Metrosexuality in the Lifestyle

[frenzb4sex 15]

My wife has recently begun calling me her "little Metro". For those of you that have been sleeping under a rock for a while, the term I refer to is known as metrosexuality, which has been defined a thousand ways, but in a nutshell, is a male that is in touch with his feminine side, with some of the following definitions:

 

"The metro- (city) prefix indicates this man's purely urban lifestyle, while the -sexual suffix comes from "homosexual," meaning that this man, although he is usually straight, embodies the heightened aesthetic sense often associated with certain types of gay men"

 

"An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle"

 

And exhibits the following example behaviors:

--VERY interested in his appearance in terms of hair, clothes, shoes, skin. --Doesn't mind going shopping, in fact embraces it.

--Is much more caring and loving than the typical male, either to a man or a woman. This includes expressing emotions in an open fashion without regard.

--Will cook and clean with fervor

--Uses words like fervor

 

Seriously though, this got me thinking a bit. Some of the things I "do" now is tan on pretty much an everyday basis, highlight my hair, treat my hair with conditioner, mousse, and hair spray--I will often accompany my wife on shopping for my clothes and even have say in what we buy, I will wear necklaces now, have picked out shoes (not sneakers, mind you), and as you may have seen on some of my posts, I am the type of person that has a "utopian free love" sentiment on the board. It's nothing for me to be very openly romantic with my wife. I run my mother's business on Ebay sellling salt and pepper shakers, for pete's sake!

 

So does that make me a metrosexual? Possibly. One of the more extreme definitions basically assumes that a metrosexual is a man more entwined in himself than anyone else in a narcissistic manner, displays feminine gay tendencies to an extreme (I equivocate this to JACK on Will and Grace), does not enjoy typical manly things at all, would much rather spend a Friday night watching a musical sipping Grey Goose instead of watching a game drinking some Bud Light....In that sense, I am so NOT metro.

 

So, what's the deal? Elementary, my dear watson. I thought about it, and there was one common denominator--the lifestyle. Ever since we very started actively meeting people about two years ago, my tendencies have moved in the direction that was mentioned above and how I "see" things differently. I am more conscious of how I look and act than ever before. In that sense, swinging has been an awakening from that side of the coin. In my observations, I see males in this lifestyle are more fashion prone, and do care about how they look whenever we attend an event or just simply go out; I also see, even evidenced on this board, that males are much more open, romantic, and caring than, say, a message board on ESPN.com. (Naturally, I wouldn't expect a comment on ESPN in the terms of "A-Rod needs to have his eyebrows plucked" or "Isn't Reggie Miller just DIVINE???" but you get my point)

 

Guys, gals, what's your take on this? Do you see that the men in the lifestyle have more tendencies to be seen as metrosexual (without the obvious gay references)?? What about your individual scenarios? Have you noticed any type of metamorphosis from what they were/you were before the lifestyle?? Do you see such a trend continuing?

 

 

The "Lil Metro" Tim

 

AND NO, that doesn't mean I like to have sex with Geo Metros.....

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

Actually, I think in today's society this is more common. Not just in the lifestyle.My hubby is very concerended wiht his looks & hair, even more so than I am, lol. He is a lot of what you described above, except that he has that true anly side to him too. He loves to watch football, play PS2, hunt, & fish. All those "manly" things. He doesn't have any of those gay tendenices that you mentioned. I describe him as a perfect mix. He is very in touch with his feminie side, but very straight. But he is very comfortable with his own sexuality and is very comfortable with gay men. He used to have a few friends that were gay & even went to gay bars. He is my favorite shopping partner. He is better at telling me what looks good on me & what is in style then any of my girl friends.

 

But I think it is actually society. Men feel they need to look just as good as us women. I think maybe it seems that there are so many in the lifestyle b/c not only are they trying to look just as good as women, but also trying to "catch" the eye of others. I personally like it when men tan, highlight their hair & just really take care of their appearance. I think it is putting an end to that stigma that men are the "ugly" ones & women are the "beautiful" ones.

 

So all those "metro" guys or whatever you want to call yourselves, more power to you!

[Avantgarden38 18]

I was under the impression that Metrosexual men were heterosexual guys pretending to be homosexual. . .or men just appearing gay to be "in".

 

Not just men who actually care about their appearance.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

I'd seen metrosexual in similar terms to what frenz has discribed. A man who is stylish, puts an effort into him physical appearance, and is in touch with his feelings. Basically a man who fits many of the sterotypes associated with both women and gay men.

