Needing Perspective and comments......

[StartingOver60 58]

So, we were invited to another house party a few months before this second invite. The first time we had a wonderful experience in the same room and same bed with our neighbors who hosted. It was our first time. So, with the new invite we both were excited to go. When we got there, we were greeted by Will and Leah the hosts. We mingled a bit got to meet some of our neighbors. We meet Katie and Gary and were chatting until Will came over whispered to Ana, she looked at me I smiled, and they left the room. She was with Will at the first party. Gary, Katie, and I continued to chat for about 30 minutes or so and after a few drinks Katie notice I had my eye on her and that I was not sure being new to house parties how to approach her with Gary there. Gary got the vibe and wandered off leaving us to chat a bit when Katie suggested we go off to some privacy. Katie and I were together for a good while having an incredible time. She was a beauty and I felt so lucky to have her. She was attentive, accommodating, rough and willing. She was great. When we were ready, we dressed, went back to join the party and I expected to find Ana. So, this is where my issue begins. Ana was not to be found so I was thinking she was still with Will until I saw Will getting a drink. I asked where Ana was, and he said she went off with Gary. I was somewhat upset that she would go off with a second guy in the same night without discussing. This is only the second time we were at a party like this. I went to look for her and I peaked in a room and there she was riding Gary at full thrust on top. I really did not expect that she would have two guys in one night at this point in our experimenting in this lifestyle. It somewhat upset me but did not ruin the night. They caught me peaking and Gary asked I wanted to join them. I felt a bit taken back that Gary was proposing a three sum with my wife. However rather then leave them alone I joined in. Ana was still on top with Gary inside her, so I walked around the bed got undressed and kissed her passionately and gently squeezed her breast. She rolled off Gary and started sucking on my penis. She got on her knees and Gary went behind her, penetrated her, and started pounding away. I could feel him thrusting as her body moved with his motion and I could feel her reacting while sucking me. He seemed to have her in his control. However, she was having a great time. Well, so I played along until we all were done. We all got dressed and went back to the party. I kept thinking my Ana who only experienced this lifestyle once took it over the limit having three guys in a row. Two individually and then letting a third, me join in with the second guy. I was a little bit visually upset with her but again maybe it was jealousy. We soon left the party and walked to our house, and I told her how I felt. She said she was sorry I she upset me, but it all meant nothing and we agreed to go to this party to have sex with strangers. She said when she went back to the party I wasn’t there, I was with Katie. Gary came over and came on to her and she said yes and she wanted to have sex with him. He was a gentleman and performed exceeding her expectations. In fact, the evening exceeded her expectations having two other men and finishing with me. She said next time we should set some rules so there is no confusion. Not having much experience at a party like this and being alone while I was with another women she just went with evening. She did not regret it. She said a woman fantasizes about being desired. Having three guys want her in one night was extraordinary, especially with my husband joining in and finishing the experience. So, I am still not on the page of my wife having three guys in one night. I would love some perspective and or comments. Should I not be concerned with her decisions. Your thoughts are welcome

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

It isn't at all uncommon for new couples in the lifestyle to have minor and sometimes even major disagreements over just what the rules for the night were, and what happened. An old rule of thumb; if you're setting rules, don't change them during the evening. Here though it sounds like there were expectations that weren't met, and perhaps better communication would help things. It doesn't sound like your wife did anything  that broke the rules. It sounds like you were taken aback by what she did, and that exceeded what you expected the evening was going to be.

 

From my chair; this is bump in the road, not a dramatic incident. I don't mean to invalidate your feelings in the slightest. If this feels like more to you, tell us. We can try to work it out with you.

 

It's wonderful your wife had such a great evening! My wife loves MFM threesomes for what appears to be the same reasons your wife enjoyed having you and Gary at the same time so much.

[lcmim 1,081]

Our rules started out on the plentiful side and have diminished to very few.

 

 

One thing that has helped navigate the waters is a clear understanding that neither of us will ever intentionally do anything to hurt the other.

