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We tried swinging and it did not go well my husband has become withdrawn

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Where to begin? So let me get this straight, swinging was your idea and you had sex with a better endowed man than your husband for his first time? You had a great time, essentially cuckolding  your husband, not even considering yourself with whether he was ok…..If swinging was your idea, YOU should have made sure HE was the most important person and he was having a great time. What you did was selfish!

 

You essentially fucked another man in front of your husband and showed him how good it was. You should have known he was having trouble if you looked his way???

 

Sorry to be so blunt …..but really, if it’s your idea you should have focused 100% on him…..that is if you ever want it to happen again.

 

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3 hours ago, Davdia said:

Where to begin? So let me get this straight, swinging was your idea and you had sex with a better endowed man than your husband for his first time? You had a great time, essentially cuckolding  your husband, not even considering yourself with whether he was ok…..If swinging was your idea, YOU should have made sure HE was the most important person and he was having a great time. What you did was selfish!

 

You essentially fucked another man in front of your husband and showed him how good it was. You should have known he was having trouble if you looked his way???

 

Sorry to be so blunt …..but really, if it’s your idea you should have focused 100% on him…..that is if you ever want it to happen again.

 

My wife has had a cowboy rodeo in front of me while I played with a dud. And vice verse. We didn’t have a minute of discord about it. It’s not about the wife stopping her swing episode to rescue her husband.  This guy has deeper issues. 

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Believe it or not most of us try swinging to enhance OUR marital sex, not necessarily to watch our spouse screw other people.

I understand his perspective. He probably feels like she cheated on him right in front of him.

Sorry if that offended you,I am only trying to help.

 

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42 minutes ago, Davdia said:

Believe it or not most of us try swinging to enhance OUR marital sex, not necessarily to watch our spouse screw other people.

I understand his perspective. He probably feels like she cheated on him right in front of him.

Sorry if that offended you,I am only trying to help.

 

I’m not offended. You may be right, I may be right, we both may be wrong. That’s why we are discussing it. People who accept the lifestyle don’t feel they are cheating because they have their spouse’s consent. But it’s not for most people. Too contrary to societal norms. Apparently, the husband that we are discussing couldn’t handle it. 

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54 minutes ago, Davdia said:

Believe it or not most of us try swinging to enhance OUR marital sex, not necessarily to watch our spouse screw other people.

I understand his perspective. He probably feels like she cheated on him right in front of him.

Sorry if that offended you,I am only trying to help.

It's interesting that you view these as two separate activities.

 

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1 hour ago, EastInWest said:

It's interesting that you view these as two separate activities.

 

I like to watch my wife have sex and I like to have sex with a new partner. Also like to watch other people have sex. 

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6 hours ago, Davdia said:

Where to begin? So let me get this straight, swinging was your idea and you had sex with a better endowed man than your husband for his first time? You had a great time, essentially cuckolding  your husband, not even considering yourself with whether he was ok…..If swinging was your idea, YOU should have made sure HE was the most important person and he was having a great time. What you did was selfish!

 

You essentially fucked another man in front of your husband and showed him how good it was. You should have known he was having trouble if you looked his way???

 

Sorry to be so blunt …..but really, if it’s your idea you should have focused 100% on him…..that is if you ever want it to happen again.

 

 

3 hours ago, njbm said:

I’m not offended. You may be right, I may be right, we both may be wrong. That’s why we are discussing it. People who accept the lifestyle don’t feel they are cheating because they have their spouse’s consent. But it’s not for most people. Too contrary to societal norms. Apparently, the husband that we are discussing couldn’t handle it. 

Cuckolding was never part of our plan or agreement and that was not something neither me or my husband are into with no disrespect to those that are.

Yes I unintentionally cuckolded him and he could not handle it and now both our futures will be quite different because of it.

For the past week everytime I look back on it now I feel nothing but disgust towards myself and I am actually having nightmares about it and seeing my husbands face from that night is not a turn on for me, I feel horrible I have hurt the most important person in my life to the point where he has decided to walk out of my life, our marriage and our future together.

On top of all that me and my husband have the same social circle who seem scared to even approach me now, even my mom believes I have cheated on him despite my husband making it very clear that's not what happened.

Nobody knows the details only that he was the one who decided to end the marriage.

 

Edited by wife86

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I just re read your original post.

