More and more couples coming to swinger clubs just to watch people have sex?

[good times 991]

We attend a local on premise club and have noticed recently that a larger and larger porportion of people attending on couples night (the only night we go, its probably the same other nights) are just their to watch people having sex. The only thing we can figure is that as swinging is becoming more visible people are saying, hey lets go down to that club and watch people have sex. In our club the play room is kind of small, 6 or 7 couples in there makes it crowded. We went in the play room friday and their were three couples in there with their clothes on looking like they were at the movies waiting for the show to start. We figured that maybe they just didn't want to be the first to get going so we got started and really didn't pay much attention for a while but then they started to giggle and whisper to each other which was a mood killer for us. When we decided we had had enough of that and started to leave they started begging us to not go and to continue. At this point Mrs. got pissed and told them that we would be much more comfortable having sex with our friends out in the bar (allowed in our club) and we left. The club hosts later told us we should have told the offending couples to participate or leave as the room is clearly labeled "Couples only play Room" but as they were in there when we arrived we didn't feel comfortable being the heavies. Normally the hosts police this type of thing pretty good but this example got us thinking about this.

 

My question with this long winded post is, have you noticed a big rise in the amount of voyeours attending clubs and parties lately? If so, Why do you think this is?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Interesting. I know a lot of clubs require you to be naked in the play rooms just to prevent this type of thing from occuring.

 

I'm not big on having people just standing around watching and I would have felt like you did (although I probably would have said something to them).

[RW1F 15]

Goodtimes,

 

We are only interested in voyeurism (for now, and more than likely the foreseeable future). But it would go both ways if we were taking up space in a fuck room. Would we join? No. Would we at least play with each other and not just sit and drool? Yep. Otherwise, why not just rent a video? What's the point?

 

So in answer to your question, this is one new couple that is only interested in the voyeur aspect.

[good times 991]

We would have had no problem with them if they were playing with each other, in fact if they had just watched quietly we probably wouldn't have even noticed. Our club also has a get naked in the play room policy and as Julie said we should have told them that and asked them to get with it or leave. But in reality by the point we really noticed what they were doing it had allready spoiled the mood so we might not have continued anyway.

 

At the very least they could have brought some pop corn.

[omneesx 15]

Usually, especially in our American society, as things become more mainstream or popular, the usual approach is for people to do it half-assed (i.e. dieting, fashion or voting). Not very many people put in the time and effort to research something new, gather all of the available information and then make an informed choice on whether or not its for them. Instead, most just go do what seems to be the popular thing to do at the time.

Personally, we don't mind the gawking so much in that we've come to expect it over the years. Granted, so people are able to watch and make you feel like you should be getting paid for the show while others give off a more sensual vibe as they watch. We rationalize it with the idea that, "Hey, at least they had the gumption/balls to come down and see for themselves.

A & L

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

There certainly must be good reason for rules about what the purpose of the playroom is, and as it was explained to me when we went to a local club, you go there IF you want to play, IF you want to be involved.

 

If you want to watch, at the very least, take your clothes off! Then you seem to be involved in a way. You have given something to the setting.

 

Why are there so many voyeurs?

 

Because it's sexually stimulating, it poses no STD risks, you don't have to "get involved" with another person, it can be an easy way to get your kicks.

 

That's my take on it.

 

LM

[VegasLee 1,486]

I have been seeing this happening and posting about it for a couple years now.

 

We have watched at clubs to see what the ratios are and also at many major conventions.

 

75% to 80% of the people that come to many clubs and conventions DO NOT PLAY.

 

They are there for the atmosphere and to watch things going on.

 

This started when the Internet got big and has increased greatly in the last three years.

 

Years ago, you had to know someone or find one of the "dirty adult papers" to find a club or swing (SEX) party. Now you get on the Internet and find hundreds of parties in minutes. Used to be when you went to a swing party you went there to have sex! Now you go to dance, be social and watch others have sex.

