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JustAskJulie

Who's more picky about who you swing with?

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I read this quote from Eternally Single in another thread and was like What's that you say?

 

Your husband's attitude sounds about right to me. Men are not as open about sex as women. Despite all the cliches about men wanting to screw everything in a skirt, we are really afraid of screwing up a good thing when we find it.

 

From my own experiences I don't tend to find that as true.....

 

I don't think it can be generalized really as a male or a female thing. Some guys are picky, some aren't, same with the women. I think it's a matter of looking for different traits, too.

 

Some PEOPLE just want to get laid and they, in general, aren't that picky. Others, while they may enjoy the occasional fresh blood of a new F**K, they aren't going to have sex with just anyone and want that initial physical reaction.

 

But that's my opinion, so what's yours? Are guys more picky? Or is it the women? Who's more picky in your relationship?

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She's more picky physically. We're in our mid 20s, and she's not wild about sleeping with and guys older than 40 or so. Facial hair is a dealbreaker for her too, as she loves oral and hates the stubbly feeling down there.

 

He's more picky personality-wise. (Stop giggling!) He can't stand women who just sit their and twirl their hair and stare off into the distance during conversation. Although we're not terrible experienced (yet), he can imagine those kind of traits carrying over into the bedroom. He would much prefer an engaging, fun loving woman who is a little too skinny, or a little too tall than some buxom blonde who sits there popping her bubblegum and rolling her eyes.

 

If the question is who says "no" more often, that falls to her, but that's probably because he finds lots of engaging, fun loving people in the lifestyle.

 

 

A&S

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Hubby is the pickest here. I like good looks, but hubby is the worst about it. He is bad about the comparing to me thing. He thinks if they aren't as good looking as me then he doesn't want too. The problem is that he doesn't think too many people are better looking than me. We are meeting a new couple this weekend. This female is like the ONLY one that he has been attracted to out of all the ones we have talked to. So hopefully it will go well!

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Male here, I am the pickier one. she bases her choice on cock size and some personality traits whereas I need a general overall sexiness feeling from the woman physically and emotionally. So my needs can take more time to fill which leaves me killing the deal alot of the time.

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She is, without a doubt. :)

 

It takes a certain kind of guy to get her motor running, and without that, it just doesn't work for her. I'd tell you what kind of guy, but I'm pretty clueless when it comes to that. I have found I am often wrong about the ones I think she'll be hot for, but I suppose that's not really important, as she's the one doing the picking. :lol:

 

Me? I just plain l-o-v-e women, so for me there's always one or two around that I find interesting... ;)

 

-B

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Hands down. I am the pickiest. I need to feel some sort of connection and I continually shoot down potential meetings for things such as a profile that contains only or mostly genital pics (no pictures are okay), poorly written profiles, those that are too aggressive...ie wanting to meet tonight, today, tomorrow (on initial contact). Those that immediately want to chat on yahoo AIM or want you to boot up the webcam...and share 'real time pictures'. :nono: My list could go on and on and on and.... Well you get the picture. ;)

 

While this may be fine for some, it isn't for me. Mr. O on the other hand, is the exact opposite. He is all for chatting real time, immediately--bases his opinions on pictures (he discounts profiles that have no pictures)....but he now moves at my speed. I have tried to move at his on a couple of occasions and they each proved disasterous. Eventually we settled into a niche as to where he takes into consideration my feelings of who we BOTH would like or not like, and then bring the topic to the table.

 

Chalk it up to newbie experiences...even tho it has been three years now. :rollseyes

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Sheryl is the pickier one, by far. Here is her list of criteria for couples we meet online:

 

1. They must be non-smokers.

2. They must have a photo of both of them on their ad or profile.

3. They must not regard interracial sex as a fetish.

4. The male must have limited facial hair (mustaches are okay; goatees are iffy; full beards are out).

5. The male must have a reasonably flat stomach.

6. The male must be straight.

7. The female must be active bi.

 

Any one of these issues can be a deal-breaker for Sheryl. Sometimes, it can be quite a challenge to find couples in our age group who fit all of these criteria. However, she is a little more flexible regarding couples we meet at clubs or private parties. Under those circumstances, we’ve been known to spontaneously do things with couples we would not normally consider if we were screening them online.