What I get:

The two of you met and agreed in private to play with a couple.

It was a mate swap situation.

You had a good time.

Your husband was disturbed by your good time and was having less of a good time because of it.

He eventually got up and left. You followed him.

 

Is that a reasonable summation of the story?

 

 If it is, then the only thing that I can see that you did was to not pick up sooner on how he was doing. 

If my wife is enjoying someone else I expect that to be her focus. Yes she does glance over occasionally as do I. The operative word there is occasionally.

Otherwise you did what I would consider reasonable.

Just because he felt bad does NOT mean you cuckolded him.

 The fact that he has not at least somewhat comes to grips at this point means , to me, that there is more going on.

 

Even if you had made some egregious error, I would expect a "normal" response, from just this incident alone , to be something other than divorcing. The Divorce idea may just be one of the avenues of escape that he is trying on for size.

 

I had a similar, but not as extensive, experience. Hurt, crabby, after a weekend party. I did not know why, and my wife had done everything to perfection.

Several days later I had a memory that went all the way back to high school age, that evoked strong emotion. It was however the emotional response of a 17 year old.

Evidently an unresolved emotional response. Triggered by the playtime. That was the cause .

The most embarrassing thing was telling my bride what it was.

 

I think many of us carry around such minor and sometimes not so minor things from a time when we were not mature enough to adequately process them.

 

 I hope for both of your sakes that this gets straightened out.

Edited by lcmim
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Bottom line……if you bring it up and you love your spouse then you had better make sure your spouse had a better time than you…..male or female….at least the first time. Otherwise it’s selfish and can easily end this way.

BTW, if when get tired of feeling sorry for yourself and want some genuine advice that could save your marriage…..message me directly 

I’m the male version of what happened here

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Hey everybody just wanted to say thanks for all thoughts and comments it's been strange since my last post me and my husband have spoken quite a lot lately in the end though that was not enough, he has been living with his brother but him telling me he has found his own place pretty much dashed any hope I had for saving the marriage.

I had a tiny hope that we could work this out but he seems to have spent that time mainly emotionally distancing himself from me, it was strange almost like he seemed at peace with his decision to end the marriage and no there is no other woman involved for those that suspected my husband had been cheating.

I just can't believe ten minutes would have changed both of our lives so dramatically I honestly feel lost while he seems at peace with his descicion.


So yeah that's the update my final one I guess since we have agreed to sell the house at this point all our friends are still completely at a loss to what is going on.

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Sadly, it wasn’t the 10 minutes. It merely served as the catalyst. Think about your needs and wants now, moving forward. Time to put you first. Always welcome back 

Best 🌻

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As BG said, it wasn't the ten minutes. You were in trouble long before that event. The fact that you still seem unaware of this fact speaks volumes.

 

You don't want this pattern to repeat itself. Unfortunately, it likely will if you don't take the opportunity to work on yourself.

 

As the saying goes, "If nothing changes, nothing changes." 

 

Good luck.

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I'm sorry you two are splitting up over this.  He doesn't know what a gem you are and he's losing.

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We agree...it wasn't just ten minutes, but a long time building up on his part. The ten minutes was just the tipping point. We are so sorry to hear this but as Baconheads said, he doesn't know what a gem you are and he's losing. There will come a day when he will wake up and realize what he lost, but it will be awhile. In the meantime, we wish you the best and want to remind you it can only get better from here.

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I’m a little shocked that everyone is taking her side and saying that he don’t know what he had…she’s a gem? If he had done the same thing, fucking the other woman without at least checking to see if she was ok, he would be an asshole and and not worth having. Amazing.  Real advise works in both directions people!

 

Edited by Davdia
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On 5/11/2022 at 10:27 AM, AndrewandAnn said:

Swinging is not a good fit for most marriages

This may indeed may be true, but OTOH people, men and women, are not naturally monogamous either.  Perhaps swinging is not necessarily the best way to be nonmonogamous.  We, the five of us, are a poly family, although we have,  on occasion, played with others.

 

Every marriage, every relationship, every family with a teenager should start with a discussion about how people are not naturally monogamous and how that will be dealt with.  "Fight it" should not be the default response.

 

You raise such a thought provoking point that I need to read your other posts.

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Davidia, Ten minutes in she noticed he was having issues. He got up and walked out .She followed him.

