Are you aroused by your partner having sex with someone else?

[Karen12345 15]

Hello,

 

Planning our first full swap, my husband and me are discussing a lot about it. He told me that he has no problems with jealousy when I have sex with another man. What makes me wonder a bit though is that he said it really arouses him to picture me with another man.

 

It is ok for me that he has sex with another woman, but I am not aroused by this...

 

Looking forward to your opinions!

 

Karen

[newgentry 17]

He may be very surprised at his reaction. I know I sure was, and it gets back to the old "fantasy is different from reality" thing. The first time I saw the missus hooked up with someone I was surprised at my reaction, for sure - it was just "ok." Didn't really turn me on, didn't really bother me - basically a middle of the road 5 on a 10 scale. That huge rush of intense erotic feelings that I just knew I was going to have was nowhere around.

[GirlieZ 15]

Aroused is putting it mildly. I love watching him getting his "thang" on with another woman--that is such a hot sight! I get so hot and turned on that every time we swing I wonder if it can get any better!

 

Hubby loves to hear me orgasm with another man...he says me getting off with another fellow is what gets him off.

 

I love the fact that we turn each other on so much!

 

Zgirl

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I wanted to vote HOT because that is my favorite part of swinging.

 

But I voted arouse because I also have sex!!

[C&D 15]

Actually aroused is an understatement. One of my favorite things about swinging is seeing C with another man or woman. Now, while C does find it very arousing she's still getting use to me being with another woman.

[meowkittyhascla 17]

We love watching each other with others, that is the fun part of swinging,....well...okay..one of the fun parts of swinging.

 

However, we did have an experience with a couple, where the male of the couple got very upset watching his wife with my hubby. He loved being with me, but got all pissy when he saw his wife getting off with another man. We have never played with them again. We told them they needed to rethink this lifestyle before continuing. Anyone else ever go through such a situation?

[VegasLee 1,486]

I love watching Laura have fun and get off with other people.

 

She is a very exciting women to watch.

 

Due to the business I am in I have seen thousands of people have sex but watching her tops them all for me!

 

When we get together after she has partied with others our own play is very intense.

[good times 991]

I am in the "it's hot" camp but voted it aroused me because of the way the questions are worded. It was intersesting to me that before we started swinging my wife thought she wouldn't even want to watch me with another women. Just a few weeks ago she was kicking back watching me, as she and her partner had finished before us, and she said it made her so hot watching me go after it with the other women. It's all good.

[Spoomonkey 420]

Being as having sex with other people is sorta what the lifestyle is about, I'd have to admit that it turns me on to watch Mrs Spoomonkey with another man. Watching her with another woman is cool too. (Rare, but cool).

 

Mrs Spoomonkey is a great "performer" and watching her have sex is absolutely mind-blowing.

[2New2it 19]

I also would have picked the 'hot' option, but I don't just watch. She enjoys it so much, I love watching her getting her pleasures nearly as much as joining in.

[biblonde 22]

I would have to say both of us are in the "ITS HOT" zone. It is a turn on to watch him and here them both!! And he says he loves watching me! And of couse he loves watching me with the ladies! that is even hotter!! Makes for hours and hours of fun fun fun!

 

my 2 cents for the day!

[WA_Cple 20]

GirlieZ - I am so with you - it is a huge turn on for me to see my hubby with another woman. My favorite bit is watching and helping him get another woman off - sucking and licking while he is fucking. His favorite bit is watching me go down on another woman. I don't have a strong desire to be with another man but we both want to try it just to see what it is like.

 

Yippee! Whew!

 

 

Mrs WA

[BodyScape02 21]

Seeing my sweetie enjoying herself is the biggest turn on imaginable to me! If she is getting some pleasure from another man, as long as I am in the loop and present, we don’t play separately, then it’s all good. We’ve had no bad encounters and are careful who we let into the bedroom in the first place, so they have always been gentlemen who have treated her with respect.

 

Now if we could just find a dude who could maintain or even get a full erection she would be oh so happy…LOL

[Chemistry_0518 20]

Actually seeing my lady angrossed in sexual activity is just OK, but what turns me on is seeing her actually ENJOYING herself! She has said on many occasions that seeing the look of pleasure on MY face provides her with a large amount of her own pleasure. And since we are always together (same room, same bed if possible) we have multiple opportunities to make contact with each other and enhance the moment for each of us as much as possible.

[hotmelcpl 15]

We are very aroused by this on both sides. WHile we enjoy the sensations we get ourselves, it is an equal part of the allure of swinging to watch each other in the throes of ecstasy as well.