 

Yes, times have changed and they keep changing. That is one reason there is so many different types of clubs and parties so you can find something that you enjoy.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

That would have bothered me more than Mr Spoo, he always likes the thought of someone watching us.

 

We haven't noticed that happening too much at the club we go to except maybe for the single men. They tend to hang around in the group room area (which we've never seen much going on there) and then when couples or a threesome head into a private room they try to follow or hover around the door till you close it hoping that you won't.

 

I think there are some couples who come to just enjoy the atmosphere at a club and catch a glimpse of any activities that may occur in other areas of the club beside the designated rooms. We've never been aware of it becoming a problem or issue like you experienced though. It seems to depend on the crowd on any given night. We have a club that we go to most of the time and know a lot of people there (regulars so to speak) but the atmosphere and mix has been different everytime.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[mrs good times 73]

Vegaslee,

 

Do you think the pendulem will every swing back the other way again?

 

What I mean is when there are so many voyeurs at the club that those willing to actually have sex and/or swap stop going, what will the voyeurs do? I personally am becoming annoyed with the gawkers because they generally don't try to learn the rules and can be rude. The exhibitionists are cool because at least they are participating in some form and while we are not exhibitionists either we have often times had sex together in the play room for lack of meeting someone we found interesting.

 

The other thing that we have noticed is the crowd becoming younger. I think there is a corelation between the two problems. What is your opinion?

[VegasLee 1,486]

At the club here in Vegas that we host at each week we have noticed in the last three years that there is more and more of the "social' crowd coming. They dance, hang out, make friends but they don't tend to play. Some of the ladies will dance nasty, maybe take the tops off or play with the other ladies on the dance floor but then it stops there.

 

Some of us that been around a long time compare notes from clubs around the country and make a joke that the swing clubs are turning into dirty dance clubs these days.

 

When we host special parties at the clubs, or convention or anywhere else we always theme our parties to get people out of the "norm". We found that is condutive to getting some great old time orgies and playing going one.

 

We host what we call a "naked and Naughty" party. All women have to be in lingerie or less, men must be NAKED! Turns the tables real fast doing this but makes for a great party. We just had one two weeks ago and all of them we avg. 250 people showing up to them. Many of those people are regulars at the club but like it that the crowd is much different when you apply a dress code like that. It bring us all back to what the club used to be years ago, a real swing (sex) party. At convention we have 7 parties in 4 days. Three in the afternoon and they are all "naked only" dress code. Each night the dress code theme is different but they all lead to everyone being naked pretty fast. When you require that people get out of the street clothes things tend to heat up pretty fast and get going.

 

I do not think that the clubs will change back to the way they used to be. We do see nights as you mentioned that the crowd seems to be a bit younger but they don't tend to become regulars. The young crowd has not really grasped their sexually and emotions to fit in well in the long term. There is exceptions to that but most of them come and go pretty fast.

 

We have also noticed that over the years our "core" group changes. There is a few of us that have been hanging out for years together but we lose some, get some new ones and it keeps going that way. New ones come and go, some long term and some short but it works for us. What used to be a core group of about 30 of us there is only about 8 to 10 of us left. Some of the new ones have been around for about a year now though.

 

We have found things happen. People move away, drop out of the lifestyle or just go else where. Some couples split up also so we end up losing one or both of them when that happens. We do have a few singles that been hanging with the group though for a few years now. Both male and female.

 

As they say, the only thing that stays the same is the fact that it all changes.

[Chicup 41]

Being one of these 'internet' swingers I think I can at least speak for some of the less active crowd.

 

Now while we wouldn't go into a room to watch (that would be rude), we are not into the 'sex club' concept either. We view clubs as a place we can relax, not worry about people thinking we are swingers, and a good place to meet other couples. The internet may make it easier to find swingers, but its a pain in the ass finding good ones. Hence going to a club lets us meet other couples without the fakes/email games.

