Is swinging a Lifestyle or a Hobby for you?

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Swinging is not just about the sex, it's an attitude.

[Spoomonkey 421]

BiloxiCouple said:

Swinging is not just about the sex, it's an attitude.

 

But what is the attitude?

[TNT 1,155]

Lifestyle or Hobby? Both would be our answer.

 

When we think of a Hobby...by definition a hobby is something done for pleasure and fun...we consider having sex with others a hobby. To us it is no different than car buffs going to car shows every weekend, searching for that one special part you need, enjoying spending time with others that have the same interest as you.

 

When we think of it as a Lifestyle...by definition, the way you live your life...yes, it is the way we live our life. It affects the way we view the world and the way we live our life and the plans we make for the now and the future. Our leisure time is planned around what event is going on and/or who we can meet this weekend. Vacations are planned so that there is a club or event near by we can attend. The way we look and interact with people, even in the vanilla world, has changed. We voice our opinions on controversial issues more openly now than we used to in the past. Even the way we talk to our children has changed in that we strongly preach against prejudice of any kind. We have activities outside of swinging but even then swinging occupies a large part of our thought process.

 

Swinging is part and parcel of who we are.

 

If you ask one man who he is he may say an accountant...the man who works in the next cubicle may say he’s a body builder, due to his passion for the sport that’s what he identifies himself as being...

 

Ask us who we are...We are swingers.

 

Ted & Teresa

 

It's been almost four years since we wrote the above...our thoughts/feelings haven't changed....our hobby is our lifestyle.

 

 

Teresa

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Spoomonkey said:

But what is the attitude?

 

I would have to say that if you have to ask, you don't have it. I don't know that it can be defined in simple terms but I do think it is about simply understanding that swinging is about more than sex.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

But what is the attitude?

It revolves around the understanding that sex is something that can be enjoyed, without guilt, shame or deception, with someone other than your spouse. Most vanillas feel that idea is somehow flawed, whether it's personally wrong for themselves or morally wrong for our society. For swingers, our attitude is often reflected in the topics we discuss, the jokes we tell, the television shows we watch and the websites we visit.

Mrs Spoo is having a tough time with not running the Indy Half-Marathon this year - just as much as she is with not heading to the club for a few more weeks. The mindset is definitely there.

This would identify Mrs. Spoo as a runner as well as a swinger.

[SnakeBabe 51]

I think at times I do have an attitude because of the lifestyle. Not a mean attitude but an attitude of confidence and freedom from knowing that I can have my cake and eat it too.

Having a loving and wonderful husband to whom I am totally committed to and also being able to walk up to an attractive man and make a move.

 

This is a confident attitude that is sometimes admired by my vanilla friends and hated by others. That kind of freedom maybe what a swinger’s attitude is seen as.

 

I dunno...just thinking out loud.

[Spoomonkey 421]

JustAskJulie said:

I would have to say that if you have to ask, you don't have it.

 

Newbies and lurkers come here everyday with that very question - or some variation - in mind. "What does it mean to be a swinger?"

 

I'm not sure that "having to ask" (which we all do from time to time) means we "don't have it." People ask questions for many different reasons - and the benefit of asking questions is that the answers sometimes help those who come along later, with the same questions in mind. If we tell them that the question means they "don't have it" we run the risk of turning someone away from swinging who may have enjoyed it, benefited from it or otherwise just found a good fit.

 

After five years of doing this, I am pretty confident about what it is, how it fits into my life and where I see it heading. As I said earlier, I am playing Devil's Advocate, just trying to challenge the "think tank" to come up with more than "it is what it is." It likely won't change my views on the subject, but it sure could help someone else who needs a little more information.

[yourbitterpill 34]

Both and neither, though we would say a bit more "hobby".

 

It's a hobby to us because we enjoy it and it's something we do when we have free time. I think it's hard for a lot of people we meet to understand that we do have a "vanilla" social life outside of swinging. As such, we're very conscious and respectful of others' free time and discretion and we expect that in return (although we don't always receive it). It's a "lifestyle" because it definitely shapes our primary relationship (our marriage), inasmuch that we are generally open, honest, secure, and upfront about our wants and needs.