 

hugs

[Necro71 16]

The idea of my girl with another dude is very exciting, and let me explain why. Part of it is voyerism, and part of it is that I'm very turned on by her enjoying sex. And part is viewing her as a purely sexual object. When you spend the day saying "I love you darling" and such, it can be a little hard to go straight into animal lust.

[chickadiva 15]

It's highly arousing for us both, and we have the most fantastic sex together afterward in our reconnect. Oh yeah.......

 

The only time there may be issues (or have been issues) is when we can't participate as a voyeur as see the other's reactions and pleasure. We prefer situations where we are physically close enough "see", but it's not always possible for various reasons. Of course that means we just try harder to please each other later!

[pairbond 19]

In our experience, couples never can be sure exactly how they will react the first time they see their spouse having sex with someone else. Some people get far more turned on than they would ever have imagined, and others who thought they would be aroused by seeing their spouse in action with someone else actually get hysterical. I think this is a reaction that will vary, and one should be prepared for the fact that it might not affect you emotionally the way you expected.

 

In our case, the IDEA of having sex with others turned us both on, but we found the REALITY of seeing each other with someone else was a whole different thing. For about the first year we were swinging, we always used separate rooms when with another couple or when at a party. As we gradually got over our fears & anxieties, discovered that neither of us was going to "fall in love" with someone else, or find sex with someone else better than sex at home, we relaxed. When we relaxed, we suddenly discovered that we DID want to see each other in action, and at that point it did become a major turnon to see each other with someone else.

 

For newbies, expect the unexpected in your own feelings and emotional reactions, and try not to freak out if you are uncomfortable. The world won't come to an end and lightning won't strike you dead, and you can always discuss your feelings and emotions with your spouse after you are home alone together again to see if you need to try a different approach for a while.

 

Our experience is that swinging is a continuing series of adjustments, as we become exposed to more and more people and different situations, and it requires a willingness to discuss how you feel about things with your spouse after each encounter, and a constant willingness to change any "rules of engagement" and adjust the boundaries of your comfort zone.

 

You can't swing without expanding your comfort zone, but the smart approach is to take small steps at a time outside that zone, rather than trying to stretch your boundaries too far too fast.

 

You'll do just fine so long as you both really enjoy the idea of sex with others and so long as you both make sure to provide each other with all the reassurance and willingness to adjust as is needed. A good rule of thumb is to only move forward at the pace of LEAST comfortable of the two of you. It's much better to make small, enjoyable, successful steps than to have a bad experience from trying to go farther than one of you is comfortable going.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Good post pairbond!

 

Your last paragraph does beg one question though (thinking about our discussions on the issue)?:

 

Is same room or separate room sex the smaller step? It struck me that in situations where a couple see the issue differently there is a major dilemma here.

 

I can see that some people would find it more uncomfortable to be in separate rooms (safety issues etc) while others would be more worried about their potential reactions if they were in the same room.

 

CB (male half)

[pairbond 19]

CB, you asked whether same room or separate rooms is the smaller step. There is no "right" answer to that which would apply to everyone. Each couple is unique, and each couple must decide what works best for THEM. It doesn't matter whether that is similar to or different from what works for their friends or for most people. It's what will work for each individual couple that they must decide.

 

I think that in order to successfully adjust to swinging and get the most out of it, couples MUST have superior communication with each other. Even after 7 years we still talk about swinging constantly, to be sure each of us understands what the other is comfortable with or uncomfortable with, and what to do about situations that make one of us uncomfortable.

 

At least until you have gained a lot of experience, you will feel barraged with new situations that you hadn't even thought about, and so weren't prepared to handle. All you can do is keep your cool as best you can, and then when you are home alone continue the discussions with your spouse until you both know how to handle a situation in a way that works for both of you.

 

I am always surprised whenever someone mentions the "safety factor" as a reason for wanting to be in the same room. Our feelings about that are that if you have safety concerns about the couple you are playing with, then you shouldn't be playing with them in the first place!!! Safety should never be an issue in swinging. Get to know couples a little better before playing with them so that you will know if they can be trusted.

