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We tried swinging and it did not go well my husband has become withdrawn

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So yeah I need some advice from you all we have been talking about trying for years and we finally after talking quite a bit about decided to join a local swingersboard.

We mostly just chatted with people to begin with and the night was actually pretty normal for the most part like any other night out really.

But then we met a couple really nice both me and my husband liked them anyways we chatted for quite awhile and we really hit it off.

Me and my husband decided to speak privately for a minute and I asked my husband if he liked her and he said yes she is a very attractive woman and we ended up going with them to a private room.

I slept with her husband and it was basiclly a swap I enjoyed myself immensly he was very well endowed and it actually hurt me in the beginning but he was very gentle and did not go crazy.

But then after maybe 10 minutes I saw my husband getting really uncomfortable and he put his clothes back on and excused himself.

I of course put my clothes on and followed my husband outside and he just said I can't do this he was shaking, I said okay you don't have to we can go right now.

He asked me to drive he did not say a word on the 40 minute drive home he was just staring blankely.

He has become completely withdrawn he can barely look me in the eye anymore and I feel so lost he looks like he is in such pain and I have no idea what to do he barely talks to me anymore.

So need some advice because I feel I have royally messed up and I feel terrible seeing him like this, I was the one who brought up swinging and talked him into it.



 

Edited by wife86
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He needs your love and support, obviously no swinging and a little professional counseling. 

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2 minutes ago, njbm said:

He needs your love and support, obviously no swinging and a little professional counseling. 

Yeah I have tried telling him that I love him and begged him to please talk to me but he went to this brothers yesterday and when he came home late today I saw him talking to his brother when his brother dropped him off, he seemed normal until he saw me and the same hurt and sad expression appeared on his face again ,I felt like I was breaking his world all over again.

I just feel like a walking trigger for him and feel like I am just mentally torturing him at this point.

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1 hour ago, bbarnsworth said:

Get back to being just the two of you, and stay with that.

1 hour ago, bbarnsworth said:

 

Of course swinging is off the table I don't care if I never do it again to be honest it was not worth this.

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2 hours ago, wife86 said:

I was the one who brought up swinging and talked him into it.

How exactly did you talk him into it? He’s a grown-up, isn’t he? He could have said “no” at any point prior to your physical encounter with this other couple … or even prior to meeting them. I agree with the other posters that you two need a lot of open, honest communication and maybe professional help. But you didn’t talk him into this … he LET HIMSELF be talked into it! Don’t take on all the guilt.

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You both go to counseling, as soon as possible!  And do not feel embarrassed.  Counselors have heard it all.  And do not hesitate to shop around a bit for a counselor who you both feel comfortable with.  

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13 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

For some people, swinging is just something that can not work. That's ok. It doesn't make him broken, or somehow less. Get back to being just the two of you, and stay with that. That doesn't mean we don't welcome you here to talk with us! Please do. If you have questions, we'll try our best to answer and help you through.

 

11 hours ago, NC_Seniors said:

How exactly did you talk him into it? He’s a grown-up, isn’t he? He could have said “no” at any point prior to your physical encounter with this other couple … or even prior to meeting them. I agree with the other posters that you two need a lot of open, honest communication and maybe professional help. But you didn’t talk him into this … he LET HIMSELF be talked into it! Don’t take on all the guilt.

 

3 hours ago, oldswinger64 said:

You both go to counseling, as soon as possible!  And do not feel embarrassed.  Counselors have heard it all.  And do not hesitate to shop around a bit for a counselor who you both feel comfortable with.  

He finally decided to talk today and he told me did not blame me for anything but felt he struggled with it and like someone posted here he can't unsee that moment where I was enjoying myself he just keeps getting reminded of it and it's hard for him.

He also did not blame me for it and made the clear several times he has just no idea how to handle it, he then said he is not sure he can be intimate with me again I struggle just sleeping in the same bed as you.

He felt that was unfair towards me and was sorry for it and I suggested counciling he seemed receptive to that, but the fact he flinched when I tried to gentely touch his arm got to me.

He seems terrified of intimacy and sex now like he feels he is not good enough anymore and that could not be further from the truth.

I thank you for your advice and concerns and have no idea what's going to happen next but he seems to be receptive to counciling atleast.

I neve imagined it would get to this point and I am actually worried he will just leave me at this point.

Edited by wife86

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I'm curious how your relationship was prior to this. You don't have to divulge anything, I'm just typing while I think about your post. His reaction is on the severe side of reactions I've seen and heard about. Were you two married young (i.e. he didn't have much experience with others, you didn't have experience with others)? Does he lack self confidence in general? Are you more outgoing in general? How long have you been married? Ages?

 

I understand his reaction, just not to this extreme. When I was in my early-mid 20's, I likely would have reacted to seeing my SO with someone else in a similar way (I had little confidence in myself, had little sexual experience, SO had one other partner, etc). I would have never agreed to a swap. Had I watched her reaction to another man, one with larger equipment, I would have cowered in shame. I had no confidence in myself and seeing that would have just crushed me. I feel for your husband. Like the others, I'm confused why he would have agreed to a swap. This extreme reaction doesn't sound like it came out of nowhere.

 

This situation needs time and professional help. I think you both should see a counselor separately and then together. This way he can speak freely alone, the counselor would know your perspective while hearing his concerns and together you can build a bridge. I don't see any further swinging in your future. 

 

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51 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

I'm curious how your relationship was prior to this. You don't have to divulge anything, I'm just typing while I think about your post. His reaction is on the severe side of reactions I've seen and heard about. Were you two married young (i.e. he didn't have much experience with others, you didn't have experience with others)? Does he lack self confidence in general? Are you more outgoing in general? How long have you been married? Ages?

 

I understand his reaction, just not to this extreme. When I was in my early-mid 20's, I likely would have reacted to seeing my SO with someone else in a similar way (I had little confidence in myself, had little sexual experience, SO had one other partner, etc). I would have never agreed to a swap. Had I watched her reaction to another man, one with larger equipment, I would have cowered in shame. I had no confidence in myself and seeing that would have just crushed me. I feel for your husband. Like the others, I'm confused why he would have agreed to a swap. This extreme reaction doesn't sound like it came out of nowhere.

 

This situation needs time and professional help. I think you both should see a counselor separately and then together. This way he can speak freely alone, the counselor would know your perspective while hearing his concerns and together you can build a bridge. I don't see any further swinging in your future. 

 

Our marriage is fine we even thought about having kids this year something both me and him really wanted we are both 36 and met when we were 23 married at 25 so going on 11 years soon.

I know his time all the way from high-school college was hard on him and he was a bit shy, but always kind which is why I ended up with him and why I find him attractive I have been with so many assholes.

I also know he struggled with bullying and exclusion for many years and had a rough childhood but instead of being angry at the world he was just kind which is why I love him.

He is not angry with me but I seemed to have triggered a past trauma in him that he seems reluctant to share he seems embarrased by it so I know there is more to this.

And if that's the case I will do whatever it takes to help him get through it, it's painful for me to see him like this.

I never meant for this to happen and I am not some evil person who wanted to break him.

