How single male finds single female in swinging

[TNT 1,155]

EternallySingle gave excellent advice. If couples have a hard time finding single females it stands to reason that a single male would also have a hard time finding a single female to swing with.

 

Most of the single men that we have played with were looking for couples, not a single female to join him. They were/are in the swinging lifestyle because they enjoy spending time with couples and being the third in a play session.

 

We have one single man that we play with on a regular basis. He is extremely good looking, owns his own house, his own business and is an all around good guy. The one thing he wants out of life is a wife and kids. I asked him once how he would handle the situation if he found a woman he was interested in building a relationship with. His answer to me was that he would have to put swinging on the back burner and concentrate on the relationship and hope that at sometime in the future he would be able to introduce her to swinging. Of course he also said that he hoped he would find a bi-female to spend his life with, lol.

 

The point is that he enjoys swinging, but he also realizes that this type of lifestyle is not something most single ladies would be able to handle, so he does not look for someone to swing with, but someone to build a life with.

 

If a single man wants to get into swinging, that's great, we love single men, but don't think that this is a way to meet a single woman just to have a partner to get into clubs with...chances are it won't happen. That's not to say it can't, I have personally seen it happen, but it is extremely rare.

 

A single man should only get into the swinging lifestyle if he truly enjoys spending time with couples and being the third in a play session. He should be polite, honest and respectful to everyone he meets and plays with. He should not just be looking for a single female already into swinging just so it will make it easier on him to be accepted. After all, if he did happen to find one, wouldn't he then be a couple and not a single male? And, if he wants to swing as a couple, then he needs to do like everyone else did and find someone special first then get into swinging together.

 

Just my opinion here.

 

Teresa

[Triumphs 16]

Just place an ad in a singles dating forum, or even a swappers forum. It doesn't have to be a video. Be honest and say you're a single guy, but you would like to be in a swinging relationship. Try not to be overly exuberant about it, though. (We hope that's not the most important criteria you have...) I think you will find more than enough women are interested, but are afraid of breaching the subject, since it's still somewhat taboo.

 

Finding a couple that you can go to swing clubs with, may be a little more difficult. With the right attitude/personality, though, you should be able to find one good couple. There are dozens just in the subdivision we live in, so I would have to think that there are even more in RI.

 

What both of these options will do is 1) get you into the clubs and possibly more, and 2) you will be able to show that you are socially competent (ie - not a looser). Even if you don't stay with the same person/couple, it speaks volumes to others about your personality. Which will make it easier in the future to find more couples or single (bi-)fems...

 

It's all gonna boil down to you and your personality. If you have the right personality, you'll have no problems. I highly recommend you check out some of the dating and NLP resources on the web. I don't know how you look, but we feel that looks _help_ open the door. So if you need to tone up or get some style (clothes, hair and skincare), you might wanna start working on that too, ASAP. The right combination of charm and looks will get you everything, maybe even more than you would like...

 

I don't envy your position, but we wish you the best of luck,

[MrYaWanna 15]

As a man who started out as a single guy and found that elusive single swinging female I was all excited when I started to read this post. I though ah ha! Something I can respond to. lol Now that I have read all the posts I see it's all been said.

 

Buddy (that's a term of affection?? here, not looking to piss you off) relax. You want to swing? Read the posts above. Single gals who do this right don't need a single guy. Forget finding the mystical, magic, rare single gal. Enjoy your life, enjoy the lifestyle and what it has to offer (again, read the above posts!). If it happens it does. If your goal in the lifestyle is to find a wife you'll be disappointed.

 

Easy for me to say eh? She consented to marry me!

[jen 16]

It's funny the way people seem to view single females who happen to be interested in swinging.

 

Sort of like she is this shiny piece of golden magic.

 

I can't speak for every single female, but...

 

Lemme tell ya, I'm not.

 

I'm just a girl.

 

I have interests and curiosities including but not limited to swinging.

 

Don't you have other interests?

 

There isn't enough time in your day, trunk, to spend it searching for a girl who wants to swing.

 

Why?

 

Because, swinging, as fun as it must be, is only an itty bitty part of any life.

 

What you should be doing is living.

 

Just wake up every morning and spend everyday treating people the way you want to be treated.

 

I'd guess that you'd like to be treated with kindness and fairness.

 

I know I appreciate that sort of care.

 

In doing that, I'd bet, sooner or later you'll find someone who has bunches in common with you. Maybe even an interest in swinging.

 

Lemme give you an example:

 

Not too many days ago I met this guy. Not at a club, bar, or any of that. Nope, I met him because of this very board.

