Is swinging a Lifestyle or a Hobby for you?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Vegas Lee posted a few days ago regarding the difference between Swinging and being in "The Lifestyle", meaning that there are those who look at swinging as a full on lifestyle and they live it day to day, and there are those who occasionally swap partners.

 

I would be interested to read others thoughts and to see whether or not you consider swinging a Lifestyle or just a Hobby.

[TNT 1,155]

Lifestyle or Hobby? Both would be our answer.

 

When we think of a Hobby...by definition a hobby is something done for pleasure and fun...we consider having sex with others a hobby. To us it is no different than car buffs going to car shows every weekend, searching for that one special part you need, enjoying spending time with others that have the same interest as you.

 

When we think of it as a Lifestyle...by definition, the way you live your life...yes, it is the way we live our life. It affects the way we view the world and the way we live our life and the plans we make for the now and the future. Our leisure time is planned around what event is going on and/or who we can meet this weekend. Vacations are planned so that there is a club or event near by we can attend. The way we look and interact with people, even in the vanilla world, has changed. We voice our opinions on controversial issues more openly now than we used to in the past. Even the way we talk to our children has changed in that we strongly preach against prejudice of any kind. We have activities outside of swinging but even then swinging occupies a large part of our thought process.

 

Swinging is part and parcel of who we are.

 

If you ask one man who he is he may say an accountant...the man who works in the next cubicle may say he’s a body builder, due to his passion for the sport that’s what he identifies himself as being...

 

Ask us who we are...We are swingers.

 

Ted & Teresa

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

I totally agree wiht what TNT said. But i voted for it being a hobby. We have 2 very young kids, (1 year & 3 years) so this is something we don't get to do a whole lot. WE would love to do it more often. But family comes first. Also, it is not something we want our kids to know about, no matter how old they are. So while it is a hobby for the time being, hopefully one day it could be a true lifestyle!

[Spoomonkey 420]

For us it is a lifestyle.

 

I am not going to become a political activist over it, but then again, I am not sure there is much of a reason to be. I do not consider it on the same plane as the civil rights nightmare that homesexuals have faced - and still face. I could certainly choose to leave the lifestyle if I needed to - and I can appear as 100% "vanilla" to people at work with very little trouble.

 

There isn't much parallel between homosexuals and swingers, except that what we do involves sex, IMHO.

 

Fortunately, we live in a country where we are relatively free to indulge our little kinks...

 

But even more fortunately, I am married to such an incredible woman that if I needed to leave the lifestyle, I could and not miss it much. My feeling is, what is the point of being politically active if their aren't people out there who are taking advantage of what you are fighting for? We are one of those couples who is taking advantage of it...

 

 

And it's good...

[Alura 2,773]

We were wishy-washy. Thinking it over, though, we think "hobby" would be more accurate since we don't live the "lifestyle," only enjoy it on occasion.

[EternallySingle 32]

I know some guys who are HARDCORE skydivers. Eventually they all received their jumpmaster certifications, used the plane as collateral, and opened a school in near where I live.

 

But they consider skydiving as their hobby. It is a hobby that takes up much of their time and cost them a lot of money. Its a hobby that they take time to teach others how to do safely. Its a hobby that has made them money over the years. But its still a hobby. One that could very likely take one of their lives. What did Jeff say when I asked if he could never jump again? "I'll talk about my experiences to anyone who would listen, relive my favorite moments when I have the time, and take care of my wife and kids the best way I can. Wait, I do that now. hahaha."

 

To me, that is swinging. Its as big or as small a part of my life as I want it to be at a particular time, but its just a part, not my whole life. There are other things that are going on, like music, camping, writing, programming, etc. that I like and talk about just as much. Its important to me, just like writing or camping or whatever, but just as I can put any of them aside for however long, I can and have put swinging aside for years. Its not something I would (or have) deny if asked, but its not something I advertise to any and everyone.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I didn't vote because I don't think we consider it either.

 

We don't consider it a lifestyle and hobby seems too "model airplane".

 

We just like to have fun and having sex with others brings fun to a whole new level we do not get with our "Vanilla" friends.

 

Just my thoughts.

[OhioCouple 40]

We answered hobby. Mostly because the term 'lifestyle' to us, means that it is of the utmost importance and something that your life revolves around when considering other activities.

