How young is too young to swing?

[FOOTLOVER69 15]

How young do you think is too young for someone to start swinging? I always figured you should be mature enough to handle a relationship before swinging. Someone the other day commented that they started swinging when they were in their early 20's.

 

We are in our early 30's and even that is usually the young side you see at the clubs. I was just wondering everyone else's take on this subject. Thanks.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

I like to think that early 20s is a fine age to start. That's my unbiased, 22 year old opinion.

 

Actually, there's much more to it than age. I'm not sure what it is... but there is definitely something.

[Sin D 15]

He was 22 when he started, I was 33. We are both in our mid-30's now. That said, we always wonder about the teens you see on some of the swinger sites. 18 and 19 seems pretty young to us....but everyone matures differently.

[hfire269 16]

As long as they are consenting adults and mature enough to handle swinging then 18 is a good age. We are 24 and 25. Although I dont think your age has to do with it.. I mean there are 50 yrs olds out there that are as immature as a 2yr old. So I think that maturaty has alot of power in when to start swinging.

[viper31631 15]

I started at 20 as a single and everyone whom met me would probably agree I was plenty mature enough to handle everything.

[frenzb4sex 15]

I'd like to take a different spin on this and see what the board thinks. While it's agreeable that there is a wide range of maturity in this lifestyle, and while I think that those that have posted are probably big exceptions to the rule, we have found (as being in our early 30's) that we find those that are younger than us tend to have more cancellations, have more problems getting together, and more "last minute" things that come up then say, those that are 35 or older. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't swing per se, but I think that this is something that occurs on a broader scale than just our observations.

 

I don't attribute this to having children, because we know that couples in the latter age range still have that to deal with as well, even very young children. Is this a maturity thing? Do those that are over 35 just have more of a commitment than those that are younger? I can't believe that those that are younger have more going on in their lives, I would actually tend to think the opposite. Have you had this happen or seen it to some degree?

 

Again, not finger pointing here on the board, the fact that many of you contribute is a testament to your knowledge and maturity levels. Just trying to put a different spin on the question...

[danc694u 19]

FOOTLOVER69 said:

We are in our early 30's and even that is usually the young side you see at the clubs. I was just wondering everyone else's take on this subject.

 

We as a rule, try to stick with 30+ ourselves. We've had a couple of very bad experiences with 25 & 27 year olds. Although we both have to admit, those young firm bodies can be enticing

 

As for 30 being the young side! What clubs do you guys attend there. We'll sure want to check them out when we're in the area. We get a lot of 30 and under in TN, MS, & AL

[RW1F 15]

Depends on what you mean by swinging. If you mean swinging as single or in a boyfriend and girlfriend situation I would say any age over 18 is fine. If you mean in a marriage, I'd bet several months paychecks that people that swing in their early-mid twenties will end up divorced.

[AustinandStacy 15]

Depends on what you mean by swinging. If you mean swinging as single or in a boyfriend and girlfriend situation I would say any age over 18 is fine. If you mean in a marriage, I'd bet several months paychecks that people that swing in their early-mid twenties will end up divorced.

Maybe I am reading this wrong. a) Boyfriend and Girlfriend at 18 are fine as swingers, but b) married couple at 25 are not fine as swingers, and are likely to get divorced. It seems like you are implying that the 18 year olds aren't worried about long term prospects with each other, or else they would end in category b) eventually, and their relationship would be destroyed. Personally, I wouldn't touch any couple without a long term commitment to each other with a 39 1/2 foot pole. (Much like the Grinch.) We know, at least as far as we go, our maturity as a couple skyrocketed when we actually had to move in together, compiled the finances, and had to make REAL decisions in the best interests of the partnership. I'm sure some high schoolers have enough maturity and communication skills to swing, but I know that no matter HOW well you know each other, you know much more once you have a home set up.

 

We are just getting started, and are in our mid twenties. We know a bunch of couples who started in the lifestyle earlier than us, or at the same age. They are now in their 40s and 50s, and it's like they're still on their honeymoon. Frankly, I'm a little peeved that you are so judgmental, and so certain all of our unions are going to end up in the scrap pile. (Either that, or you are a really loose gambler. I wouldn't bet several monthly paychecks that martians wouldn't land tomorrow. That's a lot of money.)

 

That's not to say all swingers are going to be happy together forever, but just because you start in your mid twenties doesn't mean that you are fundamentally unsound and your relationship is damned. (However, you said that unmarried 18 year olds can have a perfectly stable swinging relationship. . . I guess I'm just confused.)

[DuncanDoughnut 16]

I think the priority is that you are certain that who you swing with is of a legal age before you swing with them.

