Dryness

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

Menopause brings on change in a woman’s life and sexual being. Menopause has allowed us to have fun without the fear of pregnancy fully aware that pregnancy isn’t the only fear we have. A personal note, I have always been well lubricated naturally during sex. Rocky has made comments how wet I would get. Oral sex would leave him with a shining wet face, a thing we would laugh about. Never thought about any pain on insertion. I never had problems alone or with a toy except a wet spot on the bed. 

My body is changing, not my desires. I noticed my own lubrication has changed. It hasn’t been a major problem just a change I figure goes along with hot flashes. 

I recently experienced some pain from the dryness on penetration that alleviated during sex which caused concern.  

I am thinking about lubricants and gels. Any advice? I know about KY but being honest how do you use it?

[Billygoat 443]

We keep Astroglide liquid and Astroglide gel on our night stands.  We do not need to use all the time (Queen has had menopause and is mostly through it except for occasional hot flashes) but do when we need to.  If She wants a quick first plunge, all in all at once (something she really enjoys) I most always use the jell on me first.

 

We are still very active at the club but she has backed way off on playing.  Just has lost her interest.  But we personally are still very active with each other.  Normally a daily activity for us.  Although the playful hour of fun playing with each other has all but stopped.  Menopause.  She used to be very active. Almost too regularly out of control. but in a good way.  Now, rarely.  But we are very sexual with each other.

 

It all seems different woman to woman.

[lcmim 1,082]

We have had the same issues. There are many good water base and silicone lubes there. Experimentation is necessary. They vary as to lasting power, taste, possibly allergic reaction. We have sampled some from friends as a starter. 

 

One other issue that you may get also. The vaginal tissues can start to thin a bit. This can cause minor tearing. There are some good prescription treatments for that. If you OB/Gyn is too focused on the baby making end of things that probably will not change. It might be time to shop around a bit.

[PeterJ 948]

On 5/22/2022 at 7:51 AM, ROCKlandCpl said:

Menopause brings on change in a woman’s life and sexual being. Menopause has allowed us to have fun without the fear of pregnancy fully aware that pregnancy isn’t the only fear we have. A personal note, I have always been well lubricated naturally during sex. Rocky has made comments how wet I would get. Oral sex would leave him with a shining wet face, a thing we would laugh about. Never thought about any pain on insertion. I never had problems alone or with a toy except a wet spot on the bed. 

My body is changing, not my desires. I noticed my own lubrication has changed. It hasn’t been a major problem just a change I figure goes along with hot flashes. 

I recently experienced some pain from the dryness on penetration that alleviated during sex which caused concern.  

I am thinking about lubricants and gels. Any advice? I know about KY but being honest how do you use it?

 

Kathy and I are in our mid-‘70s and still have six regularly — intercourse four or five times a week. For at least the past decade we have used lubes for penetration. After trying a number of alternatives Kathy has settled on good old KY personal lube.
 

After a bit if foreplay and as I prepare to enter her, Kathy squeezes out about an inch from the tube onto her finger and reaches into her vagina to spread it around. Then she squeezes a bit more onto her fingers and applies it to the head and shaft of my penis. She has a pleasingly tight vagina and my erect penis is on the wide side, but she almost never experiences even a twinge of discomfort as I enter. And on the very rare occasions that occurs I just stop pressing in momentarily. 

 

I haven’t had sex with anyone else since the onset of the pandemic, but before that I attended parties where I had intercourse with numerous women, most of them middle-aged or "young" elderly. By my observation a wise concession to having intercourse with older vaginas is to thrust a bit gently — hard pounding often causes discomfort for a woman — and not to carry on for too long. More than ten minutes of thrusting, even gently, is likely to cause an older woman discomfort. With Kathy, who prefers to orgasm with a vibrator, I ask her periodically if she’s ready for me to cum. When she says yes, I do so quickly.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Greetings and thanks for bringing up such an important topic. What follows is general commentary and not medical advice, so see your healthcare professional for personal care. With that disclaimer, I speak as a physician who has seen the problem inside and outside the LS. 
 