[NightGoddess 16]

Tim, I'm glad you defined Metrosexual. My darling made a comment about the concept the other day. Nope, we didn't disagree...it was a passing comment about a book discussing metrosexuals. So honestly, I didn't have a clue until I read this thread.

I'd have to agree it is refreshing to know a man (finally) who takes care of his hair, skin, muscles....all of his body with the same care women have done for years. In the past it seemed most men would ignore their feet, pores, hair follicles, ears, etc. and consider gross behavior 'normal'. Okay....I'm referring to passing gas in mixed company....something my ex thought was a hilarious, thigh-slapping joke. I was mortified.

I am glad American men seem to have discovered what European men have known for years...that well groomed, sexy men are drop-dead attractive. Metrosexuals do all of the things you mention, Tim and more: like hunt, go to museums, read serious literature, cook, invest time in friendships, visit their parents regularly and frequently, frequently tell their Significant Other they love them....yes, I would have to say it is a wonderful thing. Another thing you mention about metrosexuals: they aren't threatened by honesty. When I told my darling I had experience swinging, he wasn't offended, nor did he dismiss me or judge me. He has an open mind-- and is curious about everything. I find this kind of man to be far more intelligent and whole than someone who judges first (out of a feeling of inferiority) and asks questions later (usually much later).

I don't think it's limited to the Lifestyle, though.

Perhaps it's a new cultural phenomenon.

[Gustavo 15]

I consider myself a moderate metro-sexual, meaning that I take good care of my body (work-out daily), trim the hairs from my underarms and eybrows but not to the extreme as them looking like women's, like wearing nice fashion clothes, etc. I am very straight and I think that the main reason men do this is to be attractive to women.

 

It is interesting that I had two friends in my youth (back in the sixties) who were doing all the things metro-sexuals now do and their reasoning was that women like or prefer men who look like them. They noticed that the idols of that time were all "pretty faces", women-like faces, so they began plucking their eyebrows, wearing make-up (not colors, just a base to make their skin look nice), applying clear barnish to their nails, taking good care of their hair, etc. At that time they were ridiculed and some even thought they were gay. Now I see that they were ahead of their time. They were both very straight and did that to attract women, and were successful at it!

[BradAndJanet 70]

Call me a semi-metrosexual.

 

I do care about my appearance (not that I'm a particularly attractive guy or anything!) I do try to make the most of what I have though...and I own one of those ear and nose hair trimmers. Makeup, however, would be a bit much. Do I still qualify?

 

-B

[Spoomonkey 421]

My mother once told me when I was a teenager - "You know... It's okay if you're gay..." Gotta love that silly, drunken charicature of a human being...

 

I think that when I was a kid, being raised by rednecks, I sort of stuck out like a sore thumb. I bathed regularly, would rather write short stories as the stereo blasted whatever banjo pickin' music my folks enjoyed... Well - I'd rather write than hunt and fish... My step father once took me hunting and I came home with four turtle shells that I insisted would make a great set of salad bowls if we could get them clean enough...

 

I remember begging for a hot lather machine when I turned twelve...

 

I have since made my escape to the "big city" leaving behind the shoes stained with dip-spit and hand me down clothes that look like bushes... As the years have passed - and mom has gone from drunk to addictions counselor - I gained a lot from being raised in such a "down home" environment. Perhaps there was something about the extreme homophobia of the south that forged who I am - a guy who isn't afraid to consider a wax job...

 

Metrosexuality, from everything I read, was - thankfully - a short lived fad that came and went as quickly as you can say, "microtouch trimmer."

 

The myth is that "queer eye for the straight guy" somehow truely represents the difference between straight and gay men. And - I think we would all agree that in truth, some gay men are just as disgusting as the most disgusting straight man - and some straight men are just as prissy as the prissiest of gay men. I trimmed my nose hairs long before "metrosexual" became a "buzz word." I listened to classical music and went to art mueseums long before I knew it was making me more "in touch".

 

Funny thing is, I don't think I come across any other way than just "heterosexual" - even if I love HGTV and regularly trim my personal areas... I kind of think the term "metrosexual" charicatures homosexuals and tries to box them into a "Will Truman" package. I know gay men who are fat, have shitty fashion sense and go totally slack-jawed when you bring up theatre. I guess there is some desire to package clean guys who like their clothes ironed and don't mind crying at movies into some sort of "explanation". I just don't think it is necessary.