Edited by wife86
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Swinging requires almost total trust in your partner. You need to reaffirm that while it was fun, it will never be as good as what the two of you have. Also, let him know that you don't want to do it again (not you won't do it again because he didn't enjoy it, but that you aren't interested in doing it again). In hind sight, you probably should have taken smaller steps, but it's too late for that now. Just keep letting him know that you love him and while it was something that you (both) wanted to try, it's over and done with. He is all that you need and want. Counseling would be a good thing if he is willing since there is probably more here than what any of us are seeing. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

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2 hours ago, discreetplay said:

 

 

This situation needs time and professional help. I think you both should see a counselor separately and then together. This way he can speak freely alone, the counselor would know your perspective while hearing his concerns and together you can build a bridge. I don't see any further swinging in your future. 

 

This is pretty good advice given your response (below). 

 

1 hour ago, wife86 said:

I seemed to have triggered a past trauma in him that he seems reluctant to share he seems embarrased by it so I know there is more to this.

 

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There are counselors who have experience in ethical non monogamy (ENM) who can be of particular help. Some traditional counselor may balk and perhaps be too judgemental of the swinging topic.

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Thank you all I just needed ask someone who is in the lifestyle for advice I was completely at a loss and I hope in time we can get passed this.

 

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20 minutes ago, Fitlakecouple said:

There are counselors who have experience in ethical non monogamy (ENM) who can be of particular help. Some traditional counselor may balk and perhaps be too judgemental of the swinging topic.

Yes, try to find a counselor who will focus on the issue and not the choices. 

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Sorry you both are going through this :(  You've gotten a lot of great advice above that I totally agree with so I won't try to rehash what others have said.

 

The first thing that entered my mind when reading your post was "time heals all wounds."  I don't mean to throw that old cliche out there to minimize what you both are going through right now.  Rather, as trying to be a voice of optimism since it's easy to get really down in these situations and think things are hopeless.  I don't think things are hopeless, it just feels that way right now since everything is still so raw.  Once time dulls that raw edge a bit, things will start to look a little better and you can figure out how to move forward together.  In fact, I think that is already happening since he was ready to talk some now where before he wasn't, so that's good.

 

Wishing the best of luck to the both of you as you work through this. Swinging or no swinging, please stick around the site as long as you like, Hopefully we have something to offer you but I think you have a lot to offer us too.  Swinging is not always one endless party, there can be a dark side too, so stories like yours are important.

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20 hours ago, cplnuswing said:

Sorry you both are going through this :(  You've gotten a lot of great advice above that I totally agree with so I won't try to rehash what others have said.

 

The first thing that entered my mind when reading your post was "time heals all wounds."  I don't mean to throw that old cliche out there to minimize what you both are going through right now.  Rather, as trying to be a voice of optimism since it's easy to get really down in these situations and think things are hopeless.  I don't think things are hopeless, it just feels that way right now since everything is still so raw.  Once time dulls that raw edge a bit, things will start to look a little better and you can figure out how to move forward together.  In fact, I think that is already happening since he was ready to talk some now where before he wasn't, so that's good.

 

Wishing the best of luck to the both of you as you work through this. Swinging or no swinging, please stick around the site as long as you like, Hopefully we have something to offer you but I think you have a lot to offer us too.  Swinging is not always one endless party, there can be a dark side too, so stories like yours are important.

He decided to tell me about some things he had repressed for many years one incident in particular that completely ruined his sexual confidence in his teens and he was terrified of dating and intimacy until he met me.

Had I known that I never would have suggested it but he made it clear I did nothing wrong and does not blame me he kept repeating that,  he thought he had a handle on it but seeing me with that man made him feel just the same way as he did back then and just wanted to run away.

That's why he went to his brother that day he just needed to do a time out and get his emotions in check and I understand that now knowing what he went through what happened to him was just cruel.

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Glad to hear the communication has opened up for you two!  Hope this leads to you guys getting back on track with each other.  Good luck.

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3 hours ago, wife86 said:

He decided to tell me about some things he had repressed for many years one incident in particular that completely ruined his sexual confidence in his teens and he was terrified of dating and intimacy until he met me.

Had I known that I never would have suggested it but he made it clear I did nothing wrong and does not blame me he kept repeating that,  he thought he had a handle on it but seeing me with that man made him feel just the same way as he did back then and just wanted to run away.

That's why he went to his brother that day he just needed to do a time out and get his emotions in check and I understand that now knowing what he went through what happened to him was just cruel.

 

You know what? This is actually good news. He has opened up something very deep inside of him, a place where very, very few have ever been. He trusts you. He trusts you very deeply or he wouldn't be telling you this.

 

Step by step. Build on it. If this is going where I think it might be going, he's going to love you even more deeply than before this.

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15 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

 

You know what? This is actually good news. He has opened up something very deep inside of him, a place where very, very few have ever been. He trusts you. He trusts you very deeply or he wouldn't be telling you this.

 

Step by step. Build on it. If this is going where I think it might be going, he's going to love you even more deeply than before this.

I hope so because I feel I have poked a wound without me knowing that never really healed and he has become insecure about us having kids which I understand given his state of mind right now.

I am worried that he may decide that he can't deal with it and just leave me since he still seems anxious around me but we are talking now so hopefully we can get through this.

It's just hard wanting to reassaure him and wanna comfort him and he pulls away when I get to close he  flinched again not much only a little when I touched his shoulder today.

But I am not giving up on him I just hope he does not give up on me

Edited by wife86

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7 hours ago, wife86 said:

But I am not giving up on him I just hope he does not give up on me

 

This is going to take some time. But, he did let you in. That's very hopeful.

 

A suggestion: Years ago, I took an intimacy class with my girlfriend at the time. This was about emotional intimacy in a relationship. A ground rule of the class was that you could not say anything...to anyone in the class, but especially your partner...that could be construed as judgmental or negative. Such comments cause (what we now call) micro aggressions. They reduce trust, reduce intimacy. Whatever your husband says to you, don't say anything judgmental or negative. Just allow it to be spoken, take it on board, response verbally and physically in a positive, accepting way. He has a deep, deep wound. You can help heal it, but he has to keep on trusting you to do so.

 

Keep at it. We're all rooting for you!

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Hello There, I did hesitate before I write to you but I'm the male half of couple and one day I was in the same situation as your husband and I did react somehow just like him!!!

 

Let me explain to you how I felt maybe you will understand how to deal with situation. We met this lovely couple and things was going very well both having fun and enjoying our time but as some did explain to you seening your Mrs having fun with someone else for the 1st time it has it's effect on some men for the first time but when I saw my wife getting the same pleasure I'm giving her ( even better) I felt threatened felt unsecured felt like OMG she can do this!!! As much as I was enjoying the company of the other guy wife which she was doing her best to keep me occupied, I didn't see all her efforts I've only seen my Mrs opening her legs for another man and I did forget all the times we did wait for this to happen and I just simply stopped and left just like your husband did! 

 

Wouldn't deny it took me time to understand but you need to make him feel your heart fully with him and will always be, you will need him to feel he is the main man in your life and no one can take over his place, make him understand that your climax happen even when you play with your self and you wouldn't need another man to make you happy cause he is the only one can do but there lots of things can make any human been climax and do not forget to give him what he love the most ( lots of wild sex the way he likes it ) during this recovery time and he should be fine after little while and I can tell you he will be the one who organise it after this time all the best🤞 

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Reclamation sex is one of the hottest parts of the lifestyle, (so I'm told, we're still rookies) and it seems like you two need that.  I'm not sure how since he flinches when you initiate.  But don't give up.

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I would suspect that your husband is feeling very vulnerable and perhaps hurt at this point. He may not have been ready to see you

enjoy another man. Make sure that he knows that he is your husband and you are his wife, and that this has not changed that. 