[Brit_Pair 62]

We answered hobby. Mostly because the term 'lifestyle' to us, means that it is of the utmost importance and something that your life revolves around when considering other activities.

Of the three choices, the one that fit best was 'hobby', for the same reasons that Mrs O outlined above. However, like Mr&Mrs-naughty, we'd have selected 'neither' had it been an option. For us, one description implies something too serious, the other something not serious enough.

[danc694u 19]

Hobby? Lifestyle?

 

We picked hobby, mainly because the time we actually spend doing it is very limited. Much like a hobby.

 

We do consider ourselves "lifestyle" though. It affects everything we do as a couple. We go to "straight" bars. We're looking at potential couples & singles. We're at the mall, we're looking at other couples and singles. Generally discussing taste and whether we think the other person(s) might be interested. (We know the answer already ) We watch TV, we commonly joke with each other about people on TV we would like to have. The joke part usually runs between whether we would let the other watch/participate, or make them wait in the other room, while one of us done some really freaky things with this party/parties

 

We do manage to keep things very separate when among family and (certain) friends. But rest assured, there is little doubt when you meet us (in a "regular bar"), that something is just not quite right/normal.

[De and Ci 19]

We answered hobby, While it has made me think deeper about issues of privacy and prejudice, it's just one of the many activities we enjoy.

[texasfans2003 16]

We answered "lifestyle" for the same reasons that TNT mentioned. However, we have not planned any vacations around swinging. Those we consider to be our true friends and ones we can turn to are all swingers. They would come to our aid in a heartbeat. And like Spoonmonkey, we are taking advantage of our friends in a "swinging" way. But in the same light, aren't they taking advantage of us as well? Really, our swinger friends are much more sincere and we often do many things together and not play. However, it is really great to not have to censor what we say or do as we would have to in a vanilla crowd. That's our take on it and I only had two cents.....

[WesternSwing 504]

I voted hobby because we have so much other stuff going on in our lives. Between two jobs and school-age children (and all that comes with that) we do it when opportunity permits.

 

Mr. WS

[fun_pairTX 26]

To us it is a hobby, FISHING is a lifestyle...

[Eroica 15]

Only a hobby or an occasional adventure. We have seen too many lifestyle/ every weekend couples having marital problems. Small sample size but kind of scary for us.

 

Everthing in moderation!

[Miss_Piggy 98]

I'm reminded of the chat last week. We were joking about "the hobby."

 

"How long have you been in the hobby?"

"Are you going to the hobby conference in Vegas?"

"Honey, let's go to the hobby store!"

[xxoticangel 98]

It is a hobby because we do it for fun. If one of us decided today that we should not swing anymore we would stop with no negative effect to our relationship. That said it is also a lifestyle. It is always in the background and we are always on the lookout for potential playmates.

[TxCouple98 15]

We are still new to all of this, but would only consider it a hobby. I have a sister who is into the BDSM lifestyle and friends who are into that too. That type of kinky is typically more than lifestyle than what swinging seems it could be, at least for us For it to be lifestyle we think that your day to day events would have to be focused around swinging. Those in the BDSM lifestyle do tend to get more to that extreme.

[Chicup 41]

hob•by n. pl. hob•bies

An activity or interest pursued outside one's regular occupation and engaged in primarily for pleasure.

 

I’m starting to wonder if swinging for me at least would be better defined as a hobby then as a “lifestyle”. We currently are not active as my wife is pregnant, (and outside of maybe the first couple of months, swinging while pregnant seems icky to us), and we find we really do miss swinging, not just because of the sex, but because its something to do. When we are looking for new couples, its fun to see who sent mail, who wants to chat, planning to get together and all that. Ok, ok, sometimes its very frustrating, but over all it is fun. While swinging might not be as conventional as model trains, they are some similarities.

 

I suppose it doesn’t matter if it’s a hobby or not but beyond the ‘OH MY GOD YOU HAVE SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE, BESIDES YOUR WIFE!’ mentality, its not a whole lot different then people who get together to play cards.

[Vespertine 31]

I have to agree with you Chicup.

 

It is a hobby for us. Something fun to do. Something interesting once in awhile.

 

We like the hunt.

 

We don't consider it a way of life for us.

[NewTemptations 54]

life·style also life-style or life style

n.

A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group.

 

 

To me and Lee this is more of a lifestyle than just a hobby...but that's just us.

 

Laura

[mrbandsatl 17]

For us, our lifestyle is our hobby. Or is it the other way around?

