Are all single men absolutely clueless idiots?

[patsfan5864 43]

What the hell is wrong with single men in this lifestyle?
 

My wife and I recently decided to seek out a single guy for some occasional threesome fun, and besides the usual morons who replied and bragged about being a “dominant bull” (GOODBYE!!!), we had a few promising replies who initially abided by what we stated we required.

 

I (husband) do the initial screening, chat with the guy for awhile, where I set the ground rules, including that he’s already gotten all the pictures (G-rated) he’s going to get, and to show respect for my wife. I then have my wife communicate with him directly (her desire).

 

Invariably, the guys then lose their minds, request naked photos, try to get sexually graphic, etc. They literally fuck up a free lunch, because they can’t control themselves.

 

What the eff is wrong with these guys?? Abide by our rules, be respectful, and you can possibly have regular NSA sex with a gorgeous woman, but they still manage to fuck it up.

 

<rant off>

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

Are all single men absolutely clueless idiots?

 

Yes...yes they are. That's why single guys have such a bad reputation...because they deserve it. Oh, there are some good ones out there (I hope), but while not as rare as unicorns they are few and far between. Good luck and just keep looking...

[enhancer 1,582]

To answer your question not all single men are absolutely clueless idiots, but about 99.5 percent of them seem to be!  

In the ten plus years we have been in this lifestyle we have had exactly one threesome with another man and that is not, because we don’t give them a chance.  You always hear how single women are the unicorns, but yet we have been able to find a fair amount of them in that same time frame.  For us the real unicorn seems to be attractive, in shape, respectful men that actually get it.  

 

I honestly never would have thought that it would be so hard to find a guy like that to have incredible non commitment sex with my sexy lady, but it is.  Maybe if some of these clowns actually did a little research on what women and couples really like and want instead of getting all their ideals from porn there would be a better chance for them. 

[NerdsAreFun 226]

We found a good match on AFF.  Friendly, funny, not pushy, cute, understanding, messaged us for months before a meet...but then turned out to be a lousy fuck. 🙃

[njbm 2,863]

Maybe they are single for a reason. Maybe they are self-absorbed and not good at collaborating, if I can make such a broad generalization. 

[lcmim 1,078]

It may be and how you are defining single men.

As the years roll on There are more who are widowed.

I have always had a hard time explaining to the guys and the clubs we belong to the banning single men might eventually come back and bite them .

[AndrewandAnn 360]

We wouldn't know. Long ago we decided single playmates were far too much trouble. We didn't want or need the drama they bring.

 

However, in the interest of fairness to both sexes, I must suggest the title of this thread be changed to "single playmates", rather than picking on men only.

 

Men have not cornered the market on lunacy. Through the years, we've met more than our fair share of women (married or otherwise) in the lifestyle who make Lindsay Lohan seem almost normal.

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

I've long said (and almost everyone woman I've asked has agreed) the majority of men just suck.

 

I'm sorry you've had such a rough go finding good single men in the lifestyle. Maybe we're just ridiculously lucky, but my wife and I have found quite a number of single men for her to play with over the years. I'd say it's about a dozen. There were only two guys who were problematic. One was a total flake and the other an obvious cheater (deal breaker for us). She didn't play with either of them. The others? Some were better than others, none were bad. Two she turned into long term (years long) lovers/boyfriends.

 

I think it's possible to find good guys in the lifestyle. I really do. I also think it's really worth it. I know some swinger couples won't consider singles at all, but for my wife and I it has worked very well.

[findinganswers 369]

Can’t answer if ALL single men are clueless. In our immediate circle of swinger friends there is only one single man that joins us. He is a divorced half of a swing couple that was part of the group before us. Not knowing him I didn’t like the idea of a man having his way without a partner to share. Now that I know him better he is not an idiot, he is respectful of the women and husbands. The ladies enjoy his company. 

[SJBluebirds 194]

In my experience -- and this is real -- single men sometimes 'catch the feelings', and start getting possessive of my partner.

 

Lesson learned, and it ain't gonna happen again.

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

SJB; my wife hasn't tried to play with non-lifestyle singles, just ones who are lifestyle involved. I've seen plenty of stories on here of non-lifestyle single men who just don't seem to get it. They seem to often get thoughts of trying to take the wife from the obviously stupid husband who is letting her play. I don't have a problem with a single guy developing emotions for my wife. My wife (and I, by extension) benefited greatly from her two long term lovers. Both developed emotions for her. It's what they did with those emotions that mattered. My wife developed emotions for them too. Pretty hard to not do so when you've played with them for years.

