What does 'Soft Swap' mean?

[SABRE777 15]

I know it is a noob question but, what does 'Soft Swap' mean???

[N&G 207]

I know it is a noob question but, what does 'Soft Swap' mean???

It means whatever you want it to mean. For practical purposes anything that doesn't involve intercourse is soft swap. For some swingers this means everything but and for others it could mean just being in the same room and watching without any contact between couples, or anything in between. If you are going to meet a soft swap couple then you need to find out what they do or don't do so there is no misunderstanding as to how they define it.

[Spoomonkey 421]

It means sharing pillows...

 

 

Generally, it means no sex between couples... i.e. I don't get your wife, you don't get mine... BUT - N&G is right on the money - clarify... That was how we meant it when we started, but you never know.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

For us soft swap meant no intercourse with others .

 

If I remember correctly that is what Mrs naughty and I had agreed on when we first got into swinging. That lasted till our second date...

[nwin_bifemcpl 15]

For us soft swap meant no intercourse with others .

 

Yes...That's what it means to us too, and that's how we started out when we first got into this lifestyle... Well...that's all changed now!!! Whoooo hoooo!

[2lutz 15]

Same for us. Everything but intercourse.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

For us soft swap meant no intercourse with others .

 

If I remember correctly that is what Mrs naughty and I had agreed on when we first got into swinging. That lasted till our second date......

 

Yeah, I think we made it to the second date too. But it is/was a good way to start out.

[butterfly29 15]

We currently soft swap at this time... We haven't crossed over yet. We have been playing with other couples for about a year.

 

What made any of you comfortable enough to full swap? What do you feel you had to come to terms with before you swapped, or did you just wake up one day and yell "SWITCH"?

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

What made any of you comfortable enough to full swap? What do you feel you had to come to terms with before you swapped, or did you just wake up one day and yell "SWITCH"?

 

For me, I knew that when we first started, feelings might come up after the soft swap that would need to be dealt with......and that would be a lot easier if we had not already done a full swap.

 

After the first time I thought "WHAT FUN" Let's do more!!!! The Mr. agreed, & off we went!!

 

So, I suppose the soft swap was just testing the water & seeing where our comfort level was. Once we realized we were ready, we went for it.

[good times 991]

We currently soft swap at this time..... We haven't crossed over yet. We have been playing with other couples for about a year.

 

What made any of you comfortable enough to full swap? What do you feel you had to come to terms with before you swapped, or did you just wake up one day and yell "SWITCH"?

 

We actually got into soft swinging kind of by accident (involved some close friends and a lot of alcohol). after we had done it a few times and Mrs. and I had many long discussions about it we decided that it would be more fun if their was a chance we would actually swap. After about a year of discussing it and mustering up the nerve we went to the club and have been having a good time with full swap ever since.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Good question, Butterfly!

 

I think we both wanted full swap from the outset. But we were very cautious about how we brought it up with each other. I don't really want another woman, nor does Mrs Spoomonkey really want another man. What we wanted was the excitement of the moment, the freedom to express ourselves with people who are also free to express themselves.

 

I think the reason it happened so quickly for us was that we went "steady" with another couple for quite a few months. We were new, they were experienced. They were not at all pushy and it took five months to actually engage in our first experience. During those five months we created, refined, scraped, recreated our limits. I think as we realized just how honestly comfortable the other one was, we grew bolder and took the next steps. Our first full swap experience was four months after that (chronicled on the swinger stories in "Emergence pt1 and the waiting-to-be-posted pt2).

 

What we had to come to terms with was trust. In this case, trusting that the other one wasn't "playing to please"; we had to know that each of us were really comfortable experimenting beyond the bounds of our very erotic marriage. We were/are very sensitive to each others feelings and would never push the other into something that wasn't comfortable. But once we knew where the other was, it was easy to take that step together.

 

That said, I don't want to give the impression that not going "full swap" is a sign of a lack of trust. Not at all! Trust is knowing that you are both in it together - not worried about one running ahead of the other - constantly confident that your bond is as strong in your limitations as it is in your fantasies. If that deep kind of trust exists in a monogamous couple or in a soft swap couple, it is just a valid and valuable as what a full swap couple has. The point is in knowing that every step is about the two of you, regardless of where those steps lead you.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

What made any of you comfortable enough to full swap? What do you feel you had to come to terms with before you swapped, or did you just wake up one day and yell "SWITCH"?

 

Mr Spoomonkey pretty much summed it up in his post in regard to trust and comfort between us.

 

For me there was another factor. It was also getting comfortable with myself and my boundaries. The Mr. is the one who had brought up the whole idea of swinging and I wasn't sure if I would be comfortable seeing him with another woman or me being with another man. He gave me the freedom in each situation to go with the moment as far as I was comfortable. (his limits being more expansive then mine at that point ; )

 

Basically I over thought everything but when the time would come it was so enjoyable I was able to go with it and realized how much I enjoyed our decision to swing.