Hosts cancelled party because guests were intimidated by wealth

[SnSnLex 15]

Heres the story...

 

We were invited to a party not long ago, it was to be 20 couples or so aging in range from mid 20's to mid 40's. The hosts are early 30's. Sounded like our crowd, so we RSVP.

It gets to be a couple days before the party and we hear from the hosts (had been chatting regularly the 2 weeks prior also) that they decided to cancel the party because everyone who were invited had backed out except us and one other couple. We were shocked to say the least.

Being the person I am(MR.) I had to ask why. Well it turns out that when everyone asked about sleeping arrangements (we hadn't, since we only live 15 minutes away) they were told space wasn't a problem due to them having a 25 room house and 14 of those were bedrooms:eek: The whole time we had chatted, they never once led us to believe that they were that well to do. We thought of them as just another very nice couple, and still do.

 

After a bit of chatting we just figured that people felt intimidated or outclassed, or I'm sure someone here might have a better word to describe it.

 

What do you all think? Would you like to know ahead of time about these things? How would of you felt if you didn't know and showed up to see a 13,000 square foot house?

 

After me and the Mrs. talked about it, we decided that if we knew ahead of time that we might of declined the invite.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Not me! I've never seen a 25 room house and would love to have the opportunity. WOW!

 

Right off the bat, I don't think they would have invited you had they not wanted you to come. Then...how many people could they list among their *friends* - lifestyle or otherwise - if the criteria was that the friends had to have similar or equal living arrangements? Not many, I suspect.

 

Class has nothing to do with money, IMHO. It has to do with attitude and demeanor. That's my take. If they invite you to another party later and you want to go...GO. And hold your head up just as high as you would if you had won the lottery.

[leftcoastcouple 32]

While I do think "class" is the wrong term, because it obviously has nothing to do with income level, I do know how you feel, Sam n Stormy, and I suspect we'd have declined, too, if we were in your situation.

 

I agree with EBF's points, yet--call me cynical--I'm always suspicious about the motivations of those who can basically have whatever they want.

 

My wife and I enjoy a comfortable lifestyle and have a household income that's well above average. Yet, we aren't into traditional creature comforts, nor do we appreciate flashy displays of wealth--particularly not to the degree that you described. Part of the reason is that we're simple people. But it's also the fact that even at our level, we have assumptions made about us based on our income.

 

And while it's true that not all "rich" folks are snobs, they definitely (Warning: Generalization ahead!) look at life differently. It's inevitable. Having a lot changes your outlook on life.

 

Of course there are exceptions, but we've seen it in our own social circle among those with considerably less than the folks you encountered.

 

Others will argue, but we're in your court. We'd have no problem playing with folks who were dirt poor, but we'd be quite wary about those on the other end of the spectrum.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I posted awhile back on the subject of "Do rich folks swing" and wanted to know if anyone has swung with any.

 

There was a lot of fun talk, but nothing came down to fact--as I recall.

 

Your situation proves to me that, indeed, there are some monied people into the lifestyle.

 

As for class to go along with it...I agree wholeheartedly with EBF, class has nothing to do with money.

 

I MOST DEFINITELY would accept an invite from someone who's got that many bedrooms...I'd play in each bedroom if I could.

 

Hope you get another opportunity. Keep in touch with these folks, and with us on the board! Please, please!

[fun_pairTX 26]

CLASS IS AS CLASS DOES.......................

 

In my course of business I interact with people that come from a myriad of means and backgrounds. Don't be intimidated, we have met people with no money to speak of that are true ladies and gentlemen. We have also met people with scads of money that are absolute boors. It is the person and not the wallet that counts.

 

An interesting character is the "Old Money" type. I grew up in a small Massachusetts town that was founded in 1621, incorporated in 1628. There are families there that are descendants of the founders and have been existing on the interest drawn on the family money since the mid 1700's. 99% of these people have had real money for so long that they are in no way impressed with it, it means nothing to them. They have their pet charity projects and very few outside their circle know what they are, as they would be embarrassed if the news of their involvement ever reached even a local newspaper. Their business activity usually amounts to working behind the scenes in real estate development of some sort, usually commercial where a front company bears its own name and takes the credit for what is done. Their dress doesn't belie their demeanor as they usually wear clothes that they purchased from LL Bean ten or 20 years ago, that stuff never wears out or goes out of style. My dad knows a fellow back there that paid for a hospital wing and still sits around the locals coffee shop in boat shoes that are held together with duck tape. It takes all kinds. Don't ever be fooled by the wrapper people come in.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Quote

Originally posted by fun_pairTX

CLASS IS AS CLASS DOES.......................

 

Don't ever be fooled by the wrapper people come in.

 

I understand what you mean, leftcoastcouple, and being a person of less than - what shall we say..just maintaining...I really like what Fun_Pair said. Those wrappers vary just as much as the person under them.

[SnSnLex 15]

Great posts everyone

 

I forgot to add one detail in the post above.

 

They are relative newbies, they have been in the lifestyle for only about 7 months and this was to be their first house party. It has kinda put them off a bit, but they do plan on trying again before summer is over and we WILL be attending:D We've got to know them quite a bit better since the original invite, and realized that they are really nice down to earth people who we like!

 

Thanks for pointing out class and money don't go together all the time, It was in the back of my head, just couldn't get it out.

[biblonde 22]

IMHO...money means nothing! We have played with people who have no money to people who have way more than us. (we live pretty comfy..not rich but comfy) I wouldnt care if they had a shack or a huge house! If they are nice people, good personality, and click with us...then we would play. Ive meet rich that are stuck up and rich that are so down to earth you would never know they even had money. As for a huge house as being flashy..i dissagree. Maybe they are proud of their hard work and this was a dream for them....everyone has the right to dream. If they were being flashy about it then at first they would have bragged and bragged about what they got. It doesnt sound to me as if they did that...only when asked about sleeping arrangments. They seem to be down to earth from what i am reading. I wouldnt let what they have scare ya away!! could be fun! best of luck!! my 2 cents for the day!