1. The advice on plenty of lubricant is correct. I recommend—and we use—only natural product lubricant (see for example the Sliquid organic products) that are unflavored etc.  We also recommend and use “lube launcher” to make sure that the entire vaginal vault is well coated.  Yes, it makes that much difference. 
 

2. Hormonal changes are inevitable. Provided that you have no contraindications, you have access to local or systemic treatments. Some women look at the risk benefit ratio of systemic hormone replacement therapy and choose it, at least for a while. Others go directly to local (topical) therapy, either estrogen cream or the estrogen “ring”. The creams are introduced into the vagina with an “applicator”. While they work, they can be messy. The “ring” can be thought of as a soft silicone ring that releases a small amount of estrogen continuously for 90 days. 
 

Again, this is a matter of conversation with your healthcare provider. Our personal experience started with an HRT product called tibolone that had especially favorable properties (a “side effect” is that it tends to increase libido). After a decade or so, we thought it was time to go off HRT. We tried the estrogen cream, it was too messy and inhibited spontaneity. The ring has been perfect. Soreness is gone, vaginal tissues have recovered their lush texture, wetness, and sweet taste. Adjacent vulvar tissues are also less prone to cracking. 
 

Bottom line, see your healthcare professional. Do not be embarrassed. You are in the vast majority of women who want to continue enjoying sex but face normal aging changes. This issue constitutes a large fraction of post menopausal OB/GYN practices and is fairly easily addressed to everyone’s satisfaction. 
 

 

[HHgirl 22]

Oh my goodness thank you for starting this conversation.  This is me.  I am having problems with dryness issues.  Hubby and I have been married for 34 years and for most of the time I have had a sex drive of a sex addict.  I had a partial hysterectomy (uterus taken out) about 12 years ago and the dryness situation is just now hitting me.  I still have a good sex drive but it makes me fear some of the things that visually turn me on (like large penises or large dildoes.....or large penis sleeves)   

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

It’s a commentary on the vanilla world that  such conversations are not commonplace. There are simple and effective treatments. 
 

Many women also report in menopause that they develop itching and burning around the vulva and in the natal cleft (aka butt crack). This too can be a consequence of hormone changes but may require some different topical therapies including antifungal and antiinflammatory (corticosteroid) treatments. 
 

 

[AndrewandAnn 360]

On 5/22/2022 at 7:51 AM, ROCKlandCpl said:

Menopause brings on change in a woman’s life and sexual being. Menopause has allowed us to have fun without the fear of pregnancy fully aware that pregnancy isn’t the only fear we have. A personal note, I have always been well lubricated naturally during sex. Rocky has made comments how wet I would get. Oral sex would leave him with a shining wet face, a thing we would laugh about. Never thought about any pain on insertion. I never had problems alone or with a toy except a wet spot on the bed. 
My body is changing, not my desires. I noticed my own lubrication has changed. It hasn’t been a major problem just a change I figure goes along with hot flashes. 
I recently experienced some pain from the dryness on penetration that alleviated during sex which caused concern.  
I am thinking about lubricants and gels. Any advice? I know about KY but being honest how do you use it?

Schedule a visit with your OB/GYN. She/he is extremely familiar with your situation (something shared by millions of women!)  and can offer you all manner of possible solutions or combined solutions, from something as simple as the use of various lubricants during sex to hormone replacement therapies.

 

Concerning the subject of lubricants, there are many, many options available to you, depending upon your needs, desires, tastes (figuratively and literally), and so on. Lubricants come in three general varieties: oil-based, water-based, and silicone-based. Also, there are hybrids that contain some of each. Each form of lubricant has its own particular properties and advantages and disadvantages.