 Other than having him wired to a monitor what more is to be done?

 

Yes We try to be aware of each other in these situations, neither of us wants or needs a sitter though.

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2 minutes ago, lcmim said:

Davidia, Ten minutes in she noticed he was having issues. He got up and walked out .She followed him.

 Other than having him wired to a monitor what more is to be done?

 

Yes We try to be aware of each other in these situations, neither of us wants or needs a sitter though.

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Swinging was her idea. She should have made sure he was okay BEFORE she was, simple as that. Instead she was so caught up in getting what she wanted she never even checked on him. He was getting dressed before she even noticed he wasn’t having a good time. For him 10 min may as well have been a lifetime. She acted selfish ……this would be totally different if it was his idea.

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They were both adults, engaging in adult activities. He had agreed to go. It’s not a hand holding situation. You seem fixated on these 10 minutes. Clearly the issue at hand was larger . His issues with his marriage didn’t end that night. But merely an excuse. Everything takes work and he mailed it in.

There , I’ve said it 

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Davidia,

Again referring to the OP;

They were just starting out.

They went together, met a couple together, decided in private  that they would proceed together.

It went South.

They left together.

I am unsure as to how much  either could be sure of the others reaction up front.

Sometimes you don't know  until you know.

 

We have a whole history of firsts that each could have gone either way. Knowing how you react and imagining how you will react are not always the same thing.

 

I concur with the view that he was carrying something inside him. Perhaps he was even unaware of it. Triggers are odd that way.

 

I do not think "fault" or "blame" really applies here.

Unfortunate perhaps?

What is going on inside of him is likely powerful, perhaps beyond his immediate ability to control except by avoidance.

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On 7/26/2022 at 5:50 PM, wife86 said:

I had a tiny hope that we could work this out but he seems to have spent that time mainly emotionally distancing himself from me, it was strange almost like he seemed at peace with his decision to end the marriage and no there is no other woman involved for those that suspected my husband had been cheating.

I just can't believe ten minutes would have changed both of our lives so dramatically I honestly feel lost while he seems at peace with his descicion.

I am sorry that this is how this story ends.

 

I agree strongly with those saying the ten minutes aren't the problem.

 

I don't know either of you, but people often attempt swinging to save a troubled relationship. It is possible that your husband had already become profoundly unhappy in some part of his mind, but still wanted a way to make the marriage work. The failure cemented his unhappiness and he came to an unpleasant realization that he has given up.

 

This is not necessarily a reflection on you at all. Sometimes people simply change with time and misinterpret what they are failing, or take drastic measures to try to avoid confronting it.

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Maybe you are the normal here but I can easily see his side of this and 10 minutes is plenty of time to destroy a marriage.

Some of you forget when giving advice that your in a very small percentage of couples that are ok with swinging.

In most marriages 10 minutes is more than enough. Clearly he wasn’t ready. I’d bet she would have known that in less than a minute if she was paying attention.

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So in other words, you’ve been bitten. Hence, your view might be the one that’s hazy ? 
I think no matter what side of the fence anyone is on. This marriage was doomed, regardless of the night in question 

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1 hour ago, Davdia said:

Maybe you are the normal here but I can easily see his side of this and 10 minutes is plenty of time to destroy a marriage.

Some of you forget when giving advice that your in a very small percentage of couples that are ok with swinging.

In most marriages 10 minutes is more than enough. Clearly he wasn’t ready. I’d bet she would have known that in less than a minute if she was paying attention.

I'm not forgetting that at all. It's just a fact that a significant percentage of people try open relationships and swinging to patch up problems.

 

A man who went into this excited to try it for what it is would not fall *entirely* apart at the realization that it simply wasn't fun after all.

 

My (very speculative) guess is that he hit some sort of midlife crisis, felt strongly that he needed to have sex with more women - a primal drive - and could accept his wife having sex with other men to do so.

 

He then found out he was wrong and lost all hope for salvaging his current lifestyle. It happens.

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16 minutes ago, bbarnsworth said:

I'm going to have to disagree with the idea that 10 minutes can destroy a marriage (at least in this case).