[NewTemptations 54]

We would never ever judge anyone according to income level, house size etc. Its all about personality and attitude to us. I cant ever recall a time where we have asked anyone how much money they make, how big their house is etc.

 

Either we like someone well enuff to party with them, and would trust their judgement on the other people that they have chosen to invite to their party and we would accept the invite, or we would politely decline if something with their personality didn't click right with us.

 

As for the reason why so many declined their invite.. perhaps a few that had been invited happened to live a substantial distance away and did ask about sleeping arrangements. and even tho there was ample room, maybe the drive etc just didn't happen to fit into their personal schedules that weekend.

 

You have said in a post that this couple is fairly new to the lifestyle and this was their first attempt at hosting a house party. After being in the lifestyle for awhile and helping other friends plan house parties plus hosting our share of parties too we have found that it takes real effort to get the number of people you are aiming for at a party. Some people simply have other plans and politely tell you so, and quite a few people (unfortunately) rsvp to say they will be attending and then do the no show thing. We have found that once you figure out how many people that you want at your party, its always a good thing to invite TWICE AS MANY....then if you are lucky you will end up with the number you were looking for

 

Laura

[GFandME 17]

unfortunately most (not all) people judge by what they see and NOT what they hear or know.

 

I make a good living, not huge but nice. I have a small house and no bills. I can afford what I want and one of the things is a nice car. I have heard all kinds of remarks from people who dont know me or ever heard a word outta my mouth....you'd be surprised how bad they can be.

 

You would never know it if I drove up in my 98 pickup truck though and saw me in my old jeans and t-shirt...AND certainly NOT from my attitude.

 

I'd NEVER drive it to meet a couple in fear of what they'd say or think before meeting us.

[Alura 2,774]

There's an old western song about a cowboy who accepts a challenge to ride a bronc that "has never been rode" named "The Brute." There's a $1,000 reward for any man who can ride him.

 

Not only does the cowboy ride him, he does it bareback while wearing a "continental suit" and smoking a freshly-rolled cigarette.

 

Here's the last verse:

 

The moral of this story: Never judge by what they wear.

Underneath them ragged clothes could be a millionaire,

Everybody listen, don't be fooled by this galoot,

A sure-enough bronc rider in a Continental Suit.

 

Back in my mid-twenties I was working as an insurance investigator for a company in Albuquerque. One day I had a case in a small town south of there and ended up stopping for lunch in a local diner.

 

I chanced to sit at the counter next to a cowboy who had obviously spent the morning in close proximity to a lot of horse and cow shit and done a lot of sweating. Turned out he'd been breaking a horse.

 

We talked "cowboying" and horses for awhile and he asked me some questions about myself, schooling, jobs I'd had, etc. Just before he paid for his hamburger he said, "I reckon I could use a young man like you if your lookin' to work."

 

I had no interest in punching cattle any more so I thanked him for the offer but, "I reckon I'll keep on with what I'm doin'." He got his change, left what I thought was a generous tip for a bronc buster, and walked out the door.

 

As I was paying my bill, the waitress asked, "Did I just hear you turn John down when he offered you a job?"

 

"Yes, Ma'am. I don't reckon I want to punch cattle or work horses any more."

 

"Punch Cattle? Do you know who he is?"

 

"Well, no ma'am. I guess he's a foreman on a ranch nearby."

 

"Well, you're almost right, Cowboy. He owns the biggest ranch in these parts. But he also owns the bank on the corner, the Chevrolet dealership across the street, and several other businesses including this cafe. He's not looking for a cowboy, he's looking for an assistant."

 

Mr. Alura

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It seems odd to me that they were having a party and so many people were coming that they didn't already know well enough for them to know how well off they were. But that being the case that it sounds like most of the potential attendees didn't really know the host couple very well perhaps they felt it forward that the couple had them staying at their house? Rather than offering up other suggestions? Did they give the option of other places to stay and then also say "but hey we do have plenty of room here and everyone is welcome to stay here if they would like?"

[SluttyWife 17]

Originally posted by GFandME

You would never know it if I drove up in my 98 pickup truck though and saw me in my old jeans and tshirt......AND certainly NOT from my attitude.

 

Id NEVER drive it to meet a couple in fear of what they'd say or think before meeting us.

 

We'd drive the old circa-1990's pickup on purpose if we were you two.....as a gauge of sorts and as a measure of protection from "fake friends".....

 

 

We've partied and played with millionaires and multimillionaires

and can tell you that the truly upper class and the truly poor have *one* key thing in common...they don't have to prove a thing

to anyone, nor do they care to.

 

Mind you we have a few (truly wealthy, truly poor) in our family as well!

 

Keep 'em guessing.... that is a real measure of class.

And think of all the energy and money saved!

 

 

;-*

[Chemistry_0518 20]

This seems to be a case wherein everyone was judging the book by its cover. It could possibly be that the house was the result of an inheritance and they are in hock up to their eyeballs. The point is that they thought enough of you to invite YOU to share what was to be an enjoyable time with them. Accept that for the spirit in which it was offered. For all you know, when you arrive you would have found a house with the barest of furnishings and lots of mattresses on the floor.

 

I would suggest that you support these new friends and ensure that you would attend the next offering.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Chemistry, you have prompted me to speak out about something I've been thinking about posting whilst standing on a soapbox.

 

That is, my concern that there's a biased attitude against people who have money and show it in the choices they make through how they spend it.

 

I've seen mention of the "old rich" wearing tennis shoes with Duck tape, suggesting you never know who's wealthy by their choice of attire. I realize this. So what is the point? I'm not going to swing with someone just because they are wealthy.

