Advice for new swingers

[samandtammi 99]

Friends of ours (who know we are swingers) have told us they would like to swing.  We do not want to swing with them (for many reasons).  We directed them to this board for some information and advice and suggested trying a local swing club.

 

What advice would you give them?

[njbm 2,904]

Join SLS, start with meet and greets.  

[cplnluv1 874]

We were the conduit to two friends who were both new to swinging. The first couple we met was in a very common way for many looking for meeting like minded people. The second was in a tricky way for them. Both women were good friends that discussed swinging and didn’t want to be the first for each other. Unbeknownst to me the second was a member of my gym and I now joke that she stalked me. Her friend knew I belonged to that gym and suggested her friend look me up. I understood the first couple’s hesitation in being a first for her friend. 
I think it would be best to find someone not being a friend for a first and once comfortable in swinging go back to the original friend. 
 

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Search is their friend as well. There are plenty of reasons not to swing with friends, and they have been posted numerous times, but the best one is that you don't seem interested.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

3 hours ago, samandtammi said:

Friends of ours (who know we are swingers) have told us they would like to swing.  We do not want to swing with them (for many reasons).  We directed them to this board for some information and advice and suggested trying a local swing club.

 

What advice would you give them?

To not do it. For most relationships, monogamy is a far better fit. Some things are meant to be left as fantasies. What little they know of swinging is what they see on porn videos, which are hardly representative of reality.

 

If they insist on pursuing outside sexual partners, they first need to have a sober discussion (or five) about the pros, and cons, of swinging. And how they are going to handle the tangled web of emotions that are sure to envelope them when things do not turn out as they had imagined.

 

Also, they should schedule a time to visit with their family doctor to discuss the health risks associated with higher-risk sexual activities and what things they can do to minimize the dangers.

 

Lastly, they probably want to enlist the support of some trusted lifestyle mentors, people who can help them avoid the inevitable landmines most of us experienced early in our swinging days.

 

Also, they should note what they read on here should not be taken as gospel. They should treat most posts as they would verbal graffiti. 

[samandtammi 99]

54 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Search is their friend as well. There are plenty of reasons not to swing with friends, and they have been posted numerous times, but the best one is that you don't seem interested.

You are correct.  They are super sweet people but neither of us are interested in having sex with either of them.  Just not our type.  We love them as friends, but that does not translate to interest in having sex with them.  

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Dip a toe in by going to a meet and greet (SLS membership handy here to find them in your area).  Meet some other swingers face to face in no pressure atmosphere. Do this as many times as it takes to decide yep, we want to wade a little further into the pool, or no, this isn't for us.  (worth noting that not all groups are the same, so might want to try several events). If they like where they are at, then put up on online profile and see how that goes (or go to on-premise club if that is an option). Neither of those things commits you to having sex with someone else, so don't rush things.  But, if things keep feeling right, then be patient and wait for that right couple, however long that takes,  before you take the plunge.

 

Oh, and don't swing with friends   Make friends out of swinger partners, yes. Make swinger partners out of friends, no.