 

There are other, more valid factors to consider when deciding whether you are more comfortable using separate rooms than same rooms. Advantages of being in the same room include being able to watch your partner in action with someone else (if that excites you), opportunities for mfm or fmf play at intervals during playtime, opportunities for f/f play (if both women enjoy that and want it), and not to be overlooked, the importance of having your own spouse present with a reassuring touch in case of anxieties, and sometimes even having your own wife present to "get you up" if you are having difficulty getting an erection (usually due to anxiety). Disadvantages of same room sex are that you WILL see your partner in action with someone else (if that creates anxiety for you), the sounds and motion of another couple in the same bed can totally throw off your own timing and rhythm, the feeling that one couple is "getting ahead of" the other couple so that you feel pressured to move at someone else's pace instead of your own, and we even had one couple who after we began fucking paid hardly any attention at all to us, but instead just talked & laughed with each other and put on a show for each other so that we felt like nothing more than "extras" in their little theater production.

 

Advantages of separate room sex include the ability to talk to your playmate and say things you might not feel comfortable saying when both spouses will overhear you - such as communicating what each of you likes or don't like, or wanting to change the pace or position. Separate rooms also mean you can focus on your playmate without the distraction of the other couple and their sounds & motion. For some women this can mean the difference between achieving orgasm or not.

 

The best two times we ever had swinging were when we used separate rooms until each couple had been temporarily satisfied, then after an hour or so all four of us got together in the king sized bed and we all just lay there naked talking and laughing, all the while still fondling each other's spouses. After a while of this, erections came back and we had another round side-by-side in the same bed. I guess this is the best of BOTH worlds, and I can tell you that after you've already had a successful first separate room fuck with a playmate, any anxiety you might have had about same room sex just disappears when you all "after glowed" together for a while.

 

The only rule is "there are no rules that work for everyone." Each couple must talk, talk, talk to each other, and continue doing so after each and every swinging encounter until you both know exactly how the other feels and how you will handle a given situation in a way that works for both of you the next time it comes up.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Lots more good points! Thank you!

 

I confess I was playing devil's advocate to some extent there, thinking around the question, and I admit my choice of phrase (safety issues) didn't begin to cover the whole range of advantages of same room sex. But you have covered the whole range so eloquently there, I have nothing more to add.

 

We haven't tried the "separate first, then all together" routine yet, but I reckon that could be a lot of fun ?

 

Spot on right re communication! We've never stopped doing that in 25 years of marriage and we wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Red called by my workshop this afternoon. I had printed out this thread (still can't persuade her to use the PC and read the board directly) so after she had read it we had a very interesting discussion about our last encounter and how we could have improved it (for us anyway). Guess I'd better print out the revised edition for her now!

[Chris&Amelia 253]

At first, we weren't sure how we were going to react. But I found out that I find it highly exciting to see Amelia with another man. It's amazing to simply watch another man's cock sliding in and out of my wife's pussy, and to see the look of bliss on her face as she feels him in her. And those times when we go bareback, watch his semen leak out of her is an amazing experience.

 

Amelia tells me that she really enjoys the sounds I make when we play. She says that she likes hearing me talk dirty to my playmate, and positively gets off on hearing me gasp and moan when I orgasm.

 

I think a big part of it is being able to see her pleasure from a different perspective then if we were monogamous. For example: If he's entering her from behind, I can see how much she enjoys it in a way I wouldn't be able to experience if it was me making love to her.

[eroticsensation 17]

At first, we weren't sure how we were going to react. But I found out that I find it highly exciting to see Amelia with another man. It's amazing to simply watch another man's cock sliding in and out of my wife's pussy, and to see the look of bliss on her face as she feels him in her. And those times when we go bareback, watch his semen leak out of her is an amazing experience.

 

Amelia tells me that she really enjoys the sounds I make when we play. She says that she likes hearing me talk dirty to my playmate, and positively gets off on hearing me gasp and moan when I orgasm.

 

I think a big part of it is being able to see her pleasure from a different perspective then if we were monogamous. For example: If he's entering her from behind, I can see how much she enjoys it in a way I wouldn't be able to experience if it was me making love to her.

 

We have not had group sex yet. We have planned to have a three way for a around a year now. We came close to it two months ago but I cancelled cause I was not 100%. I don't want to do something that both of us will regret even though it has always been a hot fantasy to do a mfm. Going on what you said is exactly how I feel, to see another guys cock slide in and out of here would be a huge turn on. When I am all horny I feel this way, but when I'm not I feel we shouldn't do it. It's really weird and fucked up.

I hope we do.

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Don't rush it! While swinging has the potential of really spicing up your love life, it also has the potential to really ruin your relationship as well. It's fun, but it isn't worth loosing the woman you love over.