 

When it comes to swinging, if by chance, I find chemistry with people who have an outstanding home, or hot tub, or pool, or boat, or whatever money affords them that I can't afford, I'm not going to pooh-pooh how they choose to spend it.

 

Chemistry, so glad you suggested looking at the people with the house full of bedrooms in a new light. I, too, have known people who inherit homes they can't fill with furniture because their income won't permit it.

 

There are perks to money. And I find those perks can be a big , sexy , turn-on for me when matched with good people I like and respect.

[Chicup 41]

Living in the Midwest there are a LOT of RICH people, who you would never know as wealthy looking at their house/car. Looking rich isn't something that most people get into here.

 

Secondly, most American's wouldn't know poor if it kicked them in the ass.

 

That being said, its just about personality. I know a man who is worth over 500 million, and he is a nice and down to earth man. He has his issues, but on a personal level, money isn't how he judges.

 

I know people up to their ears in debt so they can live in an exclusive and overpriced suburb (where if they moved 5 miles away they could get twice the house for the same price with less taxes) and really get off on it.

[GFandME 17]

Slutty Wife, I agree and will certainly do so

[SnSnLex 15]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

It seems odd to me that they were having a party and so many people were coming that they didn't already know well enough for them to know how well off they were. But that being the case that it sounds like most of the potential attendees didn't really know the host couple very well perhaps they felt it forward that the couple had them staying at their house? Rather than offering up other suggestions? Did they give the option of other places to stay and then also say "but hey we do have plenty of room here and everyone is welcome to stay here if they would like?"

 

Julie, they offered a room to anyone who needed or wanted one for the night as well as letting people know that there were 5 hotels within 3 miles of their house. We wanted to ask them before replying so that the facts were stated and not our assumpitions.

 

I think everyone is right when they said it was probably other factors that also played into attending or not.

 

Thanks everyone, you have put our minds at ease shared some good outlooks.

 

:claps:

[dave_susie2001 15]

To me, it isn’t about how rich or how poor someone is. It isn’t about the choices they make about what or how to spend their money. It isn’t about the hot tubs, boats, cars, or homes that someone has. What matters to us is attitude and personality yes, but also how much they are like us.

 

This is an example of what I’m talking about. We meet a great couple at an off premises party. We end up hooking up with them and have a great time back at our hotel room. We see each other a few more times at the same party (held every month) and sometimes we hook up, sometimes we don’t. Before one party, they call us and ask us to join them for dinner before we head to the club. Of course, we accept. Turns out they wanted to eat at the 1913 room of the Grand Hotel where the soup costs $20.

 

Well, not that we couldn’t afford it (although it would have put quite a damper on our dining out budget for the next several months!) we thought more along the lines of Applebees. The other couple was gracious enough to compromise and we ended up eating at a moderately priced place.

 

During the party, they mentioned to us that they were going to Boyne Mountain for a ski weekend and wanted to know if we wanted to come up with them. Again, not that we couldn’t afford it, but we saw where this was headed. Good times with good people and LOTS of money being spent by us that would be better spent somewhere else at the time.

 

These people are some of the finest that we’ve come across in the lifestyle. But our financial status didn’t allow us to enjoy the same things that they did on a regular basis. Their money didn’t stop us from seeing and partying with them, nor was it the lack of funds on our part. It was the fact that we just enjoyed different things. I think people just want to be around others that are basically the same as they are.

[lookin_forfun65 16]

Going to posh surroundings wouldn't intimidate me in the least. People may have money, but that doesn't mean they have class.

 

Here's our story.

 

We had been exchaning emails with an older gentleman who regularly hosted swingers parties on his house boat on an exclusive lake. He invited us to a New Year's Eve party. We went and after getting the okay from him, invited a single female friend of ours.

 

He asked us to bring some Boar's Head ham (he said for us to specifically bring that brand) and a few other things. We prepared our coolers and packed our bags - it was to be an overnight trip as this lake is 3 hours from our home.

 

We arrived on time, but the party was already going - we walked in to a room full of naked, half-naked people who were already obviously already comfortable with each other.

 

We settled in, started to chat a bit with everyone. It was quickly evident that "Sam" (name changed to protect the guilty), the host, was very drunk.

 

He quickly started asking questions about my female friend and myself, how often we played with each other, etc. We explained that we didn't have that sort of relationship, she came along for some fun - of her own making.

 

Sam moved closer and closer to me, and very quickly, I felt his hands down my shirt. I politely removed them, and told him that I was new to the lifestyle for one, and would prefer to reach my comfort zone before any playing.

 

I'll insert here that I am 39 years old, and Sam is 75. There was ZERO attraction for me. I was attempting to be polite since I was in his lavish house boat. I'm sure his boat cost 2 - 3 times what our house cost.

 

He kept drinking and getting more and more touchy. I kept leaning into my husband, and several times told him I wasn't interested.

 

Others at the party pulled me to the side and told me "He really is a nice guy, and he's usually not drunk, this is very unlike him".

 

I tried to make the best of it.

 

Next thing I know, he's berating me for not stripping off my clothes, and fucking him.

 

I stood up, looked at my husband, and my friend, told them "that's it, we're outta here." I looked at our host Sam, thanked him for inviting us to his home, but that we were leaving.

 

The other guests attempted to get us to stay, apologizing for the host's behavior. I told that that I didn't come 3 hours to be treated in the manner I was being treated in, that it was nice meeting all of them and hoped they had a wonderful evening.

 

We grabbed our coolers and left.

 

We bemoaned the fact that Sam had gotten our expensive Boar's Head ham, roast beef and some cheese we'd brought - but laughed it off, and chalked it up to a learning experience.

 

We ended up going to Trapeze, a swinger's club in Atlanta, and had some fun!

