How long from meeting to playing?

[ALilOEverything 901]

How long does it generally take from the time you meet the couple to the time the clothes are off and are intimate with each other? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? The couple we were with last weekend it was the second time we met up with them (two weeks apart) and then a few hours into the second "date" we played. We were really comfortable with this pace and am glad we didn't jump into the naughty parts the first night. But I've read some people prefer to not get to know each other and don't want to know much about them. Do you then get right the point and get naked when you meet up? I just want to know if a couple days to get to know each other was the norm or if getting to the juicy stuff right away would be more expected. What are your experiences as you get to know other people? Did you find that as you became more experienced that things moved a little quicker to the bedroom (if you actually went there in the first place ) Not that I feel like I need to rush things but I wonder what kind of anticipation or experience others may have.

[bborst 15]

Not speaking from any experience (yet), I'd think that there's no proper way to determine how fast things will progress. You have to consider the other person, or couple, and first off, find out if you're attracted to them physically and if their personalities and trust level matches yours. There's an aggression factor as well, some might want things to move a little slower than you might.

[CB_n_Red 16]

With us it has varied between hours and weeks. bborst is right - there is no way to know (in advance) how long the process may take, or even if it is going anywhere.

 

Generally we prefer not to play on the first meeting, as we like to get to know potential playmates to some extent before getting down to the nitty-gritty. We don't let that preference stop us if all lights are showing green though

 

The desire to know a little about potential playmates is what has so far stopped us from trying out the clubs, though it's looking like we may do that anyway. Red announced at the weekend that it could be fun and I should know her well enough by now to spot that green light!

 

CB

[ALilOEverything 901]

At this point I can't imagine doing anything the first night. Mostly because I feel it's important to have time to be able to communicate with my husband that there is the attraction to both members of the couple and it's definitely something we want to do. I would rather talk about it too much than talk about it too little. I'm probably a little more cautious now than I will be later than I imagine. I would like to try out a club and will plan to just to have the experience. But at the same time as a single women I never once went home with a guy I met in a bar and wouldn't it be the same as a couple? Maybe I'm just not quite that liberated yet.

 

I just wanted to get an idea of what the norm was, I'm sure it will always depend on the couple, situation and what the pace is of the slowest person. It always seems like what I fantasize about and what actually happens in reality often end up being two completely different things.

[Spoomonkey 421]

At clubs - it could be as quick as an hour. But clubs are like that - convenient meetings. If we have clicked with a couple we have always played on the first night.

 

If we meet them on the internet, however, that is a whole other can of worms... You have the e-mails back and forth, the picture(s) you have to send, the initial meeting, then maybe another meeting or two, and perhaps a sexual encounter. But that is so tough to tell. Largely because you just don't know where the other couple is.

 

What I have noticed is that people who don't go to clubs really want to get to know people first. That is a valid reason. In defense of clubbers though, many of us do tend to spend a lot of time talking and playing pool - but the beds are right upstairs and hell, we're all here

 

But that is us - if we meet a couple on-line, there is certainly no guarantee that they will move as quickly as we do, so we end up following their lead. Our experience has been that internet couples are into the second date before they are ready to discuss play. Which isn't a bad thing at all - we've met some neat friends this way, and have maintained that friendship even when we haven't wanted to play.

 

One thing that we have also experienced, though, are couples who are really into going out for dinner and then try to let the whole swinging issue die. It's as if they use sex as lure to make friends. That can be a little weird. We even had one couple where the wife seemed to have no idea that we were all meeting as a potential swinger connection.

 

Spoomonkey

[DandS 15]

Dito to what Spoomonkey said! D

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

How long does it generally take from the time you meet the couple to the time the clothes are off and are intimate with each other? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks?

 

It could take several meetings or just a few hours.....

[frenzb4sex 15]

We just recently ventured into the world of clubs and house parties, and there's benefits and advantages to that as well as the one on one meetings. I think that the first thing that some people haven't touched on here is that you DO need to set what you consider to be ground rules for yourselves as husband and wife no matter what the backdrop, because sometimes not saying something ahead of time or not really knowing what you expect to potentially happen if it comes to that can be very destructive to a night out.