 

You should note not all lubricants are created equal, and some have certain properties that can have a particular effects of which you should be aware. For example, some women prefer the use of all natural, oil-based lubricants. While these have certain advantages over other forms of artificial lubricants, one downside is they degrade petroleum-based latex (latex comes in two forms, actual rubber from rubber trees and the more common petroleum-based) products. This is important because most condoms, many dildos, and other sex products, are often made from petroleum-based latex or latex derivatives.

 

Likewise, silicone-based lubricants can damage silicone-based sex toys which are becoming far more popular and plentiful.

 

Ann and I literally have an entire drawer full of various lubricants we use depending up what kind of play we are engaging in, various toys we might be using, and so on. These range from surgical jellies (e.g., KY) to silicone lubricants to all- natural lubricants like olive oil, sunflower oil, and non-hydrogenated coconut oil.

 

Experiment and have some fun!

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

On 5/23/2022 at 12:15 PM, AndrewandAnn said:

Schedule a visit with your OB/GYN. She/he is extremely familiar with your situation (something shared by millions of women!)  and can offer you all manner of possible solutions or combined solutions, from something as simple as the use of various lubricants during sex to hormone replacement therapies.

I’m good at keeping my appointments at the Dr. She’s awesome going over my changes. We discussed the pros and cons of HRT and decided to hold off unless I need it. We talked about my body and how things will possibly  change over time. Until recently my symptoms have been minimal, even the flashes my friends talk about have not been a major thing. It’s funny that I heard sex will decrease with the changes except for us it opened us up to explore with one less thing to worry about. I know I have been on birth control so pregnancy was barely possible. I was watching Maury on a program and laughed about swingers going on and hearing “you are the father”.  Sex has anything but diminished for me. Since swinging and joining the Swingersboard I am think more about sex not less. 

Dryness had not been an issue really. I think between my natural secretion and Rocky’s saliva I guess there wasn’t a problem. I first became aware of any problems by myself with a toy. My normal toy is not inserted so never noticed. When another toy started to hurt I just didn’t insert it, I don’t need to. Alone I started to think about the tube of KY was doctor gave me a few years ago, broke the seal and put it on the toy. I was thinking too much about the KY when I didn’t want to. 

I never thought of natural, water based, or what a lube should be. We have a flavored lube that we only played with for taste and fun not for the lubricant. 

Middle aged and I didn’t know about lubes. Put it on him or in me. How much do I use and do I put it all the way deep in me. 

 

On 5/22/2022 at 12:41 PM, Fundamental Law said:

The advice on plenty of lubricant is correct. I recommend—and we use—only natural product lubricant (see for example the Sliquid organic products) that are unflavored etc.  We also recommend and use “lube launcher” to make sure that the entire vaginal vault is well coated.  Yes, it makes that much difference. 

I didn’t know a “lube launcher”. We are going to order one. Sliquid being organic is on the list. I heard about Astrolube but only for anal not that we do that much. 
 

Since posting I’m doing more searching on the internet. My emails are now being filled with too much info, damn cookies know everything. Maybe I should become full lesbian and not worry so much. 
 

Thank you for the advice and for being my personal WebMd. 

[AndrewandAnn 360]

ROCKlandCpl, thank you for sharing your story and experiences.

 

One thing I'd like to mention is the fact that, culturally, we seem to have accepted the predictable changes that happen with women as they age, and modern medicine has appropriately responded to their needs.

 

Unfortunately, "male menopause", as it has been labeled, is a real thing, too, but gets far less attention. Yes, erectile disfunction (ED) medicines (e.g., sildenafil, tadalafil, vardenafil, etc.) are quite prevalent today. However, they are either not effective, or of limited effect, for many men whose problems are more related to declining levels of testosterone rather than diminished blood flow. And sexual side-effects of low testosterone are only the tip of the iceberg. Low testosterone negatively effects everything from bone density and muscle mass to cognitive function (i.e., memory, spatial abilities, mathematical reasoning, so on) to diminished heart health, sexual function and satisfaction, and diminished mood.