Take the time to heal, and help him to work through this, ensuring that he knows that you are not going anywhere and that 

your love and respect for him has not diminished but only grown. We wish you a positive outcome!

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On 5/10/2022 at 5:42 PM, bbarnsworth said:

Wife86, I'm sorry the night turned out so poorly.

 

There are potential explanations for your husband's reaction, but it's hard to know what's going on without being able to speak with him. You're facing the same hurdle of course.

 

Wild guesses; your husband didn't expect you to have as good of a time as you did. He might feel like he's lost something with you, and doesn't feel like he can ever please you again the way you were. There might be some deep seated jealousy exposed within himself that even he didn't know about beforehand. It might be that now that he's seen you having sex with someone else, he can't unsee it..and it keeps flashing back in his mind, like a small form of PTSD.

 

I would strongly consider counseling to help work through this. He might not want to go, but at least have him go with you. This has to be talked out. It might take time, even a lot of time, but patience is key.

 

For some people, swinging is just something that can not work. That's ok. It doesn't make him broken, or somehow less. Get back to being just the two of you, and stay with that. That doesn't mean we don't welcome you here to talk with us! Please do. If you have questions, we'll try our best to answer and help you through.

Since you don’t know it may have been performance issue

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On 5/16/2022 at 7:34 PM, Married-adventure said:

Hello There, I did hesitate before I write to you but I'm the male half of couple and one day I was in the same situation as your husband and I did react somehow just like him!!!

 

Let me explain to you how I felt maybe you will understand how to deal with situation. We met this lovely couple and things was going very well both having fun and enjoying our time but as some did explain to you seening your Mrs having fun with someone else for the 1st time it has it's effect on some men for the first time but when I saw my wife getting the same pleasure I'm giving her ( even better) I felt threatened felt unsecured felt like OMG she can do this!!! As much as I was enjoying the company of the other guy wife which she was doing her best to keep me occupied, I didn't see all her efforts I've only seen my Mrs opening her legs for another man and I did forget all the times we did wait for this to happen and I just simply stopped and left just like your husband did! 

 

Wouldn't deny it took me time to understand but you need to make him feel your heart fully with him and will always be, you will need him to feel he is the main man in your life and no one can take over his place, make him understand that your climax happen even when you play with your self and you wouldn't need another man to make you happy cause he is the only one can do but there lots of things can make any human been climax and do not forget to give him what he love the most ( lots of wild sex the way he likes it ) during this recovery time and he should be fine after little while and I can tell you he will be the one who organise it after this time all the best🤞 

Yeah that's not gonna happen I think my marriage is about to come to an end.

Me and my husband have talked some more and I believed things were moving forward and was so happy and he opened up to me about things he had struggled with.

But without blaming me he seems to want to take some time apart and I honestly was surprised because I honestly believed I was getting through to him.

He basiclly said that he was open to counseling but he tried to move past the images in his head and he just can't do it and it destroying him.

He felt that there was nothing I could do and it was unfair of him to expect anything more than I already had done according to him.

Him and I have not slept in the same bed since this happened and he sleeps in the guest room and he tried to sleep in the same bed as me but when I woke up I found him sleeping in the guest room again.

He said he just could not sleep if he did not go to the guest room and he needed to sleep because of his job.

So yeah not the ending many where hoping for but I think my marriage is coming to an end.


 

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Hopefully, you can go to counseling. Something is off with his perspective. This event should be a hiccup, not a marriage ender. Someone else may have to bring your husband to arrive at that conclusion. 

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I concur with njbm.

 

Ok, this was a deeply traumatic event for him. Ok, there's been lasting repercussions. Ok, he's having a very difficult time getting the images out of his head. All of that is understandable. There's recognition there is a serious problem.

 

To me, what is not understandable is being unwilling to do anything about it. Allowing one consensual incident like this destroy a marriage is unconscionable. That should be the very, very, very last thing to consider. Get him to counseling. If he's not open to counseling, and absolutely refuses to go, ...I don't know how to say this without coming off as highly critical...the burden is squarely on his shoulders, and it is perhaps fortunate you haven't had kids with him.

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10 hours ago, wife86 said:

Yeah that's not gonna happen I think my marriage is about to come to an end.

Me and my husband have talked some more and I believed things were moving forward and was so happy and he opened up to me about things he had struggled with.

But without blaming me he seems to want to take some time apart and I honestly was surprised because I honestly believed I was getting through to him.

He basiclly said that he was open to counseling but he tried to move past the images in his head and he just can't do it and it destroying him.

He felt that there was nothing I could do and it was unfair of him to expect anything more than I already had done according to him.

Him and I have not slept in the same bed since this happened and he sleeps in the guest room and he tried to sleep in the same bed as me but when I woke up I found him sleeping in the guest room again.

He said he just could not sleep if he did not go to the guest room and he needed to sleep because of his job.

So yeah not the ending many where hoping for but I think my marriage is coming to an end.


 

It's unfortunate things have continued to sour. You two dove headlong into the deep water when you weren't even close to being ready, and now your relationship is floundering under the waves. I hope the novices are paying attention to this thread, because there is an important lesson to be learned from your experiences.

 

Concerning your posts, you may not have noticed the irregularities, inconsistencies, and contradictions. It may be helpful for them to be pointed out to you: You state, for example, your husband is "... basically open to counseling..."  is not "blaming me (you)... " and simply "... wants to take some time apart." Then, you finish by declaring your marriage "... is coming to an end."  Those statements do not add up. At this point, it is not clear if your husband has given up the relationship... or you have?

 

Lastly, do your relationship a BIG favor and completely ignore the armchair, pretend "therapists" who are laying all the blame at your husband's feet. That perspective is both wrongheaded and destructive. It takes two to tango. Your husband's feelings and actions are not happening in a vacuum and are not separate from yours. You both foolishly decided to jump into swinging without having even a basic appreciation for the risks to your relationship. And you both are responsible for the consequences to your relationship.

 

If either, or both, of you have decided to toss in the towel, nothing anyone is going to say that is going to change the trajectory. On the other hand, if both of you are serious about getting some help, you may be able to salvage the relationship. In fact, with immediate interventive, professional counseling, this crisis may eventually lead you to have a stronger relationship (I know, that seems improbable at this juncture but, I assure you, it can happen.)

 

Now, pick up the phone and schedule a visit with a marriage counselor. The sooner the better. 

 

And good luck.

 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

Get him to counseling. If he's not open to counseling, and absolutely refuses to go, ...I don't know how to say this without coming off as highly critical...the burden is squarely on his shoulders, and it is perhaps fortunate you haven't had kids with him.

 

4 minutes ago, AndrewandAnn said:

Now, pick up the phone and schedule a visit with a marriage counselor. The sooner the better. 

He has agreed to counceling and we have found one and we are going to see one that's why him saying we need some "time apart" surprised me but we are gonna talk to somebody.

And yes I know it sound contradictory and I sure as hell don't want him to go but I feel like he has checked out in a way and it seems easier for him to do so.

 

Edited by wife86
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We agree that this isn't a marriage ender at this time. Just don't give up. If you start thinking that it is over, then it probably will end up being over. He has asked for time apart, so give him time alone. This doesn't mean that either of you are moving out, just taking time apart. Let him have the guest room and some space. Get into some counseling and start working on whatever  the issues are, but let him know that you are choosing him, staying with him while you together work through the issues. It doesn't matter whose at 'fault' here, just that you stay a team and he knows that you are there for him. Love, trust and communication...let him know that he has all three and then let him come to you. When is your first appointment? 