 

Honestly, what we have found is that those that are beginning in the lifestyle very rarely will play on first meet. Not saying that everyone after a period of time is ready to rock at the word go, some people always have that as a rule, and that's cool, there just seems to be a higher percentage of people that play on first meet that have several experiences under their belt. I don't know if this is so much a comfort thing and "not wanting to step too quick", perhaps it's just our own individual observations. It depends on kind of what YOU are looking for--just like with preferences, "When to play" is one of the big ones that is a necessity to pin down as what you want.

 

I will say that there is a degree of naughtiness that goes beyond just simply being swingers to going to the clubs and parties, because in no time, people that you may have seen across the room, given a few smiles and glances to, can be over having a conversation and boom! You find yourself in a room with a person you didn't even know existed but an hour ago.....to each their own, again, it has its advantages and disadvantages.

 

ALILOeverything talked about not playing on first meet because she wanted a chance to communicate the attraction level with her husband. That's a great way to develop the communiation in the relationship, some have non verbal signals to each other (although last time I tried giving Lora the sign of "game on" she bunted), and some just have done it enough to know what types of men/women the people would be interested in--a certain "wavelength" grows, like a swinger's vulcan mind meld.

 

Either way--don't feel like you have to do anything--it's up to you to decide what pace you want to go, and don't let anyone change that...

 

Tim

[hearts severed 15]

Well I have never been with a couple as a single male but in my experiance dateing I have found that there is really not a time frame. I believe that when the time is right both parties will know. I'm the type of guy that I go out cause I like to go out. If I have sex then great if not than hey as long as I have a good time thats whats important.

[soflafun 15]

My wife and I have been in the "lifestyles" for about 8 years , more as a hobby then as a lifestyle. There has always been total trust and understanding between us. We started out with a good friend of mine for mfm fun and we did this about a dozen times in about 5 yrs. other than that we are exclusive to on-premises clubs, we like the anonymity that they provide. Our rules are: we go as wild as each of us feels on any particular night . My wife enjoys women more than men, that's not to say that she hasn't had plenty of guy encounters. I love to watch her play with woman and she loves to see me with other women. We usually stay within touching distance of each other and had had very much fun, exiting experiences and not a single bad one. We usually meet couples in the bar/dance area but we rarely end up with them. More often we walk into the play areas just her and I, look around, find something that we both like and approach them in the limited lighting. Fortunately we're an attractive couple so we haven't experienced rejection, also, the fact that we live in South Florida makes it more relaxing. Many of the people that we talked ( after we played) with are out-of-towner with vacationers attitude; get wild. . We sometimes talk of meeting a couple that we can form some kind of friendship in and out of bed but never acted upon . Like I said, it's not our lifestyle is just something we do on weekend and we're happy to leave it there.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

One thing that we have also experienced, though, are couples who are really into going out for dinner and then try to let the whole swinging issue die. It's as if they use sex as lure to make friends. That can be a little weird. We even had one couple where the wife seemed to have no idea that we were all meeting as a potential swinger connection.

 

Spoomonkey

 

This had never occurred to me!

 

I'm now on the lookout. Spoo, do you have any hints on how to spot these types?

 

To reply to the original question posted by Ali, at this point we imagine we'll be more comfy with taking it slow. Although...I know I would be ready to jump right in, or on top, or underneath if everything felt right on the first meeting.

 

LM

[frenzb4sex 15]

This had never occurred to me!

 

do you have any hints on how to spot these types?

 

 

LM

 

 

I'd say if you tell them "I wanna big piece of meat" and they start talking about the size of the porterhouse at the local steak house, that might be a clue....

 

 

 

Tim

 

[Spoomonkey 421]

This had never occurred to me!

 

I'm now on the lookout. Spoo, do you have any hints on how to spot these types?

