Confused about whether to proceed.

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

Hi

I guess as we’re new here an introduction is required. Happily married couple from Melbourne Australia. I’m 32 and he’s 44.

We have been flirting with the idea of swinging for a long time, in fact since a holiday threesome some 12 years ago, but we’ve been content with the fantasy of it so hadn’t really pursued it.

 

So a month ago we fell into a situation that has sparked our passion for this again, moreso in me than him. Totally by accident. Totally with a couple we would never have chosen. Basically we were on holiday (seems to be our theme, lol), in a jacuzzi at the resort, and this young couple, way too young for us really (19 & 22), just started flirting and playing footsies with us. Then she asked both of us if she could kiss me! My husband said yes, I wanted to but was lost for words. I honestly cannot tell you how it all came about after that but we ended up in their room and enjoying our first ever swap. We saw them twice more over the holiday and one time it was just me alone, which in hindsight I shouldn’t have done. It was my first time ever with a woman and I’m fascinated to explore this more.

 

My husband and I have been discussing this at length since it happened and if I can sum it up briefly he’s only moderately interested for himself but it super keen for me to explore. His proposal at the moment is that we’ll attend a swingers club once every couple of months together but in between that he’s happy for me to go as often as I want or even meet people privately. This seems too close to cheating to me. I know it’s not in any sense of the word but it just feels a bit wrong.

 

So. Questions.

 

Do couples swing alone? How normal is it?

Is this a form of ‘hotwife’ (I only learned that term today). Does that often lead to cuckolding?

Do you think I’d be able to talk him around to participating more?

I guess ultimately I’m just scared to do this by myself. I really want to explore, I feel the desire so strong, but I almost feel like I need to repress my feelings if we can’t do it together.

 

I don’t know. I’m just confused. I guess just writing it down and talking it out is cathartic. Any advice for a newbie will be taken on board. I’ll probably end up overthinking this and not following through as tends to be my modus operandi.... but I feel in every part of me that I want this so bad.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,389]

Hi and Welcome! Congrats on restarting your long-dormant swinging lifestyle!

 

We totally understand your desire to experience the adventures of swinging with your husband, and agree his participation at this early stage is vital to its success. It's also not uncommon for husbands to enjoy the 'hotwife' subset of swinging. Most swinger couples we know enjoy mfm/hotwifing scenarios and some even prefer it to couples-swap. It seems as swinger couples mature their preferences often lean in that direction, and this may partly stem from the husband's feelings of diminishing sexual prowess as he ages. We assure you his interest in hotwifing is actually pretty normal.

 

But you don't want to go down this road alone. That's not a great way to get started. Maybe explain to him you aren't comfortable flying solo at this stage of the game, and really prefer his being there - even if his preference is just to watch.

 

Perhaps as you both become more experienced and comfortable in this you might meet a single or couple who you are comfortable being alone with. This past summer my wife took a week-long vacation with a lover and it was a great experience for all.  But she has been seeing him for 7 years so we're all quite comfortable with him.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

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Do couples swing alone? How normal is it?

 

Yes they can and do. It's not out of the ordinary at all. It would make you a 'unicorn' and as such, you will have NO PROBLEM finding other couples to play with.

 

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Is this a form of ‘hotwife’ (I only learned that term today). Does that often lead to cuckolding?

 

Hotwife works...could also be called vixen (from 'stag and vixen').

 

Hotwife:

1. A married female swinger; a wife who has sex with men other than her husband, with the husband's approval.

It doesn't have to 'lead' to anything. Cuckolding is something that involves humiliation and degradation of the husband and as long as that isn't happening, then it doesn't lead there (unless that is what he wants and there's nothing wrong if it is).

 

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Do you think I’d be able to talk him around to participating more?

That's actually between the two of you. You have just entered your sexual peak while he's beginning to 'slow down' due to his age (actually, he's entering his 'mid life crisis' stage). You still need to do more taking about this and find out what he is really interested in doing. One important thing...don't over think what he says. If he really trusts you, take him at his word. He might just find it hot to know that other men find you as sexy as he does. Since he has said that he is willing to go to swingers clubs every couple of months, then maybe just start with this and see how it goes. As he finds out more and gets more comfortable with the situation, he may be willing to participate more.