 

He wasn't a member of this board at that time. But BradAndJanet and some others around here, are and were.

 

It's cause of BradAndJanet's livejournal that I decided to start one of my own.

 

Cause of that journal, I ran across a guy who had a picture of an adorable dog in his lj.

 

Dogs interest me. I like dogs, I'm not a cat person in any way.

 

Now, I've met this guy and we've had bunches of fun together lately.

 

Not caus he was looking for a girl who swings. Not cause I was looking for a guy to 'help me swing.' Just cause both of us happened to be in the same place at the same time and we both like dogs.

 

Imagine that, two people just happen to run into each other during some of every day life's routines.

 

No magic. Just life.

 

[Vjklander 138]

If you swing with a couple and develop a good relationship with them, it is always possible they might know a girl you might be interested in meeting. We know.

[WildThing 15]

Yes, it is very difficult to find a single woman to be your partner. As the lady said, we don't NEED you.

 

However, there are a few of us out there who are actually looking for a long-term partner (like me) and a few more who wouldn't turn it down if it showed up. So don't give up, just don't hold your breath, because you are going to have to be lucky to get what you are after.

 

I'd suggest a multi-level approach.

 

Get involved in the lifestyle by meeting couples, going to single-male-friendly events, posting on boards like this. Some of the couples may know single women, some may show up at the parties. You will gain experience, which will help you with women who are really into the lifestyle. You will gain a good reputation, which is golden. (If you gain a bad reputation, you're through, but that means you don't belong here, anyway.)

 

Get on the good websites for swingers and look for the single ladies. Do NOT email every single woman on the site. But browse their profiles and contact the ones who might be looking for what you are offering.

 

Finally, don't give up on looking for women in conventional places. Look for women who share your other interests. I, for example, could be found through a scuba club. Use the conventional dating sites. I would not suggest putting swinging in your profile on a conventional site, because you'll scare off even some women who might ultimately work out. But say something tactful about wanting a woman who enjoys creative sex. If you seek out women who are comfortable with their sexuality and view it as an important part of life, you are FAR more likely to find someone who will be receptive to the idea of swinging once she gets to know you.

[magnum 78]

Good sound advice, thanks...

 

It is hard enough to meet a good lady that is not into swinging let alone one that is.

 

Any how, I am still hopeful, I am still keep plugging away, no pun intended.

[Pink 15]

WildThing said:

However, there are a few of us out there who are actually looking for a long-term partner (like me) and a few more who wouldn't turn it down if it showed up. So don't give up, just don't hold your breath, because you are going to have to be lucky to get what you are after.

WildThing, very very well said. During my last year as one of those so sought out females, I only played with my tried and true couples. During that time the onslaught of single/pretend single/married and didn't cares came out of the woodwork in an attempt to drape that elusive BI female meat on their arm to gain access to swing. (at least that was the impression I got out of it)

 

It got to the point I stopped all together. The contentment of sharing with a Long-term partner is what made Swinging fun for me. And with that in mind, finding the right long-term partner meant I didn't share the idea that I ever walked in this lifestyle. Not because I was afraid to shock them in fear they would run away, much more the opposite is true. It's been a long trial and error for me and I *think* I may have finally found the *right* one.

 

So with that said, I too suggest to the single men out there that are looking. Dating services are a good thing. Word your profile carefully, not blatantly, yet offer enough to peak an interest. If one of us is in search of and reading we will contact you. I did.... and so far, things are Great!

[Mindway 15]

...in the lifestyle? I am divorced and am interested in meeting a currently single female who is interested in the lifestyle. This is a big issue for me and is very important. I would like to meet someone who is interested and then go from there. I could have it backwards you know, but like I said, it is an important issue to me. I have been to a few swingers clubs, but the "single" male tag is almost like having a twenty foot barrier around you. I could go out to a bar, meet a woman, go through the ritual and then find out that she is not interested. I have also tried to post under a different name in the personals, but nothing has come up. I am a good looking guy with a lot on the ball, but I am also somewhat frustrated. Can anyone shed some light on this situation?

[Vespertine 31]

Clubs aren't the place to meet single women.

 

There are hardly ANY single women in Lifestyle clubs. Ever.

 

If there are single women at the clubs they are looking for couples because they are most likely bisexual. As a single man, you have no partner to share with her. Also, if a single woman wants to meet a man, she can do so anywhere.

 

Your best bet is to go through the dating ritual in the vanilla world because there ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

[JnCC 24]

Mindway said:

I am divorced and am interested in meeting a currently single female who is interested in the lifestyle. This is a big issue for me and is very important. I would like to meet someone who is interested and then go from there.