 

When this happened to us, we were still pretty new. But we were trying to be bold. So we suggested a game of "Dirty Minds" which they had a copy of and we were at their house - for about the fifth time... They just laughed and said, "Oh, we think you guys would pretty much have a serious advantage." Then they dropped it... And put in the world's lamest movie... I mean, it was the most incredibly stupid flick I've ever seen. Some movies can at least get a laugh out of you - because they are stupid. But this one was painfully worse than that. And then they feel asleep...

 

You can't really tell - but you aren't going to run into many folks like that at the club...

 

Or so I think...

 

There is another thread about the growing number of voyeurs - and maybe that is the same thing. Which is actually one of my fantasies lately... I couldn't tell you why... But since that is another thread, I won't bother

 

Spoomonkey

[ALilOEverything 901]

That would be terrible! We did run across a couple where the male half had posted an ad and then after I emailed discussing what our boundaries he replied he wasn't sure what their boundaries were and he would have to discuss it with his wife. That had already made me leary thinking that should have been discussed a long time ago. Later he got back to me and told me his wife wasn't interested....not just interested with us but with the lifestyle in general. He didn't even bother to tell her and it sounded like it was something she would never do and he needed to just give it up. I wonder if she knew he posted a topless pic of her for the ad... I bet you anything she doesn't even know. I do believe clubs could be a whole lot less complicated, but I still like the idea of friends with frills. We've met one great couple and that makes it all worth it so far.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Friends with frills are the ideal. But - they are hard to find. We look for that constantly, but it can be frustrating - and since we like the play aspect, we supplement or hopeful search with the clubs.

 

But clubs definitely aren't for everyone and some of the folks around here who have posted about their experiences (even though they do not "club") and they are really, really hot. chance encounters and spontaneous backyard orgies certainly rule.

 

But, we've seen your situation more than once. "Half a couple" looking to swing - pretending to be a couple and then thinking that we'll just play with the "him" part... Poo-poo heads...

 

 

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

...we were at their house - for about the fifth time...

I can't believe you were that patient Spoo!

 

 

"I wanna big piece of meat"

For clarity I'd have to add "...how BIG is YOURS?"

 

LM

[Spoomonkey 421]

We are patient people - but, as the good book says, there is a time for everything and yes - there IS a time to screw

 

Screw... Uh... Errr... I mean... Spoomonkey

[ALilOEverything 901]

I think you are a VERY patient person. I got so anxious when we met up with a couple wondering if anything was going to happen and how it was going to come around that I don't think I could take that much anticipation just to figure out they weren't in it for the same thing.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I was the same way when I first started. I would refer to "potential encounters" as "Big Boy Christmas."

 

I've grown more patient as I've realized that the lifestyle is a lot of fun - even if you don't play. We have fun at the club, even if we go home early - and dinner with friends is still "dinner with friends" if the sexual chemistry is lacking.

 

Spoomonkey

[ALilOEverything 901]

I find myself grateful for just having a night out without the kids and having adult conversation. That alone makes it all worth it. Part of me can't wait for the novelty to wear off and be more relaxed about it but at the same time will it be as fun and exciting if the novelty does wear off? I'm sure it will but I do wonder. I suppose that too can make it the difference between a hobby and a lifestyle.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is a great question! Since we are currently falling into the category of those who prefer to NOT get to know people too much before playing. I'd say our experiences have been a matter of about an hour (if that) from meeting to clothes off. Granted, this is at a swinger club, so everything about the atmosphere is foreplay to an extent. A little talking, a little dancing and next thing you know you are in a private room taking the clothes off.

 

I think the harder situation would be those who don't do clubs but still prefer to not spend a lot of time getting to know people... I would think making that transition outside of a club would be a lot more difficult/ awkward. Would love to see some input from folks on that side of the fence.

[sweet_tna 680]

There are folks we've known for an hour or two that we've played with (parties), and there are folks we've known for a few weeks. It all depends on the circumstances.

 

=)