GF is interested in swinging but ONLY before marriage

[MikeBravo 16]

Question forwarded from a buddy:

Quote

 

My long term girlfriend has long known that I want to swing. She initially only dismissed the idea if she was married. She's now showing some interest in it but says that if we do it, we can only do it before we get married. She said that swinging is not something married women and mothers should be doing. She seems to think it's OK before then, though.

 

I'm not jumping at the chance to swing now because I do want to marry her and I'm afraid that I will like swinging so much that I won't want to stop and get married. I'm also a little worried about swinging without a total commitment to each other.

 

Any advice? Have you heard of a woman's opinion like this?

 

 

Edited December 27, 2021 by MikeBravo

[lcmim 1,082]

From a guy here.

 In our world swinging is a couples pastime. Preferably a married couples. ( That is just OUR world.) For single people it is just more hooking up, a singles game.

 

 The commitment is important. I do see her point about holding off after marriage. especially if you are thinking of a family. For us we had decades into raising children and caring for our parents before swinging. To do what we needed to do our focus needed to be on each other very intensely. There just wasn't time to involve ourselves in social sex.

 

 If he hesitancy comes from a realization of the importance of couple bonding, I say more power to her and you should listen. If it comes because she sees marriage as limiting her horizons, then perhaps she needs to think it through.

Edited December 27, 2021 by lcmim

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,389]

Hm. Seems strange bc swinging is definitely a thing married couples do and when done correctly can enhance your marriage. Sure you take time off once kids enter the picture. But for us, sprinkling in a little consensual non-monogamy during the baby years was a welcome break we needed and my wife needed it most, honestly. Otherwise doldrums can set in.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

We would not engage in swinging with others at all in this circumstance. We played with others before marriage and after, and it was the before marriage that set the stage for sure. However, we did not plan to not swing after marriage.

 

I think more talking on it is in the picture.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

It sounds like she is trying to give into your wanting to swing...we can do it now, but once we're married it will stop. It doesn't sound like she is interested, but is willing to take one for the team (which is almost never a good idea). The two of you need to talk much more about this and she needs to understand that unless you are willing to stop swinging once married (usually not the case with people wired towards swinging) this may be a deal breaker in your relationship. She doesn't want to swing, you do...which one of you is willing to do what the other wants?

[EastInWest 1,524]

50 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

It sounds like she is trying to give into your wanting to swing...we can do it now, but once we're married it will stop.

This is my read, as well. She wants an off-ramp back to vanilla monogamy.

 

It's a bit like when someone says "we could try a threesome, but I'm afraid you'd want to keep doing it". If they genuinely thought they might enjoy the first one, that wouldn't exactly be a "fear".

 

This might not mean she's opposed to it, but that she's afraid the interest in continuing will be one-sided. It might also mean she's opposed to it. Talk it out.

Edited January 3, 2022 by EastInWest