 

I've seen this lament for the last two years about the 'good old days' and I can understand how the new swingers are somewhat frustrating, but we are different in our desires. We are looking for friends, and 'private' sex in our homes, and in the long run this is good for swinging I think. The more people involved the less stigma attached and the less some local government can be a pita come election year. The all naked rule is probably a good one for people looking for old time swinging. I wouldn’t mind but I KNOW my wife wouldn’t do it.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

I agree with what chicup said. We aren't quit ready for sex at a club yet. But I don't think we even have one near us, & we aure aren't gonna travel to one. But if we did have one, I would think it would be a good place to meet couples. We do have a few off premise clubs, but a change of scenery is always good.

 

Maybe give some of these couples that just hang out & watch some time. Mabey then they will join in. I know if we ever ventured to an on-premis club it would take us a little while of watching before we would be able to participate. Although I am sure we would play with each other, or in the least we wouldn't giggle or any of that.

[BodyScape02 21]

I think there are a few different issues and classes of club goers being discussed here.

 

We don’t care for the non-participating gawkers ourselves. They have an open group room where we go and all it takes is one couple to head to it and about 5 to 10 men are there in seconds to watch. One night the air-conditioning system broke down and the place became quite hot. A staff member opened one of the fire doors that is located in the group area as there was no on there. My sweetie and I, needing the cool winter air, sat on the edge of the bed. Our butts had just planted when 6 men came and just lined up against the wall, waiting for us to DO something…Yoinks! Needless to say, we don’t play in the group room. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not our thing.

 

There have been a few times, when the place is particularly jumping, when we can’t find an open private room to play. The occasion has occurred sometimes wherein I am receiving oral sex from one or more ladies in a back hall when some bloke comes and sticks his face as close as possible to watch! That really turns me off….

 

So, gawkers…especially rude ones, we don’t care for.

 

Now as to the non-participating club goers who are there to simply meet people who don’t gawk. We think this is fine, not everyone wants to have sex in a club and that is cool. There are nights when we go to only be social and perhaps meet someone we can invite home. We are not ravenous swingers and don’t feel we HAVE to score every time we go to the club. We’ve met some really nice couples and singles just being social and not looking to get any at the same time.

 

So, social club goers, we like of course.

 

~D2, the male 1/2

[CB_n_Red 16]

Got to say, all the comments about intrusive single blokes at clubs convinces me that we made the right decision to stick with couples only nights at clubs, once we start doing that. Not that Red doesn't fancy taking on a room full of men, but not like that!

 

CB

[mrs good times 73]

I'm not saying that everyone has to have sex just because they came to the club. We don't always, definatly didn't on our first time and sometimes just aren't able to (that time of the month) but we still go to the club and see our friends and stay at the bar.

 

What really bothers me are the true voyeurs. Lately we have found that 3 out of 5 couples we talk to are just there to watch. We have had people say just that to us and even go so far as to say "we would love to watch the two of you have sex".

 

We are into swapping and that is why we go to the club. We want to meet couples with the same intentions.

[butterfly29 15]

I have watched at clubs, and I have been watched at clubs. I think if you want to watch some, that is fine, but it is not acceptable to go to these clubs just to watch. That is not why sincere couples go to this club. If they want to just watch, they could just buy a porn.

 

I feel if you are not there to participate or trying to met other couples, you don't need to be there. It can be a spectator sport sometimes, but every once in awhile you do have to throw in your ball. I can understand about being shy, but if your intentions are not to participate, you shouldn't take advantage of others'.

[WA_Cple 20]

What a great thread

 

I have to say that I find gawkers EXTREMELY annoying and that the best night we've had at clubs have always been couples only nights. We are going to a new club this weekend and its a club that has fewer restrictions on single men... so that sort of makes me wonder but we're willing to give it a try... so we may end up only having sex with each other or ... who knows? But I can tell you that we have been in situations like ppl are describing and it is a huge turn off... I feel like we're the stars of their live amateur sex show... and you know I am there to play and play with other people not to be gawked at... its a huge issue for me.

