Contacted by not yet swingers

[MidLifeFun 148]

After moving to a new state we didn’t keep our profile on a meeting site because of a few reasons including Covid and feeling strange with advertising to meet. We have met a few nice people who we enjoy being with still keeping our profile alive. Never wanting to being overly sexual in our description we get just a few inquiries. We are honest with height, weight, age and have a current photo. I like to think we are attractive as others say HWP. We post no singles and still get them. We know the posting involves sex yet we don’t post overtly sexual acts wanted. Our picture that is open is very G rated. We have an R protected. No X rated. 
We were contacted by a new member who state they are thinking of swinging, something that makes us wonder the authenticity of the poster. They have not asked us for pictures, we have seen there G picture. They are close to our age and through messages they have children about children’s age, maybe younger. They claim they haven’t met anyone, never played, and are asking plenty of questions. They suggested a call or FaceTime meeting. They sent us their number after we showed hesitancy in sharing hours. 
Do we want to be a couple’s first?  We are certified by two members, they have no history. Maybe we are overthinking that we aren’t good enough to be a first, will that ruin it for them. They aren’t in a hurry from how we read the messages but they must be in contact with others. We know how to do baby steps, call, meeting and then decide. I bet others would jump at the opportunity. I’m thinking about our first time when the others knew exactly what to do. 

[lcmim 1,084]

If you don't want to ruin it for them, then let it be about them and not you.

"What would you like to try?"

"Have you discussed this between you?"

"Let us know how and when you wish to proceed."

" Remember you can always say stop, if something gets uncomfortable. We will understand."

Always show respect for their relationship.

 

We remember what a great and vulnerable time just starting is.

People need to proceed at their own pace and only they know what that pace is. That has to be honored.

 

You are NOT primarily guides or teachers, just friendly, safe and encouraging.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Personally, especially since we try our best to help others here, we would be willing to at least talk with them and see where they are at and what they are thinking (just like if they were posting questions here). We would be all over a Facetime meeting since that is the quickest way to verify that they are not fakes and are both interested in swinging. Heck, we are willing to have dinner and conversation with just about anyone interested because you never know who you might click with (looks, for us, is not everything...it's personalities that matter most). More than likely, they are looking for info and someone who has experience so they can be better informed. Just because you talk with them, doesn't mean that you are going to play with them. Start the conversation and know that you can always stop it at just about any time. At the very least, you should point them in the direction of this board so they can make a more informed decision as to if this is for them or not.

[cplnluv1 873]

Read both of the answers above. Great advice by real people who know about the lifestyle. We were all Lifestyle first timers at some point and I can say a bad first time will stick with you and might sour you. 
FaceTime, drinks, dinner, real honest conversation. Make sure both parties are onboard and not one spouse making the other do something they will regret. Swinging is not a cure for a bad relationship, a bad relationship will only blow up if forced. Look for the signs of coercion they are sometimes hidden. 
As the others stated, make it about them, what they want and read the why they want it. We have learned that you will be rewarded with a great meeting and a no pressure first time. 
I see you are already reading our members and know who to trust. You seem like a new thoughtful presence on our little board. 

[ROCKlandCpl 452]

About two years ago we were that couple reaching out on a paid site not knowing if we were doing the right thing. Strangers on a sex site could be very risky. Rocky and I talked and talked, then researched, joined this group and another looking for the right way to act and what to look for when meeting strangers. It was a very big step to have the conversation and the first meeting. I would think our reactions were similar to many others. We were not rushed and we kept giving approval signs. 
I wish I could recommended our first friends to everyone looking to enter our lifestyle 

[lovefest04 700]

Have you shared this site with them? Do.

 

As you know it's full of great information and lots of nice folks willing to share and help.

 

I remember our first meet-up and conversation. The freedom we felt sitting over coffee in a public space talking to another couple about sex was intoxicating. How often do we have the chance to do that? Without judgement, without fear and without commitment.

 

We did try to play with them that evening. It was not good. Got to their place and the reality kicked in.

 

I remember two specific points of complete turn off:

 

She was in the middle of her period and he didn't bother to wear a clean un-torn pair of underwear. Obviously as couples we had different expectations, Live and learn.

 

We would totally meet with them.