[J&Wu 408]

On 5/31/2022 at 12:25 PM, lcmim said:

It may be and how you are defining single men.

As the years roll on There are more who are widowed.

I have always had a hard time explaining to the guys and the clubs we belong to the banning single men might eventually come back and bite them .

Swing Clubs can appeal to both widowers and widows who just enjoy some uncomplicated no strings attached sex.

[Lee714 81]

On 5/31/2022 at 7:44 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

Are all single men absolutely clueless idiots?

 

Yes...yes they are. That's why single guys have such a bad reputation...because they deserve it. Oh, there are some good ones out there (I hope), but while not as rare as unicorns they are few and far between. Good luck and just keep looking...

Fantastic. I love being grouped into the "clueless idiot" demographic. 😕

[MidwestHoneys 355]

Honey has been with many single men who just want to fuck. Most men want a woman to enjoy the fuck and get her off. The idiots I have watched her with were when they with other idiots trying to prove something. Honey will do almost anything if the man is not an idiot. She will try any position if you respect her. The idiots would have a better sex time if they show respect. 

[patsfan5864 43]

On 6/5/2022 at 8:59 PM, Lee714 said:

Fantastic. I love being grouped into the "clueless idiot" demographic. 😕

Sorry, sometimes the truth is brutally true.

 

We’ve literally given men a checklist of what to NOT do, then they proceed to do every single one. It’s as if they think to themselves “I’m so special, that surely doesn’t apply to me”. 🤦🏻‍♂️ 

[TnA83 303]

3 hours ago, patsfan5864 said:

Sorry, sometimes the truth is brutally true.

 

We’ve literally given men a checklist of what to NOT do, then they proceed to do every single one. It’s as if they think to themselves “I’m so special, that surely doesn’t apply to me”. 🤦🏻‍♂️ 

Care to give the list?

[curiousbear 20]

@TnA83

I found below threads

Swinging rules for single males - Swinging Solo - Swingers Board

What do swingers look for in a single man ? - Curious About Swinging? - Swingers Board

My Advice To Single Men - Swinging Solo - Swingers Board

 

I had been very curious about the lifestyle and found the above threads very helpful.

(The third thread started great but unfortunately was ruined by the responses back and forth). 

[patsfan5864 43]

8 hours ago, TnA83 said:

Care to give the list?

1. You’ve gotten all the photos you’re going to get, DO NOT ask for more, and especially DO NOT ask for nude photos.

 

2. DO NOT get sexually graphic when communicating with her, she finds it a total turnoff.

 

3. DO NOT try to meet her alone, that will instantly end our interactions.

 

4. If we make plans to meet and you don’t show, don’t bother contacting us again.

 

We think they’re all very reasonable and very easy to abide by, but almost as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, guys lose their minds and seemingly go down the checklist.

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

I find this post deeply offensive. Nobody ever wants to talk about the married men that are assholes. The married guys that lack the social skills to communicate with another human being. The lame married guys that feel entitled to do or say what they want because they are married. The married guys that are always looking for someone to fuck without their wife even knowing. The married guys that post pictures of their wives and other women in their family without their consent. The married guys who do not respect other men but expect you to treat them and their wives as some sorta queen. The confused married guys who claim to be cuckold's but secretly want to be dominant and control the whole scenario. The confused married guys that act tough but be all in your DMs asking if they can suck your cock or if you will fuck them. The married guys that are lame as fuck and ride on the coattails of their wife just to give them some status. The married guys that want you to spoil their wife because they cannot. The married guys that pimp their wives out for money because they are not successful themselves. 

 

See what Im saying.....I been at this for 20+ years and each one of those descriptions is an example of married guys that I have encountered in the lifestyle. The fact that you would lump all men into the same category when you have not met all men speaks volumes for the type of human that you are. If you are really interested in improving the lifestyle then there are other ways that you can provide feedback to single guys that you feel are problematic. Lets not forget, single men are relevant in the swinging lifestyle because some married men are unable to keep up with their wives sex drive. Plus, when event planners have cash flow problems its normally the single men that make up the difference. 

 

 

[LKNcouple 36]

20 hours ago, patsfan5864 said:

Sorry, sometimes the truth is brutally true.