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1 hour ago, wife86 said:

 

He has agreed to counceling and we have found one and we are going to see one that's why him saying we need some "time apart" surprised me but we are gonna talk to somebody.

And yes I know it sound contradictory and I sure as hell don't want him to go but I feel like he has checked out in a way and it seems easier for him to do so.

 

That's the right move. I'm glad to see you two taking this concrete step towards getting things back on track.

 

A few things to add:

 

When a person exhibits the kinds of behaviors (you are describing) being displayed by your husband, it's important for you to realize they are not necessarily "directed" towards you. Generally, when a person closes himself off (i.e., asks for space; emotionally and physically withdraws; becomes uncommunicative, etc.) due to some kind of traumatic event, it is because he feels emotionally overwhelmed. In this moment of extreme vulnerability and confusion, the last thing he needs or wants from you is to be constantly requested to engage, engage, engage. And you are only making matters worse by incorrectly interpreting his withdrawal as "giving up" on the relationship--and, if you've made the mistake of actually verbalizing this to him, it only serves to make him more withdrawn and undermines his trust. "Do this or it means you don't want to stay married..." and similar ultimatums are a recipe for a failed relationship.

 

The better course to follow? Give him the space he is requesting and calmly, compassionately, and lovingly reassure him that, when he is ready to discuss his feelings, you will be there for him. And, until he's ready to talk things out, you're going to honor his wishes and give him the space and time he needs to process his feelings. Notice I included time, not just space. That you were quickly able to emotionally process this, doesn't mean he has the same capacity. And he's not "wrong" for needing more time and space. He is who he is. He must have some pretty great qualities, otherwise you wouldn't have married him!

 

Have you noticed your comments are very much focused on your husband? In couples therapy, there is a saying that goes, "Just worry about keeping clean your own side of the street. And let him worry about his." Stop thinking this is "his problem" and start thing this is "our problem". Stop focusing on his behavior and assigning all of your insecurities to it, "Why is he doing this to me? This must mean he wants out of the relationship" and so on. Instead, ask yourself what you can do to help the relationship get back on track? Are you creating the safe emotional space for him to feel secure enough to communicate when he's ready? Or, does he feel you are pushy, judgmental, dismissive of his feelings, condescending, or that you blame him for all or most of what went wrong? Maybe you've done none of these things. Or, maybe you have done all of them? The important point is to engage yourself in being part of the solution and take ownership for your role, and stop worrying about his role. Focus on controlling the only person in this relationship you can: YOU.

 

Lastly, it would be wise of you take advantage of the "time out" in a positive way and take care of yourself. Instead of resisting his desire for time and space, accept it, and take this opportunity to calm your own agitated feelings and soothe your own emotional hurt. Exercise, get outdoors, stay hydrated, get adequate sleep, meditate, read positive books, listen to uplifting music/podcasts, and so on. These things will help reduce your overall level of stress and give you a better physical foundation and better emotional perspective from which to address things. 

 

 

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wife86 - I wish you the very best however this ends.

 

But, it occurred to me that the real issue is whether your husband wants to give up on himself. The swinging activity triggered a long buried and difficult emotional experience for him. The wound is open, it's bleeding and festering. The best action now is for him to HEAL it. It's time for him to move forward and become the full person he wants to be. To realize his full potential which will allow him to be fully engaged in your relationship, the life of your children when they arrive and with himself.

 

And he's so fortunate to have you there to help him. To love him, the hold him, to offer patience and non-judgemental support.

 

The swinging has offered him an opportunity to deal with his buried challenges. I truly believe there is a silver lining here if he wants to embrace it, and from what I've read, he'd be crazy to blow up the two of you instead.

 

Best to you both.

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On 5/11/2022 at 8:05 AM, wife86 said:

he can't unsee that moment where I was enjoying myself he just keeps getting reminded of it and it's hard for him.

I found this comment interesting because for all of us in our poly family (hubby, Red, Lora, Clair and me) it is the total opposite.  We are happy, satisfied, and proud when the one we love has great sex with someone else in the family, or even someone outside the family.  And the one receiving the great sex is grateful and gives the credit to the person(s) who love us, not the outside sex partner.

 

It wouldn't be wise at this point for you to tell your husband that you had an enjoyable time and give him the credit for it.  Rather my amateur, out-there suggestion would be to do what my husband did for me as we became nonmonogamous: he made it clear that I could keep my ex-fiancé as a boyfriend with no expectation of reciprocity on his part.  While I continued having sex with my ex, and a had a short term fling with another guy, he remained monogamous with me.  It made me feel powerful, loved, appreciated.  Perhaps you should offer to let him play while making it clear that you have no desire to do so.  I think it would be a boost for his self-esteem to have a loving wife totally satisfied with him and some pleasure on the side with your knowledge, permission, and encouragement. 

 

(BTW, After two years of his showing me by example what love really is, I just didn't let him, I wanted him to play with other women.  The controlling thing for me was that when the situation was right, I offered my husband to a friend or acquaintance of my choosing, then told my husband what he was to do.)

Edited by couplers

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23 hours ago, couplers said:

I found this comment interesting because for all of us in our poly family (hubby, Red, Lora, Clair and me) it is the total opposite.  We are happy, satisfied, and proud when the one we love has great sex with someone else in the family, or even someone outside the family.  And the one receiving the great sex is grateful and gives the credit to the person(s) who love us, not the outside sex partner.

 

It wouldn't be wise at this point for you to tell your husband that you had an enjoyable time and give him the credit for it.  Rather my amateur, out-there suggestion would be to do what my husband did for me as we became nonmonogamous: he made it clear that I could keep my ex-fiancé as a boyfriend with no expectation of reciprocity on his part.  While I continued having sex with my ex, and a had a short term fling with another guy, he remained monogamous with me.  It made me feel powerful, loved, appreciated.  Perhaps you should offer to let him play while making it clear that you have no desire to do so.  I think it would be a boost for his self-esteem to have a loving wife totally satisfied with him and some pleasure on the side with your knowledge, permission, and encouragement. 

 

(BTW, After two years of his showing me by example what love really is, I just didn't let him, I wanted him to play with other women.  The controlling thing for me was that when the situation was right, I offered my husband to a friend or acquaintance of my choosing, then told my husband what he was to do.)

Not gonna repeat my mistake by dragging him into another lifestyle he is not comfortable and also the big disclaimer is that if I allow it and he ends up finding nobody then that could make the situation ten times worse, the big disclaimer on this lifestyle is that it's always easier for us who are women to find someone to have fun with than the guys.

I experimented from when I was 18 to 22 and had no problem at all finding guys but the same is not really true in reverse when it comes to guys.

And my husband is a bit shy and introverted he had only been with two women before me and one of those experiences lead to a trauma that caused all of this.

I would never deny him if he asked me but I am just wondering if he does try to find someone outside of our marriage, but then ends up finding nobody and feel even worse because of it.

I honestly feel if that happened it would break him completely I just don't think he is wired for that kind of relationship.

Edited by wife86
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On 5/19/2022 at 6:13 PM, AndrewandAnn said:

That's the right move. I'm glad to see you two taking this concrete step towards getting things back on track.

