Things just got weird.

[Skullsawange 8]

Husband and I together for 13 years. Our relationship has been a slow steady progression towards swinging. We've been in the lifestyle now for about 5 years. 

 

We've had about 5 or 6 different couples/partners over the last few years, most of them leading towards repeat meet ups just because we clicked so well. Unlike this last one. 

 

We met this couple online and found mutual attraction. We messaged back and fourth and one day the male half messaged us and asked if we could be a 'birthday surprise' for his girlfriend. We were elated! How exciting would it be to be someone's birthday surprise!? We gladly took him up on the offer. 

 

We met them at a pub, had drinks, apps and good conversation. At the end of it the male half asked if we wanted to go back to their place for cake. We said hell yes! We got there, got comfy, played Truth or dare, which ultimately lead to the bedroom. It was the most natural progression we'd experienced. We all seemingly had a good time. The 4 of us clicked, it was so hot! The male half did have did have a bit of 'stage fright'. Which was totally ok with us, it's happened with us before. It was still so hot. 

 

End of the night, we all hugged and said goodbye, I felt amazing. 

 

Fast forward a day. We text them asking how they've been. The male half says he's a bit chokes that he couldn't perform (it was seriously no problem for us). Fast forward another day, they send us some sexy snaps chats. Which we gladly reply with our own. Was recieved well. They also invited us to get ready at their house, for this fetish party we all got tickets to. So seemingly, everyone clicking great. 

 

We're now like a week after our initial meet and we snapchat them a sexy clip. His response was 'hot man.'. Not the same response as before. He also says 'hey, we kind of lost touch there, still want to meet up before the show or just meet there?'.

 

Also, a huge storm hit our city and there's a possibility that the show could be postponed. I had asked the couple if it was postponed, if they'd want to still get together. He said they had made arrangements for after the show already and if it was canceled, they'd have other plans. Which was weird because we had already made the plans to go to their place, they invited us, it has seemed like we'd hangout for the night kind of thing.

 

At this point it seems like they're just uninterested in us and I'm at a loss on what could have gone wrong. Or maybe I'm just thinking too far into things? 

 

Someone please help. It got weird out of nowhere 

 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

It's hard to know what's happened. General advice; ask. Ok, that can be hard. But, communication can help. I wouldn't put them on the spot, or accuse, but you could suggest a different day to get together. If you keep getting 'no's, then you can eventually connect the dots. I wouldn't read too far into this just yet.

[njbm 2,870]

We’ve had what we thought were fun experiences with other couples, then radio silence. I do find that when a male cannot perform or underperforms, he is reluctant to try again with the same woman. It doesn’t bother us, but it bothers them. 
 

More than once, we’ve been baffled. It’s not you, it’s them. 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

It would feel weird to us too, and we'd be asking the same questions.

 

One thing I try to keep in mind, and this goes for both vanilla and swinging life, is not everyone is, for lack of a better word, as conscientious, about things as we are.  I don't mean that in a bragging way, but just people have different styles.  Some people have never paid a bill even a day late in their lives, others have the money but are doing good to remember to get it there by the due date two months out of three.  Some people will immediately email/text you back about something, others it may be a while.  So, for those that just do things in sort of a spontaneous fashion, then the behavior you describe could just sort of be how they do business?  Feels weird to you but perfectly normal to them. Just a thought.

[Skullsawange 8]

What you said makes perfect sense. Ive been trying to keep that in mind, that everyone is just so different. 

 

We did end up going to their place to get ready for the event, was a wholesome time just getting ready for a night out with friends. Nothing was weird, I think it's just me. 

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

There's a saying that goes "The worst thing someone can do to someone else is not match their expectations".

 

It all comes down to communication. You had an idea in your head of how things were going to go, and they had a different vision. Neither is wrong, or bad, it just is. But, when the two don't match up it can create speculation that undermines faith. There's always different perspectives :)

[MS1999 38]

That quick change in tone does seem weird. Its good it's worked out but it was a weird pivot

[TnA83 309]

On 4/14/2022 at 4:41 AM, njbm said:

We’ve had what we thought were fun experiences with other couples, then radio silence. I do find that when a male cannot perform or underperforms, he is reluctant to try again with the same woman. It doesn’t bother us, but it bothers them. 
 

More than once, we’ve been baffled. It’s not you, it’s them. 

Seems logical, but if the shoe was on the other foot, I would want to complete that deal!