 

On the other hand, probably because we view it more as a "hobby", swinging doesn't define us. I think that's why we cringe when people call it "the lifestyle", because this isnt the end-all-be-all for us.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Spoomonkey said:

Newbies and lurkers come here everyday with that very question - or some variation - in mind. "What does it mean to be a swinger?"

 

I'm not sure that "having to ask" (which we all do from time to time) means we "don't have it." People ask questions for many different reasons - and the benefit of asking questions is that the answers sometimes help those who come along later, with the same questions in mind. If we tell them that the question means they "don't have it" we run the risk of turning someone away from swinging who may have enjoyed it, benefited from it or otherwise just found a good fit.

 

You have a valid point. However, I look at it like this, granted someone brand new may come here looking for the answer and they may not know the first time they come here what swinging is all about. They may assume they know "it's just free sex" "an easy way to get laid" "an excuse to cheat". And for them that may be exactly what it is and that may never change. It goes back to every thread we've ever had about what exactly counts as swinging. It's all semantics in a way. I think some people don't care for this thread because they don't want to feel that they are put in a box.. but the box is what you make of it. Just because it has a label on it doesn't mean it's true.

 

My Pet was brand new to all of this when I introduced the topic to him VERY shortly after we started dating. Within just a couple of months of examining this board he was the one to say "Swinging isn't just about sex, it is about an attitude that people have". I tried to jog his memory of this the other day to get him to post to this thread.

 

So while we sit here and say "swinging is about more than sex, it's an attitude". That is true to me and to I believe many people here, but I guess that brings another question... if that is not what you think, if you think that swinging IS just about sex, then does that make you not a swinger?

[sweet_tna 680]

You have a valid point. However, I look at it like this, granted someone brand new may come here looking for the answer and they may not know the first time they come here what swinging is all about. They may assume they know "it's just free sex" "an easy way to get laid" "an excuse to cheat". And for them that may be exactly what it is and that may never change. It goes back to every thread we've ever had about what exactly counts as swinging. It's all semantics in a way. I think some people don't care for this thread because they don't want to feel that they are put in a box.. but the box is what you make of it. Just because it has a label on it doesn't mean it's true.

 

My Pet was brand new to all of this when I introduced the topic to him VERY shortly after we started dating. Within just a couple of months of examining this board he was the one to say "Swinging isn't just about sex, it is about an attitude that people have". I tried to jog his memory of this the other day to get him to post to this thread.

 

So while we sit here and say "swinging is about more than sex, it's an attitude". That is true to me and to I believe many people here, but I guess that brings another question... if that is not what you think, if you think that swinging IS just about sex, then does that make you not a swinger?

 

It's true that I don't care to be boxed and/or labeled. Perhaps that's because I see myself as an individual. Yes, I fit into certain categories by what I do or the attitudes I may posess. But those activities and attitudes don't necessarily define who I am.

 

What's in a name? that which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet

 

Do I think swinging is just about sex? To a point, yes. If Mr. Sweet and I weren't engaging in SEX outside of our marriage, then I wouldn't be posting here right now.

 

Yes, we've met some great people as a result of our foray into the lifestyle. And yes, I've tried things I'd given no consideration to before. But as a whole, I'm still the same person I was before I started swinging. I'm just having a lot more sex.

 

=)

[LFM2 1,482]

Right now, I'd have to say hobby as we don't devote a whole lot of time into it. We have fun and we're not obsessed by any means and we don't live for it, but then I picture us retired, old and wrinkled, sitting in some club in rocking chairs making swinging into our second life job. A lifestyle.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Spoomonkey said:

But what is the attitude?

 

That will be hard to define and yet should be so easy.

 

Maybe we could eliminate what the attitude is not. Along with what the attitude is.

 

Could be a whole different thread, if we haven't done one already.

