She got mad because I didn't send Nude Pictures....

[Jenanay70 15]

The Mr and I had a very strange experience recently. We are fairly new to this site and to swinging. We have been with 2 other couples, but are trying to meet people locally. We belong to the swinglifestyle.com site, and have had lots of great response from our profile.

 

Here is the issue: One of the couples we have been talking to seemed really interested in meeting us. The woman and I began to correspond a lot, through email and IM. She asked for and received several pics I have not sent anyone else. She then asked me for nude shots of me with the face included. She said that she wanted to make sure i was real, even though i sent her several pics with my face already. Well, i didn't have any nudes with my face, so i asked the hubby to take a few of me over the weekend.

 

We had a very busy weekend and did not even get to download these pics until today. The whole weekend she sent me emails asking where they were. When we finally went to send them to her, there was a nasty email from her calling us fakes and telling us she blocked our email so don't bother contacting her.

 

Is this an example of the dreaded "games" that many couples mention in their profiles and say they don't want? We are not into games and would never make a promise we wouldn't keep, but Damn... swinging is not the only thing we have going on in our life (Kids, jobs, laundry, yard work....)

 

Is it just us, or did she overreact to that fact that I did not jump to it quick enough? Is this to be expected when talking and meeting online? I did send her an email (even though she said she blocked email from us) to express our shock, but did not apologize. We don't feel we did anything wrong. Did we? Maybe we are better off if that is how she reacts to not seeing me nude.

 

Any new insight or input would be welcomed. Please help these newbies out!

 

Thanks.

[BradAndJanet 70]

My bet is that you encountered an 'armchair masturbationist', in this case a man posing as a woman for the purposes of getting your nude pictures for his gratification. Once he has what he wants, he cuts off contact in the manner you described.

 

That's why we began insisting on phone calls before getting too excited about anybody. We wouldn't send pictures to anyone (especially naked face pictures) without one. I don't mean to worry you, but those could show up on Internet somewhere. I hope not, for your sake, and I think most of these pervies just like to collect them; that's their kink.

 

You might consider emailing the operators of SLS and telling them what happened, in case there have been other complaints about this 'couple'. Overall, just chalk it up to 'lessons learned' and move on from it, that's what I'd do.

 

-B

[SnSnLex 15]

You did nothing wrong. Some people are like that, they have their priorites in the wrong order. Family first everytime.

 

You will have alot of good and bad things happen if you swing for long. You'll like someone, then they disappear, you'll meet someone and they'll be 10 years older than what they say, you'll find "the" couple for you and be great friends.

 

We have had all of the above happen plus more.

 

Got a couple questions for you.

 

Why did she want so many pics? Couldn't she see them on whatever site you are using? Just because you send someone a pic doesn't mean it's one of you. We used to send pics out, but not any longer, when someone sends you YOUR own pics back saying it's them it'll make you wary of pic collectors.

 

A phone call is the best way to see that everyone is "real" in our opinion.

 

Looks like they did you a favor by eliminating themselves from your list. If they get mad that easy online, don't think we'd like to meet them anyways

 

Hope this helps.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I am totally in agreement with BradandJanet on this. I think most people have had similar types of experiences, sad to say. But too, like B said...nothing much to do about it now other than to learn from the experience and move on. Some people can be real twits - ruining things for so many.

 

Let us know what you end up doing. B's recommendation was excellent and I'd like to know the outcome of that.

 

- EBF

[OhioCouple 41]

Dito to all the above comments. Consider this a lesson learned, unfortunately many of us have been duped. One of the great things about this board is that there is so much information here and a whole lot of good folks that can help you sort out your feelings on events such as this and in our case, quite often has prevented us from making the same mistakes that others have. Not that we haven't created a few of our own though.

 

As BradandJanet said, the person on the other end was probably nothing more than an 'armchair masturbationist'. Jollies are done and over with, time to move on.

[ionsawmill 86]

I had a situation recently which was frustrating. A couple who contacted us based on our Yahoo profile chatted with us several times. They kept pushing to have a webcam meeting. I told them that we weren't comfortable going straight to the webcam show when we hadn't really gotten to know them yet. Even though they kept saying that they would move at whatever pace we were comfortable with, they got frustrated and upset when we didn't drop everything to come meet them on the internet. They finally blew us off, but not until they had insinuated that we were just stringing them along.

[Jenanay70 15]

Wow!! Didn't expect so may replies so quickly. We would like to say "thank you" to everyone!

