Getting stood up

[xxoticangel 99]

Yesterday my wife spent most of the day cleaning the house and getting ready to entertain her new friend while I was at work. After a confirmation phone call around 3 pm she did all the "girl stuff" that they do before going out. At 7 we left home to meet him at the agreed place with her dressed to kill and me just short of cardiac arrest from looking at her. Since we had already had a brief meet and greet the week prior we grabbed a spot at the bar, ordered drinks and waited. When he hadn't arrived by 8 she called his cell and was sent directly to his voice mail. We ordered another drink and waited more. At 8:30 we decided that we had been stood up again and ordered dinner. When he hadn't arrived by 9:30 (two hours late) we returned home. While she and I still had a great time I could tell she was upset. She had that "What's wrong with me?" look and was forcing herself to smile.

 

If this had been the first time it would be easier but this is the third straight single male to put us through the hassle of getting a sitter, renting a hotel (not this time but twice in the past), dressing, driving, etc. and not even bothered to call with a b/s excuse.

 

I need your learned advice on two questions:

1) Does everyone else get stood up most of the time or is there really something the guys don't like about us?

2) How do I get my wife over being rejected?

[Alura 2,775]

We've never made a date with a single man but there have been a lot of posts on this board about just this problem, single men failing to show up.

 

I think it's because a lot of "single men" are really married. They make a date hoping to find an excuse to get out of the house but are unable to, so they simply fail to show.

 

There could be a hundred other reasons as well. Maybe the guy is just a "talker" not a "doer." Or his mother won't let him go out because he has a "D" in English and needs to study to bring his grade up. Or his doctor has ordered the head nurse to not let him out of the nursing home.

 

Whenever you speculate, as I'm doing here, you have a very good chance of being wrong. There really is no way to guess what went wrong. But you do know that it did go wrong.

 

We've not had this problem with couples. Of course, we make it a policy to talk with both of them on the phone before making a date to meet, and that first meeting is not likely to include play. The better you know your playmates the better the experience will be, in our opinion.

 

If Mrs. Alura ever felt there was something wrong with her because of a no-show, I'd simply lead her to a mirror and let her have a look. The problem is not with your wife, unless the picture in your profile is someone else.

 

Mr. Alura

[Spoomonkey 421]

This is the danger of internet swinging, IMHO. It is just really tough to know who is for real and who's a fake (read: flake). I know that the internet is the only comfortable option for a lot of folks, so I am not advocating scraping it, but if internet is the way you choose to go, then this is one of the draw backs. We know so many people who go this route exclusively and some of them have the same sort of frustrations.

 

We've never been stood up, but we use the internet sparingly at best. And we've never used it to meet single men. There are far too many "fantasizers" out there, wanting to play the game right up to actually doing it - then pulling out for whatever reason (likely because they are married).

 

My guess is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you guys - and when you find the right guy, she will be shown that in many, many wonderful ways. There is just a lot of fear and deception out there - and you two may be feeling the brunt of that.

 

But - if it makes you feel any better, lots of gorgeous women feel the rejection and "what's wrong with me" from time to time. You just never know the motives and desires of other folks and some dates are busts, while others are incredible. The one's that aren't, we've learned to shrug it off and move on to the next one. Sometimes that's all you can do.

 

Spoomonkey

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We have been stood up by both single men and couples. Every excuse from "our baby sitter backed out" to "My brothers children were murdered".

 

No shit.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Decided to add some more....

 

We get stood up more by single men than we actualy meet. I would say that the percentage of times getting Stood up by single men is close to 2/3.

 

Mrs naughty does feel a little rejection sometimes. Its only natural. We think most of them are afraid or intimidated by a woman who knows what she wants and isnt afraid to take it. Letting shit like this roll off your back is something that takes time. One thing we have learned (and are still trying to master) is to not take anything personal. We are trying to adapt the "Fuck 'em" attitude.

 

You are nat alone.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

Well, we actually stood up a couple, once. Our sitter was late & we had no way of getting a hold of them! We did show up but like an hour & a hlaf late. We missed them by a few minutes. But we did meet again after that.