 

We’ve literally given men a checklist of what to NOT do, then they proceed to do every single one. It’s as if they think to themselves “I’m so special, that surely doesn’t apply to me”. 🤦🏻‍♂️ 

Can you share the checklist.   We have struggled with weeding them out.  We had one that we really liked, then all of the sudden the only time he could meet was weekday afternoons.   Said he was divorced, but could never meet on the weekends.    Seemed fishy and we called him on it and he blew up.    Glad we never met him in person.

[enhancer 1,582]

15 minutes ago, LKNcouple said:

Can you share the checklist.   We have struggled with weeding them out.  We had one that we really liked, then all of the sudden the only time he could meet was weekday afternoons.   Said he was divorced, but could never meet on the weekends.    Seemed fishy and we called him on it and he blew up.    Glad we never met him in person.

Any guy that says he can only meet on weekday afternoons is going to have a hard time finding anyone and is more then likely a cheater!  Most of us have jobs and real lives.  If a dude can not meet on weekends he is an immediate no.

[couplers 4,577]

And then there are the Incels, who blame women for their clueless idiocy, which has led to a sexless life. 

Edited June 7, 2022 by couplers

[PeachnCream671 1]

Male half here. We are out of the swapping game now and have transitiones to hotwife. 

 

Peaches' profiles start with ***READ MY ENTIRE PROFILE***. Should be simple enough, right? Her profiles say exactly what she is looking for in a FWB. If you don't meet the requirements, why waste your time sending a one word intro? "Sup?" or "8.5 and thick" are not going to get a response and definitely not going to get in her panties. Sending an unsolicited nude is an instant ignore. Single men, please read their profiles. 

Edited June 8, 2022 by PeachnCream671
correct grammar

[enhancer 1,582]

This is an open forum where everyone is entitled to their own opinion!  You do not have to agree with others, but a little common respect goes a long way to making it a more useful place to be for everyone.  We are all adults after all.

[enhancer 1,582]

As long as single guys keep presenting themselves with cock pics, ignore or not read what couples clearly write on their profiles,  only try to talk with the female half of a couple,  send one liners like sup,  assume every guy from a couple must be a cuck that can’t satisfy his own wife, advertise themselves as a dom bull and say stupid juvenile stuff they will be ridiculed by lifestyle couples.  It is a thing. 
 

Are all of them this way?  No just way more of them then I would have ever imagined going into the lifestyle.  The good ones will stand out from the crowd.  God knows it isn’t to hard to with the lame competition out there.

 

For the record there are more then enough married guys out there that are no better and I have criticized them just as openly on this site many times.  
 

There is a reason women have all the power in the lifestyle!  Men do nothing to deserve it. 

[patsfan5864 43]

On 6/7/2022 at 12:20 PM, PeeTWheatstraw said:

I find this post deeply offensive. Nobody ever wants to talk about the married men that are assholes. The married guys that lack the social skills to communicate with another human being. The lame married guys that feel entitled to do or say what they want because they are married. The married guys that are always looking for someone to fuck without their wife even knowing. The married guys that post pictures of their wives and other women in their family without their consent. The married guys who do not respect other men but expect you to treat them and their wives as some sorta queen. The confused married guys who claim to be cuckold's but secretly want to be dominant and control the whole scenario. The confused married guys that act tough but be all in your DMs asking if they can suck your cock or if you will fuck them. The married guys that are lame as fuck and ride on the coattails of their wife just to give them some status. The married guys that want you to spoil their wife because they cannot. The married guys that pimp their wives out for money because they are not successful themselves. 

 

See what Im saying.....I been at this for 20+ years and each one of those descriptions is an example of married guys that I have encountered in the lifestyle. The fact that you would lump all men into the same category when you have not met all men speaks volumes for the type of human that you are. If you are really interested in improving the lifestyle then there are other ways that you can provide feedback to single guys that you feel are problematic. Lets not forget, single men are relevant in the swinging lifestyle because some married men are unable to keep up with their wives sex drive. Plus, when event planners have cash flow problems its normally the single men that make up the difference. 

 

 

For every example you gave, I could give 10+ of clueless jackasses who sent unsolicited dick pics (when we clearly state not to), and sent replies like “sup?” “still looking?” “available now”, “alpha bull here, I’ll dom both of you”, or my personal favorite “does she want my cock in her ass?”

 

Then there are the ones who pass the initial screening, start communicating with my wife, then start asking for naked photos, and say shit like “dump that loser and let’s hook up”.

 

So, you’re “deeply offended”? Too bad, because most single guys in this lifestyle ARE clueless idiots. They regularly fuck up a free lunch, they literally can’t read and/or control themselves.