 

It seems like you realize that there's a difference between the heat of the moment and normal everyday life. That's good. It's okay to enjoy the thought of your woman with another man when you're already aroused, but after it's all said and done, can you handle the thought that she just fucked another guy? Can she come to terms that you just had sex with another woman after the afterglow of the orgasm is done with?

 

Good luck.

[eroticsensation 17]

Thanks for your reply. This is the problem. My wife and I have a smoke and watch some porn, we talk about it and fantasize. I enjoy hearing what she would like to do with two guys. But it is weird once I cum all those fantasies go away. feels kind of weird. We have been planning for a while and we do want to try but that is my only concern is once I cum I will have regrets. How did you feel when another guy was having sex with your wife and then you cum.....the after sex part?

[GirlieZ 15]

EroticSensation, you are not alone!

 

One of my hubby's biggest fantasies to talk 'bout during sex is for me to have multiple men and for these multiple men to cum inside of me...then he is the last one. Everytime, as soon as we are finished and we are laughing and talking he says "You know, that really turns me on...but I don't think I want it to happen" Its a turn on for him to see me be so nasty and dirty, but after he cums..and he has his wits about him he knows that it would not be a good idea and downright dangerous. I know that my hubby has certain boundaries that should not be crossed, even though he loves to talk about those subjects. Its all a part of me knowing him. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality.

 

Zgirl

[CB_n_Red 16]

We did turn the fantasy into reality and it just keeps on getting better

 

Like you we used to have a smoke, watch some porn, talk and fantasize. Eventually we arrived at the conclusion that the only way to find out how the reality would be was to do it. So we did. Neither of us have any regrets and we always look forward so much to the next time.

 

We both feel great about the whole experience, before, during and after, whether it's with just one other person or a whole bed full. It has brought us so much closer together. If anything we love each other more now than ever (if that's possible). Not bad going after 25 years of marriage and nearly 30 years together.

 

I think the thing that really makes encounters so good for us is the way we stay in at least partial contact throughout, whether by a look or a touch. It reinforces and reaffirms our relationship. No surprise that we inevitably finish up with a mind-blowing bonk with each other.

 

Just our take on the issue.

[Mistral Wind 54]

Watching Mistral enjoying sex is wonderful for me, if it be a playtime on herself with her toys or fucking herself to heaven with another partner/partners is a massive turn on for me. She gets the same fun watching me enjoying it all.

[dave110256 21]

Hell yes, it arouses me....I can't wait to see my wife have sex with another man. She is afraid I will be jealous or have bad after-thoughts but I am sure that I will not. We both loved having sex with a woman at the same time and I am sure it will be the same with a man. I made sure to pay close attention to my wife during our 3some and as long as she does the same to make me feel as comfortable as I made her feel, I'm sure it will be hot. I love her so much and will love and respect her as much after, I wish she could believe this but I think it will happen soon.

[SnozzberryBlu 83]

It's HOT HOT HOT to me But we both swing

[confunktion 20]

Ditto to the lovely and talented Mrs. Snozzberry. Couldn't answer the poll because we both share in the experience. A huge turn-on both ways.

[repglg 15]

Absolutely. I love watching him receive and give pleasure to another women. Its HOT.

[charlottefreaks 16]

I get totally aroused when I see my man with another woman. I like to just sit back and watch because he is such a gentleman with the women. I like to see the woman squirming and screaming from him pleasing her. When we first started swinging with couples I thought he was going to be jealous of another man being with me but he wasn't and it made the situation even better.

[Justwatch 15]

I've had sloppy seconds with my wife twice, and we had a threesome once...it was awesome! Fucking her when her pussy was full of cum (even when I didn't get to watch her) was hot, and the time I got to watch was incredible!

[findtime 16]

One of my biggest turn-ons in the lifestyle is watching my husband with another woman. Nothing makes me hotter and he feels the same way.

That's why we always play same room.

[hilltop 16]

There's nothing and I mean NOTHING that arouses me more than to watch my partner (or any woman for that matter) being pleasured!!!! It put's me on a whole other plane . . .

[The Big A 18]

I voted "It arouses me" although she has never had sex with someone....The one time we had our full swing experience (2 weeks ago) the other male positioned himself over my wife and everything but simply could not "perform". I didn't realize he had troubles until later in the night....I was at the same time having sex with his wife and the sight of him seemingly penetrating my wife sent me over the edge into a fantastic orgasm.....Also my wife who has a great history of jealousy says she didn't mind at all watching me have sex with the other woman...In fact it has been the topic of many evenings gret sex since then.....