 

The problem with some of the younger generations is that short of asking for ID, it's really hard to tell how old they actually are. I met a 14 year old today who looked every bit of 20 clear down to her huge tights, (far bigger than mine with a perfect bod to boot) tonge ring and belly button rings. (yep that's plural) Who would of thought at her age you would be so equipped. Scary isn't it?

[FOOTLOVER69 15]

My question arose due to someone on the chat board saying they started at age 17. To me I think that is too young. I don't care how mature someone thinks they are, but highschool kids are not old enough in my opinion. There may be the exception to the rule but I don't believe anyone at 17 or 18 even has marriage on there minds, little less than swinging. I simply believe someone who has yet graduated from highschool does not understand the major issues in life , little less swinging. I was simply amazed at the age I was given and really thought the peson was lying. Is it really true swinging at that age or simply experimenting in sex. The reason most single males are not accepted in the lifestyle is because they bring no relationship into the equation when they are trying to swing. I guess what I truly wonder is whether anyone at that age sees their fooling around as true swinging. Does the boyfriend/girlfriend know what is happening? If so do they not care because they could care less since they are also cheating. It simply brought something to my attention since I had never really thought of anyone that young as a swinger.

[Necro71 16]

I'm 19, and have a very clear definiton between sex, love, and lust. As long as you are able to be safe, careful and mature I think 18 is fine.

[RW1F 15]

AustinandStacy said:

Maybe I am reading this wrong. a) Boyfriend and Girlfriend at 18 are fine as swingers, but b) married couple at 25 are not fine as swingers, and are likely to get divorced.

 

Well your reading it partially wrong. BF/GF at 18 may or may not be O.K. as far as a swinging relationship is concerned. Is it to young to experiment? Not in my opinion. Is it too young to tell? Yup.

A 25 year old married couple? If I bet 100 of those couples that they'd end up divorced I'm thinking I'd come out with at least a 90% profit.

 

 

AustinandStacy said:

It seems like you are implying that the 18 year olds aren't worried about long term prospects with each other, or else they would end in category b) eventually, and their relationship would be destroyed.

 

That's exactly what I'm saying. Although an 18 year old might think they are in it for the long haul most of em aren't. Does that mean they can't have a good time swinging?

 

 

AustinandStacy said:

Personally, I wouldn't touch any couple without a long term commitment to each other with a 39 1/2 foot pole. (Much like the Grinch.) We know, at least as far as we go, our maturity as a couple skyrocketed when we actually had to move in together, compiled the finances, and had to make REAL decisions in the best interests of the partnership. I'm sure some high schoolers have enough maturity and communication skills to swing, but I know that no matter HOW well you know each other, you know much more once you have a home set up.

 

I agree with most of what you said above except the long term commitment part. If my wife and I were to swing with another couple my main priority would not be their "relationship". My wife and I have our own relationship and it is great. I don't need to worry about yours. As long as you don't squabble around us I really couldn't care less.

I've been living with my wife for over ten years and when we first moved in together paying the bills with a joint checking account seemed like a huge deal. After ten years it's not such a big deal and in no way defines our relationship.

 

 

AustinandStacy said:

We are just getting started, and are in our mid twenties. We know a bunch of couples who started in the lifestyle earlier than us, or at the same age. They are now in their 40s and 50s, and it's like they're still on their honeymoon. Frankly, I'm a little peeved that you are so judgmental, and so certain all of our unions are going to end up in the scrap pile. (Either that, or you are a really loose gambler. I wouldn't bet several monthly paychecks that martians wouldn't land tomorrow. That's a lot of money.)

 

Sorry you're peeved. I have a suggestion for you. In order to avoid high blood pressure in the future, you might begin by not putting words in peoples mouths. I never said YOUR relationship would end up in "the scrap pile". I've never met you in my life, how could I make that judgement? I simply said I'd take the bet based on your age group. Like I said, if I found 100 married couples (in their early-mid twenties) who were swingers and bet all of em about the divorce factor I'd end up with a bunch of profit. I've never even conversed with you, where did you get the idea I was talking directly to you?

 

P.S. I'll even give you 5-1 on the Martian thing, just name the day

 

 

AustinandStacy said:

That's not to say all swingers are going to be happy together forever, but just because you start in your mid twenties doesn't mean that you are fundamentally unsound and your relationship is damned. (However, you said that unmarried 18 year olds can have a perfectly stable swinging relationship. . . I guess I'm just confused.)

 

Again I never said anyone was "fundamentally unsound" or that their "relationship was damned".