 

A few things to add:

 

When a person exhibits the kinds of behaviors (you are describing) being displayed by your husband, it's important for you to realize they are not necessarily "directed" towards you. Generally, when a person closes himself off (i.e., asks for space; emotionally and physically withdraws; becomes uncommunicative, etc.) due to some kind of traumatic event, it is because he feels emotionally overwhelmed. In this moment of extreme vulnerability and confusion, the last thing he needs or wants from you is to be constantly requested to engage, engage, engage. And you are only making matters worse by incorrectly interpreting his withdrawal as "giving up" on the relationship--and, if you've made the mistake of actually verbalizing this to him, it only serves to make him more withdrawn and undermines his trust. "Do this or it means you don't want to stay married..." and similar ultimatums are a recipe for a failed relationship.

 

The better course to follow? Give him the space he is requesting and calmly, compassionately, and lovingly reassure him that, when he is ready to discuss his feelings, you will be there for him. And, until he's ready to talk things out, you're going to honor his wishes and give him the space and time he needs to process his feelings. Notice I included time, not just space. That you were quickly able to emotionally process this, doesn't mean he has the same capacity. And he's not "wrong" for needing more time and space. He is who he is. He must have some pretty great qualities, otherwise you wouldn't have married him!

 

Have you noticed your comments are very much focused on your husband? In couples therapy, there is a saying that goes, "Just worry about keeping clean your own side of the street. And let him worry about his." Stop thinking this is "his problem" and start thing this is "our problem". Stop focusing on his behavior and assigning all of your insecurities to it, "Why is he doing this to me? This must mean he wants out of the relationship" and so on. Instead, ask yourself what you can do to help the relationship get back on track? Are you creating the safe emotional space for him to feel secure enough to communicate when he's ready? Or, does he feel you are pushy, judgmental, dismissive of his feelings, condescending, or that you blame him for all or most of what went wrong? Maybe you've done none of these things. Or, maybe you have done all of them? The important point is to engage yourself in being part of the solution and take ownership for your role, and stop worrying about his role. Focus on controlling the only person in this relationship you can: YOU.

 

Lastly, it would be wise of you take advantage of the "time out" in a positive way and take care of yourself. Instead of resisting his desire for time and space, accept it, and take this opportunity to calm your own agitated feelings and soothe your own emotional hurt. Exercise, get outdoors, stay hydrated, get adequate sleep, meditate, read positive books, listen to uplifting music/podcasts, and so on. These things will help reduce your overall level of stress and give you a better physical foundation and better emotional perspective from which to address things. 

 

 

 

On 5/19/2022 at 8:51 PM, lovefest04 said:

wife86 - I wish you the very best however this ends.

 

But, it occurred to me that the real issue is whether your husband wants to give up on himself. The swinging activity triggered a long buried and difficult emotional experience for him. The wound is open, it's bleeding and festering. The best action now is for him to HEAL it. It's time for him to move forward and become the full person he wants to be. To realize his full potential which will allow him to be fully engaged in your relationship, the life of your children when they arrive and with himself.

 

And he's so fortunate to have you there to help him. To love him, the hold him, to offer patience and non-judgemental support.

 

The swinging has offered him an opportunity to deal with his buried challenges. I truly believe there is a silver lining here if he wants to embrace it, and from what I've read, he'd be crazy to blow up the two of you instead.

 

Best to you both.

Thank you and yes I have given him space but his time out now for him is deciding to move to his brother for awhile he has been living there for a week now and we did go to a councilor a sex positive one, but that I feel only made things worse since she seemed to take my side too much and sort of belittled how he was feeling.

I honestly was shocked at how she put everything on him and he must have felt pushed up against a wall which is precisely what I tried to avoid, but he made the descision to move out a day after that.

My husbands family and my family have been asking questions and are wondering what is going on and have speculated that I have cheated on him, my husband made it clear that has not happened and has defended me.


But yeah things have gotten difficult he has moved out and we have spoken maybe twice since he left and he has no desire to go back to the councilor again.

So yeah alone in the house trying to stay positive but it feels like he has just checked out at this point.
 

Edited by wife86

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On 6/6/2022 at 2:40 PM, wife86 said:

 

Thank you and yes I have given him space but his time out now for him is deciding to move to his brother for awhile he has been living there for a week now and we did go to a councilor a sex positive one, but that I feel only made things worse since she seemed to take my side too much and sort of belittled how he was feeling.

I honestly was shocked at how she put everything on him and he must have felt pushed up against a wall which is precisely what I tried to avoid, but he made the descision to move out a day after that.

My husbands family and my family have been asking questions and are wondering what is going on and have speculated that I have cheated on him, my husband made it clear that has not happened and has defended me.


But yeah things have gotten difficult he has moved out and we have spoken maybe twice since he left and he has no desire to go back to the councilor again.

So yeah alone in the house trying to stay positive but it feels like he has just checked out at this point.
 

An unfortunate situation.

 

And, as you have probably realized, not all counselors are created equal. Like any other profession, you have a broad spectrum of capabilities disbursed among a bell curve. Most counselors are solid. A few are excellent. And a few are incompetent dunces. You had the misfortune of finding the latter.

 

Appears your relationship is going to pay a very high price for your little foray into the deep end of the lifestyle when you were far from being ready.

 

If you're not resigned to the relationship failing, I suggest you keep the lines of communication open and remain positive and engaged to the extent possible. In time, he may come around. But, you'll eventually have to make a judgement call, if you haven't already (frankly, I suspect you have.)

 

Wishing you luck.

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On 5/16/2022 at 1:34 PM, Married-adventure said:

Hello There, I did hesitate before I write to you but I'm the male half of couple and one day I was in the same situation as your husband and I did react somehow just like him!!!

 

Let me explain to you how I felt maybe you will understand how to deal with situation. We met this lovely couple and things was going very well both having fun and enjoying our time but as some did explain to you seening your Mrs having fun with someone else for the 1st time it has it's effect on some men for the first time but when I saw my wife getting the same pleasure I'm giving her ( even better) I felt threatened felt unsecured felt like OMG she can do this!!! As much as I was enjoying the company of the other guy wife which she was doing her best to keep me occupied, I didn't see all her efforts I've only seen my Mrs opening her legs for another man and I did forget all the times we did wait for this to happen and I just simply stopped and left just like your husband did! 

 

Wouldn't deny it took me time to understand but you need to make him feel your heart fully with him and will always be, you will need him to feel he is the main man in your life and no one can take over his place, make him understand that your climax happen even when you play with your self and you wouldn't need another man to make you happy cause he is the only one can do but there lots of things can make any human been climax and do not forget to give him what he love the most ( lots of wild sex the way he likes it ) during this recovery time and he should be fine after little while and I can tell you he will be the one who organise it after this time all the best🤞 

 

So much great insight, input, advice here. Wow what a community! 

 

I agree with so much here and my heart aches for you. 

 

My initial advice to you would have been to show him how amazing he is unusually, sexually, how much he curls your toes, pleasures you, how much you enjoy and love him in your life together, and I would have gotten detailed about it. I've had to do that myself. 

 

But as I read to the last posts - 

 

Dear, your husband needs deep inner healing.  From whom, what source, that is something you will need to research and investigate that works best for the two of you and counseling is the vehicle used but what type. I'd start with the inner healing. I have seen this work for people over the years.

 

 

Edited by herpob

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On 6/25/2022 at 10:58 AM, herpob said:

 

So much great insight, input, advice here. Wow what a community! 