[jcbicouple 24]

We didn't vote, because several answers apply. We've been stood up by both single males and couples. All of our meetings with single females have been chance meetings, so no opportunity to stand us up. lol Athough we did notice that they aren't on the poll....does this mean they don't stand people up? If so, we'll start planning more meetings with single women! We personally, wouldn't stand someone up. If we can't make it, we give as much notice as possible. Those that don't let us know they aren't coming, don't get a second chance. Our time is way too valuable to us. We very rarely make "dates" with anyone anymore, unless we already have other plans in the area. We usually just go to a club (swing or night) and see what develops.

[EternallySingle 32]

I know I'm going to get flamed here so I'm getting out my kevlar and mylar volunteer firefighting suit. (zip, snap, clip) There. I'm safe.

 

When you make dates to meet someone, you are going to get stood up eventually. If you are a couple making a date with a single man or woman, you are going to get stood up more than when meeting couples. And you will get stood up even more by single men you HAVEN'T had sex with than with women or men you have had sex with.

 

soapbox The reason is that IT JUST ISN'T IN A SINGLE MAN'S BEST INTEREST to meet with a couple for sex. He may fantasize about it. He may have even made all the initial contacts and arrangements. But the moment he has a chance to do something he knows will be fun (like going out with the guys) or if a single woman decides she wants to go out with him at the last minute(which does happen), he probably will pick that over you. Swinging just isn't that important to single men.

 

That being said, to cut down on the number of single men that stand you up, make sure he KNOWS you chose him because you actually like him, not because he was better than everyone else that you were in contact with. I've turned down simple coffee and donut meetings with three couples this year because they said I was the best man they talked to. It was like they were eliminating the worst and I was left, not that they were looking for someone they get along with. If they had said they enjoyed talking to me or they wanted to get to know me better, I would have felt good about meeting them. Instead, I felt like I was the lesser of two evils. Yes, its the ego thing so many have mentioned, but what are we but the sum or our emotions and experiences? Anything that makes you feel good is going to be good for the ego. Get rid of any doubt that he will be more than an occasional plaything, and more men will actually follow through when you make dates with them.

 

But thats just my opinion. getting off my soapbox now and hiding under a rock.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

The reason is that IT JUST ISN'T IN A SINGLE MAN'S BEST INTEREST to meet with a couple for sex. He may fantasize about it. He may have even made all the initial contacts and arrangements. But the moment he has a chance to do something he knows will be fun (like going out with the guys) or if a single woman decides she wants to go out with him at the last minute(which does happen), he probably will pick that over you. Swinging just isn't that important to single men.

 

They shouldnt be advertising on swinger sites then. Plain & simple.

If what you state is the actual reasons a lot of single men stand up couples then I am glad they have stood us up. When you make plans with someone then plans is what you have.

 

I make plans all the time that later I wish I had not made ( most of the time not swinging related) but I still keep them. Even if something else comes up that is better. Its the right thing to do.

 

I still think they are just chicken shit. They like to talk the talk but cant walk the walk.

 

Not all of them of course. We have met some single guys we see on a fairly regulat basis.

[EternallySingle 32]

They shouldnt be advertising on swinger sites then. Plain & simple.

If what you state is the actual reasons a lot of single men stand up couples then I am glad they have stood us up. When you make plans with someone then plans is what you have.

 

I make plans all the time that later I wish I had not made ( most of the time not swinging related) but I still keep them. Even if something else comes up that is better. Its the right thing to do.

 

I still think they are just chicken shit. They like to talk the talk but cant walk the walk.

 

Not all of them of course. We have met some single guys we see on a fairly regulat basis.

 

It is true that once you have made plans you should follow through, even if you start to have second thoughts or something better comes up. Most single men who back out of meetings ARE usually chicken shits who got scared when it comes time to actually meet or fakes who never intended to meet you in the first place. The same can be said of couples and single women, but the focus is on single men today, not couples or single women.