 

Spoomonkey

[frenzb4sex 15]

I don't think labeling anyone is appropriate at any juncture, because of the diverse nature of many "categories". We're all considered swingers, but that can range from simply being a voyeur and watching others having sex, to full on orgies with anyone and everything, no holds barred. Just like metrosexuality, swinging can be defined a thousand different ways.

 

I don't think I come across any other way than just heterosexual either. My point was that I believe that there are more metrosexual tendencies by men in the lifestyle than those that lead vanilla lives. It's just an observation, that's all. Doesn't mean that you're gay, doesn't mean that you are anything different than the person you are. I think what you are trying to say is that the whole label of being metrosexual is unnecessary. I am not talking about labeling anyone at all, just the whole idea behind what the theory of metrosexuality is and how it plays into the lifestyle. This is not a gay vs. hetero discussion as to the stereotyped differences, but more or less a different perspective about something that society has named and categorized and its correlation with the males in the lifestyle.

 

Let's face it, the dogma that married men have taken on for years is that once we get married, we lose all sense of trying to "keep ourselves up"--that we tend to not care about weight gain, lose our romantic side, develop into slobs. Again, I know it's a distorted view and one that doesn't fit everyone, but it's still a common perception amongst the masses. I think, with the fact that married couples dominate this lifestyle, that seeing a vast majority of men who are "keeping themselves up" (and not with the little blue pill LOL) can be attributed to a sweeping acceptance of doing things that women normally would do, like get pedicures, manicures, relaxation massages, tans, highlighting their hair, etc.--the same traits that the media has stuck into the metrosexual way of things. I don't think that five, ten years ago, men going to tan regularly would have happened quite nearly as often as it does now. We're talking about a perception shift as a whole, and its place in our little (though we wish it was bigger *WEG*) world of swinging.

 

I DO understand that labels can be unnecessary, but for the sake of society's take on this phenomenonal buzz word, "trend" and fad, as you so succinctly put it, I think that when considering such ideology, one can see that it has taken its grasp on the lifestyle.

 

I do agree with the sentiments above that it's not just a lifestyle thing, it's a mass society thing, but my argument would be that if you were to place 100 couples that were in the lifestyle next to 100 couples that were vanilla, you'd find a strikingly higher percentage of men who are metrosexual in some fashion by definition than those that are vanilla. Of course, your survey would probably be incomplete since by the time you got through 10 couples and asking them the other 90 couples would be off having fun.

 

Tim

[WesternSwing 504]

LMAO. My wife has always said I'm a pretty-boy. And that is why she is married to me. I like to wear clean, tidy clothes. I like to smell good. I like to "manscape". I like to be pleasing to the eyes and nose of other people. Women comment to my wife how I always smell soooo good. I've always been this way. They just have come up with a name for it since Queer Eye for the Straight Guy has become so popular.

 

Now, I don't spend tons on clothes. I like my blue jeans and long sleeve T's or Henley's. I don't dress like a male model from Maxim or Playboy. But I always try to look tidy.

[frenzb4sex 15]

They just have come up with a name for it since Queer Eye for the Straight Guy has become so popular.

 

 

 

Actually the concept/word started in 1994, almost 10 years prior to Queer Eye making its debut.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I DO understand that labels can be unnecessary, but for the sake of society's take on this phenomenonal buzz word, "trend" and fad, as you so succinctly put it, I think that when considering such ideology, one can see that it has taken its grasp on the lifestyle.

 

Tim

 

In re-reading my post - it does sound like I am flaming a bit for "labeling". That wasn't my intent. I think your question and the responses have been valid. My response was more "left field" in that I was responding to the term in general - and it's recent popularity. I was striking out at pop culture - not you guys. So I apologize if I came off wrong.

 

I just didn't end my post well - Mrs Spoo was trying to get me to go hiking and I was still pecking away...

 

Anyway - I did think of this thread while at a restaurant, eating an early dinner and watching Jennifer Capriati beat Elena Bovina at the French Open. I had to explain different aspects of tennis (scoring, surfaces, terminology, etc.) to my football loving wife...

 

I felt VERY metrosexual

 

Spoomonkey

 

PS - I do tend to shave my nethers more diligently since becoming lifestyle active, so I can relate to your point.

