Red Flags from a Couple

[sensuality 2]

Hello everyone,

 

We don't know if you read our intro...but here's our issue

 

We met this couple via the internet about 3 weeks ago. They contacted us.Initially, the male of the couple sent us an e-mail expressing their interest in us. Okay, that was fine and he was very nice. However, we never get to chat or send e-mail back and forth to the wife. Apparently, the mother-in-law is staying at their home until late August sometime. We called them and spoke to them a few weekends ago on the phone for all of 10 minutes (the only time we've conversed with them both, BTW). In the beginning, he was getting into the habit of sending me (female member) IM's during the weekdays while he's at "work" (He always talked about the four of us, a few innuendos here and there. There was one comment he made that bothered me a bit, however. I was trying to express how important it is to my husband and I both that any couple we get together with has to respect boundaries and be totally in love with each other. I said I've read too many horror stories about people crossing the line and actually falling for people they've swung with. He then says, I'd never leave my wife...I love her a lot, etc. and then he says...well, ya never know; then he says he's just kidding?...red flag anyone??

 

Anyway, we can never really send IM'S or chat on the weekends via the computer so all 4 of us can chat (which is when my hunny's home). Supposedly due to the M-I-L being there. Well, my hunny and I discussed all of this and he expressed concern about the IM's on the weekdays, so, of course, I stopped conversing in this manner. After that, the concept changed a little. The male member got a bit distant, not rude, just distant. And, here's where we're wondering if we should even pursue this (We should mention we do have a date set up at the end of this month to meet them). They were supposed to call us this past Saturday night...my hunny and I were kicking back having some drinks and having our own fun...the time came and wait for them to call. They never did! So, we go online Sunday and notice they had been online. That a.m. Monday, we get an e-mail from him apologizing for not calling, that he "forgot" to write down the number. Okay, shit happens, right?

 

So, we tell him that is fine,and we noticed they were online Sunday, which he said was weird, because they never logged on . But, we're a bit concerned because we've had minimal contact with the wife. We asked him to ask her if there's anything she'd like to discuss with us and also told him she is more than welcome when she has the chance to send us an e-mail so we can get to know her, too.

 

He writes back the next day saying that he spoke with her and she says she's more comfortable talking when we meet. He also says that they'd like to call this Saturday, but they have no set agenda, meaning they like to just call and say hello. Well, we said that was fine. However, if we're not really going to do any talking...basically, what's the point?

 

So, now, we've written back and said we'd be in contact the week before we're supposed to meet to discuss where and when, etc.

 

Okay, anyone can give us their $.02 on this one. My hunny's a bit irritated and I'm just plain confused What does this sound like to you all??? We both think that there should be a bit more getting-to- know-you going on here. As I said, when the male member and I were exchanging IM's, it was all good, but when I stopped...the concept changed. We would've been fine exchanging IM's if all 4 of us were involved. We think if we met these people at a club and just decided to "fuck" then fine...why worry about talking? But, in this instance, it's a bit different...We should mention that "they" expressed and emphasized that friendship to them is more important...But, we're at the point where friendship ain't all that important Hee,Hee!!

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

My .02:

 

Drop this couple.

 

Wish I could say more but that about sums it up.

[sensuality 2]

Well, Geez!!!At least say a bit about why you recommend dropping them...LOL!!

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Your entire post was a red flag. At least it would be for us. We have played this game with couples before and your scenario sounds all to familiar. We have wasted a lot of precious time. Now as soon as we sense any game playing we stop contact and move on. Swinging is suppose to be fun.

 

Is that better?

[NewTemptations 54]

I think you are making this too hard.

 

If your own personal rules and comfort level dictates that you talk to both online and on the phone to a certain extent before meeting then you should stick to your rules.

 

Suggest to him that you put this all on hold until the end of august when MIL leaves and then try again.

 

If this couple is telling the truth about the situation then they will understand and wait, if theres a bit of stretching the story there then they will go away and no one will be wasting each others time.

