Alcohol and the lifestyle

[samandtammi 99]

I have been in the lifestyle for many years and with all of these nights out comes a lot of drinking.  We go to a swing club at least 3 nights every week, so that adds up to a lot of drinking.  I decided recently that I would like to try to stop drinking,  Join the One Year No Beer Challenge (but I drink whiskey).  It has only been one week so far and the nights at the club were not great.  We did not go back to the playroom so that I have not tried to do yet!  I can already see and feel the benefits of no alcohol and would like to stick with it.

 

Has anyone tried swinging sober?

[TnA83 309]

Three times a week?  That seems busy!

 

[SAMnTINA 362]

While we have been know to have a drink, we never needed one to have a good time in the lifestyle.  

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Neither of us drink...not that we have a problem with others who do, I don't like the taste or feeling out of control and Ms. Gold would rather not have the calories (or take them in a different form). Occasionally we may both take a drink, but we would rather be clear headed so we can remember exactly what went on and think back to the exciting events we have participated in later on.

[lovefest04 699]

We quit drinking 8 years ago. We enjoyed it, but felt like it was time. Health was a big factor. We are very healthy, but would then consume a beverage, sometime a lot, that was opposite of that. So, I'm not against drinking it just doesn't jive with our lifestyle.

 

When you're sober, the world looks different, you see it differently. It takes time to adjust. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and increases acceptance of others. Once it's effects are gone, you'll see most social interactions in a different light whether that's swinging or having a 'vanilla' backyard BBQ. Over time you'll adjust, you'll learn to be more open and vulnerable without the crutch of alcohol. You may get healthier as well which can increase your self esteem etc. After 8 years I can truly say I'm happy to be alcohol free. Do I miss it? Sometimes, but the benefits always outweigh what it means to go back.

 

You said you first visits weren't so great. Exactly our experience. Time helps. You are in some ways taking off the 'alcohol' mask and now your naked and more real in all situations. Can't hide so much and that is uncomfortable. Work to get comfortable as non-drinkers. Take time to reflect on how your interactions are, in and out of the swinging world. See what you like and do more of that.

 

Hope that helps and makes a little sense.

 

 

[cplnluv1 872]

We will not play with inebriated people. A social drink will take the edge off a new meeting, a few drinks makes everything sloppy. 

[Billygoat 443]

We do not drink….at all to play.  We do not drink at all at most any lifestyle event that might include playing.  
 

But we will occasionally let our hair down and have several drinks at a social setting.  Man of our long time friends are in the lifestyle and most we play with.  But socially we will have drinks

 

we prefer to be sober making clear head decisions and enjoy play time to the fullest, knowing and remembering everything we did and with whom.

 

we do not mind if others have had drinks….but if they are tipsy or to loose we back off for that time….maybe next time.

[samandtammi 99]

6 hours ago, lovefest04 said:

We quit drinking 8 years ago. We enjoyed it, but felt like it was time. Health was a big factor. We are very healthy, but would then consume a beverage, sometime a lot, that was opposite of that. So, I'm not against drinking it just doesn't jive with our lifestyle.

 

When you're sober, the world looks different, you see it differently. It takes time to adjust. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and increases acceptance of others. Once it's effects are gone, you'll see most social interactions in a different light whether that's swinging or having a 'vanilla' backyard BBQ. Over time you'll adjust, you'll learn to be more open and vulnerable without the crutch of alcohol. You may get healthier as well which can increase your self esteem etc. After 8 years I can truly say I'm happy to be alcohol free. Do I miss it? Sometimes, but the benefits always outweigh what it means to go back.

 

You said you first visits weren't so great. Exactly our experience. Time helps. You are in some ways taking off the 'alcohol' mask and now your naked and more real in all situations. Can't hide so much and that is uncomfortable. Work to get comfortable as non-drinkers. Take time to reflect on how your interactions are, in and out of the swinging world. See what you like and do more of that.

 

Hope that helps and makes a little sense.

 

 

I genuinely appreciate your response.  I am not an alcoholic and I am never over inebriated at the club or anywhere else. I generally have 2 drinks over the course of many hours that we are there, but again, when it's 3 nights per week, that's more alcohol than I want.  

 

 I was trying to explain that I realize alcohol is a crutch in the lifestyle to overcome inhibitions and I would like to be comfortable without alcohol.  Your response is kind ,helpful and that's  what I was looking for.   I do love the feeling of not drinking and the power to enjoy the lifestyle without.  I will keep plugging away and see how it goes!

 

 

[EastInWest 1,524]

When we started, it generally took a couple of drinks to overcome inhibitions, yes. Neither of us are big drinkers. A bottle of wine (two generous glasses each) for the two of us is a warm evening, a second bottle is a party.

 

It's mostly been our norm to break the ice in a cocktail lounge or wine bar so a couple of rounds is typical. It's enough for her to get past any hang-ups about  sexual openness, but more than that is too much.