 

One time at a club... Mr. WA and I couldn't find anyone we were interested in having sex with but we were very horny none the less... so we went into a room and closed the curtain and proceeded to have very satisfying sex with each other. As we came out... there were a group of people complaining that we were in there having sex and we wouldn't even let them watch. I was like omigod give it a rest and fuck each other if you want to watch ppl having sex... GRRRR...

 

Anyway... for as mad as it makes me... here we are making plans to go to a new club on Friday... hehe but we are going with an open mind... no expectations and a willingness to LEAVE if things aren't going as we would like.

 

Thanks for starting a great thread ... and for those who don't play and only come to watch... FINE but don't be rude about it and at least have some decency to get involved at some point at least with each other or go home and watch a porn and give the rest of us some breathing room...

 

Wow... didn't know this was such a big deal for me until I got going...

 

 

Mrs WA

[mrs good times 73]

WA Cple,

 

Thank you. I was beginning to think that maybe I was making to much of this. You have definatley made me feel better. I like the club scene but I have been so frustrated with it lately also. I know I am going to have to learn to live with this situation and try to make the best of it but it's nice to know that I am not the only one that gets irritated with these people.

[RW1F 15]

Good thread, My wife and I just returned from our first swing club experience. I'll post a full review in the club section, but I just wanted to say I can now see why so many of the old time swingers have some frustration with the newbie voyeurs (like us). My wife and I were not there to play with others but would have played amongst ourselves if the right situation had been presented or even available. In a short and simple review, the few people that ventured off to the rooms were followed by couples and singles who preceded to stand and gawk. Pretty sad IMO and not what we were looking for.

[EternallySingle 32]

I'm starting to hate the internet when it comes to swinging. LOL Seriously, with all the cable TV specials and the ease of finding swing clubs online (I actually looked for an actual swing dance club where the do the jitterbug and Lindy Hop so I could work my way into the band) and found a dozen club listings I didn't find looking for swing clubs. Thats how easy it is now, and that brings in a lot of people who are just curious about everything and serious about nothing.

 

Well, I forget the name, but supposedly there's a club in NYC that is lifestyle swing music club. Maybe I'll forget camping and try to go there for my birthday. Hope its not couples and females only. I want to play my saxophone. LOL

[ChellyNKev 15]

My hubby and I went to a club once that had "grandstands" that faced a 2 way mirror. There were some that liked being the center of attention.. yet these viewing rooms were set up for it... But when you are in a room set up with mattresses and its kind of closed off this is a play only room..... duh! I have gotten rude with creepy watchers..... I can understand wanting to watch but DON'T be creepy!

[MN Tom 251]

Nice old thread you found .

 

Anyway, we frequently hear this discussion on the various websites we use in our area. Many of the "old timers" will lament the fact that the "modern" swingers aren't really swingers and are more of the "partygoer" types or even "peacocks".

 

And yes, we agree. A lot of parties nowadays are just that, parties. People go to be seen, they go to chat, they go to dance, they go to flirt and mingle, touch and kiss. And some go for sex.

 

I would say that at most larger parties (the 100-300 people ones) at least half of the people have no real intention on having sex. We know some of those people, and I wouldnt be surprised if some people put us in that category too.

And I admit, we like to go to parties to dance, flirt, mingle, chat, kiss and touch. Probably as much as we like to have sex at parties. We like it all.

 

If the party was just sex with none of the other social aspects, we probably wouldn't go. We dont have a problem with lingerie or less at a house party, and we dont have a problem with nudity required for play rooms to avoid having the lookie loos standing around. But for the larger parties, the lookie loos are a good chunk of the crowd, and they are there for that sort of fun. They want the fun that is too risky for a nightclub, but not quite enough for traditional swinging. To be honest they make a party of that size possible. Without their attendance (and money), the party would be much smaller, and there would be far less people dancing and dressing sexy.