That's your problem...it's a "big issue" for YOU, and a huge "Red Flag" for any self-respecting single woman you're dating. Women, by and large, are interested in swinging only within the context of a relationship. True, there are exceptions to the rule, but I've never met one that a "good looking guy with a lot on the ball" would honestly find attractive if she weren't in the lifestyle.

 

Quote

I could go out to a bar, meet a woman, go through the ritual and then find out that she is not interested.

If by "ritual" you mean dating...the process of meeting women and actually doing things with them that they're interested in...things that don't necessarily revolve around your sexual fantasies, all I can say is that you have a lot to learn about women and why they swing. If a woman perceives that dating her is nothing more than a "ritual" by which you're assessing the likelihood that she'll attend sex parties with you, it's a virtual certainty that she won't.

 

Quote

I am a good looking guy with a lot on the ball, but I am also somewhat frustrated. Can anyone shed some light on this situation?

The problem isn't the "situation," the problem is that you probably understand women only from the perspective of what they can do for you, and have little understanding of what they want in return. Stop watching "Spike TV" and start watching "The Lifetime Channel" Stop reading Maxim and Hustler, and start reading Oprah and Cosmopolitan. Knowing what women want is the best way of getting what you want.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm curious, you said you are divorced and looking for a single female, but your status in your profile is listed as "attached male". So, what are you attached to, and how does it feel about you seeking out a single female to swing with?

[kittylikesmfm 16]

If by "ritual" you mean dating...the process of meeting women and actually doing things with them that they're interested in...things that don't necessarily revolve around your sexual fantasies, all I can say is that you have a lot to learn about women and why they swing.

 

i just felt like this little tidbit was worth repeating, just in general ;P

[EternallySingle 32]

If you don't enjoy the work, you probably won't get the reward.

 

I've had four long term single bisexual female swing partners over the last twenty years. Long term meaning more than a year where she was my exclusive emotional partner AND primary sex partner. Guess what? I met them via DATING! I wasn't looking to swing with anyone when I met them. I was looking for women who were fun to be with all the time. Turned out that my kind of fun was also their kind of fun.

 

My point is that in most cases you won't get a steady swing partner unless you take the steps to become AT LEAST HER FRIEND FIRST! If you aren't willing to take the time to get to know her outside of a sexual context, she is not going to want to involve you in her swinging activities on a regular basis. Unless you are absolutely phenomenal in bed you probably won't even get a second time with her unless she has some reason to like you.

 

There are a few women out there just looking for free rides to swing clubs, but they generally live in areas where the swing clubs don't admit single women at a discount...and most where I live let single women in for half the price of couples or even free. There are some women who, even though they can get in free, would prefer to go with a man for security and maybe someone to go home with, but they too want to go with someone they like, not just someone looking for a ticket. Good luck. You might find her. Anything's possible.

[Paphian 16]

I am divorced and am interested in meeting a currently single female who is interested in the lifestyle. This is a big issue for me and is very important. I would like to meet someone who is interested and then go from there. I could have it backwards you know...

 

Well, most of the replies so far have been pretty negative, but as someone else in this sort of situation, I can understand where Mindway is coming from.

 

I think y'all are talkin' past each other, to some degree. For what it's worth (and to restate a bit), I took Mindway as sayin' more along the line of "It would be nice--somehow--to have a way to meet women who are either already swingers, or who are "swing-friendly" rather than start from a position of not knowing. Didn't see him saying he wasn't willing to expend the effort to build a relationship, just that he was frustrated in expending that effort often only to find out that the woman he was interested in had no interest whatsoever in swinging.

 

I think it's pretty safe to assume that there are probably a fair number of women out there who have been involved in swinging in the past. Just like for men (although in vastly smaller numbers, I'm sure) there are women who were involved in the lifestyle and are now widowed, divorced or otherwise single. It would be nice to have an easy way to meet women who already have that attitude, but it's a fact that there are vanishingly few women willing to admit that sort of interest up front.

 

For what it's worth, I, too have some degree of frustration in this regard. It's not an unwillingness to invest in and explore a relationship--as some here have seemed to assume--it's frustration in repeatedly expending lots of time and effort in order to find out that as far as one is concerned, the relationship isn't gonna work. If one was successfully involved in the lifestyle in a previous relationship or marriage, it's damn hard to consider going "back" to monogamy with any real expectation of success. Married folks have, I think, a bit of a blind spot about this (lucky you!) as they're out of the "dating-with-intent" scene.

