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catherine1962

He didn't use a condom. What would you have done?

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To further confuse the issue, I can think of two occasions when we have been taken unawares regarding condoms, or rather lack of them . One instance each. In one MMF instance Red got jumped on by surprise following awesome oral and in the other (MFMF) it was me being jumped on by the other wife in an almost identical situation. While we don't always insist on condoms (depends on the circumstances; while I am baby proof, Red isn't, though the signs are that her menopause isn't far off - STD's would be the main concern) we had expected to use them in both of those encounters.

 

We discussed both incidents afterwards, decided to put it down to experience with no harm done (we checked to be sure) and resolved to be more careful in future. Has to be said that we have played with none of them since though. We were tempted to make a big deal of it in both cases, but decided that it wouldn't be worth it. Easier just to move on. Okay, so we are still aging. unreconstructed hippies!

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I have read this thread with interest. I can say this..Mr. Midnight and  the other two men I have played with have lost their erection during oral sex for what ever reason. It could be the age group, it could be Mr. Midnight has disc trouble or it could mean none have used viagra..so I *can* see a erection leaving...

 

I do have to ask..what about the oral sex? Do any of you use condoms or dental dams? The reason I ask is the main concern seems to be STD's when you can catch all most all of the nasty little things thru oral as well as actual sex. So do you protect yourselves from the per come of a man, and from the fluids of the woman, or only during vaginal sex?

 

Again I am not being a smart arse..but the concern would be just as legit thru oral sex VS vaginal sex...

 

The reason I ask is I have not heard of anyone taking any precautions on oral sex...only vaginal.

 

Thanks~

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DuncanDoughnut said:
Of course it does say A man not my man. hmmmmmmm

 

Anyway- the betrayal seems VERY serious especially if done deliberately. I would be seriously concerned about STD's. I would also be direct with him and ask why

 

Such a problem with language...

 

First we're debating about whether a condom "slid" off, and now we're on to the difference between "my" and "a".

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Elusive BiFem said:
OK, Mr. Alura!!! You finally got me!!!! Surrender I have no response on this one. I haven't the foggiest idea how a man takes off a condom. (But I don't think he would have violently torn it off his erect penis." :D )

 

You know, he could have "rolled" it off! I often roll them on my partners...with my mouth. :D

 

But to the point of the thread, he shouldn't have done that. And I would certainly cut off ties. And instead of beating myself up or pouring any of my energy into the guy by being angry with him, I would be down at the STD clinic. You never know where people have been, even if you do know them.

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OK, my 2 cents.... (The M part here)

 

I can easily take off a condom whenever I feel like it, roll it a bit, pull off the rest... less than 1 second.... I'm pretty avg when it comes to size, girth and length... So, it's not difficult 4 a guy who wants/knows how to do it...

 

Secondly, I've never gotten so lost in the moment from giving oral that i forgot about condoms... I'm also one of the guys who loses his erection due to the concentration that accompanies giving good oral. I've been on the other end where i lost it while receiving, and I'm still wearing condoms with my wife while we wait for the STD tests...

 

So, I agree with everyone saying he did it deliberately... U were right to be angry and he got what he deserved... I wouldn't see them again, ever.

 

As for u doing more? He deceived u... Plain and simple... Don't sweat your end of it too much...

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I've been caught up in the moment before with past girlfriends and had unprotected sex when we had used rubbers before. My last girlfriend really got off on oral and right afterwards wanted to be penetrated immediately.....one time I had finished oral and was about to get a condom and she actually stopped me and literally pulled my dick to go inside of her and told me to "fuck her now".....

 

However, in the few swinging experiences I've encountered, I've ALWAYS made sure something like that didn't happen because not only do I prefer to wear condoms all the time with swinging partners but its been one of the rules I've agreed to......If it was me, I would have never entered her without a rubber in the first place but thats just me.....As a typical guy I've been tempted so many times and said, "Do I really have to wear a condom? Just this one time....c'mon". Jokingly in many cases of course .. unprotected feels so good but protection is important to me..... but anyways I believe he should have followed the rules a little more closely

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2neophytes wrote:

 

You know, he could have "rolled" it off! I often roll them on my partners...with my mouth.

 

I've always found that pubic hairs get rolled up in the condom when trying to "roll it off." It's downright painful. Now, I'll submit that if the man has shaved his pubic hair there would be no problem. That's why I asked earlier if that were the case. Inquiring minds, y'know... :)

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I'll tell ya one thing, as the husband in this situation I'd be dragging that dude by his crank to the nearest hospital and having him checked for HIV/STD's. Remember there's lotsa stuff out there that has an incubation period and just cause he doesn't have signs, he still might have something whether or not he knows it. After the test I'm pretty sure him and I would be having a little "alley chat".

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P.S. It don't matter "how" the thing came off. As long as he's not hung like a mosquito I guaranfuckingtee he would know he wasn't wearing one when he entered her. Catherine also apparently got caught up in the moment so she is probably partly to blame but..... IMO the condom is primarily the man's responsibiltity.

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after a "few" condomless "thrusts" a man climaxes and ejaculates...

while the partner realizes she is unprotected (from his product) and reacts (too late!!!).

the magic is lost! a moment that might have otherwise been enjoyable, refreshing, and satisfying turns ugly when one partner fails to recognize the needs of the other!

 

too bad.

 

what gets my attention here is...

 

while the fellow was able to perform good oral stimulation and was helpful in delivering a lady to places that she enjoys... he sure did "drop the ball" when he climaxed after a "few thrusts"!!! and allowed for an unhappy ending!!!

