Does swinging always feel like this?

[2cute2care 15]

hi guys..im pretty new to this site..

 

My husband and I agreed about a year ago that we would start swinging together, this was his idea. So for the last year, I have had a handful of different men in which we have both been there and participated during the events. Well last night a good friend of ours came over with his girl whom is pregnant and they just decided that they wanted to start swinging. My husband and I agreed about two months ago that we would no longer swing as it was hard for him to find someone and he didnt feel right or like the way it made him feel watching me with other men, which is all fine to me, i was willing to stop. Then all of a sudden last night we were all sitting around drinking and they really wanted to experiment with us and my husband Ray was all into it, willing as could be and I just didnt feel right. We went in the other room to talk and he threw it at me that Ive had other poeple and I Just didnt want this because he was going to get someone. so i agreed to go along with it knowing that had i not of been drunk theres no way i ever would have. so we all in fact ended up switching partners and watching him with her wasnt really all that bad but now today that i am sober it all just feels weird to me.

 

Both of them are somewhat friends we hang out with every now and again and I dont know i feel right hanging out with them anymore. I dont even know why I feel liek this and my feelings are all kind of boggled on the whole situation. Dont get me wrong the other guy was good so I didnt have a bad time, but its just different to me now, like i dont know where our realtionship is going, if i should be mad at my husband for making me go through with it just so he could get some pussy, or mad at myself for ever starting to swing in the first place. is this just a normal thing after watching ur man with another woman for the first time? will it fade in time or am i just not cut out for swinging? I love doing it providing that i have been drinking but the next day it just keeps playing in my mind-guess im worried now that there friends they will do things when im not around and ill be left out or it will be a continous thing, i dunno maybe im being silly -any advice at all id appreciate it ..thanks

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think the timing was bad... That's to start. If you two had agreed to stop swinging, then certainly the two of you needed to agree to resume. The fact that he "guilted" you into it is sad. It sounds quite impulsive of both of you to play without taking a step back and reevaluating your involvement.

 

Had you waited a week, maybe all of you could have gotten together under better terms. Or not at all... Either way, both of you needed to agree - and that is not what happened. He played his "you owe me" card - and it doesn't sound like you expected that he would.

 

Also - the fact that you have to drink to go along with it - or enjoy swinging at all - is very concerning. Drinking to relax and get into the mood is one thing - but if you sober up and second guess yourself, you need to do a little soul searching.

 

Spoomonkey

[BettyAnnMBSC 24]

Does Swinging Always feel like this?

 

It does feel strange the first time you watch him with a woman. That aside, it seems to me that you're probably more concerned that he coerced you into it. Chances are that he's feeling guilty about the coercion too.

 

I've sometimes taken one for the team but usually prefer that when I say "no" -- that means that I don't want to play.

 

The least you need to do now is talk to him about it. Try to keep the talking calm and as unemotional as possible. Maybe some "when you xxx I feel/felt xxx"

 

[yawanna 17]

We ALL make mistakes in this... I mean..there are entire websites devoted to the discussions relating to swinging! aka here

 

I agree... talk to him. Tell him 'this was okay, this wasn't okay...'

 

Be clear. Don't blame. Find common ground and agreement.

 

We wish you well

[2cute2care 15]

i really agree with what spoomonkey said..i even said to him not right now, maybe next weekend cause i just felt so pressured with him blaming me that i wasnt being fair that i had other people and he hasnt yet, and i did feel bad about that-but we havent talked to these friends in prolly six months, they just showed up at our house unexpected sunday and i felt violated in a way if that makes sense..i didnt want to do anything i dont know i would say ever, but at that time because i felt pressured, insecure and i just wasnt completly into it. -- ive always in the back of my mind waited for the "you owe me card", and i always heard i would never get it , that we were closing that chapter of our lives(swinging) until way later in life, and then spur of the moment its reopened by his choice? i dont know, part of me feels so unfair to him cause i have had more partners since we opened this part of our lives, but in another sense i just feel violated too. i did talk to him and he just tells me he wishes it never happened becuase she was terrible and just laid there (the other woman)--not that next time i will have a say so other than everyone around me getting naked while i just sit there wishing anytime i would wake up from my nightmare.. he tried to blame me for kissing the other guy and riding him so hard that he and the other girl felt jealous...first of all i didnt even want to do this , then i get blamed im too good? i appreciate ur comments, thank u to all of u-i think me and my husband just lack a ton of communication about what we expect when swinging i just dont really know a clear way how to change that :\

[Alura 2,775]

Like Yawanna, I think y'all made a mistake and should not have played under the circumstances, but mistakes happen and it does no good to say, "Boy, if I just hadn't tried to stretch that amber light!"