 

I don't happen to think there's a real, workable solution to the problem. Women on dating sites and IRL are inundated with email and other approaches that are, not to put too fine a point on it... creepy. There are far too many single guys out there that continually reinforce the idea that *most* guys will say or do damn near anything to get laid. It's also unfortunately true that there are a fair percentage of women out there who reward that type of guy with success (in that they consider a "bad boy" a fun fling), which is why the creeps keep it up. So it's no wonder that women who are "swing-friendly" do not identify themselves as such up front. And, let's face facts here, women often misrepresent themselves also, it's just more often about different things than sex (they're not single, they have children still at home and state that they don't, they are severly overweight and represent themselves otherwise, they've never "stood on their own" financially in their entire life, they assume one date means "exclusive", etc, etc.).

 

That leaves those single men of us who have a real interest in establishing a good relationship at a disadvantage. And those of us who want a good relationship that includes the possibility of swinging together --for all the same reasons married couples do--are, quite simply, pretty well screwed (and not in a good way).

 

In my intro post, I mentioned that I happen to have a regular swing partner. She's married to a good friend, so it's pretty obvious why that will never be a real, living-together, committed relationship. It works for us, but were I ever to think that my involvement was jeopardizing their relationship, I'd be out of there so fast my head would spin right along with everyone else's. It's not something I'd ever wish to have happen--because it would be Just Not Right. I'd personally love it should I meet a woman that "clicks" for me and that is also interested in swinging (or better still, already is a swinger). My personal solution is simply to be honest with women I meet, which, of course, means a lot of very short duration dating situations However, the alternative--dating long term someone who expressed at the beginning that she's never going to be interested in anything but a traditional relationship--is Just Plain Dumb. And it's just as dishonest (from another direction) as the guys who will say anything to get laid.

 

So--for me anyway--the alternative is to date when I feel so inclined, with no expectations other than meeting someone potentially nice for coffee or dinner or whatever. I say as much in ads or in communication with women both on-line and IRL. And let me tell you, even that approach is received with lots of suspicion. There's just no way around it--the "creep level" out there has made most women (justifiably) very, very cautious.

 

The difficult part is not to lose sight of the potential for a good outcome. It's possible there's a woman out there who will meet a significant number of my personal expectations (and I, hers) including swinging. It's even possible that I will meet the "perfect woman" for me that would make me seriously consider monogamy again (hey, I've done it before--in marriage #2). In the interim, I date when my interest is piqued in someone I meet, and hope for the best. If nothing else, I've had a pleasant and pretty dinner companion (one hopes, anyway) and it sure beats sittin' around the house, bored.

[JnCC 24]

Paphian -

 

That is absolutely the best, most definitive post I have ever read on the subject! Even the Russian judges would have to give you a "10.0" for that one.

 

I just wish I had written it!

 

You're right, my response to Mindway was "pretty negative," a reaction to so many others who have commented on "how hard it is for single males to meet swinging women," and NOT to the question he was asking. In any case, it's in the database now, and unless Julie loses that one in the next few days, it'll be there for frick'in EVER.

 

On a more positive note...

 

You're right, it IS hard to meet women who are experienced in the lifestyle, or at least open to the possibility of it. Likewise, it's hard for women to meet intelligent, successful men with a sense of adventure, who "think outside the box" and who would still consider being in a long-term, committed relationship with someone. This I know because my ex-wife reminds me of that fact every time I see her, which is to say, twice a month or more. She's a great gal, a world-class piece-of-ass, and was usually the most popular woman at any swinging function we attended. It saddens me to think that she now spends her evenings alone, or in the company of boring, dipshit men she meets through her business. Men who have NO appreciation for how much "fun" she can be in a hot tub after a couple of vodka-tonics, and who would be threatened to learn so.

 

The solution, as I see it, is for somebody like us to start our own dating site for "lifestyle-experienced women," then sign our ex-wives up on it.

 

Don't laugh! "Fun girls" are usually looking for "fun guys," and if the feedback I'm getting from my ex- and the other women I've dated is any indication, there aren't that many of us out there. Stories about men who are older/fatter/stupider/or "married-er" than their profiles indicate are common. Many times, it's only after they've invested time into a relationship, that they learn that the man has "issues" with jealousy, hygiene, personal habits that would get a third-grader kicked out of class, or enough "emotional baggage" to run a 747 off the end of a two-mile runway.

 

Life with such men tends to be boring, the sex both infrequent and predictable-to-a-fault, and the opportunities for personal growth nil.

 

None are qualities one associates with being married to a swinger.

 

Women need a way to separate "the wheat from the chaff" also.