 

For the record, we didn't send any nude pics with face (we didn't have any handy), although we were going to do that today. However, we did send g-rated pics and nudes/x-rated pics without the faces. So I guess we lucked out.

 

She (He?) sent us quite a few nude pics of her, and I guess she was impatient for us to respond equally.

 

I guess that you have to be really careful putting pics of yourself out there. However, aren't you equally nervous putting your phone # out there? A few years ago, we gave out a phone # and determined we weren't interested after a few calls. After we tried to tell him this, we had to endure phone calls at all hours until the guy finally got bored or got the message that we weren't interested.

 

We don't want to be cautious to the point of paranoia, but we do want to be confident that pics of ourselves won't end up public and that we won't be harrassed over the phone.

 

But we REALLY DO want to connect with people, and meet nice people like yourselves. So how do you balance caution and friendliness, and still manage to be real and meet cool people?

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by Jenanay70

However, aren't you equally nervous putting your phone # out there? A few years ago, we gave out a phone # and determined we weren't interested after a few calls. After we tried to tell him this, we had to endure phone calls at all hours until the guy finally got bored or got the message that we weren't interested.

 

 

Cell phone numbers. I think that is the best thing to do. A couple of years ago, I ran into a bit of a problem with someone that had my cell phone number and would not leave me alone after telling them (him, really) several times...not interested. Finally, what I did was add their number to my phone book, but instead of the name, I typed in *DO NOT ANSWER*

You know how you answer when you don't know who it is...well, that kept me from answering. After a time of no response from me, it finally ended.

 

I think if you are careful, you don't usually have huge problems. Unfortunately, that one bad apple....

 

- EBF

[Jenanay70 15]

Thanks, EBF.

 

I thinnk cells are the way to go. You can always turn them off. I think you can even program them to ignore certain numbers.

 

Actually, we just had a nice call with somebody we gave our number to last week. So we're feeling much more positive about things.

[WesternSwing 504]

That is why we ONLY send G- or R-rated pics unless we know the couple or person on the other end. We have swapped some harder pics with another couple, but we have swapped with them so there is nothing to hide anyways. There is also the fear that you'll find your pics on some porn site someday...

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We only give pics to those who give us access to theirs. But I geuss if everyone worked off of that theory no one would see each other.

 

A phone conversation is a MUST before we meet anyone. You are right, it weeds out who is real and who isnt, most of the time .

 

 

I think I would stay away from this person for sure.

 

 

You said she sent you e-mails telling you that you were fake.

 

You sound a whole lot more real than she does.

 

If anyone wants to see more pics after we show them our private ones we move on. If they are serious about meeting we show enough in our private pics that they will know we are serious about swinging.

[C&D 15]

Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

If anyone wants to see more pics after we show them our private ones we move on. If they are serious about meeting we show enough in our private pics that they will know we are serious about swinging.

 

Yup...agreed. There is plenty to see in our public and private pics that there is no reason to send anymore. We do however get alot of free members that want to see pics and those are the ones that we are leary of to a degree. If we email a few times and they want to see pics then we'll send them ones with no face shots. The face pics only get sent when we start to feel like they are for real.

 

And no...you did nothing wrong. Family and time come before anything and if they can't understand that then they might be someone best left alone.

 

 

CandD

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

What really kills me is those who have private pics and actualy have the nerve to ask to see our private pics in their first message to us. But they havent given us access to theirs??

 

To me its like they are saying: "I dont feel comfortable showing you mine but I want you to show me yours."

 

That is my biggest peeve.

 

 

If you are going to ask to see our private pics you better had already opened yours to us.

 

Seems like a pretty simple concept to me.

[C&D 15]

Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

What really kills me is those who have private pics and actualy have the nerve to ask to see our private pics in their first message to us. But they havent given us access to theirs??

 

To me its like they are saying: "I dont feel comfortable showing you mine but I want you to show me yours."

 

That is my biggest peeve.

 

 

If you are going to ask to see our private pics you better had already opened yours to us.

 

Seems like a pretty simple concept to me.

 

A very simple and understandable concept.

 

We've run into a few of those ourselves. It's just made us more reluctant to who we give access to now. I've made it so that the only difference between our public and private pics are that the private pics have faces on them.

 

There's enough showing in the public pics to get a general idea of what we look like. If they want to see private pics then they can be patient and wait 'till we get to know them a little better. If they can't handle that then it's probably best that we don't get to know them anyway.