[enhancer 1,582]

In defence of what PeeTWheatstraw said on this subject about married men I do not think he is wrong at all!  We have experienced much of what he said ourselves in the years we have been at this.

 

Two examples would be two messages I woke up to today.

 

The first one was on one of the sites we have an account on.  The message was from a guy who was listed as single on his profile.  When I opened his profile there were absolutely no pictures and it just said looking for fun with women and couples.  Then there was one line about how his partner was now also interested in having fun.  First thing that comes to my mind is this goof was trying on his own and having zero luck so suddenly he is attached.  I replied to his message that there was nothing at all about his profile that interested us.  His response is to send a picture of her and another one of her with just his dick.  Fail.

 

Second one was on this site.  Clearly directed just at her.  Not us.  Self proclaimed BWC and hotwife seeing if she was interested in exchanging pictures and stories.  First of all the size and Color of a penis means fuck all to her and she has no interest in seeing pictures of it.  Also if it did matter she has no further then home to see one anytime she wants.  Just, because I don’t advertise it as a BWC does not mean it isn’t.  I know better then to try and use my penis to get attention, because it does not work that way for any woman worth being with.  Second of all if someone wants to see pictures we have multiple folders in the gallery on this site for anyone who choices to look at.

 

So it is not just single men that do not seem to get it!  It is men in general.

[curious cuple 50]

When my wife and I started talking to single guys, the conversation from him was usually “ ready to fuck?” And we immediately stop chatting with guys like that. Right now we’re chatting with one and so far so good. Few little bumps but nothing crazy. Us 3 got together just to meet and chat about random stuff. We may get together this weekend for a few drinks, we’ll see. But yea I think most good single guys have trouble cuz the ignorant ones. Just my opinion 

[WonderZ 16]

It's a shame that so many single guys sabotage themselves... I could care less about picture swapping of nudes and cock pictures. Just want everyone who participates to have a great time and come away with a great experience. No strings or drama just a good time for a threesome, foursome or whatever happens. 

[couplers 4,577]

Do you think there is a distinction between the "never had a relationship" types and the "just broke up, between partners" guys? 

[WonderZ 16]

31 minutes ago, couplers said:

Do you think there is a distinction between the "never had a relationship" types and the "just broke up, between partners" guys? 

That's a great question... I don't have an answer for that at the moment but I'd like to hear from the others. 

[herpob 559]

On 5/31/2022 at 9:33 AM, patsfan5864 said:

What the hell is wrong with single men in this lifestyle?
 

My wife and I recently decided to seek out a single guy for some occasional threesome fun, and besides the usual morons who replied and bragged about being a “dominant bull” (GOODBYE!!!), we had a few promising replies who initially abided by what we stated we required.

 

I (husband) do the initial screening, chat with the guy for awhile, where I set the ground rules, including that he’s already gotten all the pictures (G-rated) he’s going to get, and to show respect for my wife. I then have my wife communicate with him directly (her desire).

 

Invariably, the guys then lose their minds, request naked photos, try to get sexually graphic, etc. They literally fuck up a free lunch, because they can’t control themselves.

 

What the eff is wrong with these guys?? Abide by our rules, be respectful, and you can possibly have regular NSA sex with a gorgeous woman, but they still manage to fuck it up.

 

<rant off>

 

They just need to be trained.

 

Somebody has to do it.  Might as well be you. 

 

My recommendation is to have 2 VERY strong bouncers present and as a couple train them. Have them sign a waiver of sorts releasing you from harm should you need to toss them out on their ear. I am not a legal person but I am sure there are some here that can help with that, something to protect everyone. 

 

We deal mostly with couples and have a very slow process of introducing them into our lifestyle and even more delicate is introducing them into our fold. There are those occasions when you know a couple is a perfect fit but more than not, it's a long slow road vetting them. 

 

I'll add more later...

[BiloxiBiMaleMMF 63]

What a GREAT TOPIC!

 

As the MWM whose wife is just NOT INTERESTED in sex alone (never mind RECREATIONAL SEX), I have some thoughts on this subject along with a "trail" of other notes posted in the past re-iterating my philosophy about this (MFM 3somes or MMF 3somes if a bisexual male is desired).  To wit, it is MY DUTY to NOT be selfish BUTT to fulfill a pre-arranged "outline" of "boundary conditions."  Sorry, I'm an engineer that BUILDS MACHINES and we "plan the work and work the plan" WITHIN very strict "specifications."