 

This was consensual act. Nobody cheated on anybody. There wasn't a protracted affair, there wasn't even a drunken hookup with a stranger. This was a consensual situation. That the husband withdrew after it, and kept refusing overtures to talk things through, and wouldn't go for counseling? Sorry, the only reason the 10 minutes mattered is because the husband intentionally torpedoed the marriage. There's a lot more going on here than we know about. This 10 minutes was but a symptom of much larger situations.

 

I mean seriously...how many of us would give up on a marriage after just 10 minutes of problem? Are we THAT uncommitted to making it work? Or did the "...for worse." part not mean anything? No marriage is perfect. It takes time and effort. Being able (much less willing) to walk away from it all after just 10 minutes shows a serious lack of commitment to the marriage. I think this marriage would have ended anyway, just due to another supposed reason.

Thank you !

Glad to see some people get it 

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On 7/28/2022 at 6:49 PM, EastInWest said:

I'm not forgetting that at all. It's just a fact that a significant percentage of people try open relationships and swinging to patch up problems.

 

A man who went into this excited to try it for what it is would not fall *entirely* apart at the realization that it simply wasn't fun after all.

 

My (very speculative) guess is that he hit some sort of midlife crisis, felt strongly that he needed to have sex with more women - a primal drive - and could accept his wife having sex with other men to do so.

 

He then found out he was wrong and lost all hope for salvaging his current lifestyle. It happens.

Just to clarify he was not really that excited and thinking back on it now which is all I have been doing going through that evening over and over again maybe I should have caught his apprehension because I remember he was so nervous and seemed uncomfortable with the whole situation in the car while we drove over there.

I was the one who really was excited to try it and now here I am sitting in a big house alone that soon will be occupied by somebody else and I finally told my best friend what had happened and she took his side in this and told me I should have stopped the second I noticed his apprehension, meaning in the car on the way before we even got to the place.

Maybe I should have asked him are you okay and if he was ready and told him it's okay if he was not and we could turn the car around but I didn't and now everything has changed.

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On 7/28/2022 at 12:39 PM, bbarnsworth said:

Being able (much less willing) to walk away from it all after just 10 minutes shows a serious lack of commitment to the marriage.

Your entire post is well thought out and well stated.

 

We've all have had bad ideas in our poly family (only a few involving sex), where one of us has talked one or more of the others into something that didn't work out or even became a disaster.   But we don't lay blame, we talk it through, think about if readjusting could make it a success, try again (maybe), and when appropriate don't do that or go there again.  Life is full of those situations. 

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On 5/10/2022 at 6:18 PM, wife86 said:

... we have been talking about trying for years ...

... I asked my husband if he liked her and he said yes she is a very attractive woman...

... I feel I have royally messed up and I feel terrible seeing him like this, I was the one who brought up swinging and talked him into it.

 

4 hours ago, wife86 said:

...Maybe I should have asked him are you okay and if he was ready...

Don't blame yourself for what happened.  Your husband should have spoken up if he wasn't comfortable.  It wasn't as if you sprung this on him, he had numerous opportunities to back off rather than giving overt indications that he was good to go.

Edited by couplers
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Seriously people, stop saying it wasn’t her fault, your giving bad advice and comforting someone who destroyed another persons life.  Her friend is right to take his side…..This was her idea!!! She should have made sure he had a better time than she did, PERIOD! Anything less was selfish. If you can only see her side, you shouldn’t give her advice. She already knows what she did wrong……let others learn from this mistake instead of covering it up.  Bottom line is it was her idea, if she had made sure it was all about him, maybe even for the first several times, they would for sure still be together.
If you love your spouse, you’re more worried about their happiness than your own.  This was not what happened here.

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On 7/28/2022 at 7:31 AM, couplers said:

This may indeed may be true, but OTOH people, men and women, are not naturally monogamous either.  Perhaps swinging is not necessarily the best way to be nonmonogamous.  We, the five of us, are a poly family, although we have,  on occasion, played with others.

 

Every marriage, every relationship, every family with a teenager should start with a discussion about how people are not naturally monogamous and how that will be dealt with.  "Fight it" should not be the default response.

 

You raise such a thought provoking point that I need to read your other posts.