 

you need a better lover than that, darling!!! you need to meet a man that knows how (and how long!!!) to love a woman!!!

 

any man who gets off after a few condomless thrusts has a whooooooole lot of learning to do!!!

 

leave him behind, forgive yourself, move on, and meet some good lovers!!!

 

there's toooo little time to be concerned with inconsequential details!!!

 

let your partners know what you want.

you'll be more likely to get it.

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While he definitely deceived you and betrayed you by slipping the condom off before he penetrated, you said yourself that you should have SAID something. And I have to agree with some of the things I've read here.

 

1. Pregnancy aside, did you have yourself checked for STDs? Did you even ask this other couple their STD status before hand?

 

2. When you became aware that he wasn't wearing a condom - as much as you may have been caught up in the moment - why didn't you yell at him then? "STOP!" is normally very effective.

 

3. You are equally responsible for any sexual situation - unless of course you're being raped. Don't shrug off your own responsibility for your body. You need to be aware at all times what/who is entering, don't you think? I'm not saying this guy isn't an ass for what he did, or that he's not at fault. He certainly is. He broke a rule and disrespected a boundary. However, you ARE also at fault. You should have stopped as soon as you became aware. I'm sorry if this seems cold or insensitive, but it takes two to tango, and unless he raped you, you had control.

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jcbicouple said:
Dito

You knew and chose not to do anything about it immediately for your own pleasure (your own words). You were wrong, and if I were your husband I'd be pissed. Getting caught up in the moment is NO excuse for not doing the things you and your SO agreed to. The guy was wrong, but you had time to realize it, reach down and confirm it, and frankly, in his defense, He may have thought it was ok to cum in you because you just confirmed he had no rubber on and didn't stop him. Who's to say that he and his wife weren't ok with him being bare?

 

I am sorry Mr JB (and all of you with the she is partially at fault scenario) but... "if I was your husband I would be pissed"...WHAT A LOAD OF BULL PUCKY!

 

Cut me a break... that is akin to all of the "it’s her fault she was raped scenario’s". When you get a vagina and are sensitive enough to play name that condom in two strokes; then...and only then...should you be making a statement like above.

 

She did nothing wrong, she did try and stop it as soon as she confirmed it was missing by the best means she could…physically moving away.

 

Catherine, don’t bye into this attitude that you are partially to blame...you handled it as well as you could. Get tested regularly and never...never...give the offending couple another chance. HE should be chastised here not you.

 

The fact you even had to ask the question and assumed any guilt is amazing to me. Why do you think you had any in the first place?

 

Why? Because you were in such bliss that you were out of phase with every little moment in the real world... hallelujah to you that you can get there...some women never can and I know from experience I can't see or hear anything when I am having an orgasm...just feel the power of it... I would not have been able to notice the offense any earlier either.

 

The fact some people think you are irresponsible because you are actually enjoying yourself to the fullest with someone you had learned to trust is a really skewed viewpoint...after all isn't that the whole point of this? You are not a prostitute, you are not "on the job" and therefore always to be in control. You are swinging, playing, enjoying...or why bother?

 

You are blameless and those who think you should share the blame should get their mindset out of the 1950's and try living a minute in your shoes. (Now this is a flame!)

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BodyScape02 said:
I am sorry Mr JB (and all of you with the she is partially at fault scenario) but... "if I was your husband I would be pissed"...WHAT A LOAD OF BULL PUCKY!

 

Cut me a break... that is akin to all of the "it’s her fault she was raped scenario’s". When you get a vagina and are sensitive enough to play name that condom in two strokes; then...and only then...should you be making a statement like above.

 

She did nothing wrong, she did try and stop it as soon as she confirmed it was missing by the best means she could…physically moving away.

 

Catherine, don’t bye into this attitude that you are partially to blame...you handled it as well as you could. Get tested regularly and never...never...give the offending couple another chance. HE should be chastised here not you.

 

The fact you even had to ask the question and assumed any guilt is amazing to me. Why do you think you had any in the first place?

 

Why? Because you were in such bliss that you were out of phase with every little moment in the real world... hallelujah to you that you can get there...some women never can and I know from experience I can't see or hear anything when I am having an orgasm...just feel the power of it... I would not have been able to notice the offense any earlier either.

 

The fact some people think you are irresponsible because you are actually enjoying yourself to the fullest with someone you had learned to trust is a really skewed viewpoint...after all isn't that the whole point of this? You are not a prostitute, you are not "on the job" and therefore always to be in control. You are swinging, playing, enjoying...or why bother?

 

You are blameless and those who think you should share the blame should get their mindset out of the 1950's and try living a minute in your shoes. (Now this is a flame!)

 

Bravo!

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All you had to do was say stop motherfucker why don’t you have a condom on. I did it she was to do it and not say nothing shows that either you are lying or you wanted it to happen and then when it did you wanted to act like you didn’t know what was going on. If I was your husband I would be pissed off at you and not really at him because you are the one that felt that he didn’t have a condom on and then you did Hand check to see if he had a Condom on. I’m trying to figure out why your husband is having a fit spoke with him and then start on you with the what the hell is going on with you. The fact that you didn’t say nothing shows that you should not be swinging because just moving around and saying nothing and alerting everybody in the room that he’s doing something wrong shows me that maybe you really didn’t think it was wrong until you figure it out oh my goodness my husband’s gonna find out

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