 

Actually, we have talked about this alot in the past and concluded that our values and attitude (lifestyle) is what allows us to enjoy our hobby (sex with other people). For us, being in the lifestyle does not presume a desire for recreational sex. Therefore, lifestyle trumps hobby!

 

I think that makes sense

Bob (and Sandy)

[fane 15]

To us became a lifestyle after we discovered it 3 years ago. To talk and dream about it was a hobby.

[LIZA 20]

I consider it a casual hobby

 

Even tho we have been active off and on over 4 years, its not an every weekend thing, we dont make friends at swing clubs that we develope other friendships with (i.e. no family BBQs, etc) its strictly recreation

 

I probably go to the movies 5 times as often as we swing, but i wouldn't call that a lifestyle!

[fane 15]

We still look at it as a new lifestyle. We do not go to clubs, we have regular friends that we enjoy going to movie theater, eating out, traveling together, and swinging together.

[funtoplay 15]

An interesting poll. I really hadn't thought about it much, and I'm not one to over-analyze things. To be truthful, I think it's a question of "six of one...half a dozen of the other"

[marvelousmarv 15]

I can't call swinging a hobby. Hell No! I, like everyone else likes to brag to the world what we do as a hobby. I don't tell my business associates that I swing. I don't tell my family members either. Even though I suspect that there in here somewhere. Probably all of the above. The truth be known, who do you tell except those in this lifestyle? No one. None. So it has to be our secret lifestyle. Marv

[dutch51 15]

A little of both for us. As far as the physical activity part of it, I guess it would fall into the hobby category because we can only do it when circumstances permit (ie when we have a reliable babysitter), but being part of the lifestyle has changed our thinking and our attitudes about a lot of things in the vanilla world. We do look at things differently, and have to agree with a lot of things TNT said. We don't take big vacations or anything, or plan around available clubs, but our outlook has changed. We're part of a world we never considered once upon a time, and we're glad. Even if we stopped swinging completely- the hobby part of it, we would still have the same outlook. And we would still view people the same way, and speak out more about things that aren't right.

 

A lot of people who know us IRL, wonder about our relationship, and how it can be as good as it is. We always say they could have that too with improved communication and honesty, but if they knew our "secret," they'd freak. So our hobby/lifestyle will remain pretty much between us...

[adventureUS2 25]

I think it is more like a secret society. like the free masons or something to that effect. I think we need a hand shake or secret knock, and a catchy title. Welcome to the Secrete Order of the Wife Swappers Society (SOWSS) maybe we can have formal meetings to vote on issues like the 4sum memorial in front of the Washington monument. All in favor say aye.

[reguyngirlky 15]

We think it is a hobby; it is for fun, for relaxation, and there just is not alot of time to spend on it do to "professional lives". Thus it is a hobby.

 

It could only be a lifestyle if you were independantly wealthy!

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I was talking about this with a FRIEND (that's our code ) the other day and we created this whole analogy about swinging is like knitting. For us, it's a hobby. If you went to a sewing circle, and you met other people there, you'd probably start talking about knitting stuff, but you may find other interests and things to talk about. You may meet up to knit together, or get together to do something else. And, you may meet some really cool people that you would have never met if you hadn't been interested in your hobby--knitting. Well, the analogy was a lot more interesting when we were talking about it then....

[findtime 16]

It's a hobby to us as it's something we do for fun.

 

We've had to incorporate it into our lifestyle as some changes must be made to allow it to happen. Places we go, things we talk about, friendships we make etc..

 

There wouldn't be a huge void if we never did it again, really, and I believe if something is part of your lifestyle, there's effort involved when purging it from your habits.

Based on my limited knowledge of the subject,and for the sake of comparison, I believe Doms and subs live a lifestyle. I don't necessarily think that's the way of it for most swingers. At least not for us.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This poll is once again relevant to a thread started by Vegas Lee, only this time it's his question on whether or not your "Is your hobby really worth the risks?".

[sweet_tna 680]

Does it matter? That was the point I made in Lee's thread. I scrapbook as a hobby, though I haven't actively done it in awhile. I spent money on materials, went to scrapping parties, spent time at home working on my albums, and met some new people. In that vein, Mr. Sweet and I go to meet & greets and house parties, we spend money for admission and clothes/costumes, we entertain playmates in our home, and have obviously met some new people.