I also never said, "unmarried 18 year olds can have a perfectly stable swinging relationship". Please copy and paste my quote so I can see it. I guess you are confused but welcome to the club everyone is

[RW1F 15]

Footlover,

 

From your posts I think we would define "swinging" in a different way. To me, swinging is about sex, not a personal relationship. It seems like you are bringing emotional attachment into the equation? For my definition of swinging (unattached SEX with different partners while commiting emotionally to another) 18 is not only NOT too young, but it's a great age to be doing it. If I could go back in time I know I would.

[FOOTLOVER69 15]

No actually I am not equating emotion into it. I just think I would want someone to please my SO and not be in it to get their rocks off. I knew someone that was seeing 4 different people a week. Sometimes even couple. Every week it was a new bunch of people. I didn't classify her as a swinger but a slut. Sorry but swingers should have a mutual respect for those they are trying to please in bed. If I wanted unattached sex I could get us an escort. A 14 might know how to drive a car but that does not mean they are equipped to do so intelligently all the time. I know for some of you I am beating a dead bird and you still won't see what I am getting at. So I guess you believe someone sticking it to your wife for 5-10 minutes and not caring how she felt is fine. Sex is only sex in your book. This means they should really not give a crap about your feeling.

 

Last thing I will bother saying on this subject, is this. These so called swingers at 17-18 are also having sex at age 12-14. Now I am not being a prude about this otherwise I wouldn't be in the lifestyle. This means there is something WRONG in their lives that they are having sex when they are in 6th grade. I know some people won't like this opinion, but if you are that young and having sex on a regular basis then their is something dysfunctional in your life.

 

In my book I guess all I'm looking for is people who understand what it means for someone to share their bed with a stranger. If you want straight sex, go for it. I don't believe anyone so young knows or cares if it is a mutually satisfying experience. Not old enough to drink, DEFINITELY NOT old enough to swing.

[CB_n_Red 16]

I don't know if this makes a difference in what you are talking about, but over half of all the couplesaround 35 or older are already on their 2nd marriage.

 

A sad statistic, and not a lot different on this side of the pond.

 

Looking on the bright side though, we have been married 25 years, and nobody in either of our immediate families has ever been divorced.

[WesternSwing 504]

I think anything over legal age is okay, as long as they are mature enough to handle it. Case in point:

 

Several months ago I met a really good looking, sweet 20-year old single female in a neighboring state who said she was bi. We hit it off really well, I was attracted to her and I felt my wife would be also, so she said she'd love to get together if she ever got in our hometown.

 

A couple of weeks later we invited her into town for a party we were going to (not a swinger party, but a wild party none the less). No pressure, no hype, just a party she'd expressed interest in attending so we extended an invitation as our guest. This way we could all meet and go from there. Well,she never showed.

 

Well she did come into town a couple of weeks ago and text messaged me she wanted to meet. I told her we'd love to. Well she got pissed about the "we" part and text messaged me "Okay nevermind." I told her that we come as a package, period. So she got all childish. I think she lied about "being bi" as opposed to being "bi curious" and really only wanted to meet-up with me. Well, nothing happened, she headed home, and I haven't heard a peep from her since.

 

As my wife said it best: "Don't play big girl games if you can't be a big girl."

[Joe_Ang 15]

Joe and I started when we were 25. We generally swing with older couples because we find that people our own age and younger like to play games. We have young children and many younger people do not understand the restrictions that puts on us. So I don't think age is necessarily the issue but maturity and compatability. You may enjoy people quite young because of the way they make you feel. Yes, I do want to play with couples that are secure in their relationship but that is not for me to decide.

[midnight hour 16]

Mr. Midnight and I talked about that the other night. To us being newly married and very young and already swinging, and to *everyone* this is just our way of looking at it~it would have been so much harder for us to bond..early marriage is hard enough without adding perhaps more garbage to it, and young marrieds can be well, emotional...

 

My rule is I never would meet anyone I could have gave birth too.

[Brit_Pair 62]

I can't imagine myself wanting to swing any time before I was around 25, simply because I was having quite enough of a time with the opposite sex on a purely one-to-one basis. That's not to say I didn't have any of the stereotypical red-blooded male fantasies about two women playing together, or about the two women inviting me along for the ride. But I certainly didn't have any desire to introduce other men into my sex life, or to exchange partners. That would have (doubtless) been the result of feelings of territoriality, and a sign of my emotional immaturity. As a result, I tend to look somewhat sceptically at people under that age who are involved in swinging, and would almost certainly reject them as playmates.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

I think you should get to know someone before you rule them out based totally upon their age. Some of us young 'uns are very mature. Hubby & I have a great relationship. Our marriage is very secure. As I said before I am a very mature 22 year old. I am a mother of 2, we both work full time jobs & I go to school full time. Compared to all the people I went to H.S. with, I should almost be 30. Theya re all out still partying their life away, while I am managing a home & career. I never connected to people my age. I always had interests that lead me to be around older people. Of course I can have my "kid" moments, but don't we all sometimes? Isn't is fun to cut loose of all responsibilities sometimes & let your hair down. So, basically what I am saying is that you could miss out on meeting & possibly playing with some great people if you rule totally on age.