 

Testosterone in males naturally declines with age. The problem is medical science really doesn't have a firm understanding of how much of a decline in testosterone is considered normal versus abnormal? One reliable study says that anywhere from 20-40% of "older men" (those aged 65 and older) have abnormally low testosterone levels, a condition described as hypogonadism. Note there are approximately 13 million "older men" in the US, so hypogonadism is something that effects anywhere from 2.6 to 5.2 million men. It's a serious health concern. And with an aging population, the concern is only going to grow.

 

But, medical science is conflicted on this subject. Why? Unfortunately, testosterone therapy is not risk-free. While there are many benefits to testosterone therapy, there are many potential negative side-effects, some quite severe and include increased risk for prostate cancer, blood clots, and can worsen conditions like sleep apnea. These potential side-effects are severe enough the Endocrine Society generally recommends against prescribing testosterone to men aged 65 and older with low testosterone concentrations. One of there reasons for this recommendation is because common testing methodology for low testosterone is notoriously unreliable and often results in otherwise healthy men being prescribed testosterone, while others with genuine hypogonadism go untreated.

 

If possible symptoms of male menopause are a concern, the best recommendation is to work with a Board Certified medical doctor who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of health concerns for aging men. If you do not have access to that level of care, start a conversation with your regular family doctor.

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

On 5/25/2022 at 9:10 AM, AndrewandAnn said:

Unfortunately, "male menopause", as it has been labeled, is a real thing, too, but gets far less attention.

TBH I haven’t given much thought to that. We all see ads on TV concerning ED so of course it has to be a problem. Men age just like everyone else with changes to their bodies. Testosterone and prostate problems are just a few aging problems. I think bladder problems are more a female problem then I know older men are peeing often. Diabetes also causes erection problems. 

I looked at the Blue Pill as a sex enhancer even it was developed for other reasons. For now Rocky doesn’t need the help as we are still on the younger side for male problems. I don’t think he needs the aid of a drug even if he thinks it makes think he is super stud when he takes one. 
Happy to share your experiences on this post, it is equally important to female menopause. A good discussion of important issues related to real life situations is what keeps me reading posts. 

 

[oldswinger64 111]

There are those, like my wife, who have pain during insertion of anything, even a finger after menopause.  We still do oral and cum in other ways, but intercourse is not an option.

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

3 hours ago, oldswinger64 said:

There are those, like my wife, who have pain during insertion of anything, even a finger after menopause.  We still do oral and cum in other ways, but intercourse is not an option.

Researching all the side effects I see this is not uncommon. I figure the advice we are being given applies to you too. If we got to that point swinging would be out and what you are doing would have to be the way to go. I hope it never gets to that, luckily both of us enjoy oral. 

[lcmim 1,082]

 

oldswinger, I trust that you two pursued all the medical possibilities.

[oldswinger64 111]

We have looked at all the options.  As a breast cancer survivor, hormone replacement therapies are not a good option.  On the other hand, it does put sexual play, both with each other and with others in perspective.  Her health is more important than play.  And swinging is a great memory.

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

On 5/26/2022 at 7:19 AM, oldswinger64 said:

We have looked at all the options.  As a breast cancer survivor, hormone replacement therapies are not a good option.  On the other hand, it does put sexual play, both with each other and with others in perspective.  Her health is more important than play.  And swinging is a great memory.

We used the lube launcher at home and it was way more comfortable and messy but so what. 

On a funny note I wrote someone privately and now I’ll share. Preparing for our first use of the launcher my wonderful sweet terrific hilarious husband launched the lube in my butt. Not wanting to waste I let him make use of something we hardly ever do. 

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

Thank you all for letting me discuss my problem. Sex talk with my friends were more jokes and less real situations. I know many women have the same questions just not discussing. Thinking about our friends having sex was not a major thought before. I might have thought to myself how did she have sex with him not what acts they did. Only recently in my new sexual awakening did I confide to a close friend my new found sexual curiosity. We have both now taken new sexual exploration steps. This has led to open discussions about our personal sexcapades. I had no idea that she has been using lubrication most of her life. It has been part of her sex life even as a teen. Had no idea. 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

23 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

Thank you all for letting me discuss my problem. Sex talk with my friends were more jokes and less real situations.