 

And as long as they make their intentions clear when asked, we are fine with it. To each their own is what we say.

[weloveeachother 29]

And yes, we agree. A lot of parties nowadays are just that, parties. People go to be seen, they go to chat, they go to dance, they go to flirt and mingle, touch and kiss. And some go for sex.

 

And as long as they make their intentions clear when asked, we are fine with it. To each their own is what we say.

 

 

We very much agree with all of this. I am ready to swap but my wife isn't there yet. She may never get there. However, we very much enjoy going to the club and dancing, flirting, touching, etc. We like to play too much to get away with it in a vanilla setting.

 

Experienced people here on SB are constantly advising to move at the slowest persons pace. Does that mean we are supposed to just stay home while we are finding our way? We went to an on-premise club out of curiosity or fantasy. We have found that as long as we communicate and stay within our own boundaries, we have a great time!

 

We too have seen these 'gawkers' that sit around and watch and cheer on their favorite performers. Very distracting. Down right rude to me. We are into exhibitionism but come on people....be respectful of the people that are playing. There was one girl that came out and told us that she is only there to watch. That is fine but then she starts yelling and cheering on some people that were playing. I find that to be quite rude.

 

I guess I am trying to say that we are at a place where we do not go to have sex with others. In fact, we try to go without any expectations. That seems to work. Some bumps and bruises along the way but nothing good comes easy is how I was raised.

[MN Tom 251]

We very much agree with all of this. I am ready to swap but my wife isn't there yet. She may never get there. However, we very much enjoy going to the club and dancing, flirting, touching, etc. We like to play too much to get away with it in a vanilla setting.

 

Experienced people here on SB are constantly advising to move at the slowest persons pace. Does that mean we are supposed to just stay home while we are finding our way? We went to an on-premise club out of curiosity or fantasy. We have found that as long as we communicate and stay within our own boundaries, we have a great time!

 

We too have seen these 'gawkers' that sit around and watch and cheer on their favorite performers. Very distracting. Down right rude to me. We are into exhibitionism but come on people....be respectful of the people that are playing. There was one girl that came out and told us that she is only there to watch. That is fine but then she starts yelling and cheering on some people that were playing. I find that to be quite rude.

 

I guess I am trying to say that we are at a place where we do not go to have sex with others. In fact, we try to go without any expectations. That seems to work. Some bumps and bruises along the way but nothing good comes easy is how I was raised.

 

I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. It's how we were at the first several parties we attended. We weren't ready for sex at that time, we just went to the parties and tried to figure out what this was about and how it worked for us. By the 2nd party we were kissing others, flirting, and enjoying ourselves, and within a few more parties we were looking for more.

 

Yelling and cheering might be well received by some, but most probably wouldnt go for it I would guess. It would be distracting for us.

[s_couple 48]

We're still reading The Swinger Manual diligently. For now, both of us (especially Mrs s_couple) want to go to an on-premise club for our first experience. Once we're there, we definitely want to play with each other while being watched by other participants at the very least. That will get our feet wet and we won't be just passive by-standers. As for playing with others on our first visit, we're still undecided. Mr s_couple isn't sure his equipment will cooperate because of anxiety if he has to play with another lady on our first visit.

 

We think we will be open to it if there's no "malfunction" though.

[desiree 61]

Wow, this thread is really eye-opening to me! I got into swinging largely because I'm an exhibitionist, so I welcome voyeurs because I can't live out my exhibitionism without them! When my husband and I started swinging way back when, we mostly played with each other while others watched. We are both extremely picky so we don't play with others most of the times we go out. We've always enjoyed the club environment, however, because of the sexual openness.