 

We got home at 5 am, unloaded the car, and went to dump the water out of the cooler and got a big laugh when we realized we never unpacked the cooler! The Boar's Head ham we had made sandwiches out of at the house boat must have been brought by someone else! We figured it was his favorite brand, so that is what he asked everyone to bring!

 

So, yes, we were in posh surroundings we can't afford at this point in our lives, but who had the class? We think it was us.

[pairbond 19]

I have to agree with Julie that the situation seems rather odd. Now that SnS has added a 2nd post saying that the people hosting this party were "relative newbies" with only about 7 months experience, I find it even MORE odd. How could a "newbie" couple with only 7 months experience know 20 couples well enough to invite them to their home for a private swing party? And why would anyone want to go to a 20-couple swing party at the home of a couple they hardly know?

 

Our introduction to private home swing parties came through the very first couple we ever played with. They had already been swinging for about 3 years. We had played with them about every 2-3 weeks for 8 months - or about a dozen times already - and they had become really close friends. We felt a great deal of confidence that the couples they would invite to their home would be people we could most likely trust similarly.

 

If we had not already known this couple extremely well we would NEVER have agreed to attend a private swing party of 16-18 couples in their home. I'm sure everyone is different, but for us, we need to know the host & hostess well enough to be able to trust their judgement in selecting couples to invite.

 

It sure seems to us that a "newbie" couple of only 7 months experience was flirting with trouble by inviting 20 couples to their home, especially since there was no way they could have become well acquainted with that many couples in just 7 months. We suspect that as their invited guests began to realize that they would be attending a party of "unscreened" couples, most of whom they may never have met previously, they began to feel increasingly uncomfortable. The fact that the house was so large and had so many bedrooms also made it less likely that there would be "safety in numbers" if an ugly or simply undesireable situation arose in a back bedroom somewhere.

 

Most people prefer to already know at least a handful of the couples who will be at the party, and to know the host & hostess well enough to trust their judgement. Going to a 20-couple party where you only know the host & hostess, and may not even know them very well, is asking for trouble, in our opinion.

 

Our suggestion is that you play privately with that couple for a few months before deciding to attend a party at their home. We have found that parties at the home of trusted friends are a great way to meet new people, but we always knew the host & hostess and at least 3 or 4 of the other couples quite well before the party.

 

We like to host a couple of parties a year at our home, and find that we are so much more comfortable when the guests are OUR invitees. They get invited because we know and trust them to behave appropriately and with expected decorum all evening.

 

Private house parties are great - IF you know the host & hostess well already and IF you trust their judgement on couples to invite and IF you already know at least 2 or 3 of the other couples who will attend.

[Girlfit 15]

Quote

"We'd have no problem playing with folks who were dirt poor, but we'd be quite wary about those on the other end of the spectrum."

 

I am on the other spectrum of that perspective, left coast couple. I am NOT saying that I would judge someone SOLELY because of income. If their personalities clicked and they were attractive, sure.

 

HOWEVER, and I am speaking based on demographics and slight generalizations here, it is the very nature of the beast that I DOUBT I would even be attracted to (physically or personality-wise) someone who was "dirt poor" or in a significantly lower income than me and my spouse. We aren't rolling in it, I would say we are upper middle class. Someone who is "dirt poor" is LIKELY (and I AM generalizing here) to be someone who is not very educated, not very cultured, doesn't have money to take care of themselves the way they should, etc etc. We just wouldn't have anything in common with people like that and its likely our personalities wouldn't jive either. We'd be wanting to talk about literature and art and they'd be wanting to talk about NASCAR. We'd be wanting to go to dinner at a 4 star restaurant and they'd want to go out to dinner at Denny's. We live in a modest suburban home appraised in the upper 100's and they live in a trailer. I'm taking this analogy to extremes here, but I think you get my point.

 

We'd actually feel more comfortable playing with someone well off. They'd likely to be more educated, we would have more to talk about with them, more things in common, etc. as opposed to someone poor.

 

Now unless you're talking about the "exception to the rules" like Joe Millionaire or those hot hunky, but economically struggling model-types...

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We don't live in a trailer but your typical middle-class home, and we HAVE played with someone who lives in a trailer! They were and continue to be fantastic people and we consider ourselves fortunate to call them friend. We think it best to base acceptance on the total package and thereby not limit ourselves to what would have caused us to miss a truly wonderful opportunity.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Girlfit said:

it is the very nature of the beast that I DOUBT I would even be attracted to (physically or personality-wise) someone who was "dirt poor" or in a significantly lower income than me and my spouse. We aren't rolling in it, I would say we are upper middle class. Someone who is "dirt poor" is LIKELY (and I AM generalizing here) to be someone who is not very educated, not very cultured, doesn't have money to take care of themselves the way they should, etc etc. We just wouldn't have anything in common with people like that and its likely our personalities wouldn't jive either. We'd be wanting to talk about literature and art and they'd be wanting to talk about NASCAR. We'd be wanting to go to dinner at a 4 star restaurant and they'd want to go out to dinner at Denny's.

 

Oops! Mark me off the list! I kinda like Denny's. Or is it IHOP?

 

Seriously, tho'...you are making some broad generalizations, but by doing so, you may be excluding some really nice people. I'm rather dirt poor myself, though quite well educated. My financial status has to do with the type of work I have quite deliberately chosen to do. As a result, you are right...I don't go to 4-star restaurants (but I have been to the local 5 star and it was really nice!), I enjoy stage plays and things of that nature (not art appreciation - I don't appreciate art too much), but I also enjoy horse raises, football games (Go Cowboys), hockey...and occasionally sitting out by the pool and drinking a cold beer with friends. I personally know several members on this board whose residence may not place them in a position to hob-nob with the high rollers but when assessing those things that truly value an individual, no one is their better. And I'm speaking in terms of intellect, class, social affability, and ability to make friends anywhere they may be.

 

While I can appreciate your opinion, I personally believe you may want to reassess what you are using to place value on people. There are many delightful and lower income individuals and many wealthy boors.