 

I wouldn't put much stock in what happened. First of all, y'all can't change it. It's done. Put it behind you and go from here.

 

The place you should go is to a quiet, private place where y'all can talk this whole thing out. The first thing y'all must do is set the rules for the discussion. Please do that and get back to us.

 

Mr. Alura

 

PS: Consider this: If someone attends a public hanging for the first time, he's probably pretty apalled and heavily affected. Those who attend public hangings all the time get pretty used to it and are probably not affected very much at all. From that standpoint, yes, it gets easier watching your spouse as they are sexually involved with someone else. For some, myself included, it has become one of the things I look forward to most.

[Spoomonkey 421]

One thing I would add, based on your last post is this - don't feel guilty for getting more men than he gets women. That is an "even-steven" kind of mind set that isn't going to do anything but get worse. If you are into couples AND singles, then chances are, you are going to be with more men than your husband is with women. Couples are pleasantly challenging to find, single guys are easy, single females very tough. We've been with plenty of couples, quite a few single guys and one (ONE) single female. Mrs Spoomonkey will likely always be a few steps ahead of me. If I wanted to keep score, I guess I could say that she owes me - but that isn't what the lifestyle is about.

 

I enjoy the hell out of the lifestyle - and as Mr Naughty posted in another thread "[is] there was anything else we could add to our life that would make it better than it is now?" Keeping score just doesn't work.

 

Spoomonkey

[wildchld97 19]

I agree with spoonmonkey. My husband and I had the same problem when we started out. Men are always available and willing and I never lacked for playmates. Hubby told me that he really enjoyed seeing me with other men and I was more than willing to please...LOL. As time wore on however, I learned that he was feeling cheated because there is a serious lack of couples who allow their women to play with the male. I'm of the conviction that attractive single females who play with couples are merely a myth anyway. Hubby brought the fact up in a heated moment that he has *never* been with another woman...while *I* on the other hand have been with countless men. Luckily, we always agree on our encounters before hand and I reminded him that HE was the one who agreed and that I was only doing what WE wanted to do and we could have stopped at any time.

 

He *still* hasn't been with another woman yet, but we have curtailed our male (and couple) playmates to a select few. Sadly, the couples who are willing to play do not allow any contact between the men and the women and the ones who *do* allow contact...well...hubby just isn't attracted to them.

 

If I were you...I would definitely have a looooong talk with hubby and reevaluate the swinging situation. If it's going to cause jealousy, "scorekeeping" and bad feelings...it's time to stop until you both agree on what you want. You should NOT ever feel like you were being pressured into doing this just because hubby was getting a piece of the pie finally.

 

On a further note....drinking to excess and swinging do NOT mix. Sometimes you do things when you're drunk that you feel like shit about the next day....not to mention that when a person is drunk...they are NOT capable of making a responsible or rational decision. I've been there too and learned some hard lessons.

 

Let us know how things turn out!

[fun_pairTX 26]

wildchld97,

 

It is unfortunate that you have that mentality where you are located. For the most part here in Texas everybody plays or nobody does. Where we are concerned, everyone is playing or we are gonna put our drawers back on and move on.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Devils advocate here.

 

I think it depends on the true reasons why you did not want this to happen. In your original post you said part of the way you felt was because you watched him with another woman for the FIRST time. But you had other men.

 

If the reason you feel this way is because you just do not like seeing him with another woman but it is OK for you to be with another men, that is just wrong. Unless when you guys started swinging it was agreed that it would be MFMs only.

 

I do not know the whole sitiuation. But if you went into this with the idea of both of you getting some play with the opposite sex and only you got some before you guys stopped swinging I would have to think he feels like he got a little cheated on the whole deal.

 

From his point of view, When it didnt work for him with another woman he still let you have your fun but now that it is working for him and not you it is not OK.

 

Like I said "Devils Advocate" so please do not hang me in the town square for a flogging. Just trying to give a different point of view.

 

To take the popular side here,

 

The problem I see is you BOTH decided to stop playing.

Maybe he should have been more clear on the fact he would still like to try if the situation were to present its self.