 

I guess my feeling about things is, if I don't want people watching me have sex, I'll meet couples at a club and then go elsewhere. Or use a private room and close the door. But if I'm having sex in a public place, I don't get upset that some people choose to watch. They paid their admission like anyone else. Obviously, if there are specific rules (like you have to be naked in a playroom) then I'd expect people to follow them. And being loud and distracting is uncalled for. But I have no problem with people who just want to go to clubs to be voyeurs. Everyone's got their kink--I certainly can't judge anyone else's!

[Chicup 41]

Its amazing how 7 years changes things.

 

Being one of these 'internet' swingers I think I can at least speak for some of the less active crowd.

 

Now while we wouldn't go into a room to watch (that would be rude),

 

Update: Not rude, just not attractive

 

we are not into the 'sex club' concept either.

 

Update: Well about that...

 

 

We view clubs as a place we can relax, not worry about people thinking we are swingers, and a good place to meet other couples. The internet may make it easier to find swingers, but its a pain in the ass finding good ones. Hence going to a club lets us meet other couples without the fakes/email games.

 

Update: True

 

I've seen this lament for the last two years about the 'good old days' and I can understand how the new swingers are somewhat frustrating, but we are different in our desires. We are looking for friends, and 'private' sex in our homes, and in the long run this is good for swinging I think.

 

Update: Not so much about the private part being all that important...

 

The more people involved the less stigma attached and the less some local government can be a pita come election year.

 

Update: Same shit apparently anyways.

 

The all naked rule is probably a good one for people looking for old time swinging. I wouldn’t mind but I KNOW my wife wouldn’t do it.

 

Update: She's been there done that, got the t-shirt she didn't wear.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

We have not been to an on premise club, there are just none around here. We want to eventually, just to experience it.

 

But what I think turns off some, and this is true for us, is that we don't mind other swingers watching, but someone that is there just to gawk and never get involved is a turn off.

 

From what I have read about on premise clubs, that seems to be a real issue. If you want to participate, come on in, the water is fine. But if you just want to get cheap thrills, go rent a porno.

 

A lady I know in the LS likes to have fun with the gawkers at a club they go to in New Orleans. If she sees one following them around, she puts on the full court vamp press. If they are for real they know what to do, if they are just there show they run like frightened wildebeest in a stampede. She says she has yet to meet one that could make it past 30 second before bolting. I love her style.

[MN Tom 251]

I like that idea of giving a gawker a chance to act.

 

Im not against gawkers in all situations, but to be honest at times they are like SM's. A handful or so here and there are ok, but they can easily overwhelm an area if allowed to run unchecked.

 

One of the popular larger house parties here has curtains you can pull back, and that allows gawking to take place. But, you can easily just leave the curtains shut, which greatly reduces gawking. We like that setup.

[kellimc 226]

I certainly don't mind an audience, but it is annoying when you suspect or know that the people watching aren't really "players" but strictly voyeurs. I much prefer to be watched by people who I know are more than just lookie-loos.

[divenaked 325]

When we are at a club, we prefer to do our playing where there are several others playing as well. We don't require a private room, but quit going to one club that seemed to draw the "one guy with four woman entorage" that walked from couch to couch and would stand there if someone was playing. Give us the "couples only" room, or the "no street clothes beyond this point" area, and we are much more comfortable.

[Olivesman 15]

In our process of deciding how far to go in the lifestyle, we have gone to a few clubs where we may be accused of being tourists. But we were surprised by the groupies hanging outside an open door. Reminds us of people who show up to stare at fires or bad car accidents.

 

Since our main purpose has been to meet and talk with people to help us make up our minds and maybe play on our own, we will certainly look in at an open door but we certainly wouldn't stand there with our tongues hanging out. Bad manners knows no boundaries!

[VegasLee 1,486]

I am with Chicup on this one. Seven years and things have changed.

 

Over all we see about 250 more people at the club each week then we did seven years ago. Mainly on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.

 

Friday and Saturday night it has become more of a sexy-dance-social club then it ever was. Just last night we had 325+ people there. At midnight I walked into our Hot Tub-pool area that is indoors. Empty. Seven years ago 35+ people would be stacked in that hot tub on a Saturday night all naked. You still have 75% to 80% that are not going to have sex with anyone that they did not come in with. They are there to watch, be sexy, dance and enjoy the night.