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I am more picky than she is on looks, she is more picky on personality, though sometimes we reverse on that.

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I agree with Julie...

 

I realized early on when we went to our first club( after a year of reading this forum and trying to decide if it was right for us) That the people who were the most busy ... were the least discriminating. We decided quickly that we prefer quality over quantity.

 

I am the same way in real life. I would rather have one pair of Manolo stilettos to a closet full of knock off payless pumps; one great man at home than a warehouse full of whatever is out there.

 

We don't play as often as some and have been told we are not "real swingers" or that we are "stuck up" because we discriminate in our choices... but I simply ignore that as a payless wanna-bee looking to be my favorite pair of Manolo's...lol

 

It takes time to meet and develop relationships with people and create your own little utopia, but it is the way we prefer.

 

And yes I have a deal breaker list too… don’t we all…lol

 

( the full beard thing is on it too…)

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I would say that I am more picky overall. It even amazes me sometimes the difference between a woman that turns me on and one that doesn't. And more often than not it isn't about looks, often times I will initially be attracted to a woman by her looks and after five minutes of talking to her I find I'm not really interested after all.

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She's way more picky than I am. I'm suprised we swap at all :)

 

One side effect to her being picky is that most single guys don't get the time of day despite the fact that she REALLY wants a single guy as a regular lover.

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Both of us, too. But I find that at times I am more picky in regards to thinking about what Roger may want - and he's more picky in thinking what I might want in a partner.

 

Equally picky, I guess.

 

Sarah

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ME, hands down! Don't get me wrong, Jay has standards too.....I asked Jay, and he shrugged his shoulders. He said he goes on a case by case basis lol. Jay is turned on by women who are sexually confident, and don't have hang ups with weight and body image (just how the hell he is married to my neurotic ass I'll never know).

 

Me? Different story! I guess women by nature are pickier than men. I have said mine before. He is kind of tall with a stocky build. Not skinny to where I can see rib bones lol. Hair neatly trimmed, and he cares about his appearance. Eternity for Men, but not too much. He needs to be confident in his masculinity. I love facial hair and chest hair.

 

Can you tell I've thought about this lol? See, when I'm sitting at my desk and they think I'm working......I'm not workin lol.

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He is more picky than I am. He only wants to be with couples between the ages of 18 to 35 and i'm more into the ages of 21 to 50. It's hard to find couples in his age group because couple in that age group are still hung up on jealousy and are still very insecure. I find that older couples have more of a grip on life and know what they want out of it. Also because they don't have young children to worry about and can live life to it's fullest. I want those things now. Tomorrow is'nt promised to anyone.

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Probably me since I'm going to be sexual with both halves of a couple and he's only going to be with the lady. If the lady's halfway decent looking and they both have an IQ slightly greater than a doorknob, he's all set. That's why I'm the one in charge of our correspondences and meetings. I have to be attracted to both and get a good sense of respect, honesty, and intelligence before I start. It's also very important to know the couple is stable and communicating with one another.

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Female here I am the picky one I am not so picky on the male partners, but the female partners have to be bbws I love a woman with soft supple skin if I am not into the person or persons its a no go. He is pretty much down with anything lol:facelick:

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He is definately pickier when it comes to looks. He has to be physicaly attracted, then he looks for personality. He hates women with no personality and that lay unresponsive in bed etc. I have found that the best looking men are not always the best in bed, so I look more for personality and what they say. Are they anxious to just slam it in or do they like to give a woman pleasure etc. Men that talk about licking or sucking my nipples, in being anxious to see me squirm beneath their fingers etc definately get my vote. I like to be asked to dance at a party or complimented on my dress. I'm not interested in the no preliminaries "let's go to the room and fuck" kind of guy. For me, it is as mental as physical.

