Should I let my wife play alone with other females?

[Mike6216 34]

I have a question for everyone. The wife and I started swinging about 3 years ago. We are not very active however, as we have only swung with one other couple about 3-4 times per year. During this time, my wife opened up to me and told me that she is not just a woman who is cool with a little girl-girl action during swinging, but she is and always has been a bisexual. I told her at the time that I was supportive and did not mind if she had sex with girls, as long as I knew about it and that the other girl knew she was a married woman. Well, this actually happened over the weekend while she was on a girl's trip to the beach. She immediately called and told me about it like she said she would. I could tell in her voice that she was upset and was very relieved when I told her it was ok. Well, a friend of mine (the male half of the couple that we swing with) told me that he does not think it is a good idea for that to be happening. He's been swinging and having threesomes for far longer than I have, and he says that, in his experience, this never ends well. I have been with my wife for 15 years and trust her completely. She even remembered the rule we had in place about letting me know about her adventures, and followed it to the T. I guess I've let him get in my head a bit, and hey, it's 2022. Her leaving me for a woman is definitely a possibility nowadays lol. I'm just looking for input and advice from those of you who have been in the community longer than we have. Thanks 

 

Side note: when she got home from her trip, she fucked me while describing the entire session she had with the other woman. Needless to say, I didn't last very long lol.

[couplers 4,638]

I would say that since you are letting her fulfill her fantasies and needs, there is no reason for her to leave you.  As a bisexual woman myself, I have a Lesbian side and a straight side.  My desire for women is intense, but I am bisexual and need a man, need dick, as much as pussy.  It's your role to satisfy her in that regard.

Besides

8 minutes ago, Mike6216 said:

when she got home from her trip, she fucked me while describing the entire session she had with the other woman.

That should tell you something.

[njbm 2,870]

We have good friends who are married the same 37 years that we have been. The husband left the wife for another man. We are surprised, not shocked. These things happen. We don’t think this couple were swingers. 
 

We are not in the hall pass camp. We swing together in the same general place. Separate rooms, but not separate places. Has worked for us. 

[Sprocket 18]

Don't let other peoples opinions sway you. Your friends comment is just his opinion and has no relevance to what you and your wife share. Seems to me your wife has been very open with you and wanted you to share in her exciting encounter. That should put any insecurity, you may have, to rest.

But, solid relationships get their strength from both partners being open in their conversations and the trust it builds.

Enjoy in her excitement and what flows from it. 

[Bostonguitarist 25]

If you are both open and honest with one another. If the boundaries you set aren’t abused. Then there’s no harm. This lifestyle is not cookie cutter. What works for you, might not work for others. Thank your friend for his advice. But travel the road you and your wife have charted 

[njbm 2,870]

I do note that the wife told him about the bi adventure after it happened. That’s not consent. She may not have known it would come up. But certainly the husband did not have an opportunity to put the kibosh on it. 
 

Is this wife ok with a hall pass for the husband?

[SJBluebirds 195]

I think this is a question that only the two of you -- you and your wife -- can answer for yourselves.

 

As with all things in a strong marriage, the key is good, open, and honest communication.  What works and what is right for one couple may not be appropriate for another.  Your friend has the best of intentions when he tells you these things 'never end well' -- but life rarely deals in absolutes; you need to work this through together.

 

And of course, listening to each other is ninety-five percent of what 'good communication' should be.

[NoAngels 334]

There is no reason to think she is going to leave you if your marriage is strong. Doesn’t make a difference if she is with a man or a woman the sex is just another form of enjoyment. We never spoke about our other sexual fun for years and it didn’t affect our love at home. Once we were open about meeting others things didn’t change for us. She has plenty of women friends that she meets for non-sexual things and I feel the men she meets are just other friends. She said she isn’t looking for any long term relationships with the men so it is different from being with a friend. I do have long term relationships that are long distance and have never thought of leaving my wife for any of these women. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

As already pointed out, only the two of you really know each other here. Ms. Gold likes to be able to explore the occasional other woman, but she has made it crystal clear that she would never choose another woman as long as men still existed on the planet. Knowing this, I wouldn't have a problem having her do the same thing your wife did. It sounds like this was fairly spontaneous, making it kind of difficult to contact you before it happened, but she did contact you after and give you the details...I would be good with that...but every relationship is different and only you two know for sure.

[BillyandDebbie 301]

Don’t let others get in your head!

She followed the rules you and her set up therefore she thought about what she did with the biggest worry you not approving. She is experimenting that’s it. Nobody is turning her bisexual or taking her away from you. Enjoy that she liked it.  

[TnA83 309]

On 7/17/2022 at 7:36 PM, njbm said:

We have good friends who are married the same 37 years that we have been. The husband left the wife for another man. We are surprised, not shocked. These things happen. We don’t think this couple were swingers. 

I've heard of a couple in our area that split for the very same reason. Maybe in this case swinging could have save some marriages by giving the man to indulge his gay side legitimately. 