[frenzb4sex 15]

You are too much, man. Well, not TOO much man, obviously. LOL

 

And hey--take it easy on us tennis "studs". We rock the party that rocks your body, I'll have you know.......Ok, maybe not.:rollseyes But it does give us stamina in other places!!! Namely, the ability to watch an entire tennis match on TV!!! WOOOHOO!!!

 

And to think you thought of my little ole thread in the middle of a restaurant, tee hee.....I feel special now. Enough to crack open a Merlot and read some Whitman while moisturizing my delicate skin and letting my highlights set....now that's heaven....

 

Tim

[Spoomonkey 421]

"Want more smokies with your Merlot?"

 

 

Spoomonkey

[NightGoddess 16]

"Want more smokies with your Merlot?":D Spoomonkey

rofl rofl rofl

[Mephisto 38]

MetroSexual is a term that just makes me cringe.

 

Lets call a spade a spade. Metrosexual Mean are:

 

androgynous

 

adj : having both male and female characteristics

 

I am am Man's man. there is no mistaking that if you knew me., I stand straight and Tall. I also take great pride in my appearance wearing clothes that fit and are taylored, in fact my Boss refers to me as the "Dapper Mr. Mephisto".

 

I have in fact been mistaken for gay, I assume because i speak "properly" with out slurring or using Slang.

 

Metrosexual, is just another trendy word or phrase like "growing a company or thinking outside the box"

 

Call A spade a spade.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I am totally confused...

 

Are you a "there's no mistaking it" man's man - or are you one who is at times mistaken for being gay?

 

I think what this thread is really talking about is the difference between the men who give their wives flowers in an empty Miller High Life bottle and those who realize that there is a line of men's skin care products by Nivea.

 

I am not sure that androgeny really has anything at all to do with the term. I think the way you described yourself is what the term is referring to in it's intended sense.

 

Spoomonkey

[curiousagain 326]

Once upon a time, you could be a "man's man" and dress nice and tidy and have manners and smell good and you were called a dandy. It was sometimes used as a derogatory term by other men.

 

But, I have never seen a woman repelled by someone who always tried to look nice, smell nice, and act nice.

 

Labels can be restrictive and misleading. I can skin a buck and I can run a trotline. I have also been told I can decorate a house and match clothes well. Is there a problem with being multi talented??

[Vespertine 31]

Once upon a time, you could be a "man's man" and dress nice and tidy and have manners and smell good and you were called a dandy. It was sometimes used as a derogatory term by other men.

My father was always referred to as a 'dandy' by his old cronies. Wow, I didn't think anyone under 70 years-old knew that term!

 

He took great pride in wearing custom-made suits, silk ties and beautiful jewlery & watches. He was always immaculate, and I think he owned every cologne there was, and he owned more shoes than all of his daughter's shoes put together. He trimmed his nose hairs, ear hairs and eyebrows. He regularly got manicures... clear coat, of course.

 

He was definitely straight. He LOVED women, and women LOVED my father.

 

My father loved clasical music, beautiful art and appreciated the finer things in life.

 

I think metrosexuality has been around a long, long time.

[northindycpl 32]

I will often accompany my wife on shopping for my clothes and even have say in what we buy,

 

That is a good line! Don't let that slip to the other husbands, or anarchy will ensue!

 

To tell you the truth, there are just some things that Mr. Indy wouldn't do... Like hair gel, or tanning beds. But all in all, I think that it can be said that I have noticed many men making a change, after the join the lifestyle.

 

I wonder how much human nature plays a part in it? Once you become an outwardly sexual person, Shouldn't you display yourself in the best light?

 

I watched a show on DIS about animals with many mates. These animals will take on many partners throughout their lives. These animals spent 30% of their time seaching and hunting for food, 30% of their time mating, and 40% of their time grooming themselves to be attractive to others.

 

I think in a nutsheel we are the same, and it is just human nature to be as appealing as we possibly can be. I think it is a perfect example of Darwin in Action (Survival of the fitest)

[SnozzberryBlu 83]

I love this thread!

 

My hubby might be considered one of these metros... now he doesn't like girly movies, but dare I get groceries without him and I am in trouble! He cooks, he cleans, he has perfect toilet bowl aim, and ooooo I love his cologne! He can talk football AND cake decorating nearly at the same time! Multitasking? He is everywhere! And the boy takes longer to get dressed than I do, not to mention talks up a storm. I swear, had I not met a guy like him I would have just been a bisexual in a lesbian world.