 

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I guess ultimately I’m just scared to do this by myself. I really want to explore, I feel the desire so strong, but I almost feel like I need to repress my feelings if we can’t do it together.

I hope that he already knows this from you telling him. The biggest trap you need to be careful to avoid is not allowing feelings to develop with whoever you are playing with. I would suggest you avoid single men and keep playing with other couples, since they already have a (hopefully strong) relationship and won't be wanting to have you just for themselves (himself). Just remember, there is no time limit here, no reason to rush. Take your time and see how things progress. Good luck and feel free to keep asking more questions...

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

 

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...in between that he’s happy for me to go as often as I want or even meet people privately. This seems too close to cheating to me. I know it’s not in any sense of the word but it just feels a bit wrong

 

If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong for you...for now. This may change.

 

 

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Do couples swing alone? How normal is it?

 

Absolutely. It's very normal. Lots of couples do. It is, however, a bit uncommon for couples new to swinging to do so.

 

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Is this a form of ‘hotwife’ (I only learned that term today). Does that often lead to cuckolding?

 

Yes, that's being a 'hotwife' (and don't take that pejoratively; it's just a label). No, it doesn't lead to cuckolding. The two are effectively mutually exclusive. You can't be a hotwife and your husband be a cuckold. 'Hotwifing' implies consent. Cuckolding doesn't.

 

 

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Do you think I’d be able to talk him around to participating more?

 

Maybe, and maybe not. It is entirely possible that your husband is very strongly interested in a sexual form of compersion; the feeling of happiness in having their spouse sexually enjoy someone else. He may get all the happiness he wants to from swinging just by seeing and/or knowing you are having sex with someone else.

 

 

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I guess ultimately I’m just scared to do this by myself. I really want to explore, I feel the desire so strong, but I almost feel like I need to repress my feelings if we can’t do it together.

 

It's ok to be scared; that's your brain giving you some warning that you might not be ready for it yet. That's quite ok. When my wife and I first got into swinging, whether we were with a couple or a single man, she insisted I always be there and involved. She didn't want me to just watch. Over time, that changed, and she was more comfortable with just being watched. That started to evolve, and after a while she started going on solo play dates with people we'd played with before. That evolved to solo play dates with men she hadn't played with before, and that evolved to her having long term boyfriends. It was a journey. I think she would have been very scared at the idea of having a boyfriend, with my consent, in addition to being married if it had been the first thing we tried.

 

You may find a similar pathway. At first, the whole idea of being non-monogamous can be a bit scary. We're not raised to think it's "normal", and our society strongly encourages fidelity in relationships. We don't have a toolkit of experiences from others, or teachings as we are raised to give us a firm basis on which to begin to be non-monogamous. That can be scary. It's kinda like the first time you jump out of an airplane, or the first time you bungee jump. It's going to be a bit terrifying. After you've done it a few times, it's a lot less scary and a lot more fun. In time, you will probably find yourself kissing your husband and skipping out the door with a rush of happy adrenaline knowing you're about to have sex with someone else, heading out on a solo date.

 

It's very much ok for you to have the desires you have. It's absolutely wonderful that your husband is so supportive of you pursuing these desires. My wife is a very strongly sexual person, and it sounds like you are similar. I encourage my wife to fulfill all of her sexual desires, whether it be with me or with other men (she's not into women). I never knew how much pleasure I would get from watching my wife having sex with someone else, or knowing that she was having sex with someone else (and hearing all about it when she got home). I couldn't explain it to myself when I realized how much I loved it. I tried! I gave up trying. I just accept that it gives me a great deal of joy to see another man having sex with her and her enjoying it so much. We feed off of each other in that respect; I love watching her (or hearing about it), and she loves knowing how much I love it. I think your husband sounds a fair bit like me. Cherish it! It's a gift! There are soooo many husbands who would be instantly jealous.