 

There, Fair & balanced.

 

Be gentle everyone.................

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Be gentle everyone.................

 

:slam" flamethrow :slam" Just joking....really.

 

But on a serious note, Mr&Mrs. Naughty...coming from a single woman's view...

 

We're always talking about these "rules" and "boundaries." And you mention

If the reason you feel this way is because you just do not like seeing him with another woman but it is OK for you to be with another men, that is just wrong. Unless when you guys started swinging it was agreed that it would be MFMs only.

 

Why not? People change their minds all the time with new information, new facts, new experiences. To my way of thinking, even if one of the parties agreed to a particular situation but after that experience had negative feelings, what makes them "wrong" for changing their mind?

 

And he feels cheated because he may not have gotten his "play" time with the opposite sex? I honestly don't understand that mind-set.

 

How can any of us know how we are going to feel or react to any situation until we are in it? At best, we can speculate.

 

We sit here and read over and over comments along the lines of "I'm in this for my partner's pleasure, etc., etc." but your DA comments seem to indicate otherwise - more along the lines of what spoomonkey said...the tit for tat thing. You got yours, now I want mine. From the get go in this situation, he "threw it" at her on the spur of the moment...putting her in a tough situation.

 

I don't know...sometimes the facts, as presented, just seem contrary to all that we discuss on this board...communication, openness, honesty, sharing...and in all of those things it is implied that they will continue. This isn't a case of sitting down and putting things on sides of a balance sheet and saying, "OK. There. That's done." I see it as an ever evolving continuum.

 

flamethrow :slam" - No need. I've already done it to myself.

 

- EBF

[catinmobile 15]

PS: Consider this: If someone attends a public hanging for the first time, he's probably pretty apalled and heavily affected. Those who attend public hangings all the time get pretty used to it and are probably not affected very much at all. From that standpoint, yes, it gets easier watching your spouse as they are sexually involved with someone else. For some, myself included, it has become one of the things I look forward to most.

 

Now...thats funny!! Swinging and Public Hangings compared to each other. I dont know much, but I do know that is funny!!

 

In regards to the question at hand...It doesn't sound like you guys talk nearly enough about what both of you want and don't want. I think you already know that. Its not fair to either of you and you are heading for a train wreck if you do not change the way you communicate and how much you communicate. I think most everyone who has been in the LS for any length of time has been in an uncomfortable situation, but the couples who love this LS and will always be in it, are the ones who can make the best of a bad situation and talk about what went wrong. Damn, I am babbling.

 

Cat

[wildchld97 19]

Originally posted by fun_pairTX

wildchld97,

 

It is unfortunate that you have that mentality where you are located. For the most part here in Texas everybody plays or nobody does. Where we are concerned, everyone is playing or we are gonna put our drawers back on and move on.

 

We're movin' to TEXAS! Nah...lived there too but couldn't handle not having mountains around me.

 

Seriously though, I think we've just had a run of bad luck. Most of the couples that we know (and like) are "soft swingers"...play only between the women or play with your own partner which is fine, because hubby loves that.

 

I do feel bad for him though because the few times that the woman was willing and the man was ok with her swinging.... hubby was just not attracted to her...which is ok too. I don't want him *doing it* just because it's there and feel like crap afterwards about how desparate he was.

 

There was even one couple with an attractive wife that my hubby was finally attracted to where the man wanted *me* but wouldn't even consider my husband touching *her*. That night lasted a whole 15 minutes.

 

I guess it IS a "mentality" thing around here. My husband is very good looking except for a *little* excess weight...but he's not obese...but the only women around here who want him ARE obese and he's just not into it. I don't blame him because I'm not into obese men either. Nothing wrong with them for other folks...but it's just something that turns us off personally.

 

That's ok...we'll wait. When the right couple comes along we'll lasso them and lock them in our closet.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Why not? People change their minds all the time with new information, new facts, new experiences. To my way of thinking, even if one of the parties agreed to a particular situation but after that experience had negative feelings, what makes them "wrong" for changing their mind?

 

I absolutely agree. But the time to tell the partner that they have changed their mind is not when the other person is already there and are ready to go.

 

This all assuming the original agreement was MFMs only.

 

As far as not understanding the "got cheated" mindset.

 

I was thinking more along the lines of they were both looking to swap. She did a few times. He had not had any yet and the door to swinging was closed.

