Can a straight couple swing?

[javelin 15]

I am sure this sounds funny, so let me explain. We are fairly new the swing thing, with our first exposure in 2002. It was then I noticed that swinging appears to be all about the women. The bi-girl thing seems to be what connects most couples initially, then if the guys are lucky, they can join in.

 

Well, that seems to work just fine, unless your lady is not bi at all. My lady has no interest in other women, and does not like to flirt with other women. She has been flirted with, and each time she went along with it, to please me, we hit it off with the other couple, soft swing only, and only twice. However, she has decided the girl-girl thing is not her bag. So, on a recent trip to a swingers resort, we were kind of left sitting on the sidelines, while the obvious girl-girl initiated hookups ran wild around us. It seems girls can sense that my wife is not interested and basically avoided us. My attempts to make friends with the other guys, were always cut short by the girls cutting in and taking over the moment.

 

So, back to the question, can a non bi sexual female based couple get into the swing of things, or is it a lost cause.

[frenzb4sex 15]

Yes, you are correct that many couples prefer the woman to be bi. Yes, a lot of couples seem to be in it for the women only. However, there are several of these couples that, as long as you are honest about your intent, they won't push it at all. We have on our profile that my wife is in it primarily for the man only--if the women hit it off, fine, but that it just something that happens with her every so often. And no one--not one couple that we have met--has been overly anxious about the bi thing--and I believe it's because we were honest up front about it.

 

I believe if you are clear from the start, the couples that contact you will not have an issue at all. It is definitely not a lost cause at all.

 

Tim

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Mrs naughty is straight. She has had an occasional encounter or two with woman half of a couple but it is definately men she wants to get it from. We have noticed, like you have, there is much girl on girl at swinger clubs. Mrs naughty does do some girl on girl play at he clubs but it is all very soft. But at the end of the night we will either be leaving with a single male or a couple. If we leave with a couple it will be a heterosexual swap when we get back to where ever it is we are staying.

 

Of course if we leave with a single male the evening will also be completely heterosexual.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Red is as straight as they get, and it hasn't held us back at all. In fact we find that many couples who advertise the fem bi/curious are actually happy to leave that bit out.

 

OTOH we have just found several couples with straights fems, much to everybody's surprise. Spoke with one on the phone this morning. All looks very promising, even though they are an hour and a half away.

 

So javelin, keep at it! We're sure you'll find what you are looking for!

[mrbandsatl 18]

S is straight and we have never had a problem meeting and playing with great couples -- and singles for that matter. There was a time when she would not touch another woman but over a long time, she has learned to enjoy more interaction with women which has surprised me. But honestly, it has never been an issue, one way or another.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Mrs Spoomonkey has had a couple of experiences, but it's not her number one thing. When the mood is right and the woman is right, she can definitely explore her "bi-friendly" side.

 

I was sort of surprised when it first happened. I have a story about her first kiss with another woman waiting to be posted on the stories board. The next time it happened, I was occupied with a single female when I looked over and saw Mrs Spoomonkey and the female half of the other couple in the room werereally enjoying each other.

 

I actually thought that these experiences would turn her completely and openly bi - but they haven't. In fact, she is now VERY picky about whom she will explore with.

 

Primarily, we look for straight couples for play - and we've had no problems finding couples that are completely straight or will play completely straight. Hang in there! Straight folks aren't just a myth!

 

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I am staight. I have had encounters during play with couples but it was more of an 'in the moment' type of thing. I enjoyed the experience but prefer men first and foremost.

 

We don't usually have trouble hooking up with couples for straight play. Like everyone has indicated if your up front with a couple to begin with it usually isn't a problem.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

In our profile it says I am bi, but I am not sure how to describe myself. I have only had a few experiences & I enjoyed them, but that is not what we are after. If the female of the couple we are gonna play with isn't bi, it is no big deal to me. I enjoyed being with a woman, but I definitley prefer a man. I think you will find as you are looking for couples to play with, maost females will say that they are bi, but do not have to have any girl/girl action. Just as many guys in couples say that they are bi but don't have to have guy/guy action.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Posted by hotcouple:

 

In our profile it says I am bi, but I am not sure how to describe myself. I have only had a few experiences & I enjoyed them, but that is not what we are after. If the female of the couple we are gonna play with isn't bi, it is no big deal to me. I enjoyed being with a woman, but I definitley prefer a man.

 

That is exactly how Mrs naughty looks at it. We had bi-curious in our profile but changed it to straight because when we got together with a couple she would sometimes feel pressured, usualy by the male half of the other couple, for some bi action.

 

Thats not what she is about. If it happens it happens. it usualy doesnt but occasionaly does. if ANY pressure is there at all it DEFINATELY is NOT going to happen.

 

 

We left a line in our profile saying she has had soft sex with other woman. So they know it might be a possibility but not an absolute.

[good times 991]

It looks like our experiances parrallel most evryone here. Mrs. is not bi but most of the couples we have played with the female was bi, we just didn't go there when we played. We have only had mrs. not being bi be a deal ender once or twice that I can recall. And that is fine with us, if that is primarily what the other couple is into then we are obviously not compatable. But I haven't noticed it to be the problem that you suggest.