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She is, for sure. I'm a guy. Like I give a rat's ass what kind of personality she has...know what I'm sayin? :lol:

 

In seriousness, I really didn't used to be too picky. I went for whatever was available without putting in too much effort. My wife helped me realize that I had options. So I am definitely more picky than I used to be. Now I will only fuck most things in a skirt. :D

 

Amy attracts other women way better than I do, and back when we were doing ffms, she would bring home women I had no shot at. So she is allowed to be more picky.

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With each couple it's different. Him more than her on most occasions, he has a better sense of feel about a couple long term, while she gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. It's worked for 12 years and has lead to many lasting relationships.

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Neither of us is very picky about the things some couples are. We've been fortunate to have had a lot of excellent adventures with a wide spectrum of folks, all shapes, sizes, ages, races, demographic groups, income, education, and nationality.

 

We're less interested in a person's looks than in their sexuality and their overall vibe. Not that we're seeking playmates who look like the troll from hell, but frankly, L has had some *excellent* sex with guys whose looks have probably kept most other women from giving them a second thought. But they had good vibes, they were sexual people, and they knew how to use what they had to pleasure L. A win-win for all of us. Yes, people -- guys, mostly -- send us pix of themselves (or parts of themselves, ahem!), but we don't decide to meet based on the pix. It's the vibe that does it for us.

 

Our playmates MUST be respectful of L. She enjoys being a slut, but guys need to treat her like the lady she is. And they must be respectful of our relationship.

 

No pushy, demanding people. That's not a vibe we find endearing.

 

They must be clean. Having not bathed this week is a turn-off. Basic hygiene is a must for us. We are for them, and we expect the same respect. And they MUST be disease free.

 

We prefer they be neat, but expensive showy clothes don't impress us. Besides, if you do it right, the clothes don't stay on too long.

 

We prefer they be sober -- or almost, a little buzzed is OK. If they're wasted, they not only aren't competent playmates, they're not legally competent to give consent.

 

Our ideal playmates are folks that we can pleasure who will also pleasure us. They don't have to be as experienced as us, or like all the same flavors we've enjoyed, but we need to feel confident they're going to enjoy the flavors we'll be indulging in with them.

 

So, a few must-haves for us. A few. But overall, we aren't picky. Good sex with good people is what it's about for us.

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It's a really close call here, but we've come to the conclusion that Mrs two4you is more picky.

 

We discussed this today. Now we disagree a bit. She thinks she's more picky. I think I am.

 

So, that means she is more picky.

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I'm more picky all around... He is much more easy going in general, so it's not surprising.

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She is more picky when looking at online profiles. I'm more inclined to give a maybe a chance whereas she usually has to be sure before she wants to meet. In person, we're probably about the same and both less picky than we are online. More than pixels on a screen makes all of the difference in the world.

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The longer we have been in this lifestyle the pickier we both have got!  She does however have the edge on being pickier than me.  
 

It really comes down to both of us are extremely happy with being with each other and the sex is still after 13 years better then anything we have experienced with anyone else.   Makes us very selective of who we will consider having sex with,  because we still look forward to our time together more than anything.  
 

She has to be able to see physical attraction right of the bat to have any interest at all and she seldom sees that!  It seems one of the most important things to her in a potential partner is their face.  There has been many times I thought for sure she would be interested in a guy with a great in shape toned body only for her to look at his face pic and say no. That is her call and I don’t question her.  I actually like the fact that she doesn’t just fuck anybody anytime.  
 

I definitely have a type myself, but it probably isn’t what most people would consider a beautiful model type!  I like short women with  big curves.  Thick thighs, big round bums and even a little bit of a tummy.  I also prefer cute faces over what most would perceive as beautiful.  For attitude I like strong confident sexual women over easily manipulated submissive women.

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For both of us, it comes down to engagement; does the potential guy take an interest in her when we meet and does my potential partner make lots of eye contact and appear engrossed in what is transpiring. 

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