[MidLifeFun 148]

Very good information here from all of you. 
We had our phone call followed by FaceTime. The pictures they included are them not fakes. They made a remark they were happy to see we look the same as our posting. Fakes go both ways. They said they are talking to others too. Don’t know how I felt, cheated on or happy others find them attractive. 
We decided to not bring up sex or lifestyle unless they did. We talked for over a half hour with no sex talk when she asked why we hadn’t brought the main topic. We knew that sex would be brought so I was prepared with there is more to swinging not just sex. I felt like it was a canned response which it was. I saw she had notes and prepared questions for us that she most likely used with others. He didn’t ask questions but he did add to the conversation. Both of them were open and friendly, it would be horrible if it were just two or three of us talking. 
We told them our history of swinging and our current situation as new to the area. When asked what they were looking for the immediate answer wasn’t sex, it was finding sweet people. What was their big fear? She answered her fear wasn’t know how she was going to react, his fear was worrying about her. We assured them we would stop any time they said Stop. He asked who goes first. Never thought about that. As a first timer they should be comfy first. 

3 hours ago, lovefest04 said:

Have you shared this site with them? Do.

No we didn’t , we will when we are sure. We don’t want them to think we don’t know what we are doing if they read this post. As you can tell we are a tiny bit insecure. 
 

We decided to meet them at McDonalds, they felt better meeting at Olive Garden. 
Gotcha, we are meeting at a nice restaurant we never went to. We agree with the advice that it’s about them not us. We hope it leads to more in time. No rush. 

[TricianMike 779]

We all were new that first time. Treat them the way you wanted to be treated. 
Our first meeting was with swingers we watched at a club and wanted to meet them after the club.  We wanted to impress them with our worldliness something we didn’t have. 

[MidLifeFun 148]

Being a couples first is only the beginning. We were happy to meet them in person and enjoy having a meal and drinks exchanging life stories. They also moved during the last few years and like so many the pandemic gave them time to reassess their lives. They both came from a conservative restricted background. They met at school, only dated a short time before she became pregnant. He was her first and only and got married before having their first daughter. She let on that he is the the only man she ever saw naked. He claimed she was his second. 
They both have changed the beliefs instilled in them when their daughters enlightened them to the real world. I’m not sure if it pained them to admit that their girls are more worldly. 

[cplnluv1 873]

Happy that things are moving along with your meetings. Taking small steps will be comforting to them if they decide to take the big step. Being the first is fun and a responsibility in how they will proceed after your meetings. 
Did you listen to what they are looking for and what their expectations are? 
You stated they have conservative backgrounds socially, politically or sexually? 

[findinganswers 369]

We were told a couple we have been with as a part of a group were sexually innocent when they started swinging. If I believe the story she was a virgin when they married. Her first new man was not in front of her husband. She is now one of the wilder women we play with. 

[MidLifeFun 148]

Very interesting people as they related the reason to look into swinging. A few years back their daughter told her mother that she had sex and not wanting her daughter to make any mistakes like she did had The Talk and made an appointment for birth control. I asked if she told the daughter that she was a love child. She said she wanted to be very honest that her mother never discussed sex and that Dad was the only man she had ever been with, that they love each other and life couldn’t be better or happier after she and her sister was born. The problem was answering questions about sex without being educated or worldly, sex was not talked about when she was younger. They bought a book about things you want to know about sex. The mother and daughter learned together. I can only picture them reading and talking about sex from a book. They also watched videos on topics. 
Both daughters had the same education from books and videos and from what I can get from the talk we had the daughters had very open talks with their mom. The parents learned much because they wanted more for the daughters, things they never knew. Girls grew up and the parents did many new things some we never did. They experimented with acts they saw in videos and now contacted us to expand on what they learned from videos. 
This has to be a crazy trip for them, they are now teaching us new things too
 

[findinganswers 369]

Most guys I know saw their first pussy in porn someone’s parents had hidden. 

[cplnluv1 873]

I bet all the men on here watched porn when younger and most women have watched porn with a boyfriend or husband. 
Pornography has a very dark side with young women being forced to do things by controlling men with horrible consequences. There are plenty of books written by famous porn stars who were made into sex slaves. Horrible! 
If you look up the history of porn on the internet I learned that porn was one of the “for pay” services that opened up the web to a money making business. As bad as porn history is it has been educational for many people and has led exploration of sexuality. Internet sex videos was a catalyst that led us to expand our sexual activities. 
We would at times watch very graphic videos that would set a mood. Many videos included several women or a man a several women a scenario I had before I was married. The one scene we watched was a woman who somewhat looked like me had a man in her mouth and woman between her legs when Alan said he wished he was there with me when I did that. I point to that exact moment when we decided to look for a unicorn.