Once one person in the relationship decides swinging is over then its over. I was operating off the scenario that she got hers and then closed the door to swinging before he got his. I do not believe this was the case here. I think she said they decided together to stop.

 

Like I said Devils advocate.

 

Would I have done the "put her on the spot" thing?

 

No. But I always like to take a look at where both sides may be coming from.

 

I am definately not a tit for tat kind of dude. Mrs naughty has me beat by 6 to 1:fun: . But that is cool with me because the best part of swinging for me is watching Mrs naughty gets hersfacelick. I like to play every once in a while myself but its not as important.

[2cute2care 15]

I've read all the responses to this, and seems theres a battle amongst because of this issue, so perhaps I should expand. When we first started swinging, yes it was agreed I would get other men, have mfm's and that was all, UNLESS I and he both agreed on a couple together, then I had a couple handfuls of other men and we hadnt really found any couples that we both agreed upon, my husband decided he didnt like the way he felt after watching me with men, or that was what he said, i do believe yes he felt a little cheated, but we agreed to stop swinging, it would just be the two of us till way later in our lives when we both trusted each other completly and were 100% in love as our marriage was rocky. So now a few months later, friends we havent seen in awhile come over and this is the point we are to now as I am speaking of about all of a sudden its ok again. Both of us getting some wasnt the picture in the beginning, but had he of come to me at any time and said he really wanted someone i would have given that to him i love him with all my heart, and Im not bothered that he was with someone else, watching it-thinking about it--its all fine to me, im not upset about any of that. Im really just confused about the whole how it wasnt ok, then at his convience all of a sudden it is and i should just have to accept it. I talked to him last night and he him jumping the gun like that wouldnt happen again, but Im just sort of feeling like if this is how swinging is going to be, one of us says yes so now the other has to go along with it, then i dont want to....i dont think it should be about that, and thats why i came on here for advice, to see if i was overreacting or not, not to start a battle so im sorry if its come to that-

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by catinmobile

 

Now...thats funny!! Swinging and Public Hangings compared to each other. I dont know much, but I do know that is funny!!

 

Cat

 

HeeHee. It is funny, isn't it. I didn't mean it to be.

 

Actually, I didn't mean to compare swinging to public hangings, just illustrate that the human mind can get used to experiencing anything if we really want it to, or if we have to. If we didn't have that ability, getting men to fight wars would be impossible.

 

Hmmm. Maybe we can go somewhere with this thought...

 

Mr. Alura

[DandS 15]

2cute,

 

I've been following this thread and didnt really see it as a battle, just a good spirited discusion which I think is a good thing. It would be really boring around here if we all agreed with each other all of the time. And often times as these discusions occur someone will bring up a point or perspective that I hadnt thought of allowing me to maybe start thinking about something in a new or different direction.

 

After reading your last post I dont think you are over reacting. If swinging is something you are going to agree to do as a couple then you should not be put into a situation where you feel like you "have to go along with it". I think both parties should be comfortable and in agreement before entering into play with anyone else or it will cause problems.

 

Have you discussed how you feel with your husband? What was his response to your feeling pressured into this situation? Has he agreed to not put you into that situation again or not swing again until you are both comfortable and ready?

 

Mrs DandS

[2cute2care 15]

DandS,

I did somewhat discuss it all with him the other night yes. I tried my best to, but like most times he just seems to tune me out whenever i want to sit down with him because i have a problem with something. He takes things very different, is very carefree, unemotional alota times whereas things bother me alot easier and i always want to talk and talk and talk things out until im positive we come to a solution.

 

he said he doesnt feel he did pressure me that the other guy was the one who ended up talking me into it in the end. nothing about not swinging was mentioned--so yes i have tried tlaking to him but i feel like im talking to a wall, and since this incident we havent had sex at all, my choice more or less, but i guess i just in a way feel used by him, like i dunno why are we still a couple if were gonna live for our own benefit, ive been selfish during our marriage dont get me wrong, i am in no way perfect and to say ive been the best wife ever would be the farthest thing from the truth, and maybe him reacting to there invitiation like he did got me to wake up and see all of this, i dont know i know i love him im sure of that, i just wish talking to him came easier and he'd listen...

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

2cute,

 

Please do not think you have started a battle. I would hate for you to turn from this board.

 

What you started was a great discussion.

 

I have seen battles on this board and this definately is not one of them.