 

It's important to make sure your relationship with your husband remains paramount. Always do things in the context of your relationship with him. Keep him in the loop, always keep the lines of communication open, make sure he's still very much enjoying your sexual dalliances. If that doesn't happen, it will turn sour very quickly and it won't be enjoyable for you, much less him. He is uplifting you to achieve your sexual dreams. Make sure he's along for the ride, and every bit as happy about it as you.

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

19 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Maybe explain to him you aren't comfortable flying solo at this stage of the game, and really prefer his being there - even if his preference is just to watch

We've been down this path.  He understands.  He has discussed watching and I know when it comes down to it he will come if I ask him, but I want him to want to be there, not just be there because I want him to be.  After seeing him with this young girl and how he was able to satisfy her I can't believe he'd not want to repeat that.  

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

16 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

vixen

 

16 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

unicorn

Well this is a learning curve.  I've now learned another couple of words.  :)

 

16 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

don't over think what he says.

My biggest fault... sigh...

16 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Since he has said that he is willing to go to swingers clubs every couple of months, then maybe just start with this and see how it goes

That is the plan.  I'm not ready to go alone yet despite it having already happened with that couple,  

 

16 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Good luck and feel free to keep asking more questions...

Oh I will be... little Ms Research here will probably annoy the hell out of you.  

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

11 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

He is uplifting you to achieve your sexual dreams.

Oh believe me, I know how lucky I am.  There's just one thing missing... a husband that is just as eager as me.  
When he told me that he was happy just sitting back and watching and hearing because he "doesn't need any other woman besides me" it hurt.  Even though he assured me it's not what he meant, I felt like shit because he was implying that I thought he wasn't enough for me.  
I would walk away from this without hesitation for him.
But as said earlier, I just have to take him at his word.

It's really hard wanting something so bad and at the same time not wanting to do it because of the pain it could cause equally as much.

This will be a slow process because I have to make sure I get it right,  Who knows, it may just stay as a holiday thing for us.  It's worked twice now.  I'll just have to organise a lot more holidays ;)

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

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Oh I will be... little Ms Research here will probably annoy the hell out of you.  

 

You can't My wife and I have been on this forum for well over a decade now. The regulars here are a great bunch of people, and are very happy to help out new people in the lifestyle. It's possible my wife and I would not have gotten into swinging if it weren't for this forum. That's not to say it convinced us into it, but rather that without the help of the people here a lot of our questions would likely have gone unanswered. I know for our parts we try very hard to return the favor.

 

 

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Oh believe me, I know how lucky I am.  There's just one thing missing... a husband that is just as eager as me. 

 

Mmmm...I think he's every bit as eager as you are, just not in the way you want/expected. It sounds to me like he's very eager for you to have as much sex with other people as you want. As I mentioned before, I think he enjoys compersion. I suspect he's looking forward to the next time you have sex with someone else, whether he's there or not.

 

 

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When he told me that he was happy just sitting back and watching and hearing because he "doesn't need any other woman besides me" it hurt.  Even though he assured me it's not what he meant, I felt like shit because he was implying that I thought he wasn't enough for me. 

 

I don't think the hurtful aspect of this is what he meant at all. I would take him at his word. If I never had sex with another woman other than my wife again, and my wife had sex with a hundred more men along our journey, I would die a happy man. I very much enjoy her having sex with other men. I think your husband is likely the same. He knows how much you want this, how much you want to have sex with other men and women. It sounds to me like he relishes the idea, and wants to support you in doing so. Him having sex with other people isn't as important to him. Don't evaluate his fervor in this based on your own aspirations. My wife and I interacted with a couple some years back where the wife didn't play...at all. She actively worked to find playmates for her husband. She very much enjoyed being in the same room and watching him have sex with other women. She and I communicated for a while, though we never met. We joked a few times about the conversations we would have watching our spouses have sex with each other. Some spouses just aren't as interested in playing, but very much want to see their spouses play. It's ok. There's no one flavor that applies to all swingers. That's why we refer to ourselves as anything other than 'vanilla' Your husband sounds like he knows what he wants, just as much as you know what you want. Your wants are different. It's enough for him to watch or hear about you having sex with other people, and less interesting for him to have sex with others. That's ok. It doesn't mean he's not as equally into this as you are, he's just coming at it from a different set of wants.

