What is the big deal with single men?

[shy_couple 458]

So much has been said and almost all of it true in our case. We don’t have issues with adding a single male from time to time BUT had many of the same bootie stories with rude, arrogant, wanna be “bull” types or guys coming on syrupy sweet trying to get into my pants, it’s such a transparent move and total turn off. Sure a good body, perfect smile, or big dick might grab my attention but if you are a jerk, can’t carry on a conversation, then I am not interested.

 

The fact, for us, is that there are so very few of the sincere guys who actually get it, there is just too much work involved in wading through the crap to ring the gem is so not worth the investment. A couple of years ago we gave up going to events that allow single males because of the stalking, territorial, harassment that goes on at parties that allow singles and ratios that get out of hand (mainly because desperate, lonely men (people), will try whatever it they can for a shot at sex and were rekey rant to control ratios or behavior, we just gave up. May not be as big a deal in Luger areas as our but getting to know what we want, don’t want, and wil/won’t put up with has brought us here.

[magnum 78]

I'm a single guy too, fit, clean, smart etc. I was lucky to have been asked by an old college buddy to a play date/fuck his wife. That relationship/play dates lasted for several years. Unfortunately, they are now divorced. I have not had any luck as a single guy on any LS sites. I would like to meet other couples to play with, but it is easier said than done, as a single male.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

During my first round at swinging, and when I returned to it five years ago I put up front that I am bisexual. it is correct that a lot of swingers avoid bi males, but I found early on there are more than a few who search out the genuine article. I've also found there are party groups that cater specifically to bisexual men and women. There seems to be a very different vibe or dynamic among that demographic. While the question of 'is he a jerk' is still asked, I'm contacted a couple times a year by couples looking for a second (or third or fourth male.)

 

When operating as a couple with a girlfriend bi males are usually our first choice when selecting men to play with. On the down side I am contacted by plenty of weird, boneheaded, creepy, and dickheaded men similar to the single women.

[Napoleon 230]

Couples( married or not) can be just as stupid acting as single men. I've cross paths with many stupid couples and stupid single men.

 

Also when a single woman in the swinger world does stupid rude things, it's ok and almost everyone turn a blind eye. But when a single man does stupid rude things he's punished ban by everyone, double standard.

 

Single men shouldn't get into the swinger world, they're going to be viewed and treated as second class citizens. And there's very few high quality single men in the swinger world because they're successfully getting with young childless vanilla women who 90% of the time are far better looking than swinger-women. If I was a single man, yeah sure it would be 10 times easier for me to enter a swinger club and get sex with a swinger-woman than it would for me to get sex with a young beautiful childless vanilla woman. Childless young beautiful vanilla women are the most beautiful, most in demand, most hardest to get, and well worth the effort over all other women.

 

Single men, unless you want to be treated as a second class citizen or you're pathetically desperate for sex, stay out the swinger world.

[shy_couple 458]

Many good points here.

 

We enjoy meeting single guys from time to time but our biggest problem is, in our experience, 80% of them don’t know how to act. They are rude, dominating, predatory, and can’t take a polite no thank you for an answer.

 

There are good ones who know how to act and understand their place when engaging with a couple. But, again in our experience, those are almost as hard to find as the the unicorn single females.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Shy, I agree with you. We have a profile on SLS, say we're into MFM and get contacted regularly. The number of men we invite to meet us for a drink is less than 10%; after ghosting, can't find a suitable time, etc. and the odd one where we don't like him when we meet him, the success rate is around 3%, I think.

 

But that 3% are great people . . .

[certero 28]

Many good points here.

 

We enjoy meeting single guys from time to time but our biggest problem is, in our experience, 80% of them don’t know how to act. They are rude, dominating, predatory, and can’t take a polite no thank you for an answer.

 

There are good ones who know how to act and understand their place when engaging with a couple. But, again in our experience, those are almost as hard to find as the the unicorn single females.