 

Laura

[sensuality 2]

What an excellent idea! He blocked our access to their personal photos this a.m. anyway.The feeling we're getting is this is more for him.However, we do know they spent time with a couple who said nice things about them; and while he blasted them to us..put a really nice review about the couple on the site.You all are right...too many red flags !Seriously thinking about sticking to the clubs

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

Dito to all posted above! Don't waste your time! If & when they both have the time to talk to you guys, then try it again. If they don't understand that then screw them. (or don't screw them! ) Mr&Mrs-naughty said it best, "swinging is supposed to be fun." So don't waste your time on people who don't meet your standards & qualifications!

[CB_n_Red 16]

Sounds a lot like quite a few time wasters/fakes we have dealt with recently. All talk and no action - and it does sound like the real talk is from the husband only. We would be suspicious that the wife may not be at all up to speed on what the husband is up to.

 

Red flags all round, as the others have said. Time to move on.

[Denver2some 15]

while he blasted them to us...

This is the biggest red flag of all to us. (Although hard to pick, there are so many!) Do you really want him talking about you and your husband to everyone else afterwards? We agree: Run away!!!!

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

sensuality

 

I sense you want to think positively about this couple and your involvement with them thus far, which I can understand, I've been there.

 

But I agree with the others, there are just way too many red flags here. I suggest dropping them.

 

It can be done by simply sending an e-mail that makes it easy for the couple to just fade away. An idea for what you could write: "We feel it would be best to meet after your m-i-l leaves. This way all four of us can freely talk on the phone before meeting, which is what we'd prefer." Of course, you have to choose the words that best suit your situation. But I think you get the idea, keep it short, sweet, to the point without being rude.

 

Best of luck,

 

LM

[JaiDawn 15]

I would drop this couple for sure. It should not be that hard to be able to talk to the wife. I, personally, do not like to talk on the phone but have no problem with doing so if that is what the other couple wishes. I would heed those red flags.

 

Carrie

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Drop em and you've already given us all the reasons why. You don't need a hard stone reason if things don't feel right then something's not right and it's causing you more grief than it's worth.

[Alura 2,774]

We agree there are a lot of red flags.

 

However, we'd still have dinner with them. Our philosophy is that we'll have a first dinner with almost anyone. We'd pick one of our favorite restaurants. If they don't show, we'd have a great dinner together without kids.

 

If they did show, we'd learn a lot about what they're like in person and compare it with the red flags they've already waved.

 

The one thing that might cause us to not consider having a first dinner with them is "he blasted them to us." We'd have to know more about what he said, probably need to have heard it, to make an evaluation. Even if we decided to go ahead with the meeting, we'd have the thought in mind, "Can we really trust these folks?"

 

More than likely, we'd end up not pursuing the friendship, but it would be after we met them face-to-face.

 

Alura

[sensuality 2]

{He made some un-flattering comments w/regards to the other couple's hygiene}After reading everyone's thoughts,it seems like my hunny and I have some things to talk about tonight.I,too, think it's just really,really extremely ODD that we never get to conversate w/the wife.And, our concern is that she's not as up for this as he is.Which of course, gets on our nerves Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to give us your words of wisdom

[TeamSoBe 36]

We have found that having trouble contacting the woman is a definite, guaranteed sign that it will not turn out well in the end. 100% of the time. It's one of the red flags that will make us just drop it with anybody, no matter how sexy. A wide variety of reasons can lead to a woman not wanting to talk. All of them bad. My wife and I are both super shy but she will still get on the phone to talk if we are really interested.

[sensuality 2]

It's not that she wouldn't get on the phone...supposedly she couldn't chat via the internat because of the m-i-l visiting,so, the husband was always trying to chat from work w/me and he wouldn't chat when my hunny was home{supposedly for the same reason} ...and when we did want to talk on the phone...they hardly talked .So, we just told them to wait until we meet.We already made plans w/them and we are the type that if we say we'll meet, we do.However, we're keeping our options open and not putting too much emphasis on the meeting.We've got other plans for later on that night,whether we actually meet ot not We are heeding everyone's warnings and advice...all has been very much appreciated.

[mok716 15]

I agree with so many of the things written above but I also can see the other side of this from a "newbies" eyes. I (Craig) and We (Kelly and Craig) have posted a few times on here and have emailed a few people on here but haven't gotten up the nerve yet to actually "talk" on the phone to any of the couples let alone set up a date yet. So after reading this thread I'm wondering if everyone that we chatted with thinks bad of us too :-(

 

Everything I have read in the original post makes me think that it is just him and his wife doesn't even know about this. I'd bet if you all went through with your date he would be making excuses why she didn't show up at the last minute.