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Out of the selections I chose "It's okay" because watching MrLM having sex with other women doesn't change my state of arousal.

 

He feels that thinking about me with other men and thinking back to when he watched me with other men is more arousing than when he's in the moment.

 

For these reasons I think we are especially comfortable playing out of view of the other and will even consider playing alone with select friends with benefits. Talking to each other about what happened - that the other was not there to see - is more erotic for us.

 

We made this surprising discovery when at our first suite party at a club, people were having sex all around us and watching this didn't do a thing for either of us. The act of sex itself isn't the arousal and pleasure for us. It is the "story" that can go with it when we've taken time - one on one - with another couple to intimately develop our arousal for each other as the evening progresses to that moment when we connect in body and mind with the person(s) with whom we have sex.

 

Both MrLM and I like to concentrate fully on our swing partner when we play.

 

The more I learn about ourselves, and learn about other swingers preferences, the more out of the norm I feel we are.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

There was no choice that said it turns us both on immensely, which would be the case with us. For us, it's the best foreplay.

[Tia Vampire 167]

It arouses me only when she starts making the sounds that I make. Then I know he has hit the sweet spot. Afterward I give him dap and tell him what a hotty he was and that is the way to throw down the pipe. Tag team, my baby did it again. He just smile and call me crazy when I mess with him. Makes for fun times.

[lotsoffun201 175]

I'v only seen my wife with another man one time. She and I have had many FMF threesomes but only one MFM. We have been with couples in a soft swing capacity many times before.

 

Personally with all of our other experiences, the MFM was by far and away the most intense to me and arousing. Is that wrong?

[Brian and Jo 344]

For both of us watching our spouse having sex with another partner is a huge turn-on. It is definitely one of the pleasures of swinging. The first time I watched Jo with another male I couldn't believe how erotic and exciting it was. When we started to swing we used separate rooms and the sounds of sex emanating from the other room were intriguing to say the least. So we made a decision to swing in the same room whenever possible. It is one of the best decisions we have made in this lifestyle. We both enjoy watching each other enjoying the pleasures of sex especially when we are experiencing orgasms. The look on Jo's face when she is cumming is very exciting indeed. I am bi and Jo just loves to watch me playing with another male. It is very stimulating for her to say the least!

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Personally with all of our other experiences, the MFM was by far and away the most intense to me and arousing. Is that wrong?

 

Nope. I get great enjoyment in watching Amelia receiving pleasure. Sometimes I just want to stop what I'm doing and grab a tub of popcorn.

 

Maybe set up the velvet ropes and sell tickets.

 

(hope she doesn't read this thread...)

[ch85books 16]

Watching my wife with someone else, male or female is a huge turn on for me and she loves watching me with another woman. The very first time we did it with another couple was when we were dating. We had made love with each other while my best friend and his girl were doing it. We all just kind of naturally agreed to swap and it was awesome! After we had all cum I moved over to my wife to be, and spread her legs to look at here beautiful pussy dripping my best friend's cum. It turned me on so much that I got instantly hard again, and started fucking her again. Ever since we have each enjoyed watching the other. My dear wife has had a lot of gangbangs through the years and I usually wait til the end to do her. Watching all those guys fill her up gets me going!

[CaptK 15]

Aroused doesn't describe how it excites me. I was surprised the first time I watched her making love to another man; rather than feeling anger or jealousy, I was incredibly hard. I don't think anything had made me so excited as then. It remains an emotional high of the greatest proportions today, after many experiences in the lifestyle.

[JDApopka 54]

MFM is all we do and well I find it Hot watching her please other men she thought I was nuts when I first brougth it up but now she enjoys and i love it

[AdultSocials 15]

I love watching my SO with someone else. It makes the whole experience better seeing him pleasure someone else!

[tncinmd 55]

Like a lot of other men here have said, aroused doesn't cover half of it. My greatest pleasure is watching hers.

[LFM2 1,482]

I think watching Mr. LFM is one of the hottest things I've ever seen while he's pleasuring another woman!

[oc1234 435]

For the last few years, all we have been doing is MFM 3somes with a male friend we have know for 28 years.

 

We actually started with a couple of full swaps with him and his now ex-wife. While I enjoyed sex with his ex-wife, what I really enjoyed was the thought of him with my wife.

 

And after the full swaps with them, he and my wife met a number of times alone for sex. I found that extremely exciting and encouraged my wife to continue.

 

After they got divorced, not due to swinging with us, we stated having 3somes with him. We don't get together that often, but when we do, we all enjoy it.