 

But my life revolves around my family--I'm a Stay-At-Home mom, and I volunteer at my kids' school and with their sports teams. It affects my day-to-day activities and interactions with others. So does swinging. We schedule sitters so that Mr. Sweet and I can go to events, we have invited play friends to family events, and I spend time here and on the board for an sls group I'm a moderator of. So in that regard, this is a lifestyle for us.

 

To try and define it this way seems like splitting hairs. We're swingers--can't it be that simple?

 

=)

[Spoomonkey 420]

Spoomonkey said:

For us it is a lifestyle.

 

Man, how opinions change over time.

 

I see it as something we do - a hobby - not something we are. I don't think it being a lifestyle is any better than it being a hobby, and like sweet_tna, consider the argument to be one that is more about splitting hairs than anything at all.

 

We have sex with other people now and then. Some times we are pretty active - some times, like now, we are taking it easy and laying a bit low. I guess those busy times, when each day is just another step in preparation for the next Friday and the next party it can feel a little bit like it is your life - but I'd be hesitant to say it is our lifestyle.

 

Swinging is something we do - not something we are; similar, I guess, to the difference between people who choose to sky dive on the weekends and paratroopers...

 

Like sweet_tna said in the other thread, the risks are the same. The ground is just as hard if the chute doesn't open whether you jump as a hobby or a job.

[sexcupid 809]

We view it as a hobby. Something we like to do, for fun, when the rest of the craziness that is life permits us to.

 

We tried the go out to the club, party every weekend thing a few months into our experience. And quickly found out that would just lead us to a burnout and quickly. I think that lasted around a month or so for us before we dropped back to our 'every now and then' comfort level.

 

Some of our friends have started hosting hotel parties that will probably happen once a month or so. And since we like the company, we will probably go to those.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Spoomonkey said:

Like sweet_tna said in the other thread, the risks are the same. The ground is just as hard if the chute doesn't open whether you jump as a hobby or a job.

 

I guess I'm a paratrooper then. Whether I'm actively swinging or not (as in going out to clubs, playing with others, etc) I'm still a swinger. This site adds to that because again whether I'm active or not I'm tied to the lifestyle by this site. I tried to give it (the site) up once and found that I couldn't. Even if today my Pet came home and said "we can't do swing anymore", there would still be the site and he knows that. He was introduced to the idea of swinging BECAUSE of the site more than the activity and understood from the getgo that it was part of my life.

 

I have watched as others who have jumped into the lifestyle and written books or whatnot have gotten "found out" by their vanilla lives and then felt the need to throw away all that they had done. I can't see doing that. If this were a hobby, I'd be willing to give it up in a heartbeat because it caused me some grief, a lifestyle is a different story.

[SnakeBabe 51]

This is an interesting post. I am not sure what to pick.

 

After reading Lee’s post I am leaning toward picking hobby. We think of it as something we enjoy but I do not feel it is my identity or lifestyle. This “hobby term” seems like it’s the middle ground between lifestyle and vanilla but what else is there to call us occasional players or sexually open couple. Do we even need a “title”?

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

I guess I'm a paratrooper then.

Consider us soldiers in that same unit. Although we aren't as tied to our website as Julie is to the Swingers Board, we don't see a day when we will ever stop being swingers. Virtually our entire social life revolves around swinging, so it is definitely a lifestyle for us. Anything less would render it a mere hobby.

[havefuninsun 122]

We're swingers--can't it be that simple?

 

=)

 

That's what I'm talkin' about.

 

If we're active or not, we consider ourselves swingers.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I guess it's a hobby for us.

 

If it were a lifestyle for us, then we would also be in the golfing lifestyle, RVing lifestyle, working lifestyle, computer lifestyle, carnival cruise lifestyle, etc etc.

[intuition897 2,179]

I had to say it was a lifestyle. But we need to examine a bit exactly how we define "lifestyle".

 

The reason I said, for us, it was a lifestyle is because, after being away from actively playing for as long as we have, I'm realizing that there are certain bells you can't un-riing. Can you go back to monogamy? Sure. We effectively have and it hasn't harmed our relationship at all. But we still fully agree with all the principles of swinging and it is our preferred relationship style. Just because it's more fun, and it does't make sense to limit ourselves this way when we don't actually need to.