 

That said I'd give up on the couple(or acutally a noncouple) but I hope you don't give up on every couple that moves a little slow.

 

Craig

[Alura 2,774]

Sensuality wrote:

 

I,too, think it's just really,really extremely ODD that we never get to conversate w/the wife.

 

It may really be the Mother-in-Law thing. It's possible that after August when the MIL distraction is removed they'll be different people.

 

You might just tell them that you'd like to wait until after August to pursue getting to know them. August is next week...

 

Mr. Alura

[sensuality 2]

Hi everybody..

Thanks for all your help We're meeting them in a few weeks.And...we did have one short conversation with the wife.mok716:Thanks for the "flip side of this coin" We never write off anyone unless we absolutely smell a rat...That's partially why I decided to write to you all,because we're newbies as well and were having conflicting feelings about this couple and their behavior or lack of it. Nevertheless...we made an agreement to meet them and we're going to do it. My hunny and I have just come to the conclusion that it's easier to exchange e-mail and possibly a few pics,then maybe call the night before the actual date and that maybe takes the pressure off.However, there are still a few red flags...and we're keeping our eyes and ears open...We shalll see

[BradAndJanet 70]

We're meeting them in a few weeks...

Cool, let us know how it goes. What the heck, it's just dinner, right? The worst that could happen (unless they turn out to be complete psychos... ...just kidding!) is that you have to sit through an hour of agonizing dinner conversation. On the other hand, you might find out you like each other! facelick

 

Best of luck!

 

-B

[sensuality 2]

Hi everyone,

For all of you that are familiar with this story, we finally met that couple I wrote about in the thread, "couple trouble...we think".{For anyone who isn't familiar with this story, feel free to go through and read the thread } We met them a few weeks ago at a club and to say the least, I definitely think you all were right about the wife not being too kosher with it all.

First,we were all going to meet for a drink prior to going to the club, then something happened where they had to change sitters at the last minute.Soooo,we had agreed to just meet them at the club.Well, my hunny and I got there first,they came in about an hour later.We spotted them,and kinda made eye contact,they came over and we all introduced ourselves.I was feeling very happy go lucky and invited the wife to go up stairs with me to grab a drink...I was wanting to have a few minutes alone with her just to get a feel for where she stood and etc.But, low and behold, we barely made it up the stairs to the bar, when here comes the hubby,with mine coming behind.My husband just looked at me and shrugged.{She and I never really got any chance to talk} So, anyway, we all go back downstairs to the lounge area, and hubby and I sat on one of the couches and there was ample room for all 4 of us, but they sat at the couch opposite us and the husband was saying we should all sit together, but she refused to budge and that we should come over to their side, so I said ahh, what the hell, and we sat on the couch by them.Well, I sat between my husband and hers, she sat on the other side of her husband.We talked for a bit and then,hubby and I went to go get another drink and when we came back, she was sitting where her husband had been and I don't think she liked the idea of him sitting by me... :rollseyes Whatever! By this time, I was wanting to go have some fun and it was clear to us they weren't going to be any. So, we excused ourselves and went and did our own thing.We were feeling really good, had a great buzz going on, so I didn't pay much attention to them anymore,we'd say hey or what's up when passing.But my hunny said he noticed they were bickering about something.And, they left maybe 2 hours{and I'm being generoous} after they got there.Sooo, it was a flop.They didn't even say good-bye...and, I was worried that we offended them or something,and my hunny was saying the guy would probably send an e-mail during the week when she isn't around...and I kept saying no, that it's pretty much a done thing and I hoped they didn't fight about it.Sure enough, that guy e-mailed the next week...saying...get this...they had a GREAT time and hoped to meet us again!! Is that NOT bizarre???? head bang

Now she did talk about the lifestyle a little and she even flirted w/my husband.I did get the distinct impression that while she may like the "idea" of swinging,perhaps she isn't ready for the reality????

[robnbarb 40]

Well I just read through the entire story (this is Hubby at work, and I promise my wife is real and is into this, just kidding).