 

I hope you enjoy the board and stick around for a while.

I also hope that things between you and hubby work out for the best.

We completely understand the whole not being to find a couple thing. She clicks or I do. Hopefully we can get it to happen for both of us at the same time. that is our goal.

 

But I don mind watching her with other men. So that isnt an issue for us. So the single male thing is working for us right now and working quite well.

 

Has your hubby tried joining in during an MFM?

 

That is the way we do it. In a completely straight manner.

 

I dont like sitting on the side lines but if we are both working mrs naughty at the same time everyone is having a good time.

[Alura 2,775]

It always surprises me, so often when couples are having problems in their marriage, it usually boils down to communication. I think that's the case with y'all.

 

Twenty-four years ago, probably on our third (or so) date, when we decided we wanted to stay together, Mrs. Alura and I discussed how important it is to be able to talk, really talk, to each other. We agreed we never wanted to be afraid to talk to each other about any subject.

 

We made an agreement, shook hands on it in fact, that we would never get angry about any question that one of us asked the other and would always take as much time as necessary to answer it. We agreed that we'd not shout nor call each other ugly names.

 

Usually such questions are settled more easily than we'd ever imagined.

 

"What do you think of group sex?"

"It sounds like fun to me!"

 

I don't know if this idea will help y'all, but it sure has helped us!

 

Mr. Alura

[Lovett 15]

One thing that always strikes me about the posters on this board as well as swingers in general is their ability to communicate with their partners. After all the swinging concept is not something that you would bring up to your partner unless you had an open line of communication. The fact that you can talk about swinging in the first place should empower you to just tell how you feel. The same open attitude that lead to swinging will eventually fix your issues. Good luck

[Alura 2,775]

Absolutely, Lovett!

 

In my experience, if you can have no fear of pissing her off if you ask something like, "Would you like to fuck him?", you will have no fear of asking any question imaginable. Here's another example:

 

Mrs. Alura had left my high school class reunion early because one of us had to pick up the kids. Before she left we asked my old high school sweetheart, who was there alone, if she would mind taking me home.

 

On the way home, my old hssh made it plain she was sorry she had never fucked me in high school and would like to do it now. "I'd love to but I'll have to ask Mrs. Alura," I told her.

 

"Mrs. Alura," I asked, "Would you mind if I fucked Patty Louise?"

 

"Not if I can fuck Billy Bob at my reunion next year..."

 

This set off months of plotting and planning which Mrs. Alura and I thoroughly enjoyed. I'd hate to think what we'd have missed if I had been afraid to ask and she had not been honest in her answer.

 

Communication makes swinging possible. That's why you see a lot of it here.

 

Mr. Alura

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

2cute,

 

Please do not think you have started a battle. I would hate for you to turn from this board.

 

What you started was a great discussion.

 

I have seen battles on this board and this definately is not one of them.

 

 

I'm with the Naughty's on this one, 2cute2care. No battles...just discussion and throwing views and questions and answers back and forth. He's playing Devils Advocate and I am, too, on the other side of the coin. That's the reason for the smiley face things...and what I meant when I said no need for flamethrow or :slam" - I'd already done it to myself.

 

Now, I have some comments to make, but I need a nap first!

- EBF

[2cute2care 15]

well im glad i made way for a grewat discussion all of u have given me great insight and different aspects, ways to look at this matter, so thank you so much. you have no idea how much u have helped me deal with this and debating whether to talk it out with him or not, you all have made it easier in some weird way, so thank you. I will definetly stay on this board. ur right, communicate-the answers really simple to say just so hard to get across when interacting with another, but if were gonna keep swinging part of our lifestyle then we just gotta talk it all out--plain and simple. thanks again

[2neophytes 16]

"it would just be the two of us till way later in our lives when we both trusted each other completly and were 100% in love as our marriage was rocky."

 

Hey 2 Cute,

 

I have a few questions:

 

How long ago did this happen?

 

How long have you two been together?

 

What kind of relationship do you have with this other couple?

 

And what led you to pursue swinging, if the above quote is true?

 

Get back to us!

 

2N

 

p.s. and there is no battle; some of us just like to talk!

[2cute2care 15]

2N,

Got ur questions, here is ur answers:

 

How long ago did what happen? the incident or us to agree to hold off on swinging? the incident -- 5 days ago, when we agreed--couple months ago

 

my husband and i have been together 7 years married for 2 1/2 of those.