[da2ofusgb 24]

Elusive BiFem said:

Oops! Mark me off the list! I kinda like Denny's. Or is it IHOP?

 

Seriously, tho'...you are making some broad generalizations, but by doing so, you may be excluding some really nice people. I'm rather dirt poor myself, though quite well educated. My financial status has to do with the type of work I have quite deliberately chosen to do. As a result, you are right...I don't go to 4-star restaurants (but I have been to the local 5 star and it was really nice!), I enjoy stage plays and things of that nature (not art appreciation - I don't appreciate art too much), but I also enjoy horse raises, football games (Go Cowboys), hockey...and occasionally sitting out by the pool and drinking a cold beer with friends. I personally know several members on this board whose residence may not place them in a position to hob-nob with the high rollers but when assessing those things that truly value an individual, no one is their better. And I'm speaking in terms of intellect, class, social affability, and ability to make friends anywhere they may be.

 

While I can appreciate your opinion, I personally believe you may want to reassess what you are using to place value on people. There are many delightful and lower income individuals and many wealthy boors.

 

All we are going to add is great post and a high five to ya...Let us leave the boors to themselves, we will take down to earth people any day of the week...

[GirlieZ 15]

We look beyond money..it doesn't phase us. Whether it be a lack of or an abundance it really doesn't matter. Money doesn't make the person. We have friends who are rolling in cash..some who are middle of the road (like us) and some who are dirt poor...we all like them for one thing: they are good honest people who would help anyone with anything. Being down to earth and being able to kick up a mighty good time means quite a bit!

[NotsoNew 17]

GirlieZ said:

We look beyond money..it doesn't phase us. Whether it be a lack of or an abundance it really doesn't matter. Money doesn't make the person. We have friends who are rolling in cash..some who are middle of the road (like us) and some who are dirt poor...we all like them for one thing: they are good honest people who would help anyone with anything. Being down to earth and being able to kick up a mighty good time means quite a bit!

 

Agree with Zgirl.

 

We are not rich, but are comfortable. If we like a couple, we don't care if they have money or if the don't. For our first meet if we like a couple on line, we are equally okay with having a great dinner in a 5 star restaurant or meeting someone for coffee or drinks. It is all about the people for us.

 

We wouldn't turn down a great night in a fabulous house, though!!

[Girlfit 15]

Elusive BiFem said:

Oops! Mark me off the list! I kinda like Denny's. Or is it IHOP?

 

Seriously, tho'...you are making some broad generalizations, but by doing so, you may be excluding some really nice people. I'm rather dirt poor myself, though quite well educated. My financial status has to do with the type of work I have quite deliberately chosen to do. As a result, you are right...I don't go to 4-star restaurants (but I have been to the local 5 star and it was really nice!), I enjoy stage plays and things of that nature (not art appreciation - I don't appreciate art too much), but I also enjoy horse raises, football games (Go Cowboys), hockey...and occasionally sitting out by the pool and drinking a cold beer with friends. I personally know several members on this board whose residence may not place them in a position to hob-nob with the high rollers but when assessing those things that truly value an individual, no one is their better. And I'm speaking in terms of intellect, class, social affability, and ability to make friends anywhere they may be.

 

While I can appreciate your opinion, I personally believe you may want to reassess what you are using to place value on people. There are many delightful and lower income individuals and many wealthy boors.

 

Denny's. ugh. *shivers* IHOP ugh. But that's only because I don't like pancakes.

 

Don't take me wrong, perhaps I didn't make my point very clearly. I would never discriminate someone solely based on what type of house they lived in, what kind of car they drove or what kind of job they did. There are many many low income jobs that I admire and I would most probably have quite a bit in common with those people. If I had to choose between being a friend with a multi millionaire overly paid star athlete and a "working poor" school teacher, I would most definitely choose the school teacher. There it boils down to moral integrity, personality and shared interests. I would have more in common (as far as shared interests, personal beliefs, etc) with a teacher than a professional athlete. It is just that I have PERSONALLY found in GENERAL that I have more in common with people whose income most matches our own. People with more money have more money to spend on going to art galleries, going to the theatre/opera, enjoying fine dining, etc etc.

 

When it boils down to it, attractiveness and SHARED INTERESTS are the most important thing for me, not income. Its just that 9 times out of 10 for ME I have found that people who fit that profile happen to be people with more money. I certainly wouldn't exclude someone living in a trailer/ghetto if they were intelligent, good looking, took care of themselves and I could share a conversation with them without feeling like I was talking to a first grader. If I can't RELATE to someone on a more deeper personal level (beyond the physical), it is pointless for me to go any further with them.

 

I should also add, that I am POSITIVE that there are many many wealthy people who would probably look at US and go *eek* "you drive a TOYOTA?!" or turn their nose up at OUR house. And I CERTAINLY don't want to be put in the same league or compared to those "boorish" sorts.

[wrnakedru 38]

Back in the mid-80's, my ex and I lived in Houston and met a couple at our favorite club one Wednesday night. The gentleman was in a suit - not the usual weekend attire for a man, but not unusual during the work week. The wife and I were fast friends from the get-go, both of us being the more outgoing one of the couples. We exchanged phone numbers and spoke the next evening, arranging to meet for dinner prior to going to the club on Saturday night. The gentleman was once again attired in a suit but he seemed a more formal type than his wife so we still didn't think too much about it. When we left the restaurant to drive to the club, we gals jumped in the opposite vehicles from our hubbies. [Our Dodge pickup, their Cadillac] One on one, the fellow was a bit more conversational and I, of course, was full of questions. He was French, and traveled quite frequently between the states and Europe in his financial investment business. Okay, I was beginning to get the picture here. [We were in WAY over our heads!]