 

Seriously I think we would have nicely but honestly dropped this couple before it came to that. after reading that story I can see no surprizes in what occured. We are newbies too but it smelled qhite fishy from the start.

 

Just on a guess I would have to say the wife was not really into this at all. This either got sprung on her or she isn't ready for the reality as you said (I think it is the formar). Also it sounds like some definate pressure from the guy. He wouldn't even let the ladies be alone. I understand an everything in the same room rule, but that is silly, next is he going to follow you guys into the bathroom? Seriously, a guy is only that way when he is worried something might be found out to blow his good time.

 

Also the fact that they were argueing later is another sign that this was sprung on her. It also might be he thought he was being "cute" by surprizeing her with a trip to the club (then again I am not sure if you confirmed her knowledge in the plan).

 

Basicly these two are a couple I would never mess with, there are plenty of fish in the sea, go and enjoy them.

[sensuality 2]

No, this wasn't sprung on her at all, we had a phone convo w/them 3 weeks prior.And, she was fine w/everything because we were all 4 on the line together talking and my husband asked her, and then I asked again if she was alright with everything a little later...and...yes, we should've probably dropped them and saved ourselves the headache, however...All 4 of us had already made plans and paid for the club...Soooo, there wasn't much we could do about that issue But, hey,lesson learned right???We definitely feel like meeting in person and not online is probably the best way to go...wish us luck!!

[biblonde 22]

Well you have the right attitude with lessons learned and move on. If she was that uncomfy with you just sitting next to her hubby then playing would have been a nightmare. I always find time alone with both to just chatt and I want him to also. After all you must trust both of them. I want to feel comfy with both and him to feel comfy with both. There is no room in this lifestyle for jelousy. And if he had a problem with you two girls being alone..geez! that is over the top something doesnt seem right at all with that. These two are more trouble than they are worth and if he contacts you again just tell him...we dont think we are compatable thanks but no thanks. And dont feel bad if they were arguing...it was nothing you did, their problem and they will have to work it out.We all know what goes on in this lifestyle so if one of them doesnt like it...they need to step up to the plate and say so. It was a little unfair to you and your hubby to have been drawn into their problems. Best of luck to you all! and beleive me there are alot of couples out there where one or the other is drug into this kicking and screaming...we have meet many of them..lol best thing to do is stay far far away!

[sensuality 2]

Biblonde...points all well taken Thanks for all your words of wisdom

[biblonde 22]

words of wisdom...hmmm first time i have heard that one...lol lol but it is more of past experiances and knowing it just isnt worth it. best of luck and as my hubby says...happy hunting!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

At least you met them someplace where when things didn't go well you could go have fun on your own. Can you imagine what it would have been like to try to have dinner with them?

 

I went ahead and merged this with the original thread so that folks who haven't read the beginning can put the whole story together.

[talltxlady 15]

I know this is a week after the original update, but wanted to put my 2 cents worth in. This is amazingly like the problem we've been having with the "friends" we were going to try to swing with, only it was my hubby, the other guy and myself chatting, only when he was at work. My hubby and the other guy are friends from way back, I've known the other guy for about 6 years, and only his fiance is the newest, having known her for about 2 years.

 

We'd set a few "lunch" dates and met together a few times, but something always came up that prevented us from even getting in a kiss or 2. Like having to leave early on a day my hubby took a vacation day so we could have some time to "do things".

 

We've finally decided they weren't worth the hassle since it was becoming "all talk and no play". That's when we found this board and starting getting serious about "real swinging" instead of just talking about it.

 

talltxlady

[sensuality 2]

It sounds like the Mrs.didn't want to play either...but she didn't have the nerve to tell her hubby.It makes me really sad for these couples,but what can you do?? Absolutely nothing but stay away from them

[scalcpl714 15]

Wow....some story. It can be hard sometimes reading people when talking online or even on the phone so I can see where you wanted to meet face to face. All in all, you read them right and got out of a situation that could of turned ugly so all's good. Plenty more fish in the sea

[sensuality 2]

I know...you just gotta have the right bait But, needless to say, it has definitely made us more aware.We are learning new things everyday about the lifestyle.It really is quite an adventure.