 

 

CandD

[Chemistry_0518 20]

Dito We have enough G-rated pics that should satisfy someone interested in really knowing who we are. We don't do x-rated for anyone and if that is what ot takes to keep their interest long enough to meet us then they are definitely not the type of people that we need in our lives.

[Denver2some 15]

We have a few semi-racy photos posted on our profile, but with the faces blurred or cropped out. So when someone contacts us, they already have a pretty good idea of what we look like. So the couples who email us without profile photos seem to feel pretty comfortable sending us a G-rated (or other) photo of them in their initial email. So when we respond, if we are interested we send back a G-rated photo of us so they can see our faces.

 

Of course, when WE make the initial contact, we always attach our G-rated photo to the first email.

 

So far we have found that none of the couples who are genuinely interested ask for more than this, photowise. We have had some couples (perhaps single men) ask for more photos via IM, we have declined ... and "poof" they disappear like magic. LOL

 

We never share any x-rated photos, even without faces.

 

So far, this method of exchanging photos has worked well for us.

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We agree with you, Denver. We also have some photos attached to our profile with blurred faces, but none of them are racy. That is just not us. And we are more than willing to share g-rated photos when there is some show of interest. We do request g-rated pics, and make sure to mention that we only want g-rated. We would hope that the person has the necessary equipment, otherwise they would not be here, so we have no need for proof. But on several occasions all we would get (especially from some tasteless single males or HNG's) are close-up crotch shots. These can never bet tastefully done and all too many get irritated when we decide that this doesn't work for us. I mean, if you want us to believe that you are a dick or an ass, then you are not for me!

[Denver2some 15]

I mean, if you want us to believe that you are a dick or an ass, then you are not for me!

 

Dito , Chemistry!

[wrnakedru 38]

Chemistry_0518 -

 

Um, displaying my ignorance here.

 

What is [or are] HNG's? I have run this one through my paltry brain mill, and just can't figure it out for myself.

 

Please translate [and don't laugh at me TOO hard, okay?]. Thanks!

 

WR

[Chemistry_0518 20]

HNG's = Horney Net Geeks

[wrnakedru 38]

Thanks so much! I have been educated! AND that makes a lot more sense than "Hetero Not Gay" which had been my best guess so far.... :slam"

[misterbates 3]

Sorry to hear about your bad experience..but...get used to it...there ia a large number of people in this lifestyle who...to put it plainly.. suck!...this wont be the last time something like this happens so kkep your chin up and move on..you didnt need them anyway!!!

[NotsoNew 17]

We agree with a lot of the posts here. We only will send out G-rated photos. This has not been a problem for us.

 

We don't publicly post our pictures - they are all private.

[Pink 15]

I learned a lesson long ago about pictures and the internet. Dont send anything you'r not comfortable with having shared with anyone. Find your limit and stick to it. 2EZ

[pairbond 19]

I learned a lesson long ago about pictures and the internet. Dont send anything you'r not comfortable with having shared with anyone. Find your limit and stick to it. 2EZ

 

We don't mind having pictures on the internet. We generally post G-rated pictures, and if we do have more revealing pictures they will be locked photos or private photos, and we don't even have any pictures of us "in action."

 

We get a bit weary of people telling us they can't send photos even via private emails because "they need to be discreet" because of their jobs, as if WE don't have the same need for discretion that they do. Both Mrs. Pairbond and I have high profile positions too. In fact, we don't know ANY swingers who don't expect absolute discretion. What makes some people think their need for discretion is above ours or anyone else's is beyond our comprehension. Absolute discretion is absolute discretion - period! We figure that if someone we know sees our pictures online, then they were on this site too. It's no different from running into a relative or coworker or someone from your church at a swing club. If you run into THEM, well, they ran into YOU, too, didn't they? So you all just grin and keep your mouths shut. Of course, we DID hear of a time when a couple ran into his MOTHER and her boyfriend at a club! LOL

 

We tell these people that if they can't send us pictures that would allow us to recognize them at a restaurant without having all the patrons get naked and show us their genitals, then we can't meet them. Show us your FACES if you want to meet us. Don't treat us like our need for discretion is less than yours. Besides, if you aren't attractive to us we might as well end this right now and not waste your time and ours in meeting.

 

We've only had one "incident" resulting from our having pictures on the internet. Someone on a swing site notified us via private email that someone else on that site had "stolen" our pictures and sent them out as their own when contacting him. Nothing dire came from that, though. Maybe we should be flattered that someone thought OUR pictures made better "bait" than their own. But did they really think a couple coming to meet them wouldn't NOTICE that they didn't look like the couple in the pictures they sent? SHEESH!