[MidLifeFun 147]

If you don’t trust your wife you have more problems, leaving you for another woman is the least. 
You told her she can, she did and she told you. Sounds like a keeper. 

[Davdia 119]

On 7/17/2022 at 9:15 PM, Mike6216 said:

I have a question for everyone. The wife and I started swinging about 3 years ago. We are not very active however, as we have only swung with one other couple about 3-4 times per year. During this time, my wife opened up to me and told me that she is not just a woman who is cool with a little girl-girl action during swinging, but she is and always has been a bisexual. I told her at the time that I was supportive and did not mind if she had sex with girls, as long as I knew about it and that the other girl knew she was a married woman. Well, this actually happened over the weekend while she was on a girl's trip to the beach. She immediately called and told me about it like she said she would. I could tell in her voice that she was upset and was very relieved when I told her it was ok. Well, a friend of mine (the male half of the couple that we swing with) told me that he does not think it is a good idea for that to be happening. He's been swinging and having threesomes for far longer than I have, and he says that, in his experience, this never ends well. I have been with my wife for 15 years and trust her completely. She even remembered the rule we had in place about letting me know about her adventures, and followed it to the T. I guess I've let him get in my head a bit, and hey, it's 2022. Her leaving me for a woman is definitely a possibility nowadays lol. I'm just looking for input and advice from those of you who have been in the community longer than we have. Thanks 

 

Side note: when she got home from her trip, she fucked me while describing the entire session she had with the other woman. Needless to say, I didn't last very long lol.

   I have to guess by the fact your asking for advice that you might be uncomfortable with the fact she did this, then told you instead of the other way around. Not giving you veto ability or any say in what happens is probably not what you had in mind. I would have a very frank conversation about what you asked for versus what she did. You were clear about two simple rules. I want to know it’s going to happen and I want the OP to know your married. 
Your request are very generous and very reasonable, if only for her safety. 
I would tell her if she cannot respect your very reasonable requests than you will resend your permission. 
My guess is she will understand your concerns and be sure your aware in advance from now on. Best of luck 

[Davdia 119]

You may also ponder the fact that swinging involves 100% trust in your partner and your asking a bunch of strangers whether or not to let your wife play alone…….implies your not quite there. More communication needed.

[Billygoat 443]

Keeping in mind all the opinions given are more to open a discussion and to openly communicate.  All thoughts and opinions on any topic most always reflects the experiences, exposure to and even insecurities of those expressing them.

 

In the end it really only has to involve you and your wife, what either of you have for desires, expectations, how secure or insecure either of you are.

 

The problem with rules are the always run the risk of being broken or stretched.  
 

It really comes down to you both having a number of very open, frank and honest conversations concerning this.

 

what is good and works well for one couple (or single) is not necessarily going to work for another.

 

 

[findinganswers 369]

Let? I don’t think men let or allow a wife to do something. You may not be happy with her choices, it is her choice, something she may ask you for an opinion. 
I don’t understand the worries if you trust her. 

[couplers 4,638]

11 hours ago, findinganswers said:

Let? I don’t think men let or allow a wife to do something. You may not be happy with her choices, it is her choice, something she may ask you for an opinion. 
I don’t understand the worries if you trust her. 

Agreed.  The loving and generous thing is to encourage your wife to do those things that bring her happiness, fulfillment, and personal development, which healthy sex does.  Help make it happen, watch the children while she plays.  The only time activities should be discouraged are when they're potentially harmful to her.

[Davdia 119]

On 8/12/2022 at 10:35 PM, findinganswers said:

Let? I don’t think men let or allow a wife to do something. You may not be happy with her choices, it is her choice, something she may ask you for an opinion. 
I don’t understand the worries if you trust her. 

Interesting comment, I for one think in any relationship both parties definitely have the ability to both LET  your spouse do something or VETO it if your not on board. In a relationship it’s NOT her choice, it’s THEIR choice.  Sure she can do it anyway possibly causing the end of a relationship. I for one wouldn’t ever do anything my spouse wouldn’t want me to. 

[findinganswers 369]

On 9/1/2022 at 8:12 AM, Davdia said:

for one think in any relationship both parties definitely have the ability to both LET  your spouse do something or VETO it if your not on board. In a relationship it’s NOT her choice, it’s THEIR choice

It is implied that both parties trust the other to make right decisions which includes LETTING the spouse play.  We don’t possess the other, we trust. 

[PJ&Lin 188]

On 9/5/2022 at 10:16 AM, findinganswers said:

It is implied that both parties trust the other to make right decisions which includes LETTING the spouse play.  We don’t possess the other, we trust. 

We are very new here but this post is the truth because trust is the first and only thing before you can agree to sex with others. 

[hlgcpl4fun 79]

Sabrina has my full permission to play with other females alone. I think it is hot. We had a girlfriend for over a year and she was always showing up at our house while our kids were in school and I was at work. Sabrina would always tell me about it, usually while we were having mind blowing sex. Let her play, but make sure she tells you about it.