 

Seriously, tho... As much as I absolutely HATE fads, and labels imposed by others (I like being a swinger, I think I imposed that on me I do like the trend I am seeing here. Men today are not like my father ... or grandfather... Scientists say men's brains do not use both sides at the same time, whereas women do (hence women multitask) and that men are primarily left brained (logical, practical, etc) yet I also know that people's brains which are damaged cross over to the other side to compensate for the loss.. male and female alike. So.... I am beginning to think that this "men are trapped with half a brain" is not set in concrete, but more a education, or lack thereof... and that is something that I see is changing.

 

As swinging has (in my opinion) become more an activity couples agree to enter equally, and as that means women must be pleased as well as men, perhaps male swingers are simply "getting there" faster than their vanilla couterparts. Women don't just sit there anymore... and if you don't use the head on your shoulders more than the one between your legs for sex, women won't come back. There is a real incentive here for guys to learn and be more of perhaps who they were really designed to be in the first place (before religion and society changed all that).

 

Again, I hate fads.. yet I am all for embracing anything that will bring people into their full potential. Not only are the past generations of men (generally speaking) lacking in appearance, hygeine, sexual talent, and color coordination, but time and again to me they simply look miserable and confused. My father's and grandfather's generations seem to only understand very basic emotions in themselves.. they are reactive, not proactive.. and anything wrong in their lives comes from the outside, never from within. Though today's men are still not big on crying during "Ladder 49", hey that movie WAS a man's movie... made by men, with a ton of depth and emotion! Ahhh... wonderful! I think any man alive today, whatever age they are, now has the tools available to him to expand himself, become a new renaissance man of sorts... and better himself in all directions.

 

Women have now found the inner power to stand up for themselves, to ask for what they want and say no to what they don't want.. men are learning it is ok to feel, and look inside themselves for answers... that combination together means that our children have a better foundation from the get-go... and that can be nothing but great for all of us all around..

 

So back to the joke a few posts ago... today you guys may be metrosexuals.. but I hope this "trend" grows in depth and understanding... so our kids really could be "Geo Sexuals.." Ah, what a wonderful world!

 

 

[Vespertine 31]

I think in a nutsheel we are the same, and it is just human nature to be as appealing as we possibly can be. I think it is a perfect example of Darwin in Action (Survival of the fitest)

I think you're absolutely right.

[curiousagain 326]

My father was always referred to as a 'dandy' by his old cronies. Wow, I didn't think anyone under 70 years-old knew that term!

 

He took great pride in wearing custom-made suits, silk ties and beautiful jewlery & watches. He was always immaculate, and I think he owned every cologne there was, and he owned more shoes than all of his daughter's shoes put together. He trimmed his nose hairs, ear hairs and eyebrows. He regularly got manicures... clear coat, of course.

 

He was definitely straight. He LOVED women, and women LOVED my father.

 

My father loved clasical music, beautiful art and appreciated the finer things in life.

 

I think metrosexuality has been around a long, long time.

 

My Father was the same and yes, women of all ages were attracted to him on sight, it was amazing to watch.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I'd have to agree it is refreshing to know a man (finally) who takes care of his hair, skin, muscles....all of his body with the same care women have done for years. In the past it seemed most men would ignore their feet, pores, hair follicles, ears, etc. and consider gross behavior 'normal'. Okay....I'm referring to passing gas in mixed company....something my ex thought was a hilarious, thigh-slapping joke. I was mortified.

Mr LM passes gas and I still think it's hilarious after thirty years.

 

But he never entertains me with his 'music' in public. Or if he absolutely has to, he's quiet about it and casts an accusatory look at the stranger next to him.

 

I have to admit to pointing out his outlaw nose and ear hairs for many years, but becoming a swinger has changed all that. He now does his own plucking.

 

I love a man who is well groomed and clean. But I also know the difference between a clean guy who'll allow himself to get dirty and a neatnick who doesn't know how to let loose and have fun.

 

I never like being around men who would rather look at themselves in the mirror than look at me. That would be waaay too metrosexual.

 

LM

[Alternatives 15]

I wish I had found this thread earlier in its life because now I feel like my comment is a little late but . . .

 

It just cracks me up when guys refer to themselves as "very" straight.

[northindycpl 32]

I love a man who is well groomed and clean. But I also know the difference between a clean guy who'll allow himself to get dirty and a neatnick who doesn't know how to let loose and have fun. LM

 

 

Great statement! That sums it up for me too. There is just something about a man that can clean up but not be into himself.