 

As I reflect upon it, I've come to realize that the last 2 women I've been married to were pretty fun girls at one time. And I was a pretty fun guy when I was with them. Just because we're no longer married to each other doesn't mean we each wouldn't be a lot of fun for somebody else in the future.

 

That's why a dating service solely for ex-swingers makes a lot of sense.

 

We'd keep the creeps out by making membership for males by referral-only. In other words, not only would your ex- have to be a "former swinger" and listed on the site, but she'd have to approve your application, make sure that your profile was accurate, and your pictures current. And because ex-wives are often excellent bullshit detectors, there'd be no mention of dick-size or oral abilities on your profile unless she vouched for them!

 

Something like this could take the notion of "wife-swapping" to a whole new level. I sincerely hope somebody picks it up and runs with it...

[IrishLord82 15]

I want to thank you guys for being so on target with your posts. I have long been frustrated by just this sort of thing. Here's what I have found to be useful in finding women who are potential swingers. When getting to know them and their interests, find out where they've been on vacation or where they've travelled in previous relationships. I'll ask if they have ever been to a Club Med, a Jamaican resort (if so which one), Ibiza or any all-inclusive resorts and how they liked it. Have they ever done any sunbathing in Europe or the Greek Isles and were they embarrassed by topless sunbathing. You don't have to hammer it but their answers will, hopefully, give you an indication of their mindset and experience.

[JnCC 24]

When getting to know them and their interests, find out where they've been on vacation or where they've travelled in previous relationships. I'll ask if they have ever been to a Club Med, a Jamaican resort (if so which one), Ibiza or any all-inclusive resorts and how they liked it. Have they ever done any sunbathing in Europe or the Greek Isles and were they embarrassed by topless sunbathing. You don't have to hammer it but their answers will, hopefully, give you an indication of their mindset and experience.

Good point! Personally, I'm not interested in "finding a woman who swings." In fact, I regard "swinging" as something of a "negative quality" in a single person.

 

What I'm looking for is not a "swinger," but rather the type of woman who swings. With a woman like that, I'm fairly confident I can grow into a relationship, if and when the time comes. If the time doesn't come, we've still had a few laughs and giggles along the way.

 

Women who aren't "the type who swing" can be wonderful lovers and companions, but in the back of my mind I know there's a finite quality to the relationship which usually evidences itself after about 2-3 months. About the time they're settling in, I'm creepin' out.

 

Something I'll often ask on a first date, assuming everything else is going well, is "What is the one thing they'll tell me, that they won't tell the girls at the office?"

 

The answers have ranged from...

 

"I once caught an 8-pound carp," to,

 

"I had a threesome with a couple I met in Cancun last fall"

 

I don't need to tell you which one got a second date...

[kittylikesmfm 16]

My husband and I have a joke we like to tease our male friends from high school that claim to want to be married, but have yet to do so 10 years later with: stop meeting bitches on barstools...lol. The same argument for not meeting a man at the bar holds true for meeting a woman at the bar. I'm an alcoholic and give this advice.

 

I think that ideology kind of pertains to this discussion. Find a partner that blows your mind sexually that you equally impress. Then you can get into being a swinging couple (or finding a drinking partner). Until you make the commitment you can still enjoy swinging as a single.

 

If you don't naturally want to take a hiatus from multiple partners (as an adult, over about 22 I assume) and just develop a relationship with the one person, it's not a very good relationship. Anthropologists say most humans go through an "in love" 2-3 year cycle; about the time it takes for a human baby to go from conception to beginning to walk. So if you're not feeling strongly about someone early on, best to look elsewhere. We're designed to have an initial strong connection for the first few years. Whether we make babies or not, the same biological impulses drive us.

[MrkLin 393]

There are websites out there like adultfriendfinder.com and swinglifestyle.com that allow you to filter out people you're not interested in meeting. True, there are a lot more single males than females on these sites, but the single females are there. I've seen several profiles of single ladies looking for single lifestyle men. True, there aren't hundreds of them, but they are there. A quick search will confirm that. Check out these sites and register for free. Read a lot of profiles, and tailor yours to your wishes. Look at their interests, and respect their wants. If it says NO SINGLE MEN, don't reply to it. If their profile indicates single men are ok, drop them a line to introduce yourself. Best advice is to just be yourself, and reply to some of the profiles that interest you. If they are interested, they'll reply to you. If they're not, they'll let you know. Either way you can't lose, and it only costs you a few minutes of your time. I know a couple in our area that is looking exclusively for single men, and their profile says so. I know they can't be the only ones.