[two42lovers 273]

Seems like semantics for sure. A lifestyle includes a variety of aspects: the way a person lives, their social relationships, consumption, entertainment, attire, etc. A lifestyle is a mixture of habits and ways of doing things, and reflects an person's attitudes, values, and worldview. EVERYONE has a lifestyle, and for swingers sex-with-others is a part of it. (A big part for some, less-so for others: either way, it's an aspect of their "lifestyle".)

 

A hobby is something a person does for entertainment, because they are interested and enjoy it, rather than for financial reward. Not sure how one can have any hobby that cannot be seen as part of their lifestyle. Seems what people really mean when they say "for me it's a hobby, not a lifestyle" (or vice versa) boils down to a matter of emphasis, a statement of their priorities and values.

[Malachista 170]

A little bit of both.

 

I find it quite funny that I'm with people who all think their hobbies are *the lifestyle" - Swingers, people who create (transformative) art, body modification freaks, bookworms, writers and Computer Nerds - So I'm in the Lifestyle and in The Lyfestyle and in The Lifestyle and in The Lifestyle and in that other Lifestyle as well.

 

So if I say "I'm in the Lifestyle" it always depends on where and when I say it as it can mean a lot of different stuff.

 

In the end I'm just someone who spends all her time talking, discussing and doing things I like - so all my hobbies together create my very own Lifestyle.

[AZCouple 99]

Wife and I voted for hobby. Not sure if we are really qualified to answer though as we are in the "exploring stages and haven't swapped yet. Not sure if we ever will, but we do enjoy visiting a club occasionally and enjoy the company of people there. We also enjoy the liberation from everyday life by having the ability to expand our horizons and yet not worry about offending anyone.

[todesireu 16]

Hobby only as we do not build our life around it, rather it be one piece of the grand puzzle.

[Hedofabulous 15]

Love your quote

"It's not going to be an orgy. It's a toga party . . . "

 

Nothing to fear, it's just a toga party Come on in eat some grapes, drink some wine and forget your underwear.

 

Adventure and state of mind would be our answer. I guess we are not too much into fucking just experiences. Maybe we're not quite swingers.

[MacNfries 123]

Definitely a hobby for the two of us. Usually one couple/threesome swing will last us 2-3 months. Our preference are MMF and couple; usually hard to find a female that will do a MFF, but we've had a few of those over the years.

[wetpanties 5]

It's just a hobby, we live a very active life outside the lifestyle.

[Alura 2,774]

To us, it was just an outrageously fun thing that we did with friends; sometimes often, sometimes not.

[km34 672]

According to Merriam-Webster...

 

Lifestyle = the typical way of life of an individual, group, or culture

Hobby = a pursuit outside one's regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation

 

I see swinging as a lifestyle for me in the way I act on a daily basis - I'm almost always flirty and am very comfortable with taking things to a sexual level with people who seem into us as a couple. Random group events have led to hubby and I playing with a couple that we meet just because I/we throw off the swinger vibe and people (swingers and non) pick up on it.

 

On the other hand, I generally view swinging as a hobby of ours. We don't necessarily do it all the time, but we really enjoy it when we do pursue it. Just like our crafts or reading or any other hobbies, we get super involved at some points and are almost entirely uninvolved with it at others.

 

To summarize... I'm not really sure.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I'm also in the "not really sure" category, partly because I don't much care how things are named and partly because the distinction between the two isn't all that clear for me. However, swinging is that thing we do and if asked we'd cop to being swingers, but I don't think that word would come up in our top ten descriptors if we were making a list, although I'd certainly have non-mnogamous in mine.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

It's a hobby for us, and like a lot of our other hobbies, has sort of fallen off the last few years as life gets in the way more now than it used to. I don't expect that to be a permanent thing, just one of those up and down cycles as you go through life and various commitments and responsibilities ebb and flow. I think that's almost a definition of a hobby - something that takes a back burner to other aspects of your life no matter how much you may enjoy it.