Single means single, not married and cheating

[Jane1902 476]

I am ranting. I have tried a different site, Feeld. Chatted with a “single male”. He wanted to be sure I understood the “lifestyle.” Yes. After a fair bit of chatting we decided to meet halfway, a little over a 30 minute drive for me. Brief introductions were exchanged and we started talking lifestyle experiences. I asked if he found it challenging as a single male. Then he said he needed to “clarify” so there wouldn’t be any “expectations.”

 

Yes he is married but his wife is blind and they didn’t talk much about his outside activities but she is aware. I needed to clarify if this meant she would be upset by what he was doing. Yes. That’s cheating in my book and I left. My mistake was not confirming his status. I don't have a problem if the other partner is fine with it and have enjoyed meeting the other half in the past. His actions are not ENM at all. He sent some message how everything isn’t black and white. I doubt the wife is so blind she can’t see what an asshole he is. The excuse itself is offensive. I flagged his profile as fake because it is. Some people are okay with cheaters but I am not, won’t knowingly hurt someone else.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Good on you Jane1902. I think you did the right thing. There are some people who are ok playing with cheaters. My wife and I will not. This situation...the whole misrepresentation part, and you're supposed to let him have sex with you? Hell no. Next!

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,383]

Just wondering how ppl feel about 'singles' who are forthcoming about being married and cheating. For example: the husband or wife who say they are in a sexless marriage, say their spouses refuse them, and haven't had sex with their spouse for years. We have been contacted by both men and women who have said this.

[Billygoat 443]

I think 95% of those in the lifestyle would choose not to knowingly play with someone cheating.  More often they do not know the play partner is cheating but find out later.  We know and have played (and still do with some) with a few women and some men that have an arrangement.  Due to illness or other issue.  But it was on the table discussed and verified.  One couple she is ill and disabled.  She helps her husband pick and enjoys a social relationship with those that the husband plays with.  In their world cheating would be spending time with someone she has not met, talked to and he would not be willing to talk about.

[Jane1902 476]

People are going to cheat, I'm not going to change that but I will not enable it either. On the table, discussed and verified isn't misleading. 
Some swingers are okay playing with cheaters, there's threads on this. I struggle with people saying what they think I want to hear to get what they want. 

Curious how others that don't play with cheats feel about those that do. Does it change your mind about wanting to play with them?

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Jane, I don't think that question's ever come up. I.e., "So how do you feel about playing with cheaters?". Seems a bit awkward to ask perhaps. I don't think it would affect whether we played with a couple or not. If they aren't cheating, then we're good. It's the cheaters we refuse to play with.

[curiousbear 20]

On 5/7/2022 at 11:37 AM, bbarnsworth said:

Jane, I don't think that question's ever come up. I.e., "So how do you feel about playing with cheaters?". Seems a bit awkward to ask perhaps. I don't think it would affect whether we played with a couple or not. If they aren't cheating, then we're good. It's the cheaters we refuse to play with.

I am sorry, I think Jane's question is different. It is not "So how do you feel about playing with cheaters?". Her question is "how swingers who don't play with cheats feel about swingers who play with cheats". 

 

It is a great question...

[cplnluv1 871]

On 5/6/2022 at 7:17 PM, Jane1902 said:

I have tried a different site, Feeld. Chatted with a “single male”.

Feeld is not a swinging site the way other sites are. Feeld is a dating site much like other sites where you are looking to match for a date. It doesn’t sound like neither you or the male you met were meeting for swinging which in the context here is with a couple. Liars, frauds and cheaters troll all dating sites. Were you looking for a date or just sex? Nothing in your post hints at swinging. 

Feeld is a site for exploration not a pure swinging site. It welcomes marrieds, singles, gay, lesbian, curious and people in open relationships. I think a single woman like yourself will attract single men only looking for sex and in that group a good percentage will lie about marriage status. Feeld is not Match or Tinder where people look for long term relationships. 

We have met married women and single women on Feeld. We hope the married woman told her husband she was meeting us. We can’t do background checks on every person or couple we meet. 

[Jane1902 476]

Feeld has interests that include various forms of swinging/ENM. In my profile and in conversations I confirmed my dealbreakers to include cheating. I make a point of asking. 

Some people are okay with it, I’m not. I understand sometimes it doesn’t seem so simple but for me to feel good about what I’m doing it’s important.

[shy_couple 459]

We have very little experience playing with singles. However, we have zero tolerance for liars or cheaters. If they are not honest about this, how can there be trust that they will respect our boundaries, our privacy, be honest about STDs, or anything for that matter. Any single guys, our BS detector is set on high. Any weird photo crops, I vs. we slips, etc. raise red flags. Anyone pulling the boo-hoo-hoo sexless marriage BS can jack off or get a divorce for all I care. 
 

Mainly due to scheduling around our family and work life, we are only free a few Saturday nights per month, and we put that in our profile. That’s a great deterrent for cheaters because, we feel, that it’s going to be tough to sneak away from wife and family and stay out late. 

[njbm 2,868]

We will not knowingly play with cheaters. We don’t want the aggrieved spouse showing up at our tryst with their lawyer, photographer and /or shotgun. More basically, as stated by others, we don’t want to encourage unethical behavior. 

Another category of swingers that has issues: MF fuck buddies. They pose as a couple, but in fact they are two singles that do not have a romantic relationship with each other. They may have a sexual relationship with each other or may not. We have met and played with couples like this. We find that often they don’t care about their partner, they are more likely to blow off a date and their pairing rarely lasts to a second playtime. No objection to them doing it, just doesn’t work out. 

[AndrewandAnn 360]

As social libertarians, we acknowledge people are free to do as they please in their private lives--even when it means ruining their own and someone else's.

 

That is the price of living in a free (more or less) society.

 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

On 5/7/2022 at 1:23 PM, Jane1902 said:

Curious how others that don't play with cheats feel about those that do. Does it change your mind about wanting to play with them?

 

Yes, it would. If you are willing to be part of deception and dishonesty on that subject, what else are you willing to be deceptive and dishonest about?

 

And, like njbm a few posts above, we avoid like the plague people who live their lives just inviting drama and bad things. Do whatever you want, but when bad decisions hand grenade inevitably goes off, we won't be anywhere around to catch a piece of it.

 

I think the married but not to each other types are high on most couples' radar at clubs. Just about every club visit we made when we still considered ourselves newbies and told people that, they were always quick to point the fake couples out because "They like to go after newbies, and they will totally lie about what they are. Do what you want of course, but just wanted to you all to know."  That advice usually proved spot on, because if you started watching the fake couples, almost without exception they were constantly on the move hunting for partners with what seemed way more intensity than most people there.