 

While I don't know any personally, only because we're not looking for single ladies, I do know there are plenty of ladies, and couples too, looking for single males. The problem for them is wading through the frogs to find the princes. For every single guy who is a genuine person who is sincere in his desires, and looking to form a relationship with a woman or couple, there are 1200 who are just out to find an easy lay, and are basically only interested in showing you pics of their cranks in the hopes of getting it wet. Ironically, it's been our experience that most of this type are already married, and are looking for a little on the side. You have to figure this approach must work, otherwise they'd have given up on it long ago. I guess it's that law of averages thing. For every 100 women you greet by saying, "Hello. Wanna screw?," you're going to find at least one who says, "Sure." It's unfortunate, but these guys have ruined the playground for everyone. Just be yourself, circulate, socialize, and explore. I know it isn't easy, but few things worthwhile are.

[JnCC 24]

Right you are JnCC, A girl that likes to fish is a keeper.

LOL...actually, the fisherwoman was a real cutie. Great profile, nice legs and rack, good job, etc. etc. In short, the perfect woman for somebody, it just wasn't me. For me, "fishing" means choosing between the "almond-baked grouper" and the "honey-grilled salmon."

 

Besides, can you even eat carp? Here in Kentucky, when somebody offers you "Road Kill Stew" they're not kidding! But I've never seen "carp" on a menu.

 

How about a web site for the single lady who is interested in swinging but would like to find a single male for a realtionship and swing partner. ...women and men would register for the site. Women are free obviously and men are too but the men can't send a message to women ever unless a woman sends them a message. If the male wants to read the message then he has to pay or pay to reply or something.

I think Swappernet effectively allows you to do that by blocking single males altogether. They can respond only to an inquiry by a couple or single female, which is probably as it should be.

 

If you've checked out any of the purely "vanilla" sites, you know there are clues that reveal whether a person might be interested in an "alternate lifestyle." Revealing pics in a profile are one obvious way (most vanilla sites prohibit outright nudity, but will permit bikini pics and cleavage). Some women make open references to "living a nudist lifestyle." That's usually a pretty good sign that they march to the beat of a different drummer. So is a picture of a woman in a "Hedo" t-shirt.

 

GoodTimes is right. No, or at most, very few, women would sign up on a site like you're describing, because 1) there are very few women interested in it (at least as a single) in the first place, and 2) the "good ones" don't need to sign up on them...they already have plenty of men knocking at their door, and they know how to cull the "fun guys" from the couch-potatoes.

[EternallySingle 32]

That site already exists. In fact, most sites are like that. They just aren't geared totally for singles. Its not a great setup because most women ARE NOT LOOKING ONLINE FOR SINGLE MEN!!!! I've gone out with two women who have ads on swing sites. One dumped me after I posted my picture on the site she belongs to (this is after we had gone out three times and she invited me over for the weekend). The other I see occasionally, like once every six or seven months after she breaks up with her current boyfriend.

 

Really, the easiest way is to just meet women through the normal methods and just see how open they are to swinging. Some do, but only with couples and other women. Some do, but they only want men as escorts and backup to clubs. Some do, but they quit swinging during the early part of their relationship with a boyfriend that also swings. Every once in a blue moon you might meet a single woman on a swing site that is interested in a boyfriend AND swinging with him. The swinging will almost always come first in those situations, and the boyfriend part much later.

 

It's all about patience. If you are not willing to work at gaining her trust, only her panties, that is all you will get. And don't think she will put you above her couple and female friends if that's the case. If you don't offer her anything but sex, that is all you will get. And she WILL get more than you if she swings regularly so...

[wayne55 15]

I am looking for a lady to explore this lifestyle with. Where is the best place to do this? I ma a fairly gooding looking guy and date often but I do not want to offend anyone. HELP!

[BradAndJanet 70]

Generally, it may be hard to bring up the subject while you're dating. Not impossible, but difficult to do without scaring a woman off. I'd look for someone who is open-minded about sex in general (which is great all by itself!) and then wait until you've been a couple for a while before easing into the subject.

 

Other thoughts, anyone?

[sexyshelby 19]

If you're specifically looking for women in the lifestyle, you may want to try one the lifestyle online ad sites like SLS.

 

But, I tend to agree with Brad, it may be difficult to talk to a woman you are dating about swinging. Then again, you may just find the "right" girl...

 

Good luck.

Let us know how it goes.

[WesternSwing 504]

Welcom wayne55. Our favorite single male was married in the Lifestyle at one time and therefore has been looking for someone that Lifestyle friendly, but it is tough, especially when you are just starting dating. I mean, how do you approach it? "Well, yeah... it's like this... you see... I like swapping partners... you down with that?"