 

Just out of curiosity about how old are most of these guys who "don't know how to act"? We are very new to this but from what I have been reading its kind of surprising how some of these guys lack common sense. It is actually something I have been somewhat concerned about. Try that dominating,predatory rude shit over here and I'll drop someone on their head.lol

[Napoleon 230]

Funny how it's never posted how much of a disrespectful dumb ass couples and single women can be, it's always about how much of a disrespectful dumb ass single men can be.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Cetero, you ask, "Just out of curiosity about how old are most of these guys who "don't know how to act"?"

 

We've seen them from all ages. Of course, the relative immaturity of men in their twenties who are attracted to the fantasy of fucking Mrs. Robinson are in the majority, but we've had instances of men up into their sixties. The defining characteristics, I would suggest, is lack of sophistication and a racist/chauvinistic attitude.

[Manitobacpl 81]

We are newbies still but actively look for single men . It’s our thing . When emailing , the ones that reply with “Pics” get instantly deleted ...

[djjwp 129]

I would NOT want single men playing with us. I want them married and when we are done, they go home to their wife. I don't want some lonely soul hanging on us. Single people are usally single for a reason or two. Just IMHO.

[Fla-swing99 136]

We are a married swinger couple. This response is being written by the Mrs.

 

We have had numerous SM join us for an MFM which have turned out to be amazing. Very sensual, very respectful to both my husband and I, and truly understood the meaning of him being a SM joining us as a couple for an MFM. Everyone was involved and all different positions took place making sure the focus was on the woman from the two men. In the end everyone walked away happy. There are very few of these types of SM in the lifestyle that we have found, so when we do have the pleasure of finding one of the good SM we try to hold onto them as long as we can.

 

We have also had some not-so-good experiences with SM joining us for an MFM. These experiences consisted of the SM telling us what he knew we wanted to hear and involving all three in different scenarios which seemed very hot, but once we invited him over and play started, everything he told us his actions were totally opposite. He was more trying to monopolize me and limit my husband's involvement as if he was doing us a favor by joining us for an MFM and not realizing that he was not NEEDED by us, but was invited to join us for additional pleasure. He didn't seem to realize that he was there for OUR enjoyment as if he was a toy brought into our bedroom for the time being.

 

I am always interested in chatting with SM on a site because there are some good apples out there and just because we have come across some bad ones doesn't mean all the SM should get the same bad rap as those that are disrespectful, arrogant, and feel their entitlement to dominate the wife during an MFM. The good ones that you can/may come across are definitely worth keeping and enjoying for some hot, sexy, intimate MFM playtime.

 

A lot of SM will PM me on the swinger's site we belong to and I always give them the chance to speak with me and get to know them a little bit. Most of them start out great, but within 10 minutes of chatting they shoot themselves in the foot by stupid comments such as "I can't wait to fuck you" or "I will eat your pussy for hours and you will love it" or I am going to eat your ass and then fuck you so hard that you will be begging for more". Never once do they ask what I may want or if I even like what they are telling me they are going to do to me. It seems to turn into all about what THEY want to do or enjoy and no care or concern or consideration about what I want or how my husband and I may be picturing the MFM to turn out. They get eliminated immediately. I don't need any SM telling me what I want or like without even a consideration of IF I want or like that. Those are the arrogant ones that just are listed as a SM to join a couple for their pleasure of getting laid, and not for the true enjoyment of what a real lifestyle MFM for us should be.

 

There are plenty of rude and disrespectful SM out there, but I'm not willing to eliminate the entire field of SM because of those that don't know the etiquette of joining a couple as a SM in an MFM. If I were to do that, then I would be selling myself short on finding some of the truly good and respectful SM who are knowledgeable about what their role is when being invited as a SM to join a couple for a hot, fun, sexy MFM. I am willing to weed out the bad to find the good and hold onto the good ones as long as possible.