 

That being said, I do think the big reason that single men who are not fake and do have experience swinging back out when meeting couples is they start to have doubts about how sincere the couple is about wanting to meet him as an individual as opposed to being the best out of many men who have contacted you. It is not a good feeling to have and it is a hard one to shake when you constantly read about how bad single men act or see profiles where couples (and single women) have a laundry list of things you must possess to even get an email response. In that environment, any little thing will make a man say, "Oh, well, they won't care if I don't show up because they just want an extra cock anyway. They'll find another."

 

I've worked hard to get past that little insecurity. It doesn't help to be thought of as one of a group of barely tamed animals that have not been properly house broken, let alone trained. Sorry, but that is the impression most couples online actually say they have towards single men who belong to swing sites, and after a while it is hard to trust their sincerity when they do decide to contact you. You go from being excited that someone has decided to talk to you to wondering if it is you or your penis they want to meet when you are constantly bombarded by questions regarding not what you want but whether you are single. THAT I blame on the married men who don't have the guts to talk to their wives honestly about swinging or the balls to leave them if they just have to pursue the lifestyle.

 

As far as everything else, you just have to let it roll off your back and realize everyone is an individual and wants to be treated as such. Also consider how much effort did you put into letting him know you wanted to meet the person and would have became friends with him even if swinging wasn't part of the equation? That may sound obvious to some of you, but it is one of the things a lot of couples online actually state in their ad and in forums that they won't do with single men. Of course they later write about how disrespectful the men they met acted towards them, if they didn't stand them up.

 

And as I wrote in the paragraph after the one that was quoted, a single man would rather spend time playing cards with friends than having sex with a stranger, even if it is a single woman. Of course, having sex with a friend trumps playing cards with a friend, so put a little more effort into making friends with the single men you plan to meet and you won't have so many stand you up. If you are not looking for single men as friends, don't complain when you get stood up. You weren't risking anything important, so you didn't lose anything except a little time and maybe a meeting with someone who would have showed up. If you actually did develop some kind of relationship with the man before you planned to meet, chances are he really did have a valid reason for not showing up. Friends don't stand up friends unless they have absolutely no choice in the matter. And they always make it up to you later.

 

Aaron (climbing off the soapbox again and moving to his steel reinforced concrete bomb shelter)

[EternallySingle 32]

Yesterday my wife spent most of the day cleaning the house and getting ready to entertain her new friend while I was at work. After a confirmation phone call around 3 pm she did all the "girl stuff" that they do before going out. At 7 we left home to meet him at the agreed place with her dressed to kill and me just short of cardiac arrest from looking at her. Since we had already had a brief meet and greet the week prior we grabbed a spot at the bar, ordered drinks and waited. When he hadn't arrived by 8 she called his cell and was sent directly to his voice mail. We ordered another drink and waited more. At 8:30 we decided that we had been stood up again and ordered dinner. When he hadn't arrived by 9:30 (two hours late) we returned home. While she and I still had a great time I could tell she was upset. She had that "Whats wrong with me?" look and was forcing herself to smile.

 

If this had been the first time it would be easier but this is the third straight single male to put us through the hassle of getting a sitter, renting a hotel (not this time but twice in the past), dressing, driving, etc. and not even bothered to call with a b/s excuse.

 

I need your learned advice on two questions:

1) Does everyone else get stood up most of the time or is there really something the guys don't like about us?

2) How do I get my wife over being rejected?

 

Before I was speaking generally. Now I am speaking to you. The guy was a jerk. According to your other post, he was in town on business and thats how you met. Well, he was simply looking for a piece of ass while he was out of town. What probably happened was sometime between 3:00 pm and 7:00 pm he met a single woman also looking to get laid and decided to do her (and not have to worry about being asked to leave) and left you high and dry. He should have called and said something, even if it was a lie. But he didn't. Forget him.