 

pairbond

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We once were contacted by a couple who indicated that they were extremely high profile media personalities and refused to offer any type of pictures. Even meeting in public proved a hardship for both of them. They indicated that when we meet, it will be at a private hotel so that they would be able to enter and exit with limited public exposure.

 

Needless to say, we never found out who they were, nor do we need to. The "blind-date" thing is not something that we would enjoy.

[Jenanay70 15]

We agree with and appreciate all of the posts so far. Pairbond had a good point...what makes someone think that their privacy is different or more important than ours. This is something that we have also run across. We have actually had people say "We can't send you grated pics or tell you our first names because we need to be discreet." Whenever anyone says that, the bells start going off. DING, DING...these people are not serious about doing this . We have kids and are professionals too. What makes them any different then us, except for that they have no intention of meeting us. HNG was new term for us, but boy have we seen some potential canidates.

 

Thanks again for all your input!

[ALilOEverything 901]

We're very new to this and have only met our first couple a couple weeks ago. We didn't put a picture in our profile because of the small town and everyone knows everyone but we certainly made our g-rated ones available upon request. We figure if we end up giving out our pic to someone we knew it's not like they could blab about it because what were they doing on that site to begin with. We met a really awesome couple who also only had a pic of their faces and we both agreed that having nude pics would be like openingn a christmas present early. We're looking forward to our next meeting when we get to unwrap our surprises. If anyone insisted on a nude pic we would kindly refuse the first time and then if they insisted we know that's not the couple for us.

[wrnakedru 38]

We get a bit weary of people telling us they can't send photos even via private emails because "they need to be discreet" because of their jobs, as if WE don't have the same need for discretion that they do. Both Mrs. Pairbond and I have high profile positions too. In fact, we don't know ANY swingers who don't expect absolute discretion. What makes some people think their need for discretion is above ours or anyone else's is beyond our comprehension. Absolute discretion is absolute discretion - period! pairbond

 

While I can understand your frustration when others do not have the same level of comfort you do, I think you should consider a kinder judgment of them. They do, after all, have the same right to conduct their activities in a manner commensurate with their standards as you do. Your lack of appreciation for the standards they adhere to actually might be a helpful tool to weed out those who are not a suitable match for you.

 

For instance, hubby's and my status as empty-nesters does NOT mean we will jump and run to meet with others any time, day or night. We have other interests in our full and busy life. We are NOT utilitaritan tools hanging on a pegboard waiting for the phone to ring so that we can rush out and "service" someone else's needs.

 

If the unavailability of a couple's photos is a deal breaker for you, then so be it. Doesn't mean you're right and they're wrong. It is simply an area of difference. If it is an important area of difference to you, then they are not a suitable match for you. I do not think that the reluctance or refusal of others to post photos is a statement of their belief their discretion is of greater value than yours. I think it is far more accurate to say they have a belief system, a set of standards, whatever. And they are conducting themselves based upon that, the same as you are.

 

Don't ASSUME their beliefs are up for grabs and attempt through your words to alter their beliefs to match yours. Doesn't an opinion like that, and the proclamation thereof smack of the same sort of attitude you found so unacceptable in the Green Door thread?

 

Variations are what define us as individuals, and make it interesting to meet one another. It provides fodder for conversation. Presentation of a different viewpoint can enlighten another - or can reinforce their firm adherence to their viewpoint.

 

I have no problem with your frustration regarding others sharing their photos, either on line or via private communication. I do think that allowing your frustration to give you assumptions is not worthy of you. You do not know them, nor do you have any way of knowing what their reasons may be. To think it includes any thought of you, positive or negative, borders on paranoia.

 

Please go back and read your own posts on the Green Door thread. That touted "live and let live without leaping to no-basis conclusions" you chastise others for not demonstrating there might be useful to you here.

 

WR

[pairbond 19]

While I can understand your frustration when others do not have the same level of comfort you do, I think you should consider a kinder judgment of them. They do, after all, have the same right to conduct their activities in a manner commensurate with their standards as you do. Your lack of appreciation for the standards they adhere to actually might be a helpful tool to weed out those who are not a suitable match for you.

 

For instance, hubby's and my status as empty-nesters does NOT mean we will jump and run to meet with others any time, day or night. We have other interests in our full and busy life. We are NOT utilitaritan tools hanging on a pegboard waiting for the phone to ring so that we can rush out and "service" someone else's needs.