 

But it can happen. We know some folks that are now a couple and he was in the lifestyle before they met. They are both in it now, she is newbie, but they are doing great. So keep looking.

[JnCC 24]

I am looking for a lady to explore this lifestyle with. Where is the best place to do this? I ma a fairly gooding looking guy and date often but I do not want to offend anyone. HELP!

Are you looking for a relationship with a woman who is "lifestyle-experienced" or at least open to the idea, are you looking for a woman who will be your "ticket" into the lifestyle, with little or no relationship other than swinging? The reason I'm asking is that the kind of woman, and where you'll need to go to meet her, varies quite a bit depending on what you want from her. Despite what you may think after reading some of the personals ads on the adult websites, there are no free lunches in this.

 

Basically, if you're looking for "quality" and don't mind spending a little time cultivating a relationship with a woman (it needn't be exclusive), Match.com is a pretty good place to start.

 

If all you want is somebody to fuck (or even more pathetic, somebody you really don't want to fuck, but that you'll contact because you think you might be able to "trade" her for somebody you do want to fuck), you can try SLS or SN. I've met women from both sites...but...

 

If I had to sum it up in 3 "rules," they would be these;

 

1) The quality of the swinging experience is directly related to the quality of the person with whom you enter into it.

 

2) The quality of that person is directly related to how much effort you put into finding and cultivating a relationship with them.

 

3) Having a "female companion" does not mean that most people in the lifestyle will hold you in the same regard they do other couples. Nor should it...there's a lot more to being a "couple" (at least in this context) than simply bringing a "date" or FB to a lifestyle party.

 

Oh yea, one last thing. (1b?) When selecting a lifestyle playmate, if you have to choose between "brains" or "body," choose "body." Just don't let her make a key to your house, or you might wind up needing 3 squad cars and a court-order to get her out. Ask me how I know this...

[dayhiker 83]

sexyshelby said:

But, I tend to agree with Brad, it may be difficult to talk to a woman you are dating about swinging. Then again, you may just find the "right" girl.

 

I'd think it would be a lot better to bring up swinging while dating that waiting till you were married and then trying to bring it up. There are some couples I've read that when it was brought up they both went ya, but I've talked to way more that one brought up it and the other thought their spouse was crazy! Some even took it as a major insult. My wife thought I was joking and then took it as an insult.

[wayne55 15]

Thanks for the info. I will act on some of the replies. To answer a question that was posted, I am looking for a "long term" relationship with a quality woman. Not a "ticket" as it was put.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

wayne55 said:

Thanks for the info. I will act on some of the replies. To answer a question that was posted, I am looking for a "long term" relationship with a quality woman. Not a "ticket" as it was put.

 

Unfortunately a lot of single guys will try to find a "ticket", since most swinger's clubs and parties don't allow single males (and for good reason).

 

In your case, the easiest way to approach this would be to make the rounds of the more laid back dating sites, like AFF, Matchmaker and others that don't heavily restrict what you can put in your profile, and set up accounts in each. (And yes, using swinger sites like SLS or CT can help, as you do actually find the occasional single woman on these sites who are not focused solely on other women. However, unless you are Dash Riprock, packing a ten inch Dick of Death and a well-packed bank account, you will have a rather long wait.)

 

I would handle this with a certain subtlety, simply including in your profile that you are experienced in the swinging lifestyle, and would like to meet a woman who either also experienced in the lifestyle, or at least amenable to the idea of getting into it with you at some point.

 

Use your imagination, but this is the gist of what you want to include in your profile, along with all the rest of the usual stuff you'd include as a man looking for a relationship, etc.

 

-- Bear

[fromdallas 15]

I have been swinging for 4 yrs and have been divorced for 10. my xwife and I didn't ever talk about swinging. When I finally decided to start swinging I went at it alone. I have dated some but never felt that the women I was dating were open to the idea. I have started to discuss my desires to the women I have been meeting and so far none of them have responded in a positive way. I felt that by being honest in what I am looking for sexually they would not be surprised when I finally brought it up later in our relationship. Good luck with your search.

[GoNatural 104]

Some do, but they quit swinging during the early part of their relationship with a boyfriend that also swings.

 

Actually that would be ideal for me. I'd be happy to quit for a couple of years if I knew that a potential life partner would want to swing later on.

[Guest]

Been a single male and trying to find a female companion that not only wants a loving and honest relationship but also to swing with you is really difficult!!!!

 

I actually find that:

 

NO: Maybe 60% of women will instantly say no and reject the idea of swinging.