Once that was understood things like the OP's issue resolve quickly.

 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Rules are important in swinging, very important, but so is flexibility and a bit of a go with the flow attitude. I think new swingers often have too many rules...I know we were in that group too. It's almost as if you are setting yourself up to fail by having too many rules. Not to mention severely reducing the fun when before you do anything, you've got to sit there and mentally run through a long rule list.  You just can't completely choreograph a sexual encounter ahead of time and not get thrown a curve ball every now and then.

 

Maybe the best answer here is broad rules, like - "won't go off with a partner without letting the other know even if it takes hunting them down." A rule like that can help with a lot of misunderstandings resulting from being surprised. A lot of time I think the surprise element is really what is at the heart of anger or unhappiness about a rule being broken more so than what the actual action was. Just something to consider...

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

First off: Where the heck do you live and are there any other houses for sale? A neighborhood of swingers? Count us IN.

 

Second: I didn't hear you say that you had a 'one person per night' rule. In fact, I didn't hear that she was breaking ANY rule. The two of you were at a swingers party...she went off with someone, returned and found you gone, and had the opportunity to go off with someone else, and did. I don't see what you were upset about. Add in that you did find her and joined in to give her probably one of the sexually hottest nights of her life and you kind of spoiled part by being upset with her. You need to come to an understanding so this issue won't ever repeat itself, but (IOHO) you should probably let her know that you were being a bit jealous and you're sorry for raining on her parade. Women are ALWAYS going to be more in demand in the L/S. Women also love being desired. They also want to live out some of their fantasies without judgement. Keep in mind that YOU were with a woman that you thought "was a beauty and (you) felt so lucky to have her". So it's not like you didn't have a good time as well. You also got to be part of a threesome with her that I'm sure she enjoyed even more by having you participate. Try to just be happy for your partner and enjoy these special moments that you two are having together. If you can't do that, then you probably shouldn't be doing this.

[StartingOver60 58]

18 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

It isn't at all uncommon for new couples in the lifestyle to have minor and sometimes even major disagreements over just what the rules for the night were, and what happened. An old rule of thumb; if you're setting rules, don't change them during the evening. Here though it sounds like there were expectations that weren't met, and perhaps better communication would help things. It doesn't sound like your wife did anything  that broke the rules. It sounds like you were taken aback by what she did, and that exceeded what you expected the evening was going to be.

 

From my chair; this is bump in the road, not a dramatic incident. I don't mean to invalidate your feelings in the slightest. If this feels like more to you, tell us. We can try to work it out with you.

 

It's wonderful your wife had such a great evening! My wife loves MFM threesomes for what appears to be the same reasons your wife enjoyed having you and Gary at the same time so much.

Thank you for your response.  I can understand what she did but it was something I never expected would occur without discussion.  I explained that had we met after her first encounter of the evening and she wanted to go with another I likely would have been Ok with it.  However I was upset I was left out of the decision.  

[StartingOver60 58]

Thanks for all the replies.  I did not give her a hard time about it I explained that I was surprised at seeing that side of her.  However, we are still good and she remembers the evening and how hot it was.  She did thank me for joining in and going along with it.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

StartingOver60; Something I was thinking of in reading your first post and subsequent posts: It is often the case that women have a much easier time of finding play partners than it is for men. I've never been to a swinger party (but have been to swinger clubs), so I can't say this with any certainty. But, your wife being the object of attention of multiple men at a swinger party doesn't strike me as surprising at all. GoldCoCouple mentioned about this too.