 

As for how to help your wife get over being rejected? Get some friends together and talk about his sorry ass. That always works for me when I get stood up by some woman who thinks her...stuff is sweeter than honey. Well I've only met one woman where that was true, and we were together for four years until she moved to take her dream job

[CB_n_Red 16]

If it's any consolation, Aaron, one of our prerequisites for playing with anyone, couple or single, is that we both like them/him/her. Without that we find it just doesn't work as we would like.

 

Red has had her share of feeling rejected, but now sees that it isn't down to her (thank goodness).

 

CB

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We do try and become friends before we meet. Mrs naughty has to feel a friendship before she will fuck (Most of the time ). A few messages on the site, Some IM'ing and a few phone conversations. And during these conversations Mrs naughty REFUSES to talk about sex. other than the fact that she wants it. After mrs. naughty gets comfortable and he is someone she thinks she would like to meet I will jump into the conversations so all are comfortable before meeting. Mrs naughty tells them if they have any sex questions to ask me. And they usually do and I tell them what they need to know.

 

After all this they still back out at the last minute. Then have the balls to contact us to see if we can try making plans again.

Not a chance in Hell.

 

And you are right. This is also true of couples not just single men. But it happens MUCH more with single men. Just our experience.

[marriedwet 34]

Hey Guys & Girls...Yep, all the guys who want to meet up with you are probably married or whatever. When the opportunity is there, you see them IF they are allowed out of the house. Plus, think about this...are you ALWAYS "in the mood" just because you made a date a week ago for Staurday night??? Just to compare what we do is go to the theaters & have a blast! Lots of married guys usually around & willing to "do it" Last week I found a great big (9") married guy & hubby & I had a fantastic time. Asked him where the "misses" was...he said she had some kind of religious hangup about certain types of sex. (hmmmmm). He did me 4 times, including anal, bareback. Oh well...her loss. Between him & hubby I went 7 rounds. Surrender Sometimes if things are going really good, we'll get a room then & not waste the time preparing with all the hype. Have fun ya'll...we usually do!

[xxoticangel 99]

All of our meetings with single females have been chance meetings, so no opportunity to stand us up. lol Athough we did notice that they aren't on the poll....does this mean they don't stand people up? If so, we'll start planning more meetings with single women!

 

The same is true for us. Three of our four FFM's have been chance meetings and all of them have been with married women who's husband was present (somewhere) or approved. In the last 6 years I have heard a lot of stories and seen some pictures of the elusive "single bi female" but I have never actually seen one or met anyone that did.

 

The reason is that IT JUST ISN'T IN A SINGLE MAN'S BEST INTEREST to meet with a couple for sex. He may fantasize about it. He may have even made all the initial contacts and arrangements.

 

This is something I don't understand. When I was single and not involved I spent most of my free time trying to get laid. I went to bars, health clubs, church, etc. with the sole purpose of hooking up. Looking back I figure my chances of having sex with anyone but myself were usually about 10%. (About 1 out of 10 nights ended up in someone's bedroom) If I had been given a strong indication that if I just show up at a specific time at a specific place I would get to spend the night with a beautiful sexually charged woman I would have jumped at it.

 

We did have an initial meet and greet the week before. There was definately attraction on both parts and we would have played that night except that we had to pick up the kids from the sitter. There was no indication that he is married (tan line on ring finger, slip up about kids etc.) and he was only 26. He and I got along well and had enough in common to keep the conversation going. At this point we have burned two sitters and both will require payback in some form. Plus it will be late August before we can possibly arrange another play night.

 

Given our current situation are there any suggestions? We have four kids living at home all under the age of 12. We don't have the resources to get spend three or four "dates" getting to know someone with the eventual hope that something will happen. We usually know within an hour of meeting someone if they have playmate potential. I won't lie to anyone this is mainly about sex, lust, and passion. If a playmate becomes a friend so much the better but it isn't a requirement.

[JaiDawn 15]

We have been stood up by several single males and one couple before. I am sure that it happens to just about everyone. That is why we try to meet at our favorite topless club. That way we can still have a good time. A swingers club just opened here so now we have that option also.

 

I would not take it so personally. God only knows how many of them are actually married and didn't show up because they couldn't get away from the Mrs. The ones that aren't married just don't have any brain cells. Either way, you are better off without them.