 

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It's really hard wanting something so bad and at the same time not wanting to do it because of the pain it could cause equally as much.

The way you avoid that is continual communication, and absolute 100% honesty about your innermost emotions and thoughts. It's not the act of sex with someone else that is likely to cause pain. It's your relationship not being in the right place for it. I doubt, from what little we know from your posts, that your relationship isn't in the right place for it. Share everything with your husband, and ensure he's sharing everything with you. Take him at his word. Understand; if he says something, especially if it's a deep, heartfelt thought/emotion, and you don't think what he says to be what he says it means, it's a form of distrust. That can actively undermine his ability to share his innermost thoughts with you. "Wow. I shared something very deep for me, and she's struggling to believe me!" Flip that around; if he were to struggle to believe something very deep for you, do you think you'd be more or less likely to share something equally deep again? I dare say it's more likely you'd hold back in the future. Try to let go; don't over analyze. Try hard to take in what he says at face value. Sure, ask questions to clarify, but take it on faith he's being 100% open and honest with you. The more you do that, the deeper the lines of communication become, the most trust you will have in each other that you can share everything without concern.

 

 

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I have to make sure I get it right

 

You know what's a little scary? You're human. There's a fair chance you'll make some mistakes in this. That's ok. Don't expect perfect. Don't expect to get everything right. Do commit to being absolutely devoted to your husband and to your relationship with him. That, in the end, will make everything right.

[lcmim 1,082]

Taking what he says as truth and taking things slowly and deliberately are not mutually exclusive.

How many times in other areas of life do we hear what is said, but misinterpret what it means?

How many times have we said something that , while the truth, inadequately expresses what we mean?

 

Taking things slowly expresses respect for yourself, your marriage , and your husband. 

It may be difficult but self discipline is a healthy habit.

This has served us well.

 

 

 

 

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

11 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

I think he's every bit as eager as you are, just not in the way you want/expected. It sounds to me like he's very eager for you to have as much sex with other people as you want. As I mentioned before, I think he enjoys compersion. I suspect he's looking forward to the next time you have sex with someone else, whether he's there or not.

I think you're right but this is hard to get your head around.  I'm not going to judge him for these feelings, but it's so unnatural to think there could come a time when I give him a kiss and tell him I wont be home until late knowing where I would be going.  I understand what you're saying, he's going to be just as excited as me, but it's going to take time to undo years of social conditioning.

 

 

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

On another note, my hubby wants to buy me some swingers symbol jewellery (never knew it was even a thing), and for me to wear it so "WE don't miss any opportunities".
 

He's also made contact with a club that's not too far from us.  We were too late to get entry tonight (Saturday night) but are ready to go for next weekend.  I honestly have butterflies and have ever since he told me,  Just the fact he took the initiative is so so so exciting for me.  

 

But back on to the jewellery, do people actually wear these?  Do people publicly advertise their swinging?  I'll attach a pic of what he's buying.  

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

Oh, and rules... what rules do people have.  I get that they'll be as individual as people are so I was just looking for an overview.

 

He has proposed only two rules,  Condoms for any penetration and no cum inside (obviously for oral sex).  He says we're both mature and trusting enough to know what's right and wrong from there. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

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I think you're right but this is hard to get your head around.  I'm not going to judge him for these feelings, but it's so unnatural to think there could come a time when I give him a kiss and tell him I wont be home until late knowing where I would be going.  I understand what you're saying, he's going to be just as excited as me, but it's going to take time to undo years of social conditioning.

 

It is difficult to overcome the programming. You've spent a lifetime being taught by family and society about monogamy. That's a lot of ingrained teaching to overcome. For my wife, it took about two years for it to feel "natural" having sex with other men. She enjoyed it all along, but it took that long before it really stopped feeling a bit weird, especially if she went on a solo date.