 

 

 

Edited by AndrewandAnn

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I still stand by my post. I would be willing to bet money that more swinging disasters are because the one who asked for it looked out for their own interest over their partners first. I’m not against swinging, I’m against selfishness. We all know if she had made sure he started with the other woman first ( because it was her idea)  it would have given him every out. Then it would have been on him. There are dozens of post here where this exact thing happens. Oddly enough if this same thing happened to her, especially if she was apprehensive, everyone would be posting that it was his fault for not paying attention to her. Crazy double standard…..love and respect is love and respect, no matter gender. 

Edited by Davdia
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On 8/8/2022 at 1:00 PM, Davdia said:

This was her idea!!! She should have made sure he had a better time than she did, PERIOD! Anything less was selfish. If you can only see her side, you shouldn’t give her advice. She already knows what she did wrong……let others learn from this mistake instead of covering it up.  Bottom line is it was her idea, if she had made sure it was all about him, maybe even for the first several times, they would for sure still be together.

 

So?

 

If someone is that needy and that much of a wuss they aren't capable of having a hand in charting the course during a first swing encounter, then I'll agree they shouldn't be swinging.  Problem is, unless I missed that part of it, I don't remember her tying him up and dragging him in there.  He agreed to it, so now doesn't get to play the poor pitiful me victim act whining that it's everyone's fault but his own.

 

I also stand by if the first 10 minutes of anything makes you leave a marriage, you were already checked out to start with. Again, just an excuse to push your failures off on someone else.  Maybe there are good reasons why you were already checked out, or maybe not good reasons, but fact is, you were already checked out.  Lots and lots of couples have tried swinging, and guess what, each and every one of those involved a spouse fucking someone else for 10 minutes. A lot of those couples decide it's not for them, and just move on with life together. They may decide that in a calm thoughtful discussing, in a discussion filled with jealousy, or maybe even an angry discussion. End result is they move on.

 

In terms of "you shouldn't give her advice", you are on the wrong website for that.  Everyone is welcome to hold and express their opinion, but folks here are going to call it like they see it. If that's not the same way you see it, then that doesn't mean they don't have a right to express it.

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8 hours ago, Davdia said:

if she had made sure he started with the other woman first ( because it was her idea)  it would have given him every out.

Agreed.  But I think it would have turned out the same - her husband, post-orgasm after having his fun, would have reacted the same when the other guy had his hands on her tits, his dick in her pussy, and she started enjoying herself.

 

OTOH, hubby let me go first by letting me keep my ex-fiancé as a boyfriend/lover while he remained monogamous.  It made me feel incredibly powerful, confident, loved, and in control.  After two years, I was the one who wanted him to play.

 

A side thought, whatever happened to the adage that husbands get the couple into swinging, while the wife keeps them there?

 

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2 minutes ago, couplers said:

But I think it would have turned out the same - her husband, post-orgasm after having his fun, would have reacted the same when the other guy had his hands on her tits, his dick in her pussy, and she started enjoying herself.

 

Exactly.  The die was cast as soon as "yes" was his answer to the swinging question.

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23 minutes ago, cplnuswing said:

 

So?

 

If someone is that needy and that much of a wuss they aren't capable of having a hand in charting the course during a first swing encounter, then I'll agree they shouldn't be swinging.  Problem is, unless I missed that part of it, I don't remember her tying him up and dragging him in there.  He agreed to it, so now doesn't get to play the poor pitiful me victim act whining that it's everyone's fault but his own.

 

I also stand by if the first 10 minutes of anything makes you leave a marriage, you were already checked out to start with. Again, just an excuse to push your failures off on someone else.  Maybe there are good reasons why you were already checked out, or maybe not good reasons, but fact is, you were already checked out.  Lots and lots of couples have tried swinging, and guess what, each and every one of those involved a spouse fucking someone else for 10 minutes. A lot of those couples decide it's not for them, and just move on with life together. They may decide that in a calm thoughtful discussing, in a discussion filled with jealousy, or maybe even an angry discussion. End result is they move on.

 

In terms of "you shouldn't give her advice", you are on the wrong website for that.  Everyone is welcome to hold and express their opinion, but folks here are going to call it like they see it. If that's not the same way you see it, then that doesn't mean they don't have a right to express it.

Hi again I just wanna mention the reason he reacted to strongly is because of a trauma he had experienced that he told me about afterwards,  it was not selfishness the whole experience with me and other man became a trigger for him given a previous experience that made him struggle with intimacy.