 

We *have* started sober more than a few times, though, usually with people we know well.

[oldswinger64 111]

Alcohol, I have noticed in our many years of swinging, is always present.  And no, no to the point of sloppy drunkenness, but to take off the edge.  I have always believed that without alcohol there would be very few swingers.

 

[MrMrsswinger 202]

We aren't really drinkers but as long as no one is sloppy drunk and able to consent, we don't care. A drink or two does take the initial nervousness off for newer couples. Again, everyone has to be sober so they can consent to the activities.

 

 

[enhancer 1,585]

We both can take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol!  Don’t really care what others do with it, but if someone is tanked we are not going to be playing with them.

 

 Both of us much prefer marijuana and the great effects it has on play time.  Thankfully they rightfully so made it legal here in Canada four years ago and it is now much more accepted by more people.  The best play sessions we have had with others is when marijuana is involved. 

 

We still play with people that don’t partake as long as they are not uptight about others that do.  Nothing annoys us more then people that drink, but have a problem with pot.  We know which one causes more problems in the real world everyday and it is the one that is more accepted by people of walks of life.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

9 hours ago, EastInWest said:

When we started, it generally took a couple of drinks to overcome inhibitions, yes. Neither of us are big drinkers. A bottle of wine (two generous glasses each) for the two of us is a warm evening, a second bottle is a party.

 

It's mostly been our norm to break the ice in a cocktail lounge or wine bar so a couple of rounds is typical. It's enough for her to get past any hang-ups about  sexual openness, but more than that is too much.

 

We *have* started sober more than a few times, though, usually with people we know well.

 

This pretty much describes us. I have had one big screw-up in our swinging career (I was forgiven thankfully). It was because I was hammered drunk. That is a very very rare thing for me. The fact I was that night didn't have anything to do with swinging, it was one of those "what were you thinking?" very rare times when if I do drink, I don't stop way before being drunk, and usually before even being buzzed.

 

I agree, it's better when you are sober.

[lovefest04 699]

20 hours ago, samandtammi said:

 I am not an alcoholic and I am never over inebriated at the club or anywhere else.

I didn't mean to suggest you were an alcoholic. Thank you for not making my post about that. We never considered ourselves alcoholics either, just drank more often than we thought was healthy.

[GravityCheck 1]

On 5/2/2022 at 1:44 PM, lovefest04 said:

We quit drinking 8 years ago. We enjoyed it, but felt like it was time. Health was a big factor. We are very healthy, but would then consume a beverage, sometime a lot, that was opposite of that. So, I'm not against drinking it just doesn't jive with our lifestyle.

 

When you're sober, the world looks different, you see it differently. It takes time to adjust. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and increases acceptance of others. Once it's effects are gone, you'll see most social interactions in a different light whether that's swinging or having a 'vanilla' backyard BBQ. Over time you'll adjust, you'll learn to be more open and vulnerable without the crutch of alcohol. You may get healthier as well which can increase your self esteem etc. After 8 years I can truly say I'm happy to be alcohol free. Do I miss it? Sometimes, but the benefits always outweigh what it means to go back.

 

You said you first visits weren't so great. Exactly our experience. Time helps. You are in some ways taking off the 'alcohol' mask and now your naked and more real in all situations. Can't hide so much and that is uncomfortable. Work to get comfortable as non-drinkers. Take time to reflect on how your interactions are, in and out of the swinging world. See what you like and do more of that.

 

Hope that helps and makes a little sense.

 

 

So many answers from noon or light drinkers! I'm glad for them, but the answers feel judgy, even though their not meant to be. THIS response meant more to me!

I came to swinging and drinking about the same time in life and I suspect that I may suffer from social anxiety which is really triggered by swinging. The high expectation to make a snap decision to let strangers into my space, my most intimate space, makes my heart race just typing it out. 
I do not think I have a dependence problem, but I have decided that I do not drink well. Part of it may be my changing metabolism: it's harder to know where my limits are, they seem to be changing all the time. But I am glad to hear that your early experience of quitting mirrors my own. I feel like my standards are changing and hopeless about ever meeting people again, without drinking. 
your response makes me hopeful. 

[couplers 4,638]

On 5/2/2022 at 9:25 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

Neither of us drink...not that we have a problem with others who do, I don't like the taste or feeling out of control

The five of us in our poly family don't drink or use drugs for the reason you gave, we want to be in control of our senses in all situations.  It's interesting how five people with the same controlling attitude found one another and get along.

 

Clair, however, will sometimes before sexual play is inevitably heading her way, pour herself a quarter small glass of wine, never drink more than half of that, and switches her mood into eager to play.  She drinks even that small amount so infrequently that on an empty stomach it has an effect on her. 

Edited August 11, 2022 by couplers