 

So I think as far as the psychology of it goes, it's definitely a lifestyle. It's just a different way of thinking and looking at things, a different way of measuring the success of our relationship. Whether or not we put it into practice is sort of beside the point, and the actual playing is more like a hobby.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We don't have the time or patience to be in the LS full time. It's just a hobby for us.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

The swinging lifestyle is how we live. Sex with others is the hobby.

[Spoomonkey 420]

fun4Ds said:

The swinging lifestyle is how we live. Sex with others is the hobby.

 

Maybe this is where I am lost on the discussion... What is the "swinging lifestyle" if not "sex with others"? Granted, one doesn't have sex with others 100% of the time; heck, no one has sex with their SO that much.

 

And I completely understand someone tied to it such as Julie and Lee...

 

But what - specifically - does the "swinging lifestyle" look like?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Spoomonkey said:

But what - specifically - does the "swinging lifestyle" look like?

 

It falls in the same category of how you can be a swinger without being active. To me there is so much more to swinging as a lifestyle than just sex with other people. It is about the people who are involved but moreso it is about the mindset of the people involved. With the exception of some specific issues, most swingers are generally more open minded than the general public. They tend to be easier to be around. It goes in the same category of how after you've spent much time in swinger clubs it's hard to go back to vanilla clubs and be "comfortable". It becomes part of who you are and as someone else said "you can't unring that bell". It will always be a part of who you are and how you think and look at things. Whether you are actively "having sex with others" or not.

 

Just my opinion anyway.

[Spoomonkey 420]

JustAskJulie said:

It is about the people who are involved but moreso it is about the mindset of the people involved.

 

I agree with you 100% Julie.

 

But, I am playing Devil's Advocate for fun; though, to be honest, I really have no idea what the word "advocate" means...

 

 

Okay... I do...

 

But wouldn't this end up being harder to define? I mean, when we started, we assumed that it was something we really wanted to do, damn whatever else needed our attentions - so we considered it a lifestyle. Now, it is fun - but there are other things that are fun as well.

 

Mrs Spoo is having a tough time with not running the Indy Half-Marathon this year - just as much as she is with not heading to the club for a few more weeks. The mindset is definitely there.

 

But still - we can literally stop now (with a month long break behind us at this point) and unless someone checks our internet history, we are no longer swingers. We are open-minded and will probably always look at each other and say "you know - we could go out if we wanted to." But as a "lifestyle" it is nothing more than a memory.

 

I would say that our bell can not be un-rung, but we don't have to ring it again to steal hear the carillon.

[Tybee Swing 286]

This is a very thought-provoking question for me!

 

I think we're hobbyists. At most, our pace with swinging or some swinging-related activity has seldom been more often than about every other weekend. If we got caught up in things for about 3 weekends in a row, it left us bleary-eyed and needing to take a break for a couple of weeks and get back to our regular life.

 

If it's a state of mind, then maybe we're lifestylists. I'm not sure!

[fun4Ds 1,097]

For us Spoo its really not a lifestyle that shall ever pass like a fad. We could walk away from sex with other people and be quite content with each other, should that time ever come. But for us its about our lives, from this point on. What we found in all of this.The people we have met and crossed paths with. Sometimes that is part of the actual (mysterious) chemistry we feel with those we meet.

 

I really can't put this into exact words. It is sometimes hard to explain that way, but we both agree this has happened for a reason in our lives, at the time it was supposed to happen. Somehow it was like the universe came together for us. We found our place where we belong for now. We are quite sure that everything happened this way for a reason we cant explain, or need the explanation too ( Its that comfortable).

 

We know the reasons are... For the good.

 

We always felt the label (lifestyle) was selling what we had found a little short.

[willyoats 324]

Suppose you ask the question about whether golf is a "lifestyle" or a "hobby". Maybe you could insert other words in place of "golf". Drinking comes to mind, as does chasing the dream of becoming a rock star. Surely there are more the reader could imagine.

 

Some people are so possessed by, or obsessed with, golf (or insert other words) that it interferes with other necessary life functions. Then it is no longer a hobby.

 

I think what we usually call the "lifestyle" (which used as euphemism for swinging) is a hobby for almost everybody because it takes up a relatively small fraction of one's time and energy. A notable exception would be club owners whose occupation is meeting the needs of lifestyle hobbyists. That may be their single most time consuming activity.

 

As a swinger who went to clubs at least once a month and to conventions two or three times a year, swinging was an important part of my life, but it was never more than a hobby.