He had been ashamed of that for years and he never blamed me since I did not know about it, but his experience ended up humiliating him and what happened to him was cruel and I can't imagine doing that to another person what that woman did to him.

I wanted to work through it and help him and be there for him but decided to leave me instead and if he walked through the door right now and told me had had reconsidered I would hug him tightly and never let him go.

But I had become a trigger for him and he told me all he could think about when he saw me was me with the other man and it became mental torture for him.

He was not wired for that and I understand that now but him walking away hurts it hurts a lot .

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5 minutes ago, wife86 said:

Hi again I just wanna mention

Thank you for explaining what is undoubtedly a complex situation.  My hope is that in some small way the discussion here had some merit.  Take care. 

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10 minutes ago, wife86 said:

Hi again I just wanna mention the reason he reacted to strongly is because of a trauma he had experienced that he told me about afterwards,  it was not selfishness the whole experience with me and other man became a trigger for him given a previous experience that made him struggle with intimacy.

 

Thanks for clarifying that, and I'm sorry he has been carrying that around all these years, but I still stand by that was on HIM to deal with, not you. So let's say he had a long-term substance abuse problem and refused to try to deal with it and it led to the end of the marriage, no one would say that was your fault, it would clearly be his issue alone. That's the way I see this. He knew that issue was there, he had chosen to never tell you about it, and he chose to say yes to swinging. Those are some pretty substantial decisions on his part, way more than the minor who did what when during your first swinging experience.

 

In terms of getting back together, I don't want to give false hope, but I think I said something early in this thread about time heals all wounds or along those lines. If I didn't, I should have. This is all still relatively fresh, a lot of couples have overcome very serious things given some time.

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wife86 wrote:"I wanted to work through it and help him and be there for him but decided to leave me instead and if he walked through the door right now and told me had had reconsidered I would hug him tightly and never let him go."

 

He is a lucky man. 

 

 

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For those reading this thread is the future:

Davidia has made some strong points, it would be a good thing to have some context.

I suggest going to his profile and clicking the icon for past posts and reading everything starting in 2016. It might help clarify.

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14 hours ago, wife86 said:

Hi again I just wanna mention the reason he reacted to strongly is because of a trauma he had experienced that he told me about afterwards,  it was not selfishness the whole experience with me and other man became a trigger for him given a previous experience that made him struggle with intimacy.

My worry is that just as he swept his earlier trauma under the rug (his own wife knew nothing about it), he is sweeping this current trauma under the rug as well.

 

All of us armchair psychologists would tell you that in order to get over life's difficulties, we need to talk things through and accept them, rather than take the easy way out and pretend they never happened. 

 

One of the things that makes us uniquely human is to sit still in the face of adversity and use our intellect to figure our way out of the situation,  rather than turning tail and running. 

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On 5/11/2022 at 10:05 AM, wife86 said:

 

 

He finally decided to talk today and he told me did not blame me for anything but felt he struggled with it and like someone posted here he can't unsee that moment where I was enjoying myself he just keeps getting reminded of it and it's hard for him.
 

 

On 8/7/2022 at 9:28 AM, wife86 said:

Just to clarify he was not really that excited and thinking back on it now which is all I have been doing going through that evening over and over again maybe I should have caught his apprehension because I remember he was so nervous and seemed uncomfortable with the whole situation in the car while we drove over there.

I was the one who really was excited to try it and now here I am sitting in a big house alone that soon will be occupied by somebody else and I finally told my best friend what had happened and she took his side in this and told me I should have stopped the second I noticed his apprehension, meaning in the car on the way before we even got to the place.

Maybe I should have asked him are you okay and if he was ready and told him it's okay if he was not and we could turn the car around but I didn't and now everything has changed.


 

Everyone keeps saying that he has prior issues causing this and that 10 min cant make a man leave his marriage but I disagree, these two statements says everything.  He wasn’t ready, for someone not ready to see this it can be the end of your world. 

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On 6/30/2022 at 5:43 AM, wife86 said:

He asked me for a divorce a few days ago and he already contacted a lawyer and told me I needed to do the same thing since we can't have the same lawyer.

Even my friends like him a lot and they see that he is hurting and has changed and seem distant and everyone is blaming me without saying anything despite him making it clear I had done nothing wrong.

 

I am saddened by this. I hate it for the both of you.