 

If the unavailability of a couple's photos is a deal breaker for you, then so be it. Doesn't mean you're right and they're wrong. It is simply an area of difference. If it is an important area of difference to you, then they are not a suitable match for you. I do not think that the reluctance or refusal of others to post photos is a statement of their belief their discretion is of greater value than yours. I think it is far more accurate to say they have a belief system, a set of standards, whatever. And they are conducting themselves based upon that, the same as you are.

 

Don't ASSUME their beliefs are up for grabs and attempt through your words to alter their beliefs to match yours. Doesn't an opinion like that, and the proclamation thereof smack of the same sort of attitude you found so unacceptable in the Green Door thread?

 

Variations are what define us as individuals, and make it interesting to meet one another. It provides fodder for conversation. Presentation of a different viewpoint can enlighten another - or can reinforce their firm adherence to their viewpoint.

 

I have no problem with your frustration regarding others sharing their photos, either on line or via private communication. I do think that allowing your frustration to give you assumptions is not worthy of you. You do not know them, nor do you have any way of knowing what their reasons may be. To think it includes any thought of you, positive or negative, borders on paranoia.

 

Please go back and read your own posts on the Green Door thread. That touted "live and let live without leaping to no-basis conclusions" you chastise others for not demonstrating there might be useful to you here.

 

WR

 

Sure hope you feel better now! But the fact remains - we do not now and never will do "blind dates."

 

pairbond

[MrsBliss 18]

We would send g-rated pics and we would very much like to receive g-rated pics. I think without a picture I would be hesitant to meet someone. The fact is that I can be really turned off by someones face. I don't like it that I am this way because I know that personality is more important, but my mind and body just work that way. I really have a hard time for example kissing someone I do not find attractive.

 

Of course when you get to know someone he or she can become much more attractive because you like their personality, but that leads me to my current question : Do I want to swing with people in a club or do we want to meet and get to know them first.

 

Mmm, I just did not decide yet on this last questions so I guess that maybe that could change my opinion about meeting without pics.

 

Djeez, no answer here I guess, just more questions

[Elusive BiFem 70]

We get a bit weary of people telling us they can't send photos even via private emails because "they need to be discreet" because of their jobs, as if WE don't have the same need for discretion that they do...What makes some people think their need for discretion is above ours or anyone else's is beyond our comprehension. Absolute discretion is absolute discretion - period! We figure that if someone we know sees our pictures online, then they were on this site too.

We tell these people that if they can't send us pictures that would allow us to recognize them at a restaurant without having all the patrons get naked and show us their genitals, then we can't meet them. Show us your FACES if you want to meet us. Don't treat us like our need for discretion is less than yours.

pairbond

 

This is the post I was referring to in another thread. So again, here, I ask...why do you believe you can judge me for the preferences I have made in my life - one of which is to NOT send photos of myself to others. This is like you saying that because you like liver, EVERYONE should like liver. Well, guess what, my friend. I don't like liver. I won't eat liver. You eat it. I don't care. That's a decision you made for yourself. But you can't force your ideas and decisions on me, and more importantly, you cannot chastise me (and others) for decisions we have made that involve our lives. My need for discretion is important to me and frankly, I don't care about yours or how you handle your needs for discretion. That is your responsibility. This statement

Don't treat us like our need for discretion is less than yours.

is absolutely contradictory to all that you are saying because with that statement you are saying that MY need for discretion is less than YOURS.

 

If you insisted upon a photo of me prior to meeting, we would never meet and I would walk away thinking...their loss. Not mine. Think what you may, because I really would never want to waste my time with anyone that would be so demanding of me and so dismissing of my personal needs and comfort levels prior to even a first meeting. I would wonder...what would be next to come next from this person? Glad I didn't find out.

 

- EBF

[wrnakedru 38]

Sure hope you feel better now! But the fact remains - we do not now and never will do "blind dates." pairbond

 

I feel just fine, as I did before writing and now afterward as well. But thanks for asking.

 

Actually pairbond, we don't do blind dates either. When folks who write to us have no photos on their profile [nor do they offer to send one, even to an outside email] we simply realize that we are not a good match for one another. We do not berate them for their choice, nor accuse them of not finding our discretion equal to their own.

 

WR

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We agree that not being able to have an idea of what we are getting into just does not work for us. I will not berate someone else for the way they wish to handle introductions, but by the same token, I will not allow MY comfort level to be compromised.

 

"Thanks, but no thanks".