 

Bottom line is there are good and bad couples you will find, good and bad SM you will find, good and bad SF you will find, and depending on how you handle the bad situations that may occur can make a huge difference in how you approach your future desires in the lifestyle and hopefully won't limit yourselves by excluding an entire group just because of some that try and ruin it for the others.

 

Every situation can be handled the way you chose to handle it, but we have definitely found some very well respected, well liked and very sensual SM to join us and make some great memories with us in MFMs.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Fla-Swing, thanks for posting that, we could have easily told the same story.

 

Question for you: When you're initially chatting with a guy and he 'shoots himself in the foot' as you put it, how do you handle it at that point?

[Twistedmutt 17]

Oddball on both sides here. My wife and I liked MFM, I hardly played with other ladies at all preferring to have a good partner in lust help drive my favorite woman/porn star well into multiorgasmic. That caused a little tension with couples feeling offended and made most single guys more aggressive or cynical. Now with her entirely uninterested in sex from depression and menopause I'm the single guy. I'm not particularly handsome,or ugly, I'm not of the sought after minority of blessed packages and not the playboy who can wine,dine and gift. We werent quite so critical but most people now are. Add being painfully shy for a grown damn man and it's all mayhem and no myschyf for me.

[Fla-swing99 136]

Fla-Swing, thanks for posting that, we could have easily told the same story.

 

Question for you: When you're initially chatting with a guy and he 'shoots himself in the foot' as you put it, how do you handle it at that point?

 

Hello,

 

When they reach that point I tell them, in as nice a way as I can, that if this is how they are speaking and/or acting already before we have even met, that I don’t think they are the right fit for us for an MFM. I nicely tell them that it was great chatting with them up until the point of them saying or assuming whatever it may have been that rubbed me the wrong way and tell them good luck in what they are looking for, but that it isn’t going to be with us. Don’t get me wrong, I try to be as fair as possible, but sometimes they just push it too far too fast.

 

I try the polite way first, but if that doesn’t work I have no issue being as blunt and harsh as I need to be. I hope that helps answer your question.

[magnum 78]

I was contacted by the "couple", ironically, I went to college with the husband, his wife had never been with a BBC.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

A few further thoughts.

 

Married men are not single males. Experience, mine and others, make clear the risk of drama is high. I've met a few who genuinely have a pass from the SO, but its rare. Some folks I met can manage that, but that seems rare too.

 

With single men It may be best to look for the man with evidence of other partners, even if not current partners indicate someone confident & able to move on without unwanted attachment.

 

For the past six years I've circulated both as a single & a couple with a FWB type partner. Was usually partnered in earlier years. So, I have a small bit of experience on both sides of this. Appreciate the couples & others who invite the single man into their groups. Also appreciate the single men who played well with my friends and I.

[CythereaSkyclad 19]

Because a lot of single guys mixed in the Swinger life is not legitimate enough to know their boundaries.  Yesterday I get message by one on the SDC app as if he was ordering up a whore . He lets me know that the description he read offers up one on one sex and he would like to take me up on that offer to fuck some fine pussy. He is coming from Oklahoma on Wednesday and expects me to show up at such and such hotel at 3pm for some one on one sex.  Excuse me? I don't know you and this is not how it works. He messaged again we'll that is not what your description says and that if I do not obliged he would turn me in for false advertisement and have my account shut down. I finely blocked him.  He had the audacity to message me on a different swing account and harass me there too. Ended up blocking him off that account and turning him in. It's this attitude that will throw red flags and caution lights up on other single males.  Some how few single males think Swinger sites is a pick out any woman you want pussy buffet and just because he picked you . You are supposed to submit. 

[cplnuswing 4,712]

8 hours ago, CythereaSkyclad said:

Some how few single males think Swinger sites is a pick out any woman you want pussy buffet and just because he picked you . You are supposed to submit.

That is far too common an occurrence and it just tars the whole group.  For good single guys, yes, it sucks to be lumped in with the worst of the group, but that's how it is.  Just accept that going into it you are down at the lowest common denominator but then show them through your words and actions that in fact you are just the opposite.  Do that and  you will have a lot of success and make some great friends.  If you can't be bothered to do that or don't think you should have to, then you just reinforced the stereotype and made it that much harder on yourself and every other single guy.