 

the relationship we have with the other couple is a lil hard to summarize. we have known the guy in the relaitonship for quite some time-the girl he is with now we really dont know at all as he just got divorced and starting dating her within this last year, but we have known him from before when he was married so id say a good 3-4 years or so.

 

what led me to persue swinging i guess was, my husband said he got off fantasizing about me with other men, he loved me and wanted to make it happen. im more of a freak in bed so two guys at once? come on more or less it all got the better of me and i accepted, havent ever had a bad time sexually so swinging just all kind of fell in from there.

 

we've had a rocky marriage. i wont hide behind walls and sit here and tell u its all been great, cuase thats not true, but to sit here and tell u why we decided to stop swinging all the incidents, could take forever and be really confusing unless i give details, so to sum it up we were one pen away from signging for divorce at one time, kinda tried working on it and got back together and thats when we agreed we needed to work on us as a couple before we swung with other couples.

 

hope ive answered all ur quesitons , talk to u soon

 

2cute

[2neophytes 16]

2 cute,

 

You and your husband have a lot of talking to do. Absolute trust is needed.

 

I had hoped that I would have enough information to really give you an insightful answer, but it seems as if you all weren;t honest with each other.

 

MArriage is a lot of work; it's not what the TV cracks it up to be. Though my partner and I are bound by the laws governing marriage, we chose to refer to our relationship as a domestic partnership. It is communication and negotiation.

 

If he's unwilling to talk, I can only guess that his feelings may be hurt. Hurt feelings make us do the strangest things and react in the worst ways. Only you know how to open him up, unless you all had trouble opening up before.

 

I don't know how much you're drinking, but it isn't the best thing for you when attempting to sort through things.

 

PLease take care of yourself, and keep us posted.

 

Good luck.

2N

[2cute2care 15]

you absoltuely right 2N! Hubby and I did talk through all of this last night, he had no idea at all how hurt i was i dont think-and he said if its ever going to happen again, we talk about that situation , couple, whatever were thinking of doing long in advance not mins before it could happen, that way theres no more spur of the moment things where i just feel left out, and if the time does come for a spur of the moment then he said i could bring it up if i was really interested--otherwise that night its not gonna happen.

 

as far as the drinking, its not fair to say were drunk everytime cause we have been sober when things have occured, i think we both just tend to be a lil more frisky and adventurous after a couple beers and thats why like this time it occured.

 

u live and u learn, thanks for ur insight.

[De and Ci 19]

I learned that he was feeling cheated because there is a serious lack of couples who allow their women to play with the male

 

What suprises me so much is statements like this. We haven't been with that many couples-but there has been no issue at all with playing with the women-it was expected. But I guess that's because we are also from Texas! We didn't even know there was a distinction between soft and hard till after we started playing around. We assumed all swinging was of the "hard" variety. We don't even consider the "soft" variety to be swinging, If a couple invited us over for a "soft" swing-we would say no. I mean-whats the point? Either we swing freely or we don't swing at all-none of this half-assed stuff. As a matter of fact I would like to do a MFM without worrying about entertaining another woman. But the club we go to only allows couples.

 

And what's the deal with these hubbies upset cause their not getting any female action? What the hell? I mean-if a couple doesen't want him, only her and he doesen't like it or if she is ugly-What in the heck are they doing partying with them in the first place? Maybe I have a lot to learn.

[WildFlower 17]

I will would feel wierd and awarkard in the situation you are describing. To have agreed not to swing and then have another couple show up and then swing with them by being made to feel guilty by your husband with him reminding you of the fact that you have had more action than him in the swinging lifestyle ( I don't think keeping score is a good idea) would most likely make anyone feel wierd and awarkard the next day. I agree there needs to be more communication and a disscussion on how to deal with such a situation like this if it should arise again. I also would feel used by the other couple. Did the guy of the couple know that you and your husband were in the lifestyle? Maybe he assumed you would go along easily with the sexual encounter. If he knew he should have talked about a possible swing encounter first and got both of your feelings on the subject, instead of the two of them showing up and springing into action without letting you and your guy discuss your feelings about it.

Sorry if I don't make much sense with my words here. Just trying to be helpful. Hope things work out.