 

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But back on to the jewellery, do people actually wear these?  Do people publicly advertise their swinging?

 

There's a variety of sites out there that sell lifestyle jewelry. Here's one that seems nice: https://www.etsy.com/market/hot_wife_jewelry. My wife and I have looked into it before, but settled on a variety of different nipple jewelry instead. We considered getting such jewelry though. That particular necklace you display is not familiar to me as any symbol for the lifestyle. Maybe in Australia it tracks as a symbol? I don't know.

 

My wife and I imagined jewelry would be a conversation starter, but we were uncertain about how that would play out in any scenario. We're not keen on picking up non-lifestyle people, so even thought it might start a conversation out and about in public, it's doubtful any play would ever come from it. In a swinger scenario...of course the other people already know you're a swinger. So, we decided on the nipple jewelry instead, as being more apropos and useful. Your mileage may vary :) It might be that wearing jewelry out in public that clearly proclaims you're a swinger might be exciting.

 

 

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Oh, and rules... what rules do people have.  I get that they'll be as individual as people are so I was just looking for an overview.

 

He has proposed only two rules,  Condoms for any penetration and no cum inside (obviously for oral sex).  He says we're both mature and trusting enough to know what's right and wrong from there. 

 

Almost all couples have various rules when they get into swinging. For most couples a lot of the rules tend to fall away as time goes on (and with discussion of course). My wife and I had a no kissing rule at first. Condoms were and remain a must, unless it's a long term play partner we've come to know and trust well. My wife doesn't like anal, but has been willing for me to do that with her in the past. Problem is that while I'm average in length, I'm quite thick and it's painful for her. So, early on we had a no-anal rule. That rule is gone now too, but no play partners have ever asked for it. We had a smattering of other rules at first. It gives a feeling that you still have control of the situation, and it won't get out of hand. It's comforting. My wife and I now have just one rule (other than condoms of course, which is a given). We call it the "golden parachute" rule. If at any time either of us feels the need to pull the plug, we let the other know, we halt activities no questions asked and no debate, politely make our exit, and don't attempt to talk about it until we are back in the car and on the road. We've never invoked that rule, but it's a comfort knowing it's there.

 

[couplers 4,638]

We sort of started the same way, but for the opposite reason.  Hubby let me have a boyfriend for two years before I was comfortable letting him play (and I had to choose the women).  We were in our early twenties, so it was no lack of desire on his part, he is just extraordinarily generous with me, and I appreciate it.

 

On 1/6/2022 at 6:08 AM, hunterdonNJcpl said:

 

Perhaps as you both become more experienced and comfortable in this you might meet a single or couple who you are comfortable being alone with. This past summer my wife took a week-long vacation with a lover and it was a great experience for all.  But she has been seeing him for 7 years so we're all quite comfortable with him.

Some couples prefer the one off encounters, others long-term, caring relationships.

 

On 1/6/2022 at 2:41 PM, bbarnsworth said:

He may get all the happiness he wants to from swinging just by seeing and/or knowing you are having sex with someone else.

 

Once hubby started playing with other women, I enjoyed the aspect of knowing watching them as well.

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

I'm counting down the days.  I'm so incredibly nervous and excited at the same time.
The best bit?  My husband bought me some lingerie to wear.  He seems genuinely excited.  He telling me what he's going to be doing to me.  It's such a turn on to know he is interested.  We already had a good sex life but now it's just amped up.  He might even wear me out before we get there
So a few questions;
How do you go about introducing yourselves?  Is it just a normal "Hi" like at a party or is it "Hi you're cute, do you want to..."?
Do people take offense if you say no?
Do you need to ask them about their rules or tell them about ours or do you just feel your way through it?
This is a house party.  Do you bring the hosts something?
If you're talking to a couple and only interested in one of them is it bad etiquette to ask if they play separately? 
Is it considered bad etiquette if you go and don't play at all?  Or even play with too many for that matter?
Did I tell you I'm excited?  I am!!  I love my husband so much.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

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How do you go about introducing yourselves?  Is it just a normal "Hi" like at a party or is it "Hi you're cute, do you want to..."?