 

The Naked and Naughty parties are bigger then 7 years ago. Another 100 people over what they were then. These are hardcore sex parties and they grow each year. Old timers looking for the good ole days? Not really, seeing some new comers attend them and they keep coming back for more.

 

Sunday night we have an easy dress code of Swim Suits or less, no DJ or entertainment. We did that to give the "swingers" a night to play. Those parties started out with 40 people and are about 100 on a Sunday night now. Seems that there are some that still want the sex in Swinging so certain nights work.

 

We still welcome all, no matter what they are there for as long as they have respect for others and others lifestyles. It is not what it was for the first 20 years but it is still good in most ways.

 

Times change, we live with it. Just how it is.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Times change, we live with it. Just how it is.

 

This is such a good attitude for a club to have. You accept the change, work with it, and still find a way to give most people what they want by making adjustments. It's no wonder RR has been so successful for so long.

[shrevecouple 252]

To VegasLee: I think this is where your "swinging is not for most people" comes in. While most of us have at least a little bit of a freaky side within us, only a few can handle real hardcore swinging.

 

Because hardcore swinging isn't for the majority you are seeing more people satisfying their freaky side within their own comfort zone. You get to see other naked people and watch live porn and then carry it over into your sex life with your spouse. You don't have to worry about dealing with jealousy or those other issues that come with swinging. While this is frustrating for the hardcore people when it comes to weeding through potetial parters I completely understand what's going on.

[KandLM 15]

Thank you for this thread and this board. We are committed to starting slow. We both have real concerns and don't want to do anything that may cause any harm whatsoever to our relationship. We are deeply committed to each other and secure. Going to a club, party or event where we can observe, ask questions and learn is where we have decided to start. We may attend several events before or if ever we have intimate contact with another couple. I feel the atmosphere is erotic and exciting and have very limited experience. How far we go is yet to be discovered but we won't go anywhere sitting at home and reading about it on the internet.

So bear with us that are curious, do want to know more, are sexually excited by each other and taking small steps towards where we may eventually end up. We may be not heavily involved today but we are fun, exciting and I think a sexy couple that just may become friends and more in the future.

[gb19 15]

We are kind of in the same boat, figuring that going to a club may be a good first step. Were not gawkers, however, just not game to participate just yet, instead deciding to meet people and have fun.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I think it is important that those of us who have 'crossed the bridge' so to speak shouldn't look down upon people who do come to watch. As the two prior posters have shown, there are always people new to the lifestyle who are figuring out their bearings, deciding what's right for them, trying to learn more about the lifestyle, etc. We should always be welcoming to such people. All of us were there at one point or another. New swingers shouldn't be forced into jumping into the deep end of the pool five minutes after they arrive at the club lest they be labeled a 'gawker'.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

As the two prior posters have shown, there are always people new to the lifestyle who are figuring out their bearings, deciding what's right for them, trying to learn more about the lifestyle, etc.

.............. New swingers shouldn't be forced into jumping into the deep end of the pool five minutes after they arrive at the club lest they be labeled a 'gawker'.

I don't think we as a couple are unique in that we didn't have to see other people swing, or watch people fucking in a playroom in order to figure out how to do it.

As for the logistics, clubs are usually very clear about what the proper etiquette is in all areas of a facility. Spend two minutes reading the club rules, and you can pretty much navigate your way through any situation in the facility.

 

Let's look way back at the original post from about 7 years ago to see what the actual problem was:

 

We figured that maybe they just didn't want to be the first to get going so we got started and really didn't pay much attention for a while but then they started to giggle and whisper to each other which was a mood killer for us. When we decided we had had enough of that and started to leave they started begging us to not go and to continue.