 

As an ex-military type (naval officer), we've had a "don't ask don't tell" attitude for longer than it became a written "policy."

 

"Port Visits" are legendary in the Navy and "honey pots" are real.  Check out Richard Gere's first movie, "An Officer and a Gentleman."  Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, we ARE labeled "Gentlemen" literally bi Act of Congress when commissioned and listed in the Congressional Record as such.

 

IMHO, "single women" are a threat to national security (in foreign ports) and to a MWM's safety ala Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" circa 1987.  THEREFORE, the decision to indulge in "extracurricular intercourse" is a QUITE A BIT more "calculated risk" with a MARRIED COUPLE whose husband and wife are BOTH INVOLVED and BOTH PRESENT!

 

Which brings me the question nearly all of you ask or wonder: "does she know?"

 

Well, SHE KNOWS I use porn to masturbate, she knows I tried to get her into swinging with me or even to "PLEASE TRY IT ALONE and SEE IF YOU CAN HAVE PLEASURE!"  She knows I took her to Collete's in New Orleans, Hedo III in Jamaica, and tried to take her to the Green Door in Vegas.

 

She KNOWS I am nudist.  Knows I shave my body smooth (pits, tits, legs & the usual other parts).  Knows I go Commando and knows I sleep nude.  She even knows I am online nude every early AM.

 

BUTT, she won't ask, and I won't tell.  Ironically, SHE is the one who first took us to a "nudist camp" (a Japanese hot springs she first visited with FEMALE MISSIONARIES and other Navy wives).  Nowadays, she'll complain about me booking a reservation at a Florida nudist resort butt once we arrive, shave and or trim her pussy closer and practically STARE at other tits and hung men!

 

Go figure.

 

Because I've been FEARFUL of getting a woman pregnant since being a teen (you ought-a watch that Richard Gere film), I prefer "mature married women" whose husband is as excited as she is.  As the owner of the Green Door in Vegas told me during my interview, "it's the MEN who start this, butt it's the WOMEN who keep it going!"  He welcomed me to CUM alone!  I did not.

 

A "checklist" is a good start.  In digital terms, also think "IF THEN" and "GO NO GO."  If someone tells me "no kissing," then I ask, "not even her pussy or tits?" To which the clarification usually follows "oh if she leads your head that way, it's go for the pussy."  SOL (Smile Out Loud), once THERE, I may ASK, "have you ever had your ass licked or would you like it now?"  (NO ONE has TURNED THAT DOWN).

 

In SUMMARY, what has made all THIS (MMF or MFM 3somes) work for me BEING SCREENED AND SELECTED is bi both parties participating in a jovial BUTT literal play on words: "Plan the Fuck and Fuck the Plan."  So IF, your "screening process" does NOT involve more than ONE "Q&A" interview WAY BEFOREHAND, then proceed with caution.  Which is probably why so many "veteran swingers" ONLY SWING with other couples!

 

 

[ntex 64]

I know that single men have a bad rep.   And I see why.  It's a shame as there are a number of couples that, if the single guys weren't idiots, would probably entertain the idea.  Don't give up.  there are  stlil a few of us actually single guys, that will do what we say, when we say.

[Prism 4]

On 5/31/2022 at 6:33 AM, patsfan5864 said:

 

 

What the eff is wrong with these guys??

 

<rant off>
 

They haven’t had the benefit of first rate training by amazing wives! Remember on some level we’re all 12 years old. 

 

🤷🏽 

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

On 11/29/2022 at 6:01 PM, Prism said:

They haven’t had the benefit of first rate training by amazing wives! Remember on some level we’re all 12 years old. 

 

🤷🏽

Speak for yourself! Me, I'm 13! 😄

[couplers 4,577]

Among my single female friends who are now in their thirties, the feeling is "that the good men are already taken."  

[enhancer 1,582]

5 hours ago, couplers said:

Among my single female friends who are now in their thirties, the feeling is "that the good men are already taken."  

That is probably true!  Tell them to look for the 40 year old guys with wives that had a midlife crisis and walked out on them.  There are no shortage of them out there. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,370]

Good conversation, generally on-point. We have 25 years of experience and have played with ALOT of single guys. Yes there have been some screwballs but they tend to give themselves away early on.

 

Generally our experiences with single guys has been very positive. For the most part, guys that reach out to us are actually sane and polite, and we have had good (sometimes great) experiences with the men we have met.

 

...AFTER we left AFF. That site was chock full of complete assholes.