Start with hi...saying hi does not imply that you want to do anything with them, it just means hi.

 

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Do people take offense if you say no?

Not at all. There will be times where people approach you and one of you won't be interested. It's much easier and saves a bunch of time if you just say that it was nice to meet them but you are not interested.

 

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Do you need to ask them about their rules or tell them about ours or do you just feel your way through it?
 

If you find another couple that you want to play with, usually before starting someone will (or at least should) ask what their rules are and to let them know what yours are. Communication is always the best policy.

 

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This is a house party.  Do you bring the hosts something?
 

Probably not, especially if you don't know them in advance. If you attend events with them over a period of time, bringing them something is nice but still not required or expected.

 

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If you're talking to a couple and only interested in one of them is it bad etiquette to ask if they play separately? 
 

Most couples will come as a package deal. If either one of you are not interested in playing with them, it's probably best to look elsewhere (never 'take one for the team').

 

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Is it considered bad etiquette if you go and don't play at all?  Or even play with too many for that matter?

Not at all. Some couples are looking for a connection and just might not be feeling it with anyone that night. Others are interested in 'one and done'. Just don't overdo it. Take your time and don't rush or try to force things that you shouldn't.

[EastInWest 1,524]

On 1/7/2022 at 9:36 PM, Melb_Aust_Cpl said:

He has proposed only two rules,  Condoms for any penetration and no cum inside (obviously for oral sex).  He says we're both mature and trusting enough to know what's right and wrong from there. 

I will add that when we first started discussing the possibility of playing separately, we added a couple of others:

 

1) We don't need to talk before "soft" play (hand/mouth), but need to communicate and get a specific OK about what's happening before intercourse.

2) No second encounters without talking about it first. Again, if we're connecting with someone and want to see them again, we should check with the other and make sure it's not going to get weird or that there are no unvoiced concerns before it happens.

 

This was outside of a club setting, but it seems to me that if you're considering ever attending a club alone, that those safety rails might also be helpful.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

...and as for swingers jewelry (or a swinger symbol for that matter), there really isn't one. I've never even seen the one you pictured but there are some others. Still the problem with having a secret symbol is it never seems to be secret for long. Example: the rainbow for the LGBTQ society. When I was a kid, if you had a rainbow anything, it was because you liked rainbows. My Christian HS actually gave out rainbow stickers to put in the back window of your car to advertise the school and that the rainbow was God's promise to never flood the world again. Then suddenly it come out that it also meant that you were part of the LGBTQ society and we were all scraping stickers off the back window of our cars. If there was a secret symbol, once the first vanilla person found out what it was, your secret swinger symbol announces what you do in the bedroom.

[lcmim 1,082]

Goldcouple,

I am still waiting for technology to answer this. If I had the talent I would construct an app that would utilize GPS and Bluetooth tech.

 

 I would have the user enter an interest code, LS, Blacksmithing, Stamp collecting....

 

When it would be turned on and two with the same interest were within  Bluetooth range the phone would vibrate or ring with a ringtone of you choice.

 

Anyone up for the challenge?

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by lcmim

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

...but what is to keep someone who really isn't into that hobby from saying they are (just for their own titillation). Once again, you are notifying people who don't need to know about what you like to do in private with your partner.

 

As for us:

L/S - Check

Blacksmithing - Check

Stamp collecting - Pass

 

[lcmim 1,082]

The idea would be to notify you that there was someone in the vicinity that was self identifying. 

At that point it is up to you and them to identify who it is. Thus you have a modified target rich environment. ( If I figured even one half of one percent of the adult population is interested, there are on the average two or three of us in the local grocery on a Saturday afternoon)

As to fakes and posers you can have them anywhere. There is no real vetting here, on sls, or in clubs either.. There is always a certain amount of risk when making contact.

