Performance anxiety, pumping the breaks, and more

[Newswinger2021 0]

Husband and I had our first date with a wonderful couple. He developed some performance anxiety, had difficulty getting an erection, and now feels more comfortable taking things slowly. The couple has agreed to remain friends and is open to sexual play if/when he is ready. 

I understand my husband's feelings and want to support him in getting over his anxiety so that he can perform to his fullest capabilities. But I'm also feeling disappointed as we have a great connection with this couple and all had fun during our first date. I'm feeling guilty for wanting things to progress when he is not feeling as ready. We have had some good conversations about how he is feeling but I am having difficulty expressing how I'm feeling because I don't want to make him feel bad, or worse, increase his anxiety or make him feel more pressure to perform. 

 

Has anyone else had issues with performance anxiety when they started swinging and how were you able to move past it? I just want him to feel confident and sexy so we can both have the fun we have fantasized and talked about. I feel like he just needs one positive experience to get his mojo back but I don't know how to make that happen or where to go from here. 

 

 

 

 

[Fitlakecouple 451]

You'll read many accounts of performance anxiety on this board. Various labels are used to describe it but the end result is the same.  Going easy on the alcohol is a good idea and use of Viagra is often suggested as a crutch. But, unless he always has erection difficulty, he doesn't have a 'physical' problem, he has a 'mental' problem. His brain is simply overloaded by  this new situation - being naked around another man, seeing you with another man or woman, the pressure to perform. You may be able to help by getting him hard in the first place. Playing in separate rooms might also help. Playing with just a single guy a few times lets him off the hook for performing while he gets used to watching you play. Parallel play - just playing with your own partner,  or soft play only might bring the tension down. Ultimately, he needs to get used to this new situation and that will take some time.

[Thegreyarea 100]

It happens. We all get in our heads a bit in the beginning. It usually takes a second meeting before I’m completely comfortable with the other female. 

[TwoFunTexans 103]

This happens often with me especially at clubs. I perform best when I've had a chance to flirt hard with the woman and make out leading up to playing.

 

I have a cock cage that we play with occasionally and my wife told me next time we go to a club and I fail to perform she's going to make me put it on there for the rest of the night as punishment. I told her I needed something to think about other than the current situation and that was her resolution. Typing that made me hard so I'm ready to put it to the test. Or not... 

[lovefest04 699]

On 12/20/2021 at 10:34 PM, Newswinger2021 said:

Has anyone else had issues with performance anxiety when they started swinging and how were you able to move past it?

Only like 80% of the men on this board.

 

I found that starting with the wife helped a lot. Getting revved up with her and then switching.

 

Also, and I am not a fan of pharmaceuticals, but using a bit of Viagra helped me to believe I was going to perform regardless, and I did and it gave me greater confidence. No shame here, although we all know men are often driven by the little mind between their legs, the bigger mind of the heart can override.

 

Good luck and you sound really loving as you describe your situation.

[Numex 2,415]

On 3/25/2024 at 7:38 PM, lovefest04 said:

I found that starting with the wife helped a lot.

I found that my wife has always already started with someone else.

[Anon321 522]

It's nothing to be ashamed of.  I've seen college kids have performance anxiety with my GF where they couldn't get or keep an erection.  Anyone with any kind of experience in this has seen it before.