, the truth of the matter is that the internet, after nearly a decade, is STILL mainly a 20something to 30something single male dominated environment. What do single 20-40 year old males like? Sex, sports, video games, and finding new ways of making lots of money so they have more time for sex, sports, and video games. So, what do you think will draw the majority of internet users to a website? (Please, don't make me repeat myself. I'm using my wireless keyboard from my bed and can't see my screen that well.) That is why there are so many single females advertising on swinger sites. Most site administrators know that if there is anyone claiming to be a single female on a site single men will join, even for a month, to check out the profile and write a letter in hopes of getting a reply. In fact, some sites actually ask couples interested in single males to change their ad or make an additional one that reads as a single female to draw single males. Not the big ones, but the smaller regional ones are notorious for that (or were a few years ago.)

[jen 16]

Being single has advantages.

 

Being single also has disadvantages.

 

Sometimes I'd like a guy to swing with, as opposed to always being the third party.

 

The posting or responding to an ad idea just isn't for me.

 

8 minute dates??

 

 

[PaulKing 18]

A few years ago I had great success by advertising in one magazine (West Coast Swingers). Over a period of about two years I met about five single females and well over forty couples. I actually did better as a single then as a couple which I also tried with the same magazine (at a later date).

 

I found the secret was to include a direct phone number as most couples act on impulse. The wording of the ad is also very important.

 

Finding the right magazine is critical as I had no success whatsoever with other publications.

 

Good luck

[EternallySingle 32]

Quote

Originally posted by PaulKing

" I found the secret was to include a direct phone number as most couples act on impulse. The wording of the ad., is also very important.

 

 

direct phone numbers are SUPER DANGEROUS if put in a magazine or online. You are subject to identity theft scams, and can make for some very dangerous times when dating online or through magazines. Life is dangerous enough without making yourself an easier target.

[dpdarling 16]

I meet people at places like beach clubs or night clubs, that don't necessarily cater to swingers. I went to a night club in Little River, SC, and met a couple who happened to be mutual acquaintances of a lifestyle couple in Carolina Beach, NC. We left the club, drove 50 miles, went to the CB couple''s house, and set up our own party. I know it was a coincidence, but you don't necessarily have to find swingers only clubs.

[EternallySingle 32]

Quote

Originally posted by dpdarling

I meet people at places like beach clubs or night clubs, that don't necessarily cater to swingers. I went to a night club in Little River, SC, and met a couple who happened to be mutual acquaintances of a lifestyle couple in Carolina Beach, NC. We left the club, drove 50 miles, went to the CB couple''s house, and set up our own party. I know it was a coincidence, but you don't necessarily have to find swingers only clubs.

 

Great post. I have a question ONLY for single females who swing. What about men? Do you only go on conventional dates with single guys or do you consider telling them about the lifestyle? And if so, how long and how well would you have to know them? Also, would you ever consider dating a single man you knew to be in the lifestyle? I don't think a single female has ever answered this question before.

[jen 16]

Sometimes when I date, I may pose hypothetical questions regarding swinging. If the guy is interesting enough for me to care about his opinion that is.

 

Sometimes you go on a date only to discover that the guy sitting across from or beside you is - so not what you'd thought - that works in reverse of course.

 

On those occasions - why bother. Actually, on those occasions, the date is mysteriously interupted.

[yawanna 17]

Single women can go more places than single men when it comes to swinging. So... a single guy wanting to have her as a partner must have more to offer than she already has...

 

She can attend the clubs, meet couples and singles, with no stigma attached to her. She in fact is something rare.

 

I would ask you, the single man, wanting to meet with a single swinger woman...what is is that you are bringing to the equation? She can circulate all by her lonesome. What are you offering that is supplemental and beneficial to her?

[EternallySingle 32]

I wasn't going to reply to this but...

 

Meeting a single woman already involved in swinging or even thinking about it is not your best option. Your best bet is to meet couples and go with the flow. Don't be pushy. Be friendly with both of them, but only as far as they will let you (which usually won't be too far beyond sex since you're a single man) and ask them, after several conversations and/or meetings, if they attend a club that allows single men.

 

THEN you might be asked to join them at a club on a night when singles are welcome (if they go to single male friendly clubs) and THEY MIGHT introduce you to other couples. After going to those clubs several times, probably six or more times with them and by yourself, you MIGHT get approached by a single woman who MAY want to know a little about you. If that happens, again, go with the flow.

 

If you go into this intending to find a single woman to swing with before you start a long term relationship with her, you are more than likely going to be disappointed and frustrated. There are so many single men just looking to take advantage of swinging because they can't deal with relationships that any single man is going to be viewed with apprehension, which will make it extremely hard for them to get to know you. You almost always have to pursue swinging through couples first before you get to meet single females interested in you as a person and swing partner. If that doesn't interest you, more than likely you will be out of luck.

[pagan 15]

How's that for a good question? I would love to find a girl that would like to be in the lifestyle with me but most single females are not very approachable (the single male stigma). So who then can fulfill the empty slot next to me when going to the clubs?? This I ask you

[EternallySingle 32]

You simply have to make yourself available. I think I've said it before, but your best avenue into swinging is to swing with couples first. From their you might get invited to parties and clubs where single women are present. In some cases you might even meet a single woman who wants some one-on-one time with a man and you, being unattached, might be that man. If you are lucky, she might want to talk to you about your personal life and from their you might become friends, start spending time together, and end up a couple. Or at least regular swing partners.

 

Outside of that, blind luck is all you have to meet a single woman involved in swinging . You have to be patient and lucky, and there is little you can do except be a decent person that will help you out. And even being decent isn't enough until they get to know you and find out its not an act. Couples and single women are somewhat apprehensive about meeting a singe man, even those people looking only for single men, due to the actions of some unscrupulous jerks who think the women in swinging can be used as living sex toys. That is where their apprehension comes from and only if they are willing to take a chance will they see you otherwise.

 

So, there is nothing you can do except be yourself and hope that's enough for them.