 

I agree with so much here and my heart aches for you. 

 

My initial advice to you would have been to show him how amazing he is unusually, sexually, how much he curls your toes, pleasures you, how much you enjoy and love him in your life together, and I would have gotten detailed about it. I've had to do that myself. 

 

But as I read to the last posts - 

 

Dear, your husband needs deep inner healing.  From whom, what source, that is something you will need to research and investigate that works best for the two of you and counseling is the vehicle used but what type. I'd start with the inner healing. I have seen this work for people over the years.

 

 

He asked me for a divorce a few days ago and he already contacted a lawyer and told me I needed to do the same thing since we can't have the same lawyer.

Our familes and friends know we are divorcing but not the details of course everyone both my family and his are shocked and I just feel very numb right now.

Dodging questions by our social circle who seem completely baffled by the whole situation, my husband has made it clear I did nothing wrong because I was asked by my best friend if I cheated on him the other day and everyone seems to think I cheated on him.

Even my friends like him a lot and they see that he is hurting and has changed and seem distant and everyone is blaming me without saying anything despite him making it clear I had done nothing wrong.

 

Edited by wife86
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I don’t think it was the swinging. There is a deeper problem going on. Could he be cheating? 

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I think that you may be right about the swinging being the cause.

It certainly was the trigger event.

 

Somewhere in the back of my mind I am sensing avoidance behaviour.

If he divorces, then he need not face whatever it is that is eating at him?

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Then again I may be far off the mark.

 

I really wish we had  some insight from him.

 I have no reason to disbelief the account given , but it is by its nature incomplete. Therefore these are all just guesses ,with each of us filling in the blanks from our own experiences and observations.

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So sorry to hear this, but as it has been said before: swinging is a relationship magnifying glass...it will make a great relationship even better, but it will show every crack and flaw in a poor relationship. While I believe that swinging was the thing that caused the flaw to be shown, I don't think it was the event that caused the flaw...that has been there for awhile. It is HIS flaw, and not yours, but that doesn't make it any better or hurt any less. You just need to remember that it wasn't you. Wish we could somehow do more for you other than send you our support and hope. Thanks for letting us know what is happening (I was just thinking that I should ask for an update in your situation). We continue to be here for you...

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Sorry to hear this :( For what's it worth, from the very beginning I have thought there was some deeper issue here.  There are plenty of "swinging didn't work out well" stories here, but this one just always seemed to have some hidden layers that no one knows except him, and he may even be repressing them and not fully understand it himself.  A relationship can run seemingly ok on simple inertia for a long time even with a huge problem lurking under the surface.  But when that stressor comes, the problem is let loose.  Usually it's money issues, family conflict, etc.  In this case it was swinging. Whatever the trigger was really doesn't matter, what does matter is there was such a deep underlying problem.  That is what needs to be worked on. Once something like that is set free, just removing the trigger doesn't mean the problem goes back in its box.

 

Wishing you all the best in this difficult time.

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11 hours ago, wife86 said:

He asked me for a divorce a few days ago and he already contacted a lawyer and told me I needed to do the same thing since we can't have the same lawyer.

Our familes and friends know we are divorcing but not the details of course everyone both my family and his are shocked and I just feel very numb right now.

Dodging questions by our social circle who seem completely baffled by the whole situation, my husband has made it clear I did nothing wrong because I was asked by my best friend if I cheated on him the other day and everyone seems to think I cheated on him.

Even my friends like him a lot and they see that he is hurting and has changed and seem distant and everyone is blaming me without saying anything despite him making it clear I had done nothing wrong.
 

 

An unfortunate ending.

 

Contrary to some others, I will not dismiss or rationalize away the adverse role swinging played.

 

Most relationships are not built for the introduction of outside sexual partners. That doesn't make them bad or weak relationships, or inherently flawed. Research shows monogamy is still overwhelmingly the relationship ideal.

 

Did your relationship have some issues? I have no doubt it did. And that would make it just like every other relationship, because ALL relationships have issues.

 

Relationships are delicate things; they exist through a careful balancing act. They can ebb and flow with a certain amount of stress and still stay intact.  But, when we introduce too much stress... relationships can fall apart. We have only to look at the large spike in the rate of divorce during the pandemic to see how this played out in real time.

 

At this stage, I suggest... no, I strongly encourage you to stay in counseling. You will have your own demons to wrestle with and having access to a counselor will prove to be an asset.

 

Best of luck.

 

PS "Everybody" isn't blaming you. That is only your perception. I'm sure you haven't conducted a poll 😉

 

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I guess I've been remiss in not following this thread, but I'm very sorry for what you're dealing with here.

 

I tend to agree with the posters who are suggesting that there is something else going on for him. Perhaps he felt uncomfortable with something else in the marriage, even simply a mid-life crisis type of situation, and thought swinging would patch it up, but instead amplified the problems. I don't think this is really about you.

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Sorry to hear the outcome is not positive for you!  It does sound like there is a lot more going on here then what the swinging caused.  I will say this though as someone who has went through this before.  Divorce is not the end of the world.  In fact it is one of the best things that ever happened to me.  You now have a chance at a new beginning and the journey may just lead to something way better then what you had.  Take care of yourself and good luck on your future wherever it might lead you.  

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      They follow you back to the hotel room that you rented.  Locked door, "Do not Disturb" sign.
       
      She kisses her husband and it starts. The disrobing. You are nervous. What to do first. Follow their lead and try not to appear overbearing or demanding.  She's on the bed, and he dives into a mouthful of vaginal bliss. You nervously start kissing her, massaging her breast, kissing her nipples.  Then you get on your knees and present your mediocre cock for her to devour.  She doesn't hesitate.  She has your cock buried down her throat while the husband buries his tongue in her bush.  The husband comes up for air, and moves to her breast, teasing.  You move to the holy of holies.  You lick, suck, and drink in the juices, probing with deep tongue thrusts, tasting the walls of her vaginal cavity while she is licking the husband's cock. Your member is not much different than his. You are relieved.  
       
      The position changes. She lays on her side. He enters her vagina from the rear, leaving her clitoris exposed. She discussed this with you on the phone.  Licking her while her husband fucks.  You go down and start to lick that clitoris, less than a inch from the pounding cock. You remember that he is bi. He wants this. You hesitantly reach up, and start to cradle his jewels, all the time her juices mingles with the fleshy taste of cock.  You can't bring yourself to put his cock in your mouth, so you go on licking the clit and fondling the balls until he grunts and fills her with cum.  He withdraws. You switch position.  His cum lubricates her vagina.  There is nothing sloppy about these seconds. You pound her while he licks and returns the favor of cradling your balls.  He doesn't suck you off, not sure if you will be offended. It doesn't matter he says. They just love fucking.  
       
      You release your semen into her, and you all relax, sitting and talking while a double load of cum streams from her pussy. You regret what the hotel maids will have to clean up. She pees. Returns. The ritual starts again. This time the cunnilingus is mixed with unfamiliar flavors. His cum. Your cum.  You don't give a fuck.  The thrill of the three-way has over ridden any social mores that you were raised with.
       
      More sex. More bi touching. This time you pull out and shoot your cum over her.  With that baptism, the holy rites have been completed. There are photos and kisses given. Promises of future sex.
       