 

I concur with what others have said about rules. It's very common for people new to the lifestyle to have lots of rules. It's perfectly understandable; it's new territory, and we want to feel like we have some semblance of control, and not feel like things are going to 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. It can be intimidating getting into the lifestyle. So many unknowns, and so many questions. Over time, almost all (if not all!) couples find the rules tend to vanish. For my wife and I, we've been doing this for 14 years. We had lots and lots of rules at the beginning. I inadvertently broke a rule early on, but it wasn't a problem (thankfully). Like cplnuswing noted, we did find the rules inhibiting. It became a bit difficult to ... just have fun. Now we have just one rule (other than safe sex); we call it the golden parachute rule. If either one of us wants things to stop, we both stop, get dressed, and politely take our leave without discussing it at the moment. Once we're back to the car and on our way, THEN we'll discuss it. It's never been used, but it's nice knowing it's there. My wife and I are free to do whatever we want with a play partner, wherever we want, and whenever we want. Not really a rule, but common consideration; we do tell each other in advance if something is going to happen. In practice, this has been only my wife as she's the only one that's been on a solo date.

 

None of that means you have to set aside your rules. The point is for both of you to be comfortable where you are in the lifestyle at this point. That likely means rules at this stage, and that's perfectly fine. I'm just pointing out that you shouldn't be surprised that the rules tend to fall away as you get more comfortable in the lifestyle.

[TnA83 305]

14 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

First off: Where the heck do you live and are there any other houses for sale? A neighborhood of swingers? Count us IN.

 

Second: I didn't hear you say that you had a 'one person per night' rule. In fact, I didn't hear that she was breaking ANY rule. The two of you were at a swingers party...she went off with someone, returned and found you gone, and had the opportunity to go off with someone else, and did. I don't see what you were upset about. Add in that you did find her and joined in to give her probably one of the sexually hottest nights of her life and you kind of spoiled part by being upset with her. You need to come to an understanding so this issue won't ever repeat itself, but (IOHO) you should probably let her know that you were being a bit jealous and you're sorry for raining on her parade. Women are ALWAYS going to be more in demand in the L/S. Women also love being desired. They also want to live out some of their fantasies without judgement. Keep in mind that YOU were with a woman that you thought "was a beauty and (you) felt so lucky to have her". So it's not like you didn't have a good time as well. You also got to be part of a threesome with her that I'm sure she enjoyed even more by having you participate. Try to just be happy for your partner and enjoy these special moments that you two are having together. If you can't do that, then you probably shouldn't be doing this.

I agree. I like your wife, BTW.  She's a keeper!

[TnA83 305]

12 hours ago, StartingOver60 said:

Thank you for your response.  I can understand what she did but it was something I never expected would occur without discussion.  I explained that had we met after her first encounter of the evening and she wanted to go with another I likely would have been Ok with it.  However I was upset I was left out of the decision.  

But you were gone, fucking another hot chick with your wife's blessing, and she had another offer.  Then when you found her, you got to fuck her with another guy. 

 

I wish I had such horrible problems!

[njbm 2,868]

I did not understand the theory of house parties at first. I was stuck on the theory that we had to find another couple and swap with that couple. At an early house party, I had sex with one woman, my wife had sex with her husband.After that encounter,  I was eating coffee cake in the living room, checked on my wife who was simultaneously having sex with four or five guys. A friend next to me said, leave her alone, she’s having fun. 
 

After processing this (I was more impressed than mad), after awhile I realized house parties gave us the chance to explore our own options. At a later party, I had a threesome with two women that was extensive and pleasant. You have to accept that you are free agents and attractive women are hotly pursued. If you can’t, stick to a different format. It took me a long time to figure this out.  

Edited June 11, 2022 by njbm

[couplers 4,614]

On 6/9/2022 at 1:02 PM, StartingOver60 said:

I really did not expect that she would have two guys in one night at this point in our experimenting in this lifestyle. It somewhat upset me

 

On 6/9/2022 at 1:02 PM, StartingOver60 said:

my Ana who only experienced this lifestyle once took it over the limit having three guys in a row.

 

On 6/9/2022 at 1:02 PM, StartingOver60 said:

we agreed to go to this party to have sex with strangers.

You answered your own question, there's nothing to be upset about.  Your wife didn't engage in any activity that you two had agreed not to, just one more guy than you expected.  Your wife is desirable to other men and has a strong interest in sex, which is a good thing.  You two also played together in a reclaiming way.  All sounds good.