Why are women not like men in this area?

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

This is my observation and think I am about right.

Most men, desire to have sex with every woman they find attractive, which is, probably in my case around 8/10 woman between the ages of 21-60. I honestly think most men are the same roughly but most do not admit to it as it is looked down on mainly by most women and they are afraid of being called some not nice words. So they keep it to themselves and pretend to be some highly moral person who only has eyes for his wife/partner. Would others say this is about right?

Honestly speaking I am now in my 40s and have met thousands of women and the vast majority of them are not interested in just sex without a relationship. Yes theres the odd ones who enjoy to just have sex for sex sake, sure, but they are in the minority, compared to the majority of men who would (even secretly) love to have sex with a different woman every day if they could.

I find this frustrating as women enjoy sex, even if its just one night with someone they just met and theres no relationship that comes of it, but the vast majority just dont want to do this, they want a relationship too.

My wife says she has zero sexual attraction to anyone other than me and has only ever had sexual attraction to me, even before we married and we married in our 30s and are in our 40s now. She says shes never fantasized about having sex with anyone in her life. She has masturbated before she said but found it impossible to have any sexual thoughts while masturbating, she just would focus on the physical feeling. 

I find it so frustrating as wouldn't it be so wonderful if women were all of a sudden were given a huge uncontrollable desire to have sex with as many men as they could every week and suddenly all women found themselves physically attracted to most men just from sight without any communication first and if women because of this huge impulse were very forward with perusing men who they found sexually attractive. Ie for instance just walking down the street and you get a smile and a "hi" or buying something in a shop and the assistant serving you starts to chat and ask your name etc. Like they would be happy to have a relationship with one man but have a uncontrollable desire to have sex with a different man every couple of days to fufill their sexual urges. If only this was the case, basically how most men are, in my opinion?

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

I would love for my wife to be more open, even just having same room sex with another couple, ocfouse would love to do more than that, even just say giving eachother a naked massage while another couple do the same and then swap over the massage but not actually have sex, things like that even would be still amazing and highly satisfying also and I know she would enjoy it too and thats what I need to focus on, that she would enjoy it and get alot of out it for herself. Ofourse would love to do many other things too but if thats branch too far for her then I understand and would never want her to do anyting she was not comfortable with.

[NerdsAreFun 226]

So she's demisexual.  Lots of people are, even some men.  Not a great fit for "the lifestyle" though.  Plenty of women who do like fantasizing or acting on desire for many men as well.

[enhancer 1,585]

I personally like that most women including mine are more picky about who they have sex with!  Quality over quantity works for me just fine. Gives me incentive to keep eating healthy and exercising 5 days a week.  I am not at all interested in having sex with woman that are not as interested in me as I am them.  
 

Although I agree more men want to fuck anything that moves then women that is not always the case.  You say you are probably interested in having sex with 8 out of 10 women you meet where as for myself it would be more like 1 out of every 30 or so.  I am just as picky about who I stick my dick into as my wife is about who is sticking their dick in her.  We both already feel like we have exactly who we want when it comes to naked fun so we are not interested in just anyone anytime.  It has worked great for us over the years.

 

The last thing I would be interested in is having a spouse who wanted to fuck a different guy every night.  I am more then happy being her go to guy to satisfy her daily needs and wants.  Don’t know how my self esteem would be if I couldn’t be the one to satisfy her.  Not that it has ever been something I have had to put much thought into.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I think your wife has been very open with you in the sense that she's expressed herself well about her attraction to others. I suspect NerdsAreFun has hit the nail on the head; your wife is demisexual. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. There isn't any solution to this except to open doors for her. If she wants to walk through them, great. If she doesn't, also great.

 

There's another possibility; your wife might be open to the concept of polyamory. You can become friends with a single male or a couple, and she can over time develop emotions for them...and then sexual attraction might come along. Of course, you'd need to start with a person or couple who is open to that idea.

 

For my part (a guy); Like Enhancer above, I'm more along the picky side of things. Sure, I find many women to be beautiful, and enjoy (politely) watching women. My wife is fine with this of course, especially since I don't drag my tongue on the ground. But, in terms of someone I want to have sex with? For me, having some attraction to the person inside is far more important to me than their physical appearance. Both are needed, but I'm open to a far wider range of women's physical attractiveness if they have a great mind than the other way around.

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

3 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

I think your wife has been very open with you in the sense that she's expressed herself well about her attraction to others. I suspect NerdsAreFun has hit the nail on the head; your wife is demisexual. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. There isn't any solution to this except to open doors for her. If she wants to walk through them, great. If she doesn't, also great.

 

There's another possibility; your wife might be open to the concept of polyamory. You can become friends with a single male or a couple, and she can over time develop emotions for them...and then sexual attraction might come along. Of course, you'd need to start with a person or couple who is open to that idea.