      This was your first threesome.
    • By C3po
      This all started around forty years ago when my wife Beth and I had dated for a few years then married. It wasn't long after we married that I introduced her to her first big realistic porn star dildo.  When she first saw it she laughed and said, "That'll never fit in my pussy, are you nuts?!" But she agreed to trying and found not only did it fit but she really enjoyed it. She was amazed by how much she enjoyed it.  So much so that she requested I use it on her quite a lot. She also discovered she enjoyed big cock porn, she was fascinated by it. Soon was I combining using a huge dildo on her at the same time she watched big cock porn, this led her to experience huge orgasms. She couldn't get enough. She was finally exploring her sexuality and expanding her outlook on sexual pleasure.
       
      One night after some really hot sex I  questioned her if she ever fantasized about fucking other men, especially well-hung men. She responded that of course she did, stated that most women had this fantasy, and she believed it was quite common. So I pursued it further and asked her if she wanted to try another man's cock and how much did she really desire to do it? She said that it sounded exciting and fun but she would never do anything to endanger our marriage. I said,  "What if I told you that I wanted to watch you have sex with another man, one that had a really big cock. Would you then consider it?" She laughed and said she'd be game if it was something I was serious about and really wanted her to do. She said, "Come on, let's be real. It's exciting and fun to imagine it, but to really do it? Please! That's a major game changer."
       
      So I said, "I'm very serious. I've watched the way you enjoy the dildos especially while watching big cock videos. It turns me on big time seeing how excited you get and how many times you climax from doing these two things at the same time. I want to watch you do it for real. No BS, just watching you getting slammed by a big cock would be a huge turn-on for me. So what do you really think now that you know that I'm serious and am giving you this opportunity?"
       
      I could see her giving it some serious thought, she didn't get mad or upset at me or the idea, no resistance whatsoever to my request.  The more she considered the idea the more it appeared to me that she was very intrigued with the idea and it excited her.
       
      She started asking all kinds of questions, like wouldn't I be jealous, or think the worst of her, or what if she really enjoyed it and wanted more or didn't feel comfortable screwing another man, then what? Were there any rules and what were the consequences? Was I absolutely sure that I really wanted her to do this, because once done there was no going back!
       
      After she finished asking everything she had concerns about I answered all her questions and we talked about the rules/boundaries we would have in place to keep it fun and exciting without any reservations or guilt. This was to make sure she fully understood my concerns and alleviate all of hers as well. It seemed she came to a decision at which point she smiled and enthusiastically said yes, she'd do it! Did I have someone special in mind she wondered? She said she had to agree to my choices for her sexual escapades or it wasn't gonna happen.
       
       I then informed her I was thinking of Bruce. Beth squealed with glee, she admitted she has had fantasies about Bruce for some time now and I couldn't have picked a better choice for her first time. She would absolutely love to fuck Bruce. She said she was getting wet thinking about sex with him.
       
      A few days later I met up with Bruce for an after work drink. As we enjoyed several drinks we talked a lot. Soon I steered the conversation towards my wife Beth. I asked  Bruce to be honest and tell me what he thought about Beth. He admitted he thought Beth was smokin' hot. She had a killer body and was just gorgeous, always was friendly, and liked flirting with him when they were together. I asked him if he' ever had the chance would he consider having sex with her? He looked a bit concerned by my question but answered yes, he wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of such an opportunity. So I told him that Beth really wanted to have sex with him, and that I was okay with them hooking up. I explained that was my kink watching her get fucked by other men, it really turned me on. Bruce considered it for several minutes then said okay sure, he'd love to fuck Beth. Just give him the details when we're ready to make it happen.
       
      When I got home I told Beth about my conversation with Bruce and what he said. She looked startled and said she couldn't believe I did that. So I asked her if what I did was so wrong and did she still want to go through with it? She excitedly said Oh hell yes she did, and no I wasn't wrong! So we made plans and set a date for Beth's first cock. 
       
      The night arrived finding Beth both excited and hot with anticipation. She was dressed to kill showing off her sexy body wearing no underwear. When Bruce knocked on the door I answered it and escorted him into our house. Beth entered the living room and gave Bruce a big hug pressing her chest and pelvis into him and then kissed him on the lips. Bruce kissed her back and he sat down pulling her on to his lap. Nether one of them wasted any time, tongues going everywhere, hands exploring and groping each other, clothes coming off. Soon they were both naked and Beth got a pleasant surprise, Bruce was very well hung. She giggled with delight.
       
      Beth took Bruce's hand and led him to our bed. She pushed him down on the bed and went to work on Bruce's big cock giving him an enthusiastic blow job. After a while Bruce flipped Beth on her back and went to work on her pussy and clit. Beth orgasmed in minutes, fully enjoying Bruce's skilled tongue. I stood in the background watching the show.
       
      Soon Bruce moved into position between Beth's legs. As he rubbed his cock against Beth's open pussy and clit she responded with loud moans and started pressing her pussy against Bruce's cock. As he slid his huge cock into Beth's pussy she had a big climax. As he went deeper he increased his speed and Beth climaxed again. She was enthralled with his big cock pumping her pussy, she was moving her hips and swearing, telling him his cock felt so good. She looked over at me and said she loved how good his big cock felt inside her. She told Bruce to stretch her pussy good, to fuck her hard. She was in sexual ecstasy, a place she'd never been before. Her facial expressions showed pure bliss and the sounds she was making were hot as hell. I never seen her so turned on, she must of had a dozen orgasms, many of which were huge.
       
      They fucked each other hard for a good twenty minutes then Bruce erupted into Beth's pussy, filling her with his cum. This gave Beth another climax. Afterwards he laid on Beth for a minute then rolled off her. He'd destroyed her pussy, it gaped open with his cum dripping out of her. They kissed and he got up to dress while Beth laid there spent. She looked at me and smiled big time. She said, "Your turn!", so I took sloppy seconds and enjoyed it beyond belief. Bruce watched us have sex then commented that watching real sex was so much hotter than any porno ever could be. He understood my enjoyment of watching my wife fuck other men. He said he'd like to do it again and Beth was all for it. So they made plans to hook up again. Then Bruce left.
       
      Beth and I talked about how well things went, and how she wasn't prepared for how much she enjoyed his big cock. It was mind boggling! She thanked me profusely for asking her to do this, the opportunity to experience such awesome sex. She says she'll never be the same again and is looking forward to more big cock sex. So our new lifestyle began.
    • By Falcon88
      My wife and I have been together for almost 25 years. Through out the years sex has been fantastic. No complaints on either side. We are very faithful and never cheated on each other.
       
      Then one day two years ago we were having a few drinks and watching porn. We watch all kinds of porn. That night we were watching some really good gangbangs. Curiously, I turn to my wife and asked her if she ever thought about swinging and group sex. If it ever crossed her mind. Surprisingly, she looked at me and said she’s been thinking about it for while. So we ended up talking about swinging and group sex for hours. We got online and read stories on experiences about swinging and group sex. The pros and cons. It turned me on taking about it but at the same time I got a crazy feeling in my stomach. Nerves I guess.
       
      So to make a very long story short we ended up having an open marriage and took up swinging. We both decided to have (safe) sex with other people until we felt comfortable on having our first group sex. All this took very long planning and preparing, especially mentally.
       
      Finally last November we planned out her first group sex. We carefully selected three familiar friends to join in the fun. Of course they decided to do it and agreed on our rules.
       