 

GT also mentions they were fully-clothed, which is a no-no in most clubs. You go to a play area, you generally are expected to be nude or only in a towel or maybe lingerie for the ladies.

 

These people weren't trying to see if "swinging was right for them". They were gawkers, and should be labeled as such. The only thing missing from GT's story is the random guy coaching them from the sidelines on how he should "fuck that pussy".

 

If you want to watch, then fine. Get naked, and go to a public room set up for watching, and then save your comments about the action for the ride home.

[Chicup 41]

These people weren't trying to see if "swinging was right for them". They were gawkers, and should be labeled as such. The only thing missing from GT's story is the random guy coaching them from the sidelines on how he should "fuck that pussy".

 

If you want to watch, then fine. Get naked, and go to a public room set up for watching, and then save your comments about the action for the ride home.

 

I have to agree completely. I don't have to watch people having sex to know if 'swinging is right for me.'

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

That's right. And really, at the end of the day, there's only one valid perspective.

[s_couple 48]

If you want to know if swinging is right for you, then do it step by step just like what we're doing. Watching will get you no where in our opinion.

 

1. Meet a potential play partner(s). We mean actually meet. Not just chat online and exchange emails.

2. If there are mutual interests, schedule further meetings for drinks, dinner, etc. If there's no mutual interest, go back to step 1.

3. Once everyone's comfortable with each other, start by making out (soft swap) with your play partner(s).

4. If there's no issue with step 3, schedule several more soft swap if needed.

5. If everything is still great, pick a date to try full swap. (We're at this stage right now).

6. Do a full swap

7. Access what kind of swinger are you and decide. Are you a full swap swinger? Soft swap swinger? Not a swinger at all?

[Cajun2Step 65]

I have to agree completely. I don't have to watch people having sex to know if 'swinging is right for me.'

 

Watching sex is like watching eating food. It just is not fun unless you get into the action.

 

Eat or sex....do either or both...just don't watch. Great statement, Chicup!!

[KandLM 15]

We have no interest in coaching from the sidelines or gawking. We just would like to find an off premise club/event where we can meet other interested in the lifestyle and learn more.

We have zero interest in chatting/meeting a couple online and feel like its a this is it moment and we have to put out or get out type of situation. Rather ease into anything we eventually do in a comfortable fun setting and not feel like an interview.

[Guest screaminggood]

I am an exhibitionist so I love being watched...you newbies are welcome to watch as much as you want...but I do agree, the only comment that is appropriate is, "That's hot! I'd love to be with them!" You'll either get a smile or an invitation.

[snyderleeann 25]

We are new (as it sounds most people are) and don't intend to swap although the Mrs. wants to do an mfm sometime soon (with my encouragement). We've found it EXTREMELY hard to meet decent couples, even single males, on sls. We're thinking of maybe going to a club with our hard boundaries because we can actually MEET the people. Watching? You're danged right But, we'll be naked ourselves and adding to the show by playing amongst ourselves!

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

We are new (as it sounds most people are) and don't intend to swap although the Mrs. wants to do an mfm sometime soon (with my encouragement). We've found it EXTREMELY hard to meet decent couples, even single males, on sls. We're thinking of maybe going to a club with our hard boundaries because we can actually MEET the people. Watching? You're danged right But, we'll be naked ourselves and adding to the show by playing amongst ourselves!

 

First, WELCOME to the forums!

 

Second, we'd be happy to meet with you, though we are almost three hours apart.

 

Third, it is possible to meet good couples and single males via SLS. My wife and I have used SLS exclusively, outside of a few club trips, and have had mostly very good experiences. As with 'real' dating, it takes time and patience. But, it can be done and done well.

[snyderleeann 25]

Tried to send you a PM, but it looks like your box is full...

Thanks!

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Oops. I wish the system told you when you were at max. Oh well Fixed now.

[lv2prty 17]

i personaly love clubs that require you to disrobe and put on a towel before you can enter the play area. this at least keeps some people out that are not going to play.