That's what we are here for!  Glad (but not surprised) you got some great responses and info.

 

Sad but true, I think it's probably even worse with guys.  mrs cplnuswing is blessed to have one female friend that they share everything without shame or awkwardness, so that helps.

 

Like others have said, you are not alone. Partial hysterectomy in the past and post-menopausal here.  The hysterectomy seemed to have no effect whatsoever on the always very wet mrs. cplnuswing, but when menopause came along, definite effects.  We tried the ring and it just didn't work well for her, probably because of the anatomical changes with the hysterectomy I suspect. Certainly not any anatomical problem or anything you feel during intercourse, but the ring just never felt "right".  Did hormone replacement (tried both pills and inserts if I remember correctly) for several years then thought it was time for a break from that. We've tried a handful of different lubes, Astroglide, coconut oil Pink, KY, and some others I don't remember. They work, KY probably being our favorite, but they all seemed to give her UTIs.  I mean like every time we have sex UTIs.  Very frustrating and no fun!  That was as recent as six month ago and it was definitely putting a damper on our sex life. The pee before and after sex, etc. etc. didn't help.  So, we cut out the lube, take more time with foreplay, she has worked to reduce the stress in her life, and she takes some type of cranberry pills daily that were recommended by her physician.  All of that seems to have made a big difference.  She's not the always horny always wet she was at 20, 30, 40 but I'm not the always horny same endurance or drive I was at 20, 30, 40 either, so we still fit together pretty good

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

On 6/11/2022 at 9:33 AM, ROCKlandCpl said:

Thank you all for letting me discuss my problem. Sex talk with my friends were more jokes and less real situations. I know many women have the same questions just not discussing. Thinking about our friends having sex was not a major thought before. I might have thought to myself how did she have sex with him not what acts they did. Only recently in my new sexual awakening did I confide to a close friend my new found sexual curiosity. We have both now taken new sexual exploration steps. This has led to open discussions about our personal sexcapades. I had no idea that she has been using lubrication most of her life. It has been part of her sex life even as a teen. Had no idea. 

Sex is so much a part of the human experience that it is surprising the extent to which it remains a taboo subject. It's worth pausing and reflecting on just *why* conversation about sex is relegated to whispers in ordinary life, and how it got to be that way. 

Edited June 12, 2022 by Fundamental Law
grammar

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

13 hours ago, cplnuswing said:

That's what we are here for!  Glad (but not surprised) you got some great responses and info.

 

 

Indeed. What's surprising is the reluctance to have such conversations in the vanilla world.  "Sex Ed" is part of grade school; shouldn't it be part of continuing education over the lifespan? Anyone *not* interested in having better sexual health? At every age? 

[ROCKlandCpl 451]

19 hours ago, Fundamental Law said:

Indeed. What's surprising is the reluctance to have such conversations in the vanilla world.  "Sex Ed" is part of grade school; shouldn't it be part of continuing education over the lifespan? Anyone *not* interested in having better sexual health? At every age? 

Not sure if sex Ed is taught in grade school or middle school. I only have a slight memory of reproduction and biology. I learned much more from my mom when I got my first period. Sperm from a man and an egg from a woman, STD, body changes, nothing about pleasure, nothing about clitoris or erections. Absolutely nothing about oral sex. 

 

19 hours ago, Fundamental Law said:

It's worth pausing and reflecting on just *why* conversation about sex is relegated to whispers in ordinary life, and how it got to be that way.

Sex talk was more when I was younger. Girls talked about sex, their firsts, my firsts. I learned much more from friends when I was younger, school very little. Memory of sex talk with friends faded as we became more sexual and disappeared at marriage. 
 

From what I hear on the news the little we learned in grade school is diminishing in today’s education regarding sex, sexuality, and to go further, and history. Instead of a time of enlightenment we are banning discussion. 

[anna45 0]

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