      So, it finally happened that November night. I really enjoyed watching my wife get screwed by more than one man. She had the time of her life. She had multiple orgasms one after another. The crazy feeling never left my stomach but I really enjoyed watching though. After the guys left we kicked back and talked about our experience. Then we go back about agreeing on what we’re doing and never to do it without the other knowing. We keep an oath of trust. Every time we have a date with someone we let each other know. It’s always planned out days in advance so it will never interfere with our personal lives. We have a great understanding.
       
      Since last November she’s been involved in several group sex averaging 3-4 guys each time. Of course I joined in most of the time. Lots of lube is needed. But now she wants to go a little further. She wants to do a gangbang of 6-8 guys. Seriously.
       
      Lately she’s been playing with large toys to get her vagina ready. She wants to try double-vaginal penetration. I’ve been preparing her by inserting a dildo in her while I’m inside. Very carefully with lots of lube. We practice every time we have sex. She even carefully inserts a large thick toy in her vagina while watching a movie and keeps it in there. Yes, our sexual curiosities has increased tremendously. My wife wants to explore even more and I’m all in.
       
      Well the day we both have been looking forward too occurred this past weekend. We managed to round up 7 guys for an all night gangbang. It involved a lot of planning and phone calls. We’ve noticed that guys will be all in at first then drop out later. But eventually we got things going. That night when everyone arrived she was kinda nervous but excited to have that many cocks at once. Most of all, she finally had double penetration in her vagina from two guys for the first time. The strange thing I seemed more nervous than her. Lol But she absolutely enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed watching her. She came hard many times. She doesn’t like anal so that wasn’t attempted.
       
      So after joining in all the fun and after almost two hours of great sex we had the grand finale. My sexy wife knelt down and we all gave her an awesome bukkake. Her face was drenched with cum. It was one heck of a hot night. After everyone left we took a long shower and stayed up almost all night talking about it. We were both so turned on that we were already making plans for the next one. But we are gonna take a break for about three weeks. It’s just going to be me and her for now.
       
      Yesterday she mentioned about having a messy cum sex in the near future after watching a great creampie movie. I was like, a messy cum sex? She asked me what I would think about her having a messy gooey bukkake and creampie night. Having about 4 guys cum all over her face while 4 guys cum inside her. Then rubbing the cum all over her breasts. Man, just listening to her drove me crazy. My wife was willing to be explosive. But that would take lots of planning because we are very cautious. My wife cannot get pregnant anymore so that’s really something we don’t have to worry about. It’s about the unprotected sex. We do know many cool friends well enough that we can trust but still we must remain careful. Yet, I’m sure it’s gonna happen very soon.
       
      I’ve been asked if we have taken it too far. If there’s actually any sign of regrets. Some close friends wonder about my wife wanting too much now. Our answer is no because we enjoy it and have a deep understanding and trust. We are responsible adults and are having fun. We first talk about what we’re going to do and have to both agree 100%. Any sign of doubt from either side we will not do it. We are friends with our sex partners but no feelings are involved or ever shared. We have proven that to ourselves already.
    • By AdamGunn2
      It was a fairly typical night at D.J.s Island, an early autumn evening. Mary and I hadn’t set anything up in advance, we’d decided to go almost at the last moment. From the second we entered the door our radar was beaming across the club, searching for a couple that might be searching for what we were also interested in - an enjoyable tryst.
       
      Mary took a few minutes to change into what she called a ‘trolling outfit.’ As I remember, that night it was a black babydoll with a loose bodice, thong, low heels. Many men admired her legs as I checked the forty or so women, many as scantily clad as my wife. None of our regular playmates seemed to be in attendance that evening, but we had our customs, we weren’t concerned. Perhaps an hour and a half later, I sat at a table next to the dance floor, Mary was on her feet, on the parquet, moving her body, seeing if anyone would move in. A slow sequence of men approached her, danced with her. Some would take liberties such as moving their hands under her garment, feeling the small of her back, perhaps place their palm on the roundness of her ass.
       
      I’d seen this many times before, I waited for one of two reactions.
       
      The first was that she’d spin away from the man; it signified she wasn’t interested in what he had to offer.
       
      The second was that she’d get closer, I’d watch her whisper in his ear. I knew the question, “Where’s your wife?” Some of them would shake their heads, they were attending as one of the few single men the club allowed, and when they received Mary’s response, they’d move away - that’s not what we were looking for at the moment.
       
      But the man might indicate where his wife was dancing a few feet away. When this kind of thing happened, Mary would glance to me and give our special signal - she’d put one hand on the back of her head, one on her stomach. When I got the cue, I’d come out, we’d dance as a foursome.
       
      As I approached, a man grasped the elbow of a tall attractive lady who was more modestly dressed, at least for the club. There was no conversation on the dance floor, the heavy volume of music and the thumping of the bass wouldn’t allow for speech. But I could tell the woman was interested in me, the four of us paired off and I often found myself facing this vixen. It was obvious they were as interested in us as I was in them, I could tell by the way Mary was rubbing against the man that she felt the same.
       
      After a couple of songs, Mary led the way off the floor, holding his hand, leading us off into a corner away from the speakers. As we sat, the man said, “I’m Ed, this is my wife, Marilyn.”
       
      Marilyn and I softly shook hands, I believe she raised the hem of her skirt to give me a view of her upper thighs. Ed had no problem seeing Mary’s legs, or where they met - she was sitting so that the babydoll was gathered to her side, leaning forward so her globes were exposed to his view.
       
      “Do you come here often?” Ed asked.
       
      “Every few weeks,” I responded, “you?”
       
      “This is our first time here.” Mary gave him a look that asked for further info. “We’re just starting this,” he admitted.
       
      Marilyn picked it up. “We’ve only had one time with a couple of friends. We liked it, heard about this place, decided to see if we could get into more trouble.”
       
      “Trouble’s our middle name,” I joked.
       
      Our conversation continued, where do you live, what movies have you seen lately, etc. It was a screen, of course, we were all calculating if the four of us would be pleasurable bedmates. I paid my attention to Marilyn, my wife had told me numerous times not to worry about her, she can take care of herself. My hand found Marilyn’s knee, she smiled at me, encouraged me to reach a tad higher. We bent towards each other, our mouths met.
       
      Marilyn opened her lips to me, the kiss was ardent, her mouth moist. She licked at my upper lip, her hand fondled the back of my neck. Our tongues clashed, promising cupidity, mimicking what I presumed our bodies might be doing in a few scant moments.
       
      We broke for a moment, Marilyn invited, “Would you guys want to go to one of the rooms?”
       
      I, of course, was all for it, but then I heard Mary. “Uh, not right now. But thanks.”
       
      We’ve always had the guideline that if one person doesn’t want to do something, she speaks for both of us. Regretfully, I pecked at Marilyn’s lips a last time, we stood, went separate ways.
       
      “You’re not upset, are you?” Mary asked me.
       
      “Of course not, not at all. You’re not in the mood?”
       
      “Oh, I’m in the mood all right, just not with Ed.”
       
      “Something wrong with him?” I asked.
       
      “I tried to get him interested,” Mary revealed, “but his kiss was a little cold, indifferent. I put my hand on his leg, he was too busy watching you and Marilyn, he never responded. My guess is that if we went into a room, he’d be watching you two, I’m not even sure he’d get hard for me.” It was a reasonable thought, it had happened to us a couple times before. “Hope you don’t mind, bet she’d have been a firecracker.”
       
      “Maybe. But you’re a firecracker too.”
       
      We headed back to the dance floor, in search of another couple.
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