 

By the end of the evening they had invited us to go out on their "boat" the next day. The gentleman said it was theirs temporarily, as it was partial settlement in a business deal he'd had. He said he'd like to keep it, but was going to sell it in order to make the business deal pay off. [He had a broker handling it, he said, since he was gone so often on business.]

 

Enough light had dawned in my feeble brain to encourage me to kick my hubby under the table when he began to say something that I just knew was going to be "GREAT! We'll bring a cooler of beer and split the cost of the gas with you." I did manage to keep that from coming out of his mouth, although he tried several times to make the offer.

 

Needless to say, per my intuition, when we meet and followed them to the 'dock', it developed the 'boat' had a full time staff of 8.

 

Later on in the week, I met her for lunch. She invited me to their home and suggested she and I might enjoy an afternoon beginning with champagne and a bubble bath. They were leasing a home. Actually, the home belonged to Mark White - who was living in Austin for four years, since he was the governor.

 

They were a delightful couple and we enjoyed our friendship with them for quite some time. One evening after dinner in their home, the gentleman said he wanted to ask a favor of us. He was being very serious - but I wasn't worried. I figured he wasn't about to hit us up for a loan.

 

The "favor" was a request to include his wife in our social life from time to time as he was about to be 'away' for an extended period of time. Developed it was quite an extended period of time, as he was about to be incarcerated in Europe for some sort of international banking fraud thing.

 

Sort of leveled the playing field, ya know?

 

[LadyCleo 16]

newbies123 said:

We are not rich, but are comfortable. If we like a couple, we don't care if they have money or if they don't. For our first meet if we like a couple on line, we are equally okay with having a great dinner in a 5 star restaurant or meeting someone for coffee or drinks. It is all about the people for us.

 

We wouldn't turn down a great night in a fabulous house, though!!

 

Dito

We have had an experience from the other end. We met a great couple that was considerably less well off than us but we couldn't care less about their money or lackthereof. Unfortunately, it was an issue for them and they dropped out of the lifestyle...at least with us. I miss them. I wish them the best.

[GirlieZ 15]

wrnakedru said:

The "favor" was a request to include his wife in our social life from time to time as he was about to be 'away' for an extended period of time. Developed it was quite an extended period of time, as he was about to be incarcerated in Europe for some sort of international banking fraud thing.

 

Sort of leveled the playing field, ya know?

 

 

WOW! I guess that it did. What ended up happening to the couple?

[wrnakedru 38]

WOW! I guess that it did. What ended up happening to the couple? Zgirl

 

I arranged a special birthday surprise for my ex's 40th. After dinner at one of his favorite places, we went to a [vanilla] club in Clear Lake we both enjoyed. What he didn't know was I had [earlier in the day] rented a hotel room and all was in place there - including the champagne bucket and bedsheets covered with rose petals . But at the club the waiter brought 3 glasses to our table when he delivered the champagne - and pulled a third chair over as well. The D.J. wished the hubby a happy birthday and spun one of our favorite records. While we danced - the lady of this couple joined us on the dance floor.

 

When I had contacted her to arrange her participation, she told me she considered herself separated. Hubby was still "away", but living with the uncertainty of how long had worn thin for her. She was not interested in beginning divorce proceedings [yet, she said].

 

The next [and last] time I saw her was one night when I was out wandering about on my own. I was "club hopping" in the Clear Lake area and suddenly - there she was in front of me. I began to move toward her to give [and receive] a hug - and our eyes locked. Then hers dropped. She had dark circles under her eyes and she appeared to have lost about 25 pounds. Then I noticed the young [as in very young] man at her side. She turned toward him, and avoided even looking in my direction. I was stunned.

 

After ordering a drink, wandering around a bit, I went to visit the ladies room before moving on to another club. When I came out of the stall, she was leaning against the wall waiting for me. It was late spring, and quite warm - but she had on a leather appearing material long sleeved jumpsuit. She reached out and hugged me tightly, almost like a person who was drowning and trying to hold on for dear life.

 

Finally she pulled back a bit while still holding onto me - and avoiding my eyes haltingly told me that her life had changed. [DUH!] She said she and hubby were battling over their son and that the details of their separation and impending divorce had dragged out due over "financial disputes". She was living with her sister and that she felt like someone on a witness protection program. She knew hubby had P.I.'s watching her every move, hoping for information to assist his try for custody and the finances stuff. She was constantly having to sneak everywhere she wanted to go - she and sister would trade vehicles - and such. I asked her about her "friend" - and she said, well, a lady has needs you know. We hugged and cried some more.

 

She promised to call.

 

She never did.

[PLZUREZONE 15]

Well, we definitely do not have much money...And depending on the kind of year we have, we live from mid income to the "upper lower" bracket. I guess I can see why someone who may live very well would have a hard time finding much in commen with us. I am probably more comfortable with people who are much like us, just kinda "middle of the road folks". What I definitely do know is the "lifestyle" is full of people from every walk of life, and there is someone for everyone. That's one of the many things that make it so great. We have met some of the nicest people, from richest to poorest. When it comes down to it, we're all enjoying the same recreational thing, Swinging. But like anything else in life, you gotta do what feel's right for you. Nothin wrong with that.

[GirlieZ 15]

wrnakedru said:

She promised to call.

 

She never did.

 

What a sad ending...I feel really bad for her. What a terrible experience for her I imagine!

 

And for you...what a horrible way to "lose" a friend!

[froggyjenn80 15]

omg a 25 room house I would be running inside to take a tour!!!! Rich or Poor we are all people. If people cant see past money, then really how shallow are they?

 

If the couple you are talking about never lead others to believe that they were that well off, then why worry? I mean they dont throw their money in your face or brag about what they have....so why care?

 

I am not trying to sound rude or anything...I just dont see the point. I would be happy that I was even invited to such an elaborate house to have fun at. Not everybody gets that chance everyday. Take it as a positive thing rather than looking at what they have and you dont. If they dont push the issue and act like any other regular couple, then why punish them for having the house in the first place?

