Who's gonna watch the kid(s)?

[Triumphs 16]

Like many we have met through the lifestyle, we are parents of a younger child. We agreed we would never have an encounter at our house, mostly because we don't want our son knowing our business. He's too young to stay by himself all night, so we are always looking for sitters and people to watch him while we go out. We don't have any family in the surrounding area, and there's other problems with that too... Hence, we're feeling a little aggravated; not at our son, but at the lack of availability of decent sitters...

 

What we have found, is that the only people we feel meet our prerequisites, are other swingers. (The fact that they understand our situation is an added bonus, and might even help reduce the cost of the hotel if we split the same room.) So we're tempted to offer to watch their kid(s) one night if they will watch ours the next, and this would probably work well since we live closer to where the clubs are than many we have talked to. (It's a Texas thing...) But we still feel apprehensive about it...

 

How would other parents feel about letting a couple you know swings watch your kids? It's a given, they would have to be decent people, but that's usually not a problem with swingers...

 

Would you be willing to trade off nights, provided it was convenient for both couples, of course?

 

Does anyone know of any alternative or have any suggestions for finding someone to watch the kiddo?

 

Thanks,

 

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

I think it sounds like a good idea. We have too young kids too. Luckily my sister is near, so we switch off watching each others kids. But if we didn't have any family near & we had friends that we thought we could trust, we would do it. It's good fro the kids too, to get to play with other kids. Just because the couple swings, doesn't mean they wouldn't be responsible people to watch your kids.

 

It's worth a shot! You both would benefit from it!

[DandS 15]

I think the question I would ask is do you know these other couples outside of the club or swinging environment? Do you know them well enough to trust them with your children?

 

If you know them and trust them I think it's a great idea.

 

Mrs DandS

[SluttyWife 17]

If I had children I wouldn't trust them to just anyone I know.

Had you thought about calling a licensed child care facility and asking if they could offer overnight care on weekends?

 

One way to bend their arm is to get all of your swinging friends to call.

 

Another option could be forming your own child care co-op, where you can set entry requirements for participating parents, say...all must undergo a background check, be certified in CPR/First Aid and provide a few references, etc. etc.

 

"Babysitting co-ops are a less formal type of child care co-op in which members babysit each other's children. A parent finds other parents in the co-op to babysit, either by calling them directly, or through a secretary. Parents gain "points" by babysitting other people's children, and spend points when someone else looks after their children. No money is exchanged. This type of co-op works best with six to twenty-five families."

 

--quoted from the B.C. Institute for Cooperative Studies

 

Good luck to you!

 

;-*

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I totally agree with SluttyWife here. In fact, I read this yesterday and started to respond, but didn't exactly know what words to use, so thank you, SW, for summing things up for me. (Maybe that's where that degree in Women's Studies comes in handy!)

 

Seriously, Triumphs...I understand the problems associated with childcare, but please don't assume that swingers are OK just because they are swingers....

 

Quote

It's a given, they would have to be decent people, but that's usually not a problem with swingers...

 

Swingers come from all walks of life...just like the neighbors on your street. Now, if you happen to meet a swinging couple that fits the bill for trust and safety...those sorts of things...great! Otherwise, assess your sitters just as you would any other person dealing with your child.

 

Are you near any colleges or universities? Sometimes those places have registries of students that have been checked out for babysitting. You might also want to check with day care centers. Often times, the staff in those centers pick up extra money by babysitting and background checks have already been done. Friends, neighbors, co-workers...do they have sitters they know and trust?

 

Just some ideas that might help....

[OhioCouple 40]

What an excellent question, Triumphs! And you have been given some excellent alternatives.

 

In my opinion, if you choose your swinging partners as carefully as you would who takes care of your children while you are away, be it work or play, then I feel it is a win-win situation.

 

While we no longer have children at home, those little monsters tend to pop in from time to time (unexpectedly) and we have had no qualms about them meeting those that are swingers (whether we have swung with them or not) as they share the same values that we do, in child rearing. In fact a couple of my children hold a high regard to another couple from this very board, that they have both met and in the case of one child and his wife, they were included in part of a vacation with their family.

 

If you trust these other couples, as we trust those we have met, I'd say, go for it. Less questions to answer as to where you are going, what you are doing and what time you are coming home!