[javelin 15]

Thanks for the insights but I think the thread took a different turn than I expected. In a club or at a resort like Hedo, it seems real easy for couple to hook up when the girls are bi. Basically the girls start with each other, say just flirting or dancing, and that brings the couples together rather easily. What goes on from there is same as any couple I would imagine. My question was more about the initial meeting, my wife and I are both horrible small talkers. She is not going to flirt with women or guys, just not who she is. So, it seems like while other couples are meeting each other via the girl-girl thing, we are left out of the mix. I try to introduce ourselves to the male side of the couples, but inevitably, the female side is already making that girl-girl connection and I don't stand a chance. Am I making any sense here, or perhaps I just need to learn some better interpersonal skills, which I will admit I lack severely. I think we are both attractive, but I don't like sports, or stocks, so small talk with other guys tends to be brief.

[Spoomonkey 421]

She is not going to flirt with women or guys, just not who she is. So, it seems like while other couples are meeting each other via the girl-girl thing, we are left out of the mix. I try to introduce ourselves to the male side of the couples, but inevitably, the female side is already making that girl-girl connection and I don't stand a chance. Am I making any sense here, or perhaps I just need to learn some better interpersonal skills, which I will admit I lack severely.

 

I think the key to meeting people at the lifestyle is being open, confident and playful - and, yes, flirty. What I am reading here is that maybe the problem is really that you guys aren't going in and connecting with people.

 

I can relate - I am a lousy small talker (as people probably picked up on at the MidWest meet up) but Mrs Spoomonkey is a really great people person. She flirts, chit-chats, etc. But I haven't experienced what you are saying as far as it being the two women flirting that gets the ball rolling. Usually, it is just the two more personable parts of the couple who end up chatting and clicking.

 

If it weren't for her, I'd probably get lost in the couch coushins.

 

I can be very flirty when I am in the mood, but I warm up pathetically slow.

 

I am not sure that the problem is bi-women, but not really knowing how to approach people - or maybe how to appear approachable. I think that I am very much this way, so I can relate (I think).

 

Spoomonkey

[De and Ci 19]

We had the same concerns you did when starting out. Like the other couples here, My wife prefers the guys big time, but will play around with the women-its mainly for show-though she does enjoy it because it turns on the guys. Again, its about the guys even when she's acting bi.

When we first started going out, the aggressively bi-women made my wife uncomfortable. As time went on she got used to it and learned to tactfully communicate her limits to the women. Just take it easy with your wife-most likely she'll get used to it, you may want to remind her that guys love bi-women and if she plays around a bit with another woman-it will get the guys off. Also, If you keep going out, you'll start to figure out which couples are bi just for show-there are more than you think. I'm not much into sports or stocks either-just relax, be patient, and keep trying-you'll get the hang of the small talk thing and learn to transition from small to big talk.

 

As for ourselves, it took us nearly a year of going out before we played with anyone else. We also only play with other couples and we would play with single men if our club would friggin' allow them in. They used to allow them on fri nights but changed the rules before we came out of our shell-but that's another story:)

[mrs good times 73]

I think I understand where you are coming from as I asked a similar question here some time ago. Generally in clubs it is the women that set up the action because it is easy for men to come across as pushy. While we have no problem meeting people I am not good at closing the deal and another woman will come into the picture and we end up standing by the wayside very quickly. I don't really think it has anything to do with being bi or straight it is the default etiquette at clubs for the women to make the decision wether or not to "get together".

[Chemistry_0518 20]

At best, when a label is required, I would have to consider My Little Princess to be "passive bi". (But then when it really comes down to it I suppose that the same could apply to me!) Since anyone that we have contacted knows right off our situation, it has beenof little consequence overall. In a group there are situations where that would sort of "leave us out", but for the most psrt that has not created a serious problem since we have always benn able to find enough like-minded people, or at least people with whom that has not been an issue.

 

So please don't let what you see as the "majority" put a damper on your fun. There are enough people out there who will appreciate you as you are and enjoy it.

[NealnAnji 30]

It is good to know that the bi-feamle thing is not as forbidding as it sounds. We have noticed that in the majority of swinger ads the female is billed as at leat bi-curious if not bi. This bi things turns her off completely since she is staright. She does enjoy being friends with women; just does not like to engage in sexual intimacy with women. For both of us the erotic fun, foreplay (tongue play on vaginal lips or her clit) and the ultimate act of intercourse, with the man's penis in the lady's vagina , is a strictly male/female hetero act for sexual fulfillment.

[wildchld97 19]

Sometimes I find that advertising that I'm "bisexual" tends to actually limit our activites with strictly hetero couples. Sometimes when we've met a couple who are completely strait and I tell them that I'm bi...they seem to have recoiled in fear. It's as if the knowledge of what I'm *capable* of doing to the female is too much for them to handle psychologically....regardless if I assure them that I won't do anything that makes either one of them uncomfortable.

 

We have had many wonderful experiences with strait couples. We let them know up front what we're into and they let us know what they're into...and more importantly what they're not. We ended up same room swapping and occasionally same bed...no touching between the women. It's just a matter of communication IMHO.