 

Carrie

[EternallySingle 32]

I can't explain it to you any better than I already have. There is no excuse for standing someone up, but it is going to happen. Lying about who you are, stage fright, and simply wanting to see if you are going to show up are a few of the reasons people get stood up, no matter what the gender or marital status. I can only share my experience and opinions.

 

1...single men are more concerned about meeting single women for sex than couples for sex. There is more opportunity for a lasting relationship with a single woman than with a couple looking for sex.

2...single men are more interested in hanging out with their friends than meeting a couple for sex. Again, there is more opportunity for a lasting relationship to develop than there is with a couple looking for sex.

3...single men want to have sex, but not if it is going to be uncomfortable. If there's any doubt about his role, he's gonna bolt.

4...married men know more about how to get into a couple's head than single men do. If someone says too many of the right things, he's either been swinging as part of a couple and is now single, or he's married. The former is the preferred partner and is going to go out of his way to keep the date. The latter is probably going to stand you up.

5...single men have nothing to gain by meeting with a couple, so you have to make him feel like he's special, just like you want her to feel like she's special. You don't have to buy him gifts or lie to him, just make sure he knows you like(or at least respect) him and he will not be as likely to back out. If that is too much, don't complain when he does.

 

Finally, don't over think this matter too much. I'm still trying to figure out why a woman I was dating for three months suddenly started voiding me when she saw my ad on a swingsite. That made as much sense to me as "IT JUST ISN'T IN A SINGLE MAN'S BEST INTEREST to meet with a couple for sex" made to most of you.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I don't know if you could say we were exactly stood up. Our first time we were supposed to meet a couple we had planned the day before what town and time we were going to meet and then we were going to figure to exact place to meet the next day. Well we never heard back and we waited and waited and much to our dismay we left and did something else (didn't want to waste the time when we had a sitter). Well the next day we found out her grandmother had passed away that day. It's not like we were sitting at the restaurant waiting but it was definite plans a week in the making. I totally understood though and we made plans to meet a few days later. Well everything went smoothly the next meet time and we have been playing since

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My thought would be stop trying. The best single guys we ever played with were guys we just happened to know through other venues. When trying to meet single guys through ads for whatever reason, over half the time they were flakes which they proved either before we ever thought about meeting them, at the first meet or shortly after.

 

Look at the guys you know. It saves all the hassle from having to get sitters, get hotels, etc.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Anybody notice how most of the people who were stood up had this happen due to treating with the ubiquitous "single male"? Although in many cases, the "single male" is, in fact, married and looking for some extracurricular nookie, and when it comes time for the rat killing, they wuss out (particularly so for those guys encountered online). What a surprise....

 

We've only been "stood up" once, by a couple we had met with once before. Thing is, we were not surprised by the turn of events. While the guy clearly had the hots for Bunny, his wife was equally clearly not interested in me, and we knew that by the end of the first meeting. This being the case, when they didn't show up, we were not surprised nor particularly upset over it.

 

One thing we figured out early on is to not get one's expectations too high when it comes to first meetings. This is particularly true in the case of people one meets online. Sure, some people have good luck in regularly connecting with other couples or single whatevers, as the case maybe. But these people tend to be the "pretty people", and all they need to do is show up, and they draw all sorts like flies to honey. But not all of us fit that criteria.

 

Add to that, Eternally Single's statements about single guy's motivations and how easily distracted they can be is quite valid (having been single myself not so long ago, I can attest to this myself..., there is a lot that can go wrong in this area.

[curiousagain 326]

Lots of good points made in the previous post.

 

I wonder though, if this guy stood you up because he got an opportunity to go out with a single female, does he really have the exhibitionism/voyeurism tendencies he should to be a part of a MFM threesome? Does he have the respect, integrity, and social skills needed for this? Have you had any contact with this guy since? Maybe he was in a vehicle accident or succumbed to the flu, etc. Things happen.