 

 How would I approach the person? I'd do it much in the way I would anyone else , but with a twist depending on venue.  In the grocery store I'd maybe ask if they knew were the store was  hiding the pineapples.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

😅

 

...and if at the local hardware store, you could ask if they knew where the papas grass and white landscape rock is.

[EastInWest 1,524]

23 hours ago, lcmim said:

The idea would be to notify you that there was someone in the vicinity that was self identifying. 

At that point it is up to you and them to identify who it is.

I'm not the only person thinking about "Highlander", am I?

[lcmim 1,082]

Totally new perspective on crossing swords.

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

Wow!!

Our first time at a swingers club last night (Friday Australia time) and wow!!!!
It was so much better than I could have imagined. Not even talking about sex, just the people, real people, people like us, people that you can be open with, can freely talk about sex with, can express your desires with, even if that desire is that I like you and want to be with you without judgment from your partner, their partner or people around you. It was totally refreshing. I think I’ve found my people.

 

I was worried going in that people were going to be off in their groups with friends and it would be hard to break in but everyone was so welcoming. No-one was sleezy. I never felt any pressure. It could not have been a better night.

 

We only played with one couple. A couple I guess, I don’t know if there’s different terminologies in the swinging scene, they come as a couple but are just friends with benefits. They approached us and it just felt right and soon enough we were heading to a room. The other guy had performance issues and soon left us alone, I wanted to finish it there but they both assured us we should continue. I am so glad we did.

 

I cannot put into words how much of a turn on it was to watch my husband totally into her (and her into him). I’m sure no-one wants the details but I just want to say one thing, being in a 69 with her watching my husband penetrate her doggy was the single most erotic thing I have ever done in my life. We were so switched on to each other that we all came at the same time. I’m so happy how it worked out and how I now know my husband will participate. He was worried that I didn’t get to play with a guy but if every situation ends up like that one I will be the happiest woman alive.

 

We exchanged phone numbers and she messaged to wish us a good morning and asked us out for “dinner and whatever happens afterwards” tonight. It’s quick but we couldn’t say no. I guess from what I’ve learned that there is no normal but does this sound too quick? Well I’m off the get my hair done, I don’t even have any nerves, I’m just so excited.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

...but now it is Tuesday and still no update!

 

Very happy to hear that your first experience was more than expected (always good to go in with low expectations and then having them blown away). Keep in mind that the NRE (new relationship energy) is high at this point and can make you move too fast and/or ignore warning signs that all is not as it seems. Sometimes it is best to limit how much time you invest in the l/s. Despite calling it a lifestyle, we think it should be thought of as more of a hobby...something that you do every weekend or two. Let us know how things went/are going!

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

On 1/19/2022 at 3:17 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

...but now it is Tuesday and still no update!

Sorry.  As funny as this may sound I have thought about this place and wanted to come here to share but life has been hectic.  

 

On 1/19/2022 at 3:17 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

Let us know how things went/are going!

Well for a girl that analyses, over-analyses and then analyses the over-analysing things have moved at a breakneck speed but surprisingly I feel really comfortable with it, like it was meant to be.  I take on board your warning about NRE but I'm not sure I have a handbrake right now and even if I did am not sure I'm willing to pull it,

So we met again Saturday and it's like we were made for each other, we're just so comfortable together.  So not wanting to move too fast, lol, we met again Sunday!!!  Yes I know...  she had a couple she said we would love and the five of us had an incredible time.  So... just us girls are meeting up this Friday and we're all going together to a club Saturday.  NRE all the way I guess !?!?!   Traditionally I would be an anxious wreck right now but I don't feel any of that, I'm just excited.  It feels good to just go with the flow knowing that no matter what will come it will all be ok, I don't need to have a plan worked out for each scenario, 

I am so happy that my husband has found the mojo he thought he had lost and is not just sitting back and watching, and I'm so incredibly lucky he's such a wonderful man to let us explore this without any hint of jealousy.
 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I just wanted to toss the NRE thing out there so you could all be aware of it. All too often it is ignored and that leads to other warning signs also being ignored. Just keep it in mind. BTW, I completely overlooked the part of how you (accidentally) found a unicorn (sort of) right out of the gates! Talk about luck (maybe Australia is where the unicorns hide and play?)! Lastly, over-analysing things is my thing...stay out of my lane. Don't leave out over-analysing the 'what if's' that didn't even happen...