 

Hopefully you will both recover and over time move on to better and brighter things.

 

He definitely needs healing. Please help him find this. Make some suggestions to friends and family discretely.  There are some amazing organizations out there that deal with this. 

 

You might need some as well.  Time does heal most things but even then we might need a little help.

 

As always keep in touch, let us all know if you need anything.

Edited by herpob
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On 8/25/2022 at 5:56 PM, herpob said:

 

I am saddened by this. I hate it for the both of you.

 

Hopefully you will both recover and over time move on to better and brighter things.

 

He definitely needs healing. Please help him find this. Make some suggestions to friends and family discretely.  There are some amazing organizations out there that deal with this. 

 

You might need some as well.  Time does heal most things but even then we might need a little help.

 

As always keep in touch, let us all know if you need anything.


Thank you he came by a week ago and wanted to pick up some stuff we ended up talking for almost three hours he was not so anxious anymore I even hugged him when he walked in I was honestly glad to see him and he did not flinch or pull away.

I told him everything how I had been doing and he told me how he was doing it was no yelling or drama more him just listening to how I have been doing and he was not doing much better, I decided to make one final attempt and asked him to please move back home.

He seemed receptive and he ended up staying the night and even slept in the same bed .. no sex but he was sleeping i just watched him for maybe half an hour while he slept and when I woke up he was still sleeping next to me I was so happy to see that he had not left or was in the guest room again.

We ate breakfast together and it was probably the most normal day I have had in awhile and he just said how sorry he was for not telling about what had happened to him about the trauma I told him I was sorry too. He went to work and I just decided to unpack his stuff that he had packed in boxes and put his things back he came home and he never said anything.

We are giving this another go he also told he started seeing a therapist to deal with his trauma and we are also gonna see someone as a couple.

He had also told the renter that he was not gonna move into the flat after all so he is stuck with me for the time being ;)

 

Edited by wife86
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4 hours ago, wife86 said:



We are giving this another go he also told he started seeing a therapist to deal with his trauma and we are also gonna see someone as a couple.

He had also told the renter that he was not gonna move into the flat after all so he is stuck with me for the time being ;)

 

I'm so glad that he's coming around.  That he's seeing your relationship as something worth working on and saving.  

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6 hours ago, wife86 said:


Thank you he came by a week ago and wanted to pick up some stuff we ended up talking for almost three hours he was not so anxious anymore I even hugged him when he walked in I was honestly glad to see him and he did not flinch or pull away.

I told him everything how I had been doing and he told me how he was doing it was no yelling or drama more him just listening to how I have been doing and he was not doing much better, I decided to make one final attempt and asked him to please move back home.

He seemed receptive and he ended up staying the night and even slept in the same bed .. no sex but he was sleeping i just watched him for maybe half an hour while he slept and when I woke up he was still sleeping next to me I was so happy to see that he had not left or was in the guest room again.

We ate breakfast together and it was probably the most normal day I have had in awhile and he just said how sorry he was for not telling about what had happened to him about the trauma I told him I was sorry too. He went to work and I just decided to unpack his stuff that he had packed in boxes and put his things back he came home and he never said anything.

We are giving this another go he also told he started seeing a therapist to deal with his trauma and we are also gonna see someone as a couple.

He had also told the renter that he was not gonna move into the flat after all so he is stuck with me for the time being ;)

 

I’m glad for both of you, you do however have a long road ahead of you, he is by no means okay. 
You hurt him deeply and you were supposed to be the one he could trust no matter what, he will not forget this ever.
I wonder if you could give some advice from your experience so that other newbie’s don’t make the same mistake as you did?

If  you could give us the biggest takeaway from your experience, what would it be?

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      “Oh, I’m in the mood all right, just not with Ed.”
       
      “Something wrong with him?” I asked.
       
      “I tried to get him interested,” Mary revealed, “but his kiss was a little cold, indifferent. I put my hand on his leg, he was too busy watching you and Marilyn, he never responded. My guess is that if we went into a room, he’d be watching you two, I’m not even sure he’d get hard for me.” It was a reasonable thought, it had happened to us a couple times before. “Hope you don’t mind, bet she’d have been a firecracker.”
       
      “Maybe. But you’re a firecracker too.”
       
      We headed back to the dance floor, in search of another couple.
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