Need someone’s help

[Daryl callies 0]

Hi there,

im Daryl and I have done this a couple times and each time I did it I was with someone where we enjoyed each other during the swinging plus enjoyed the other couple. We never did anything without the other person. That was just a given of what we had. Well I now have a girlfriend who has been in the lifestyle for many years and she was married and only did this to try to save the marriage. Well the husband only wanted to swing with her and not alone and would not want her to do the same. She told me that when they swing most of the time no woman would want to have sex with him and he was getting depressed. So then other couples just was contacting her to swing and she would go without the husbands approval. My question is how do I tell her I only want to swing with her there and that’s it. I want to watch her and also want to make her have Orgasms. She also just loves woman but again I want to be there to watch and maybe join in and please her. But her face and what she said and what she said is she doesn’t know if she would like that. So my question for you guys that has years of this. Do you let your wife or gf swing without you? And what would you do in my situation? 

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Swinging to save a marriage or relationship never works since swinging is a magnifying glass. If there are problems it will only make them bigger and usually it will burn...obviously since she is now with you and (I'm assuming) no longer married.

 

Start with telling her what you just posted here and have a long talk about it, but until you have a rock solid relationship built on trust, love and open communication, I wouldn't go forward with thinking about swinging. There is actually a rather fine line between swinging and cheating and it sounds like she either ignores that line or doesn't know where it is. I keep starting to say something then stop...I really don't think you should be considering swinging until you have absolute trust in each other and until you do, just say no.

[EastInWest 1,524]

2 hours ago, Daryl callies said:

She also just loves woman but again I want to be there to watch and maybe join in and please her. But her face and what she said and what she said is she doesn’t know if she would like that. So my question for you guys that has years of this. Do you let your wife or gf swing without you? And what would you do in my situation? 

Hotwifing without the husband's knowledge or approval is just cheating.

 

I can have some empathy for the possibility that the marriage had failed due to the husband's behavior and that she was looking for an outlet, but I don't think she's experienced with swinging, per se, in the way you'd like.

 

We've both played solo more than a few times now and have had great experiences, but that took years of practice and learning to negotiate one another's boundaries on a new level. GoldCoCouple is absolutely right that this aspect of the relationship is best avoided, at least for now. It sounds like she simply wants to be non-monogamous without any of the responsibility that comes with actual swinging.

[lcmim 1,086]

Playing separately is fine, but ONLY AFTER the two of you have reached an understanding based on mutual trust.

 It does not sound like you two are there yet, and quite possibly do not know each other well enough yet. This all can take time. It is time well spent.

 

Until that time play together or not at all.

[Davdia 119]

I would say don’t swing at all until you are both comfortably on the same page. In this case probably never.

You should realize by her own admission she is a cheater not a swinger. 
If your uncomfortable letting her be by herself she’s already admitted she will do it anyway.

Time for you to do some soul searching as to what you want!

swingers are in it for their spouses

cheaters are in it for themselves