[2cute2care 15]

no wildflower, u made perfect sense! i understand what ur saying completly..the other guy did know that we used to be swingers yes, so he just assumed i think more or less that it would be ok, thats why he came to us cuase they had never done anything with another couple and thought it would be more comfortable to do something with us--and i dont mind that it happened, im over all of it now at first i was just like WAIT HOLD UP, we said we werent gonna swing anymore and we didnt agree on it before they came, so i just felt soo left out..

[SluttyWife 17]

I don't like the score system you two are already keeping. Not a good way to begin swinging at all. This is supposed to be a "couple activity" right? You should never allow yourself to be persuaded to do something you do not want to do. Especially a game of tit for tat.

 

 

;-*

[BradAndJanet 70]

Originally posted by SluttyWife

... Especially a game of tit for tat.

...

Or tit for tit, whatever the case (sorry, couldn't resist )

 

We agree, swinging should not be a competition about who 'gets' the most.

 

2cute, I encourage you to keep talking with your husband about this. Best to ya!

 

-B

[Liquidplay 15]

well its been a little bit since you responded. How are things going now?

[2cute2care 15]

-to be honest i dont know, i hate to say great and turn around two days from now and have another breakdown lol..were talking more but i still think were a long way from where we need to be ---thanks for asking though c(:

[Liquidplay 15]

Well, do you even know what you want. I have read this entire post and kept quiet until now. The one thing I have seen a definite is that you seem to be unsure about yourself, as well as what your doing. You have to know and be solid about yourself before really getting into things.

[2cute2care 15]

well not to be rude but i think thats why i said WE STOPED SWINGING!!! IM NOT THE ONE WHO SAID HEY LETS GET BACK INTO it, had u of read my posts like everyone else on here since day one u would have read that part. why do u think i came looking for advice in the first place? i know exactly what i want, but im with someone who auto changes how things are thats why i started posting on here, please if ur gonna comment read my whole post cuase i dont think u understand at all.

[De and Ci 19]

2cute

 

Boy are you getting snippy? Liquid didn't say anything wrong! Just trying to give you his 2 cents. I suspect you guys have a lot more issues than just swinging. It sounds like ya'll were pursuing the swinging thing too eagerly. He was getting frustrated cause he didn't like any of the women who were willing, thought he wasn't ever going to find any. So it was easy for him to agree to stop. This couple drops by, the woman is willing and he finds her attractive. He changes his mind, and desperately wants you forgot about the whole "stop swinging" thing. You say yourself the guy was good and you had a decent time and I'm sure your hubby noticed you had some fun. He has a big letdown when you later tell him the whole thing was uncool. He probably hoped you had changed your mind. Anyway, I hope you get your relationship issues resolved. If you guys decide to swing again, take it easy and make sure beforehand you are in agreement about both halves of the couple

[Alura 2,775]

You can't change what happened. Were you harmed in any way? At worst, you seem to have had a decent experience. Would you want to play with the couple again?

 

Mr. Alura

[Liquidplay 15]

now see, there is a problem 2cute, you jumped to conclusions about the time period i was talking about. See. I was talking about now, and it seems you think I was talking about this whole time. Like you said you had a good time. You said that now you have talked, so maybe you are interested in getting back into the lifestyle, just a little more notice ahead of time would be appropriate. This also will prevent fights, because you dont just say, "Hey, he's hot, I wanna do him and I think I will do it tonight" and same for him. Now you can say "Hey, I think he's hot, I wouldn't mind.....or I would like to..." then that leads into the needed discussion that would prevent fights.

[2cute2care 15]

OK liquid, well then i was wrong -ill give u that im sorry..i cant honestly say what will ever happen again alura-cause right now i dont know..in some ways i think it would be cool cause they are a attractive couple but in the other sense, they are friends and i know if we continue to swing with them or something happens that any of the four of us finds uncool then we may very well lose a friendship over it, so right now i dont know if i ever do wish for something like that to happen again. but i agree IF anything was ever to happen again it would have to be talked out way before hand-

[ChloeandHubby 15]

Hi there cute, I have read all the posts from the first message and my heart really goes out to you. Swinging takes a relationship to another level and not setting paramters to you and your partners pleasure can be detrimental. It should never ever be used as a "scorecard" of you got 2 "f**ks" and I did not even get any etc etc..If resentment has crept in either take a good hard look at swinging and what you both want out of it or call it a day (and really mean it), thereafter talk, talk and talk some more....remember he/she is the most special person in your life and nothing or nobody should ever jeopardise that. good luck, Chloe.