 

Just my idea

Jenn

[froggyjenn80 15]

ok so I didnt read EVERY post thereafter the original.....sorry.

 

I am glad you chose to go to the next one, whenever that may be. And I am glad you have gotten to know these people as friends.

 

I wish both you and the cpl the best of luck in the lifestyle.

~Jenn

[JustTwoHumans 15]

How would of you felt if you didn't know and showed up to see a 13,000 square foot house?

 

Hmmm, how shall I put this?

Okay...

 

Do you have a problem with the integer 13,000? Do you only like prime numbers? Is this a numerology issue?

 

What the HELL does the size of their house have to do with sharing your bodies together for the joy of being human? Is there a saying, "Big house, big DICK"?

 

Lemme put it this way. Suppose you met an attractive, friendly couple at an off-premises and they invited you to their place. When you get to their parking lot -- oh my god -- it's an APARTMENT BUILDING!!

 

Would you get mad, turn the car around, and drive away because you "outclass" the nice couple? Would you ride home telling each other "Imagine the NERVE of those lowlifes, inviting superior citizens to a... to an APARTMENT BUILDING!!

 

"How'd they even get into the club, anyway? I thought you had to show your mortgage papers at the door! We're MUCH to good to be friends with trash who don't own a free-standing home"!

 

After me and the Mrs. talked about it, we decided that if we knew ahead of time that we might of declined the invite.

 

Why?

 

WHY???

 

That makes me either somewhat angry or reeeally sad, and I DON'T like being sad.

 

What the fuck does "outclass" mean? Are you afraid they'll ask you about your NASDAQ stock? Ignoring the fact that they won't, why can't you just say "You know, we don't own any NASDAQ stock. In fact, I hate to admit it, but I don't even know what NASDAQ stands for! But *you* seem to be pretty informed, so maybe I could ask you something I've always wondered about..."

 

Even if your question was extremely simple, like "when you sell stock, who buys it", that doesn't make it stupid. If they like you and know you're genuinely interested, they'll really enjoy explaining it to you!

 

Shit!

 

If they gave a damn about the size of your house, which they don't, they'd establish that before they asked you over. At VERY least, they would have said "Say, come over to our place and swing with us, we have a 13,000 square foot house!"

 

Can you imagine how those poor people (no pun intended) felt if they read your post? They'd wonder what the hell they did wrong.

 

They'd be hurt, and they'd ask each other why you don't want to visit them. They'd wonder why having money means you can't have any friends unless they're from the small group of other rich people.

 

You need to email them this thread and apologize to them. Say "we'd be thrilled to visit your lovely home any time! But first, since we've been such JACK ASSES, we'd be honored if you'd visit our lovely home first. It may not be real big, but it has more love per square foot than any other house around"!

 

It reminds me of everyone I meet telling me I'm "smart": "Say, you're SMART! Wow, you're SMART! Gee, you're SMART! Why don't you sit over here in the corner with this other smart guy and talk about smart stuff while the rest of us at the party have fun"!

 

Once I actually said "Look mother FUCKER, I already know I'm smart. It's like telling Arnold: 'Gee, you're STRONG'. He'd be happier if you told him he's a good director. If you want to make ME happy, introduce me to your sister".

 

Everyone thought it was so funny that now it's my standard response!

 

The point is, being held at arm's length distances you, whether you're held higher or lower. And I'm sure that goes for rich people too.

 

And this is important: It doesn't make it okay just because YOU'RE the one who you think is inferior. Two couples were alone that night no matter which/U] one you thought was "better".

 

Look, I'm not trying to be The Naked Philosopher, but turning off a light because it's dim doesn't make the world any brighter. It took me 40 years of feeling REALLY SHITTY to come about the realization that we should do unto ourselves as we do unto others.

 

From my very first post:

 

When we're all in a room, naked and without context, none of us is richer or smarter or scarier or more important. We all just ARE, with nothing else there to consider: not status, protocol, social role, cultural norms, deference, hierarchy, conformity, traditions, artificial partitions, or enforced inhibitions. Nothing. All we have left is cooperation, because there aren’t any differences between us at all.

 

Except one:

 

Half of us are male, and half are female.

 

Now it's time to pay attention to THAT.

 

[SnSnLex 15]

Maybe you all should read all of the reply's before responding to something .

 

If you had, you might of saw what everyone else thought, including US. We ARE talking to the couple, we ARE going to attend their next party, we have NO problem with it.

 

Just because the word "might" appeared in the start of the thread doesn't mean you know what it means to us. Can you tell us? Is it 1%, 10%, 50% or any other number you think of a chance we wouldn't attend???

 

Good luck, hope you find what you are looking for, be cause you might need it.

[JustTwoHumans 15]

Just because the word "might" appeared in the start of the thread doesn't mean you know what it means to us. Can you tell us? Is it 1%, 10%, 50% or any other number you think of a chance we wouldn't attend???

42!

 

hope you find what you are looking for, be cause you might need it.

Well, we always still have each other!

[OhioCouple 40]

SnSnLex said:

After a bit of chatting we just figured that people felt intimidated or outclassed, or I'm sure someone here might have a better word to describe it.

 

I think you have described this as best as I could put it, and I totally understand where you are coming from. I am intimidated by many things, not just monetary. There are many people on this board who can attest to that fact. For instance...

 

A few years ago, I decided that I needed to know more about politics, our government and history. I had been wearing blinders until certain things starting affecting me. (what a shame) I was totally frightened to begin asking questions for guidance to learn more as I knew I would be the laughing stock. And, for some I was. I took some heat, but also there were people willing to be patient with me. While, I'll never be in their 'class' (so-to-speak) I no longer feel 'out classed' as they have shown me time and again, that my opinions are just as important. Their tolerance of my lack of knowledge opened doors for me.