 

SAYING YES: Maybe 39% of women actually say yes to the idea of swinging, when really they don't actually mean YES, they are just saying yes. I find (especially in the early stages of a relationship) that a lot of women say yes to the idea of swinging basically because they want to sound COOL. They want to sound brave / open minded / sexually exciting / they want to give the impression that they are not controlling or paranoid people / they want their new male partner to view them as confident and able to provide an exploratory sex life / basically they want to sound COOL so they say YES when in reality they really mean NO!! I have dated a fair few women who when asked about swinging / threesomes have very clearly said "YES" and that is sound fun, then perhaps 6 to 12 months later when you do want to make the subject a reality the women has totally changed their tune, now all of a sudden its a solid NO WAY and lots of defenses and barriers against the idea.

 

YES: Maybe 1% of women actually have the sex drive and desires to actually make swinging a successful part of their lives. That they don't just SAY yes, they actually mean YES.

 

 

Generally if I meet a new women and begin dating then virtually straight away I try to drop the subject of swinging / threesomes / group sex into conversation, simply to see how they react to the subject.

 

Please understand you DON'T have to ask a women if she would have group sex, you DON'T have to ask a women if she would consider threesomes or swinging.

 

To simply gauge their first initial response you simply have to say something like:

 

"I noticed a program on TV the other night that was all about swingers and threesomes, by all accounts its really popular now, whats your opinion of things like that?"

 

"My close friend asked me for advice the other day, he said him and his wife were thinking of having a threesome with a girl they know, I didn't even know what advice to give him, what would you have said?"

 

 

Honestly I have known women for like 15 minutes and dropped things like that into conversation.

 

NEGATIVE: If the women reacts really badly to the question, that she instantly screws her face up and says "Eeeewwww that's disgusting, I would NEVER do anything like that, are you a pervert, why even mention such a horrible subject, you should only ever have sex with someone you love (or male friends I have on my smartphone) but yes that is a proper perverted subject, I don't want to talk about that at all"

 

Then sure you ALREADY KNOW that this women is against group sex.

 

If the women really gets upset at you, starts calling you a sick pervert / sexual deviant you can simply reply by saying:

 

"Hey I'm sorry to have offended you, I wasn't asking you to do anything like that, to be honest I'm disgusted by the idea as well, you are 100% correct its perverted, its bad, its wrong, guess I was just wondering about peoples opinions, anyway sorry to have upset you have a nice night, BYE!!!"

 

In fairness you never did ask them for a threesome, you never asked them to join you in group sex, you simply dropped the general subject into conversation and see how they reacted.

 

 

POSITIVE: If a women hears the topic of group sex and replies by saying things like:

 

"Yeah that sounds cool, that sounds like it could be fun, yeah people are free to explore, I guess it could be good for the right couple, I have thought about trying that, yeah it sounds like a horny subject"

 

Then basically you already know this women is pro group sex, or at least not totally against the base idea.

 

 

If a women is instantly against the idea of group sex then I end that conversation or friendship very quickly indeed. If a women takes the general idea of group sex well then I will continue to date her and then slowly mention more about the idea in the following weeks / months.

 

 

To be honest however its really not easy, the vast majority of women who are positive about the idea still don't turn out to be swinging material, they might try it 2 or 3 times but soon lose interest, soon build up issues or objections, soon wipe the entire subject off the drawing board.

 

I would also point out that people who say they would "TRY" group sex, don't actually mean they WILL DO group sex. In many cases what they actually mean is they will TRY IT 2 or 3 times and then never do it again. There is a big difference between someone who says I'D TRY IT, to someone who says YES I WILL DO IT.

 

To be honest I'm sick of trying to find a female who will successfully allow swinging to work in our relationship, in my experience a lot of women just end up having massive problems with the entire situation, that actually its suppose to be a fun thing, that actually its like having your cake and eating your cake as well, its like getting double the excitement, but virtually every women I have ever dated just seems to bring the entire idea down in flames.

 

I find a lot of women are very controlling and jealous creatures, I have dated several women who have basically said THEY are allowed to fuck other people / THEY are allowed fun, but they can not ever do group sex with me because I'm suppose to be totally loyal to them, that the women can not handle me having fun with anyone else, but they have a phone full of male friends and sex buddies.

 

Its okay for me, but NOT FOR YOU!!!

 

I can fuck other people, but NO we can not do it as a team!!

[couplers 4,577]

When you're dating, whenever the topic of sex seems appropriate, just bring it up that you want to be in a nonmonogamous, swinging relationship. Most will walk out on you, but the ones that don't will be well worth it.