How many people have you had intercourse with?
How many people have you had intercourse with?
1,594 members have voted
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By RRTpilot6969
My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does.
I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story…
I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement.
She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action).
My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while.
But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…]
It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication.
Another occasion, she initiated and for once acted like a sex goddess one night we stayed at a friend's house after drinks, wouldn’t let me get up without fucking her, she was vocal, passionate, wild, it was incredible…but she did have some drinks in her. Another - she tried to get me to have sex in a public bathroom when we were out with a bunch of friends once (work friends mind you), which I wasn’t really into and said no…which she got upset and accused me of swinging but I wouldn’t do that with her…caught me off guard a little and made me wonder her real intent for wanting to in the first place, testing me or truly acting on exhibitionism impulse.
With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not.
I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet.
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By bellissima
We met with a couple at a club that we had been chatting with and we clicked and decided to play. When it came down to the protection part, I guess we hadn't chatted about it before then, but we found out that they normally don't use it. Of course they agreed to with us. No protection is a deal breaker for us. What I'm now wondering is if you wouldn't play with someone who doesn't use protection all the time?
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By km34
Last Thursday I went to a local club. I'd been there before with my husband, but this time I went with, well, I honestly don't know what to call him. Friend-ish person is usually how I refer to him.
So, Friend-ish and I go to the club. It's a great night to be there, enough people to make it fun without it being crazy crowded. Very nice. We're hanging out in the hot tub (one of the main reasons we decided to go) and a bunch of people assume we're "together" until I start talking about hubby or he starts talking about his live-in partner or my boyfriend comes up in conversation. Then we get the look. The confused, "I'm not entirely sure what's going on here" look. So we explain we're poly, that we are somewhere in between being friends and being in a relationship, touch briefly on how our relationships work, and say life is great. One of two things seemed to happen. Either people were very much okay with this concept and it made perfect sense OR they were completely confused/not feeling it and felt the need to wander away. Almost immediately.
Where I live, poly is VERY common. Open relationships in general are practically considered "normal" (at least in my age bracket, 20s-30s). Because of this, I wasn't expecting much discomfort/confusion when poly came up. HOWEVER, I still felt uncomfortable just bringing it up out of nowhere! Part of me felt like it wasn't pertinent (I mean, really - I wasn't even there to play so why do people need to know?) but another part of me thinks that this is part of who I am and I should LEARN to be comfortable talking about it, regardless of my intent when conversing with people.
I guess I just wanted to ramble on about this for a while, and ask a very simple question.
Is it pertinent? When you're talking to someone at a swing club (or party or whatever), would you want/need to know if they are with their ONLY partner or just one of a few? If yes, why is that information important? Do other poly folks make it clear when they are meeting potential playmates?
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By OhioCouple
Virginity....I know for me I sort of have to scratch my head and try to remember what virginity was....
Where did you lose your virginity? (no need to mention age here)
I lost mine in the back seat of a '66 Rambler Classic to my boyfriend at the time, soon to become the father of my children.
We parked that baby (and she was a beauty) on a back dusty road right above a dirt covered mound, beneath the stars, no trees, no brush, no grass. It was really cold outstide so we left the motor running in order to have heat. We were one with the earth in the middle of nowhere.....so we thought...
Right in the middle of when things were getting really heated, and I mean REALLY heated, there was a rap on the car window (shoulda been a sign right then and there). The county Sheriff was tapping with his flashlight on our rear window. He had been called out to investigate the noise on top of the complaintants home. We were atop the first underground home built in our area!
Back then they didn't arrest you for these kind of things, they just insured you left the area. And leave we did! We found another spot a county over in a state park and there I lost it.
Geesh what fond memories I have of that night....of the Rambler that is...
So where did you lose yours?
Lori
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By JustAskJulie
People sharing what questions they ask about potential playmates and sexual history has led to some very interesting thoughts and discussions. The one I found most interesting was the idea of "wild" people are not safe. Which of course led to the discussion of what constitutes being "wild". How many partners does it take for you to decide ok this person just has had too many partners for me to feel safe with them.
Are there other issues that constitute wild? At what point do you feel that you just can't trust your sexual health in the "hands" of this person or people?
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