[tazzie_n_truck 17]

Quote

I always figured you should be mature enough to handle a relationship before swinging.

 

We would agree with that statement. If your mature enough to handle a relationship. We have come across 18-19 year olds who wanted to swing with us and they were not mature enough, yet we have also come across people who are older than us and they were not mature enough either. We believe that it's a maturity thing. Us personally, we don't swing with anyone under 21 and the couple we swing with has to be married to each other, and very secure in their marriage.

[NandTfromCA 84]

17 is too young. 18 just as fine as 30 or 40 or 50 (we're 31/32)

[freshmeat 15]

I'm 18 and I just started...

[MarriedNY'ers69 19]

I'm 26 and my husband is 27 and ya know I think it has nothing to with age. We have a couple that we have me the female half is 21 and the man is 30 They are great and fun and have no hang ups. Then we have another couple that is 29 and 30 and we have had alot more trouble with them. So age has nothing to do with it at all.

[RenoFantasy 15]

I don't think there's really a "right age" to start. My wife and I (now 29 and 31, respectively) have been married for nearly 10 years. We had our first threesome (FMF) after about 4 months of marriage, and that is what we consider to be the beginning of our involvement in the swinging lifestyle. That would put us at ages 20 and 22 (respectively).

 

The problem with "How young is TOO young?" or "What is a good age?" is that there is very little that can actually prepare you for what you will experience when you actually make the leap. If I were going to advise someone who were considering joining the lifestyle, age would not be a factor (though I think 18 or older is best if they intend on getting folks to hook up with em.) I would simply state that they need to be VERY strong in their relationship, need to have a forgiving heart, and having a HIGHLY stubborn nature in regards to NOT giving up on their relationship. Because the fact of the matter is that mistakes WILL be made. Feelings WILL occasionally get hurt on both sides. We are raised to look at love and sex a certain way, and breaking out of that mold can be ugly and painful. Stick with it. Learn from your mistakes. Communicate. Don't be afraid to say no. Take breaks occasionally. This can be a beautiful and wonderfully rewarding lifestyle to live, but it takes a lot of work most of the time.

[sereneiders 263]

I didn't took the time to read all the posts, but it's interesting to notice there's a trendset in the answers given by young people (in their twenties) and older ones.

 

I believe this have to do with what everyone perceive as "being mature enough". Most people, without caring of their ages (even if they're 15) would perceive themselves as "mature enough" to define and engage in any relationship (friendship or couple, it doesn't care), and as we grow up and get experience, we realize we are "more mature than before", and we're able to recognize people telling us they're "mature enough" when we've been there, and we were "less mature than what we actually are".

 

I believe there are an impotrant distinction between recreational sex and swinging, the later involves a relationship you threasure more than the fun you get from the recreational sex, so you want to preserve it from any negative side effect the recreational sex may have.

 

The value of the relationships someone have increases in time, a marriage is a building in which you invested time and life, and it may reach a point where you feel there's a point of no return to start over from the scratch with someone else, that you're not up to engage in such an effort (I believe for many couples that point of no return provides a safety ground where they may feel reasured enough as to start swinging).

 

And here brings up the rule about "never fuck with someone who have less to loose than yourself". It seems natural for a couple having 20 years of marriage to perceive a 1 year old marriage as people who have "less to loose" than themselves. Also, if it took years for them to develop the relationship to the poing of being able to swing, they may trend to perceive such a couple as "less mature" because they didn't spend the same time developing their relationship, and even when knowing they may not require the same level of "fine tuning" than the one their own marriage required.

 

So, there is no objective answer for this. You may say that most 18 years old guys and gals are just warming up and experimenting with their sexuality to shape it some way or another, and that they're in the middle of a proccess of learning on how to deal with their emotions since most of them just started engaging in social interactions without the parental support. All of this is true. And also that they may shape a sexuality and learn to deal with their emotions in a way more switable to become swingers later on.

 

Enganging in swinging at this stage may provide them experience that gives feedback to the learning procces in a way most couples engaging in swinging after learning from a "vanilla context" wouldn't be able to understand... as for the youngest to understand the problems these older couples had to face as to be able to swing.

 

So a better question would be about the differences swingers couples have from becoming swinger at the very early stages of their individual emotional developement, or after having developed it in a "vanilla" context from where some conceptions had to be changed in order to reach the same point.