[Triumphs 16]

The people we are talking about asking, are people we've met through the lifestyle. We, of course, would have to know them well enough to feel comfortable leaving our son in their care, and vice versa, but how much more can you get to know somebody? We are equally choosy about who watches our son, and who we swing with. We have met a few people in the lifestyle that we would _not_ want to watch our son, but then we don't want to swing with them either...

 

SluttyWife: Thank you, that is an excellent idea, and I think we may just have to see if we can get one started.

 

Thank you all for the replies. They have all helped us...

[leftcoastcouple 32]

Don't have much to add in the suggestion department--sorry!--other than that we'd agree that whether or not people swing is irrelevant to whether you'd trust them enough to let them watch your child, especially overnight. And as you point out, if you do, then hell, you've got the added benefit that you don't have to explain why you'll be out all night.

 

We'll be watching this thread closely, because we need an answer, too--for swing dates in the future, but also because we frequently take in live music that keeps us out until the wee hours of the morning. Thanks for asking the question!

[meowkittyhascla 17]

Oh, this thread brought back memories of trying to finding babysitters! We were fortunate that we do have family that could watch the children over night, but there were always times that they couldn't. We even decided to take a break from the lifestyle until our oldest was mature enough to watch her sibling. Sometimes it is good to have a teenager in the house (I never thought I would ever think that!)

 

The one thing we did do, was go to the school and ask for a list of responsible young women who had shown an interest in babysitting. Since this is a small town, this is a small service that the school does. We found a wonderful sitter who had gone through babysitting classes, cpr, and red cross first aid. Our only problem was she was in high demand and we had to plan a month ahead. I don't know if other schools do this, but there is also Family Services that has list of Daycare Providers. I hope everyone finds the services they need...and remember, Pay your babysitters well...even a little extra. We always made a point of paying for their gas if they drove themselves. Once you find a great babysitter, you don't want to let them get away! Have fun.

 

Hugs and Kisses from MO!

[KentuckianaCPL4 16]

We have several swinging friends that we would no worries about leaving our children with.

 

But we are lucky and have family close by and they just love watching the kiddos.

 

Regarding the Babysitting Co-ops. Our local hospital teaches a babysitting class every month. Generally for teenagers but is open to everyone. It includes basic first aid and CPR.

 

Check with your local hospitals and see if the do something similar.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The idea of trading off with other swinging couples is great. Do any of the couples have older kids? Maybe you can get the older ones to watch the younger ones and then no one has to stay home.

[caveman 15]

SluttyWife said:

Another option could be forming your own child care co-op, where you can set entry requirements for participating parents, say...all must undergo a background check, be certified in CPR/First Aid and provide a few references, etc. etc.

 

"Babysitting co-ops are a less formal type of child care co-op in which members babysit each other's children. A parent finds other parents in the co-op to babysit, either by calling them directly, or through a secretary. Parents gain "points" by babysitting other people's children, and spend points when someone else looks after their children. No money is exchanged. This type of co-op works best with six to twenty-five families."

 

--quoted from the B.C. Institute for Cooperative Studies

We had an excellent co-op in TN, and I agree you should look into starting one if there's not one near you.

[northindycpl 32]

I think with anything else, swingers or not, who you trust your kids with is your business. I agree with SW that just becasue they are swingers doesn't mean they are good with kids. (or decent people)

 

I know a few swingers that aren't either.

 

However, we have made great friends that we know and trust. We see them regularly for play and just for socializing. Our kids are similar ages and they have similar values as us. We have left our kids with them and vise versa.

 

I think this is an exception and not a rule.

[funtoplay 15]

Here's a thought....If you wouldn't trust another swing couple to watch your kids....why would you trust them enough to swing with them? All the couples we have met in the lifestyle (with kids) are excellent parents....and we wouldn't hesitate to leave our kids with any of them....if the situation arose.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

If you wouldn't trust another swing couple to watch your kids....why would you trust them enough to swing with them?

 

It depends on what you are "trusting" them with. Some people are really good people, fun to hang with, etc, but aren't good with kids.

 

Hell, I'm one of them.

I don't pay enough attention to them, thus allowing them to get into "trouble". I was once charged with watching my daughter and two nieces. Well, there was a ballgame on, I got involved watching it, and when I finally remembered I was supposed to be keeping my eye on them, I went to look for them and found them on the roof of the house Thankfully no one got hurt, but I did turn off the ballgame.

 

That doesn't make me a bad swinger, just a terrible babysitter.