[ratimadan 75]

Judging by a great majority of the the ads (where the female is billed as bisexual), it seems that many couples think of a bisexual female as an asset in attracting other couples to swing. Since this (bisexuality) may limit attracting hetero couples, it may be best to downplay this aspect when approaching other couples through ads or in person. After deciding to swing, during the preliminaries, i.e., foreplay, etc., one could casually bring up the topic to gauge the reaction of the other couple. If they accept that is fine, if not, very little is lost since the couples can swap mates for strictly heterosexual play followed by intercourse.

[Chemistry_0518 20]

Wildchild, we have never had a problem with a woman who has stated that she is bisexual, and we have had more than a couple of wonderful meetings in that regard. We have ONLY had a problem with one guy who suddenly decided to "confess" that HE was bi and hoped that I (the male) wouldn't mind. THAT sucks! (no pun intended)

[xxoticangel 99]

We have always advertised Angel as "bi" since she has had some very good expierences with other women and is open to another. On a scale with 0 being completely straight and 100 being completey lesbian/gay she rates herself as 5-10% lesbian.

There have been a couple of couples (sounds weird) that were not interested when they learned that she has been with other women. We have even been to an event where girl/girl contact was discouraged. On the other hand we have had delightful times with couples that were only interested in girl/girl play. The guys watched and when the girls were satisfied we joined in.

[MIbbwcpl 67]

I can't see why hetero's can't swing. I'm bi, but most of the thrill for dh and myself is seeing the other with another person. Yes, g/g did get us into our first experience, but thats not what it's all about.

[javelin 15]

I got such a nice response to my "Can a Hetro couple swing" question that I would like to pose a followup question.

 

We have little experience in the swing scene, only soft play with two couples a few times over the course of almost three years. (We are kind of picky, so finding the right combination is hard.) Anyway, I have had the opportunity to meet many couples who swing, and observe many others at such places as on-premise clubs, Hedo3, Desire Resort, etc. Again, I say that in the majority of cases, it is the bisexual girl who enables the initial contact between couples. Yes I know there are expections, but in my experience this has dominated the scene.

 

Now, in our case, with a non-bi wife, I tend to be the front man for our couple, but it seems that in the majority of cases it is the woman who is the front person for the couple. When I have met and kept in contact with couples, it is 90% of time with the female side. The male side seems very passive. Whereas in our couple, the female side is very passive. This does make me feel a bit uncomfortable, as I think guys should talk to guys and girls to girls, but that has not been my experience.

 

So, the followup, finally, in bi-girl couples is the guy usually passive? This has presented something of a problem for us as my wife is passive, so usually the female side of the other couple and I hit it off, while the male side of the other couple and my wife seem oblivious to each other. Both being passive that seems to make perfect sense, but has made "hooking" up almost difficult for us. I guess my wife wants a good looking guy, with a personality who is outgoing and somewhat agressive. And we are finding predominately bi-girl couples with passive male counterparts.

 

Don't mean to label anyone, or piss anyone off, as I said this has been our experience now over the course of a couple years. Am I unusually unlucky, or handicapped by a passive non-bi wife.

 

Thanks for any thoughtful replies.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

I would like to meet the couples you have met! Most of the couples we have met it is always the guy talking all the time. We hardly ever get to talk to the girl.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It really varies. I have to agree with HotCoupleGnS tho, in most couples we met it was the male half of the other couple that was outgoing and me talking while the other wife and my hubby (at the time) melted into the walls. I think that's really part of the 4party click that has to happen. You have to find another couple where all 4 of you can click together and have some chemistry.... and they are out there.

[javelin 15]

Weird how it seems for us it has always been one way. Glad to hear that is maybe not the general case. Thanks.

[Joe_Ang 15]

I would like to meet the couples you have met! Most of the couples we have met it is always the guy talking all the time. We hardly ever get to talk to the girl.

 

I definately have to Dito this. I would love more aggresive women, I figured we were different than the norm as I am passive, (but talk online more) and Ang is definately the aggressor. I bet two years is frustrating, but three years hasn't fostered too many of aggr. woman, shy male for us. Just figured it was part of the ongoing difficulty to match 4 people.

 

Joe

[Eroica 15]

In our case it depends on the other couple. With one of our close couple friends it was me (the husband) and the other couple's wife who initially communicated. One night in a club, in a different situation, it was my wife who initiated contact with another woman and me and the other husband who "went with the flow". So, based on our experience, either of us can be the aggressive one depending on the people and situation. However, in group parties where most the women are bi, it is pretty much the women dictating the flow.

[Wifeenjoysbigge 22]

You need to communicate what you are looking for and what your comfortable doing before hand. Everyone need to know the other limitations and respect them

[JessicaJamison 861]

On 6/17/2004 at 10:41 PM, javelin said:

can a non bi sexual female based couple get into the swing of things, or is it a lost cause.

Of course, I am bisexual but there have been plenty of times my husband and I have swapped with another couple and I never touched her other than a quick hug at the end of the night.  Not all bi women want to put on shows, I prefer my Sapphic time to be without an audience, and I still love dick, so I don't have to get a taste.