 

Another instance are those that can punctuate with ease!! I've even brought this topic up on the board here a couple of times. Or they are betters spellers or know bigger words than I do and how to use them properly. All of these things intimidate me, however, once again their tolerance and willing to assist when asked, have helped me to lose that feeling of being 'out classed'. Plus that fact that most of them can't spell ya'll correctly. And some that would have never dreamed of saying it....have begun to let it slip after repeated contact with me.

 

The moral of this is? It goes back to the impression that these folks gave you. If they gave you the impression that they are warm and friendly people and enjoy being with others who share the same interests, chances are they are very sincere, regardless of if they may have a little more monetarily than you do. Take the chance and go for it. You may be pleasantly surprised. If they turn out to be duds, remember the door swings both ways and you can always make an early exit.

[LIZA 20]

Well, I think the fact that they HADN'T mentioned their incredible house before shows class and restraint. I know if I had a 14 bedroom house it would be hard for me not to tell everyone!

 

I doubt too many couples cancelled because of the house size.............I mean, why? You are going to a party why wouldn't you want to go to one in an awesome place instead of a shanty?

 

People cancel often and swingers can be flaky too, so maybe it was just coincedence. If they have another, go and get a look at that place!

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

You should never judge a book by its cover! We have met some people that look & act as if they were the richest people in the world, but were swimming in debt. And that goes the other way too. Hubby's family has lots of money. Their family is a HUGE name in our city. His dad has tons of money! (I only know this b/c once when we went to the bank the pulled up the wrong account, b/c they have the same names. My eyes about popped out of my head!) But he alwasy says he is broke, that "I don't even have enough money to by cigarettes & I don't even smoke!"

 

So, who cares that they have a huge house! I would love to see a house that big up close & on person. Its just an added bonus that you are gonna get to play in it!

[Yummi 16]

My job is cleaning houses, mostly for well-off or rich people. I have become friends with some of them and get along with all of them. Now I'm not saying I've never met any snobs in my line of work...but hardly any. Everyone I work for treats me with respect and I'm pretty sure that they respect the fact that I started my own business and I'm working. Class is definitely on the inside, not what you have on the outside. I'm glad everyone here seems to understand that!

[jsnps 45]

CLASS IS AS CLASS DOES.......................

 

Their dress doesn't belie their demeanor as they usually wear clothes that they purchased from LL Bean ten or 20 years ago, that stuff never wears out or goes out of style. My dad knows a fellow back there that paid for a hospital wing and still sits around the locals coffee shop in boat shoes that are held together with duck tape. It takes all kinds. Don't ever be fooled by the wrapper people come in.

 

Amen. My step-mother's father is one of those boat shoes and duck tape kind of guys. A man worth multi-millions that made his money by starting his own business and being savy. He drove a car with the driver side floor completely rusted out for years. You could see the pavement through the floor in spots. The family finally talked him into buying a new one. He paid cash for almost everything and his clothes and lifestyle would never indicate he was well off... You can't be fooled by the wrapper...

[jsnps 45]

"We'd have no problem playing with folks who were dirt poor, but we'd be quite wary about those on the other end of the spectrum."

 

I am on the other spectrum of that perspective, left coast couple. I am NOT saying that I would judge someone SOLELY because of income. If their personalities clicked and they were attractive, sure.

 

HOWEVER, and I am speaking based on demographics and slight generalizations here, it is the very nature of the beast that I DOUBT I would even be attracted to (physically or personality-wise) someone who was "dirt poor" or in a significantly lower income than me and my spouse. We aren't rolling in it, I would say we are upper middle class. Someone who is "dirt poor" is LIKELY (and I AM generalizing here) to be someone who is not very educated, not very cultured, doesn't have money to take care of themselves the way they should, etc etc. We just wouldn't have anything in common with people like that and its likely our personalities wouldn't jive either. We'd be wanting to talk about literature and art and they'd be wanting to talk about NASCAR. We'd be wanting to go to dinner at a 4 star restaurant and they'd want to go out to dinner at Denny's. We live in a modest suburban home appraised in the upper 100's and they live in a trailer. I'm taking this analogy to extremes here, but I think you get my point.

 

We'd actually feel more comfortable playing with someone well off. They'd likely to be more educated, we would have more to talk about with them, more things in common, etc. as opposed to someone poor.

 

Now unless you're talking about the "exception to the rules" like Joe Millionaire or those hot hunky, but economically struggling model-types...

 

First off, Amen to Elusive Bi Fem who said it eloquently>>>

While I can appreciate your opinion, I personally believe you may want to reassess what you are using to place value on people. There are many delightful and lower income individuals and many wealthy boors.

 

Secondly, my own opinion >>> I lived the first part of my life in a trailer and the school years in middle class / upper middle class families. My parents divorced and remarried at an early age and I was exposed to different lifestyles. As a 26 year old who lives at a level equal to that of most twice her age - I have no issues with the rich, nor do I shun those who share my humble upbringing. I have a Master's degree but realise that the world is full of educated idiots and derelicts. A piece of paper signifies less to me than a broad display of intellect. Appreciation of the "finer" things in life is fine. I love art - especially impression and post impressionist works. I love the cubist movement and latin / cajun influences in modern art. I love mexican muralists and photography. However, I feel just as comfortable in the little cabin on the top of a mountain in Arkansas where my 90 some year old great-grandparents live. I love it when they get out the guitars and the banjos and start playing bluegrass. I think the true measure of a person is how well they can adapt to whatever situation they might be in. I can hang with the best of them in whatever demographic they might happen to be in. My life is richer for having been a chamaeleon of sorts and I wouldn't change a bit of it. It makes me who I am...

[devonsgirl 17]

If my guy and I knew that ahead of time I think we would be even more excited. Can you imagine the potential? How many different places to play in a house that big! Sounds like great fun to me