 

For my part (a guy); Like Enhancer above, I'm more along the picky side of things. Sure, I find many women to be beautiful, and enjoy (politely) watching women. My wife is fine with this of course, especially since I don't drag my tongue on the ground. But, in terms of someone I want to have sex with? For me, having some attraction to the person inside is far more important to me than their physical appearance. Both are needed, but I'm open to a far wider range of women's physical attractiveness if they have a great mind than the other way around.

Thanks, some great replies here.

I think thats a great idea for us to connect with a couple who we thought were attractive, and then over time she might feel comfortable with doing somethings like same room sex, not actually having sex with the other couple just things like same room sex or being naked around eachother, or fun games, truth or dare....something like that I would love and think she would too if she were in a place of knowing and trusting that couple and feeling comfortable with them.

I can not work her out at all sometimes, she has said she has become aroused when she sees a woman who is very beautiful and wearing something sexy but not tackey. Shes also said she would be happy to kiss a beautiful woman she was comfortable with, shes also become aroused when we have watched lesbian sex. Shes also said she gets aroused when we have watched 3some things, same room sex, and when we have had sex I have asked her if she could imagine if I was a certain man who she knows who she said is good looking and she said she did and it made her aroused and some other things. I am not sure if shes saying these things just to please me or if they are genuinly true, maybe they are genuninly true but she is just too scared to actually have anything like that happen in reality or even anything which could even remotetly potentually lead to something like that in time, Such as meeting a couple who were also open to something like this but just about developing a friendship first and with no pressure at all just enjoying a friendship with the understanding of well yes we might be open to some same room sex or something like that at some point possibly but no pressure and no guarentee it would ever happen. Not sure if she would even be willing to do that, I have mentioned this to her but she said that "yes but hoe do you know we could trust them and would feel too nervous from meeting a couple online for this and I for sure would not goto a certain type of club" Cant see how t would happen in real life as a) we just simply dont meet new people really b) even if we did meet a couple then I can not see how this subject could be brought up and would they even be willing to even explore something like this. So looks like I will never get to do the kind of kinks and fun things I would like us to do as a couple. 

For me I would be over the moon and would get so much out of if we had friends who were another couple and we had same room sex, swapped massage but not sex, hung out naked in the living room, played some fun truth or dare games...not actually having sex with eachtothers partners, I would be soooo happy just to do that even. 

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

I mean we are both very picky in someways, she is picky as basically seems to be no one other than me lol...but then again she does say she finds some women and men attractive but is very picky, again not sure if shes saying that to try and please me. I guess I am pretty picky too as I can not stand tattoos and its a total turn off for me if I see a woman has shaved all her pubes, so that rules out alot of women, but do not actually see that at first glance but know from the past that after moving past first base and finding this out I would be instantly unaroused and things would stop once I discovered the lady had totally shaved off all her pubes or had tatoos. I couldnt even have same room sex with a couple if the lady had shaved all her pubes as it just totally unarouses me

[NEWTOTHIS34 23]

Ohh and obviously I would love to do other things ofcourse other than the things I mentioned with my wife which does not involve having sex with anyone else, such as rolling around naked with another beautiful woman in bed, which my wife has said turns her on the thought of that. Again I think its a case of how we could ever even meet a beautiful woman and would she even be interested in that and how could we even bring it up and my wifes too nervous to meet someone online and wont ever goto any kidn of a club, so again cant see how that could happen. More chance of it being a couple and even that is highly unlikely. 

[Aphroditee 323]

I gotta say I truly enjoy a thread where guys explain how a woman's mind works.  It's super enlightening! 

 

I will give you three reasons we do not give into every sexual desire.  Firstly, we absolutely have sexual desires we are just not ruled by them, we see the big picture and mostly what will go wrong.  We have been taught to avoid the consequences our entire life.  We have to watch out constantly for men trying to rape us, we have to watch out for men putting ruffies in our drinks, we have to watch out and avoid getting pregnant, we have to always be seen as being chaste and virginal or no man will want us, we need to watch what we wear because a man cannot be expected to control himself in the presence of excessive cleavage, or to much leg, never go out alone, cause a man might take advantage, etc.  We are taught this stuff from a very early age.  And before you say that stuff doesn't happen, I've been raped 3 times had 5 close calls and been ruffied 4 times and that doesn't count the times I spotted the ruffie before I took a sip.   Most women have experienced at least one rape in their life. 

 

The second reason is the perception of a woman that fucks around.  When a guy does it, they say oh that's just boys being boys, or he's sowing his wild oats.  Or better yet, he couldn't be expected to control himself with her slutty attire.  Women do not get such nice references.  We are called sluts, whores, or hookers.  If we get raped, we were asking for it.  And if we press charges we are ruining some poor boys life.  

 

Lastly, sex is more personal for us, we are letting you inside of our body.  Every thrust of your dick is INSIDE, of our body.  That is extremely personal and it takes trust. So yes we like a relationship, cause we are giving up a lot of control in sex.  We have to trust you will not get us pregnant.  We have to trust that you won't try to put your dick in our ass without permission.  We have to trust you will not become violent in bed, and that you'll stop when asked.  We want a relationship cause we want to know who we are letting inside of our bodies.