 

Let us know how things are going (and especially if Australia is the land of the unicorns so we can buy our plane tickets)!

[Melb_Aust_Cpl 23]

Well we're totally invested in this lifestyle now.   Today was Australia Day down here and we had friends over for a BBQ.  We outed ourselves as swingers, well hubby did but once the cat was out of the bag...  I'm amazed at how positively it was received.  

We've had so much fun over the last week.  Met with some couples, been to a different party, saw our "unicorn" more than once 😉.  Apparently I now squirt!!!  I had the biggest orgasm I've ever had, it literally lasted 2 minutes and I squirted multiple times.  I was so embarrassed at first but everyone seemed to love it.  I've realised I really get turned on watching my husband, so much so that I sat back at one stage and just watched him with two women.

Can I just ask one question to the forum?  What are your rules for cum play?  I know this is purely our own preference, I'm just trying to get a feel for what others do.  The other night we met with two other couples and one of the guys came on my belly (after taking the condom off).  His wife licked it up but then wanted to kiss me.  I said no and it was all fine but my hubby watching told me it was ok.  We've talked about this and will talk some more, just trying to get a feel for what others do.  I don't really know how I feel about it, on one hand the thought of doing it is arousing but on the other hand it's another line crossed and there's not much left that is only for hubby and I.  

 

[Starlet1 1]

Hello from Melbourne!  Great to hear you had a good result!

 

Redhotpie is the best aussie swinger hookup site, and Between Friends is a great new swingers bar in Balaclava!

 

We've been in the swing scene for 6 years and we wanted to say welcome, and everything you're going through is perfectly normal.  One of the wonderful (and scary) things about the journey of opening up sexually is not knowing exactly where it will lead.  The freedom to explore and communicate with each other has brought us both together so much closer.  When we started we didn't know where we'd end up - my wife has really explored her Bi side.

 

All the best on your journey and keen to hear updates!

[Starlet1 1]

On 1/26/2022 at 10:05 PM, Melb_Aust_Cpl said:

Can I just ask one question to the forum?  What are your rules for cum play?  I know this is purely our own preference, I'm just trying to get a feel for what others do.  The other night we met with two other couples and one of the guys came on my belly (after taking the condom off).  His wife licked it up but then wanted to kiss me.  I said no and it was all fine but my hubby watching told me it was ok.  We've talked about this and will talk some more, just trying to get a feel for what others do.  I don't really know how I feel about it, on one hand the thought of doing it is arousing but on the other hand it's another line crossed and there's not much left that is only for hubby and I.  

We've played with partners who were porn star greedy/into bukkake, all the way through to most cumming occurs in condoms (or not at all if the guy is using viagra/cialis).  Generally we dont have specific rules for cum play, whatever works for you and your partners, and no one will take offence to your preferences (and if they do, turf them!)  I find it fun busting in big quantaties on her chest and belly because it shows how much I enjoyed playing with my partner (and I cum a lot so its good fireworks 😅)

[realcplub2 513]

On 1/7/2022 at 3:37 AM, Melb_Aust_Cpl said:

We've been down this path.  He understands.  He has discussed watching and I know when it comes down to it he will come if I ask him, but I want him to want to be there, not just be there because I want him to be.  After seeing him with this young girl and how he was able to satisfy her I can't believe he'd not want to repeat that.  

Welcome

 

  The first thought is, you and He need to really sit down and talk about your personal "rules for the road". Y. But your comfort level, and his may be different, which need to be discussed. How each of us approaches our personal swinging life, is very different. Ultimately, you and he need to decide whats right for you, even if its just at this moment. 

 

  As to his participation, thats a part of what we suggest you question further as to the why's, and what he may or may not want to do, WHO he may or may not want.. again we are all different and different criteria that turns us on.