 

Talk to just about any swinger couple that interacts with single guys and they can tell you more bad single guy stories than they can good single guy stories.  You can't say the same about other couples.  Sure, there are plenty you didn't hit it off with or whatever, and couples do sometimes show the same bad behaviors.  Odds are a lot less with couples though, and that's just a fact.  Couples get into swinging for fun, and having to police the single male ranks is not fun.  So, many choose to just avoid it.

[njbm 2,863]

We like to play with couples. I would play as a MFM if my wife wanted to do so. I have asked, she doesn’t seem interested. 
 

My college roommate used to say if you are going to a picnic, you have to bring your own ham sandwich. If another guy wants to do my wife, I want to do his, generally. Bring her along!

[AVeryBiWifeandHerGuy 6]

When we first decided to open up our marriage, she had been bi-curious for a long time but never had the opportunity to sexually explore with another woman due to her being raised in an extremely conservative and somewhat intrusive Catholic family.
 

We had been discussing our sexual fantasies a lot more frequently after we had gotten married and she admitted that she really wanted to explore sex with another woman and would love to experience it in a FFM threesome. We started talking about seriously opening up our marriage, discussing what we would be open and not open with if we did go through with it.
 

We came to an agreement and set up our first couples profile on AFF specifically looking for another bisexual woman who would be interested in joining us to help her explore her bi-curiosity. Of course since the main reason we were doing this was for her to experiment with another woman, we were not interested in meeting single men and stated it throughout our profile. And not to be surprised, we were inundated with countless messages from single men who didn’t even bother to read our profile. Oh and we also received awful, rude, profanity laced, condescending messages from single men who did read our profile and were angry that we stated we were not interested in them, sorry they lacked the wrong equipment.

 

We did finally end up meeting with a lovely single woman a couple of hours away from us and had a wonderful threesome with her. It led to her realizing that she was definitely bisexual and that we wanted to experience a lot more threesomes and possibly moresomes in the future with girl on girl play.
 

Later on when we were not having as much luck meeting other single bisexual women locally through certain adult dating websites like AFF, we started reading books, watching guides and videos on open relationships and group sex which led to us open our marriage even more to explore swinging through SLS and a few different local clubs in our area. And since the main reason we started doing this was for her to explore her bisexual side and get her same sex needs met, single men are out of the picture. We love playing with other couples but the female half has to be bisexual too so she gets her girl on girl fun!

 

Also because of the past experiences and rudeness we had with single men on AFF was one of the main reasons that led us to delete our profile there.

[Numex 2,386]

8 hours ago, AVeryBiWifeandHerGuy said:

We came to an agreement and set up our first couples profile on AFF specifically looking for another bisexual woman who would be interested in joining us to help her explore her bi-curiosity. .

.We did finally end up meeting with a lovely single woman a couple of hours away from us and had a wonderful threesome with her.

Good for you.  We thought that finding a unicorn would be difficult, so we didn't try.  When my wife wanted girl play, she just found a bi or lesbian girlfriend.  Now we only play within a set of married couples, but there's plenty of MFFs and FF get togethers and girl play.

 

BTW, we started in the lifestyle with my wife playing alone with single males, but they were both exes, so it was easy and comfortable for them and me.

[JessicaJamison 859]

On 4/29/2004 at 12:17 PM, fredandwilma200 said:

Here is a question that I have! Why are single men so outed in this lifestyle? I have seen alot of couples that say NO WAY to single men! I was just curious about this thanks!

The Hard No for single men come from couples where the husband also wants to have sex with someone new, he doesn't just wanna see his wife banged so he can have sloppy sex.  He wants new sex with a woman he has never been with before.  I fail to understand why this is confusing to a man that wants to fuck other peoples wives?