 

I have never been stood up by someone I had met previously but I have been stood up by couples and single females for the first meeting. I sometimes wonder if they were who they said they were or maybe they just got cold feet or stage fright.

 

As far as how some couples treat single males, yes, some do treat us as though we are just sitting around waiting on the green light. I have had couples send me an email and want to meet for sex that night. Sorry, that might happen, but I am a single parent, I have a job, I have a social life. If I am off work, I most likely already have plans made with family, friends, dates, other couples. And, if I have made plans with anyone I keep them even if "a bigger, better, deal" comes up. Also, I much prefer the first meeting be a meet and greet only.

 

Just rattling here, I am on my third cup of coffee this morning.

 

Play safe, and be careful, it's a big world out there.

 

Curiousagain

[curiousagain 326]

After rereading my post, I want to clarify something. I wrote "I wonder though, if this guy stood you up because he got an opportunity to go out with a single female, does he really have the exhibitionism/voyeurism tendencies he should to be a part of a MFM threesome? Does he have the respect, integrity, and social skills needed for this? Have you had any contact with this guy since? Maybe he was in a vehicle accident or succumbed to the flu, etc. Things happen."

 

It is true that as Single Men our priorities are with single females, BUT!! if you have promised to meet someone for an activity, wether it is swinging, a ball game, helping them paint their living room, whatever, you should keep that promise or have a very good reason why not and be willing to explain to the person/s you let down why you did it. When I referred to exhibitionism/voyeurism I meant I was agreeing with others in that some think they want to do that, but when the time comes, they are a no show or a no perform. I have to cut back on the coffee.

 

Play safe, and be careful it's a big world out there.

 

Curiousagain

[twohotblondes 15]

we try to weed out single males because of that reason..it helps if you send a few xxx pictures before hand to ensure his sex drive will take over his senses

 

facelick

[lauriern 16]

Being stood up is a hazard of the lifestyle. On the other hand, stuff happens. I've never understood the anger of these people who feel you have made an iron-clad contract to meet and fuck them. Lighten up people. If you meet, you meet, if you don't go, on about your lives. People who don't accept reality scare us. Yeah you paid a sitter and thought you were going to be lucky. We've done the same thing, but the difference is we laughed and moved on.

[marvelousmarv 15]

I think that you and your wife's attitude shows to the men that you try to be with. From what I have read that you both have said, I can only assume that this is just a quicky. As a single male, not speaking for anyone else, I think that if this was conveyed to me I would not have responded either. I look for something that I hope is long term as friends also.

[Nymph an' Satyr 22]

That is why we try to meet at our favorite topless club. That way we can still have a good time. A swingers club just opened here so now we have that option also.

I would not take it so personally.

 

JaiDawn has it right. We always meet someone where we would like to go by ourselves. If no one shows, we have good time with each other.

 

We never take it personally- i.e., wonder what is wrong with "us." Though we do indulge in some comments about how some people are inconsiderate asses.

 

We are also members of SLS- and believe mightyly in their certification system. We have been stood up quite a bit more from uncertified members.

[reguyngirlky 15]

We would never stand anyone up and hope that it does not happen to us.

 

We are going about this slowly and deliberately, in the hopes of making all the right choices. Don’t laugh.

 

We feel that if we are always up front about our plans and desires as well as get to know the people we want to play with that we can avoid most of the bad things that can happen.

[HotMoCpl 20]

Not sure how you met him, but it does sound like an ad?! It could very well be possible that your wife and you are looking for the wrong "get me" lines. He probably had to stay home and service his wife.

 

This is why, couples or singles, we're going to meet in a club environment first and see what the other is all about.

 

You might try going through the messages from "single" guys to see if you can pick out that "something" that just doesn't fit or doesn't sound right.

 

Good luck.

[Tanman aka Mike and Marie 16]

First of all whoever would stand you up after seeing/meeting you two would have to be insane (we think you two are very hot..saw your profile).

 

Secondly we have never stood anyone up, but have been stood up before.....but never for sex. Thats just rude/immature of the other person, if you are going to enter into something like this maturity and honesty with the others you interact with is essential.