[Justwatch 15]

(Mrs JW) The only drawback to swapping babysitting duties with another swing couple is that you won't get to swing with them!

 

For our attempts so far, we've used non-swinging friends to sit.

[socalers 29]

hi,

 

We have two small children that mean more to us than anything. As we get closer to meeting our first couple, we are starting to run into some minor difficulties with child care. We have no family where we live so that is out. We have friends that would be more than willing to take them but we hate imposing. babysitters we've met usually have to be home fairly early.

 

I was wondering how other parents in the LS deal with these difficulties while at the same time maintaining their privacy?

 

Thanks for the help!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We are/were in the same boat with no family living close, and finding child care is always a hassle.

 

Two tips that worked for us.

 

The best babysitters are teenage girls just barely young enough to not be seriously into dating yet. Poll your circle of friends and acquaintances and see what you can find. Look for someone mature for their age (which is why girls are a better choice at this age than boys IMHO) and responsible, and then just have them babysit overnight. (btw, your kids will probably love that, pretty soon they will be asking when you are going away overnight again ) Especially if her parents live close by, she will probably be comfortable with that, so will her parents, and so will you since she has some trusted adults to call upon that are just a few minutes away if need be. Problem with that is, they don't last long. Give them another year and they have their own active social life to maintain, so you have to start all over to try to find another good one.

 

Especially when your kids get a little older, then sleepovers are your friend. Host plenty of sleepovers, and in turn your kids will get invited back, and there you go. Swingers aren't the only parents that need overnight babysitting, so pretty soon you will probably have someone to call upon should you need a kid-free night as long as you return the favor when they need the same.

 

It's a hassle and takes some advance planning, and when you get both couples in the same situation, then finding a date that works for everyone may take months, but just be patient and it's doable. Good luck

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

cplnuswing - nailed it, great advice. The only thing we can add is that overnight sitters can cost a fortune for professional sitters. So if you can find some teens that need the cash, are motivated and responsible, that is the way to go. Even then is not cheap but can be half, or less, what a professional sitter charges. For overnight sitters in the teen category we prefer to find ones where we know or can get to know the parents as well.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Here's an idea that some of our friends used years ago, wish we could have done it. They put an add in the local collage paper for a full time sitter/house keeper. They had an extra room in their basement and traded light house keeping and sitting for their 3 small children in exchange for room and board. They found a wonderful young woman who was great with their kids, she was majoring in early childhood development so the fit was perfect. The relationship lasted for 3 years until she graduated and then they repeated the process but had the advantage of having the first live in find and recommend the next one.

 

When our kids were young we didn't have the extra room but we did put an ad in the local collage paper for sitters and found quite a few that way who were responsible enough to leave with our kids over night. and at a better cost than professional sitters.

 

Hope this helps.

[socalers 29]

Thanks! We have our first meeting ever with another LS couple tomorrow. Found a sitter to watch them for a few hours. One of the other problems that we are going to run into is what to tell our sitter about where we are off to.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

We always used the "date night" Lots of couples do this one night a week or a month they go out for dinner, a show, to a BBQ at friends. Evern after we started swinging Leah and I would have date nights where it was just the two of us getting a room and staying away all night.

[a_d_xxx 663]

We've been doing a weekly "date night" since our first child (now in their teens) was done breast feeding. We currently have a standing reservation with a retired woman who lives in the neighbourhood to babysit and that works exceptionally well.

 

Since we started exploring the LS, we've just added the occasionally (i.e: monthly) "extra late" date night ("We're going out for dinner and dancing with friends, we're going to be quite late tonight"). Our babysitter is happy to get the extra hours.

 

D

[MN Tom 251]

We exhausted the supply (very limited since most kids nowadays either dont work or have jobs it seems) of neighbors who can babysit, and family we use sparingly, so we ended up using local babysitting websites to find some sitters.

 

Most of ours tend to be college gals, and while it's not cheap (7-10/hr) at least when they are that age they dont have the driving restrictions at night.

 

We talked with many of them, filtered through some, and then have used about 8 different gals up to this point. Only a few are repeats, not due to them being bad per se, but moreso that most tend to have jobs too and they end up being scheduled for work on weekend nights. Also some are looking for nanny jobs, and when they get one, they stop doing other sitting.

 

Babysitting is always a struggle for us, but it's doable. We usually have sitters over here from ~7pm -2am. Overnight sitting we save for family once a month, although there are some sitters you can pay for that too.