 

Sorry you had a bad experience, if you are as nice/personality as you are nice looking we would think anyone would have to be crazy to not spend some "quality" time with you.

 

Mike_n_Marie

[corkwan 20]

Why not give the person a call the day of the date, just to make sure everything is still on. these days, with mobile phones, etc, it is pretty easy to do a last minute check. not saying that will stop every incident, but it might reduce the number of times you end up waiting for someone who is not going to show up.

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We have been stood up by single males on several occasions and by a couple on one occasion. The cuple gave an extremelt lame excuse and disappeared from this portion of the universe. The single males were similar in that they avoided all forms of communications afterward (except for one jerk who accused US of playing games when he went to the wrong restaurant!). Did My Little Princess feel rejection? Of course! Did we get over it? Not really. She has avoided considering single men while we have a great time with the single females that we have befriended. Their loss.

 

Feces occurs. But try not to take it personal. It was not your fault and it will happen again.

[Lustman 15]

I don't necessarily agree that it is not in the single man's best interest. Perhaps I am too naive but why wouldn't it be. You are meeting a fun couple for "recreational sex" where it should be enjoyable, physically, mentally and emotionally (perhaps even spiritually). It is a darn right thrill to meet fellow swingers and enjoy their company. God gave women and men the sensations for bodily pleasure. Too bad man put restrictions on who should experience it with. Oops, sorry to the spiritual soap box.

 

Back to the topic at hand. My sincere apologies go out for those decent men who would dearly love the opportunity and experience with you wonderful couples. Please don't write us off we are out there. It is an absolute honor to not only be with you but hopefully satisfy your sexual desires and wishes. It is an absolute turn on to do the damndest to please you.

 

Truly yours,

Larry

[EternallySingle 32]

I don't necessarily agree that it is not in the single man's best interest. Perhaps I am too naive but why wouldn't it be. You are meeting a fun couple for "recreational sex" where it should be enjoyable, physically, mentally and emotionally (perhaps even spiritually). It is a darn right thrill to meet fellow swingers and enjoy their company. God gave women and men the sensations for bodily pleasure. Too bad man put restrictions on who should experience it with. Oops, sorry to the spiritual soap box.

 

Back to the topic at hand. My sincere apologies go out for those decent men who would dearly love the opportunity and experience with you wonderful couples. Please don't write us off we are out there. It is an absolute honor to not only be with you but hopefully satisfy your sexual desires and wishes. It is an absolute turn on to do the damndest to please you.

 

Truly yours,

Larry

 

Well, what I mean by it is not in a single man's best interest is this. If a single man can convince someone's wife that she wants to have sex with him AND convince her husband to let him have sex with his wife, how much easier would it be for that guy to find single women? Single men who swing do it for only one reason: It is FUN! There can be no other reason.

 

But what is more fun: Meeting someone that doesn't know you and made little attempt to get to know you, or someone that you know is a friend? Yeah, the excitement of meeting strangers is great, but if it doesn't work out, what are you going to do? Either hit a club, call some friends, or go home.

 

What seemed to get lost in translation is that couples have to really put as much effort into connecting with single men as they do with single women. The fact that there are so many more single men than single women means they actually have to take the time to get to know the men they want to meet. I know the numbers make it seem like open season for those couples that specifically want single men, but be realistic. Is a guy that is available when you call him Friday afternoon really the kind of guy you (the wife/girlfriend) would have probably gone out with if you were single? Probably not.

 

Even when I don't have a date, I have SOMETHING planned for the weekend. This weekend I'm going on a community camping trip. In two weeks I'm going to a friends wedding. The weekend after that I'm going to a comedy show. Sure, next weekend I'm free, but thats probably only until tomorrow night. Either I'll think of something I want to do or someone will call and ask me to do something. Anyone that hasn't called to make plans with me by noon Friday for next weekend is S.O.L. Even if it is just sitting around the coffeehouse preaching the virtues of the Libertarian party, I will be doing something. Maybe I'll go dancing, maybe I'll take a long drive until I reach half a tank, then turn around and go home (I driven my Saturn SL1 400 miles round trip on 3/4 tank of gas). Then again, I might try and find an online Delta Force game. I just don't know.

 

But I WILL HAVE FUN. And it is very unlikely that I will be willing to meet a couple at the last minute. A single woman, yes. A couple, no. Even if the wife's playing single, she's still part of a couple. With one exception (and they live in S. Carolina now), no couple has enough friend clout to get me to drop everything and meet them for sex. Especially if I have to drive more than an hour to see them.

 

Then again, I'm not every single guy. I know what I like and what I don't like, and I love sex. I just don't place it above friends or good conversation. It really isn't close unless it is with a single woman that I've either had sex with before or consider a friend.

[Tat2 15]

OK I have to add a few words here. I think this is incredible!!! I am a single male and I would never stand up a couple or a single woman for that matter! I live in a tourist area. Any night of the week I could go to the local night club and see what I can do to "pick up" However, if I had the choice of spending the evening with a swinging couple instead there would be no contest.

 

#1. I already know that the swingers are active sexually and plan on having a good time.

 

#2. I know there is little or no danger of the girl harassing me the next week because I didn't calll her or take her out.

 

#3. I believe (and I could be wrong) that sexual activity with a swinger is probably likely to be safer than with someone I only just met in a night club.

 

#4. No nasty visits from angry husbands that just found out I had slept with their wife because she didn't tell me she was married.

 

Sorry I am rambling here but this drives me nuts. I think alot of you are probably right that many of the no-shows were actually married. However, why in the name of jumping jehosova (I know I spelt that wrong) would they get involved to that point anyway?

 

I am truely sorry for those of you that have been bitten by the asswipe single guy bug. Please know that there are good single guys out there that will not stand you up, that are good guys and that are pissed off that the fakes/flakes give the rest of us a bad name. No, scrap that, I changed my mind. The more flakes there are out there the more couples will appreciate and respect my genuinity and nicety when they find it.

 

My current MO is to get to know the people first and then invite them to come and join me on the island. In fact there is a wonderful couple that are planning that as we speak. I hope they make it and I am convinced after many hours of chat that we are going to hit it off and have a great time. Not only that but we are also all three of us under the understanding that if we don't hit it off sexually that we will have a great time together as friends. What can go wrong???

 

XXoticangel, any man who stands you up is out of his tiny litttle insignificant mind!

I looked at your profile and you are astounding!!

Stick with it and you WILL find what you are looking for.

 

Sorry if I went on a bit but the whole single man standing up gorgeous swinging couples thing is just incredulous to me.

 

My turn now to get off my soapbox, I have a flight to the UK to catch tomorrow. See you all when I get back.

Tat.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Well we have not been stood up but we only do couples. We've had to reschedule our meets twice due to babbysitter canceling at last moment. We now tell our dates at the beginnging that we are at "the mercy of teenage girls" which makes it easier if something should go wrong. That line always gets a chuckle.

[lustylearning 705]

LOL! I wish I could say we've been stood up by a couple, but after looking at the preceding conversations more closely, we're pretty sure we were stood up by a poser single male:rollseye:

[4Beauty2C 17]

Since some swing sites have a "rating" scale on how a couples and single people are etc. they need to have one of how many times they stood people up and the reason for it. That will then show me if this is an ongoing for these people, and to decide if it is okay to swing with them or not.

[BCinIN 52]

Lately, we've become strictly club-goers--the online scene just has too many what-ifs for our taste. At the club, you can see, meet, and evaluate what (and who ) you're getting yourself into before anything happens, and no one gets stood up. Of course, now that we found an even better club than our old one, this is just working out as well as could be for us, in many ways.

[spamcatcher 36]

We had a run of bad luck when we started. We were stood up twice by the same guy, then again by another. Since then, things have settled down.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Oh, yes, we've been stood up. But, 100% of those "stand ups" were with people that we made contact with online, which is why typically we stick to meeting new people at clubs or house parties.

 

Pepper