What are you looking for in a single bi female ?

[happy_single_bi 15]

First, I will tell you that as a new single female swinger, I have been inundated with responses ...even without a picture on the profile...which I did not expect.

 

Couples don’t seem to care what I look like…as long as I am breathing…and I find that suspect.

 

I wouldn’t buy a car sight unseen just because it is a Mercedes, it could be a rusted out wreck! That is just not good business acumen. So I find the correlation very disturbing…albeit in my favor.

 

Question 1: Why do you do that?

 

Why would couples want to meet someone they haven’t seen a picture of?

 

Also, many of the couples who have contacted me seem to be rather possessive in nature. They are interested in me becoming..."their"...single-bi female.

 

Is the desire for exclusivity that common or am I just dealing with wading through the backwater?

 

Question 2: How can I do that?

 

I mean...I am interested in a MMF...how does a single female accomplish that?

 

My concern is ending up in a circumstance wherein I loose control of the situation in a very unsavory manner. I would like to have fun and not be used…this is the area in my opinion where couples do have the advantage. The woman knows her mate will look out for her. I do not have that luxury.

 

 

It is a bit of a quandary … but I am sure the advice here will be eye opening and interesting at the least.

[Sexygirltina 15]

If you are looking for MMF and you are in PA you should go to the Farm. I was there a couple years ago with a couple and there were a bunch of single guys on shore leave.

 

You should have no problem arranging a MMF there. But are you sure you want to. I mean maybe I am little shyer than most but even after two years I haven't worked my way up to a mmf threesome.

[happy_single_bi 15]

hey tina...I read your posts also... nice to see a kindred spirit.

 

Yes, it is what I tried when I did give this a go with an ex and I loved it!

He had a bit of a problem with it though. Thank you for the heads up.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

Howdy & Welcome to the board!

 

Question 1 = I guess the reason why people do that is b/c you single females are hard to find. I guess after a while some people get a little desperate. No offense to you or anything, but thats probably why they may not care what you look like. In those cases if I was you I would just pass them over. I voted Experience, similar body shapes and similar goals b/c I would want a female we had something in common with.

 

Question 2 = I have no idea how to go about getting a mfm where you felt safe & in control. I have never had to worry about that b/c hubby was always there. But maybe you could recruit a male friend or 2 that you already have. Otherwise I would look for single swinger males then get to know them first. Good luck with your search, it would be worth it! MFM are great!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Question 2: How can I do that?

 

I mean ...I am interested in a MMF...how does a single female accomplish that?

 

My concern is ending up in a circumstance wherein I loose control of the situation in a very unsavory manner. I would like to have fun and not be used…this is the area in my opinion were couples do have the advantage.

The woman knows her mate will look out for her. I do not have that luxury.

 

 

It is a bit of a quandary … but I am sure the advice here will be eye opening and interesting at the least.

 

On this question I would say find a good friend or friends that are sexually open and get them to help you out. Either by getting in with a group of swingers (at a club or a private group) and finding people you trust. Or looking at the guy friends you already have and either finding a couple that would be into the idea. Or even if you just had one guy friend that you could trust who could just be there as a chaperone/bodyguard type thing. Then you could set out on your search for single guys via ads or whatever and find a couple that fit your bill. Get to know them a bit first and trust your judgement if there is any reason at all that you feel uncomfortable don't invite them to play. But then if you can find 2 that work and have your male friend there as well for support you should be ok.

[happy_single_bi 15]

Not to mention a hell of a lot of fun! Great advice...thank you

[EternallySingle 32]

I'm a single man, so my requirements for a single female are V*E*R*Y different than a couple or single female would have.

 

First, last, and always, she would have to be willing to do non-swinging non-sexual things with me occasionally. Yes, by being on a swingers site I'm saying I'm looking for someone to have sex with, but with a little vodka in me and I literally can find that down the street. That way I won't remember all the bad things I know about her or care that I wasn't the first that day (probably that hour...No, I'm not mean, she's proud of that fact but won't touch swinging ) I meant to choose similar body type, but there really isn't a choice for single men that's valid in my opinion. I guess that falls somewhere between willing to be exclusive and similar body type and interests.

 

Now your questions:

 

1)...I don't know. When I was part of a couple, I never used the internet for swinging, only for finding clubs near the cities my girlfriend sent me tickets to. Wasn't necessary. She was an "old hand" at swinging and a regular at most of the clubs I suggested. She had numerous friends she met at clubs and we really never looked for anyone. That was my mistake. I never had a chance to make my own friends because she had so many willing to play with "her new man." Because of that, when she moved, I was left high and dry. They were her friends and told me so in no uncertain terms.

 

2)...Be a little creative. Find two men you trust, either at a swing club, your hang outs, or online, and play with them separately. Let them know you are not "His Girlfriend", but a girl friend. Bring up the idea of a threesome once you KNOW they both can deal with it, then introduce them. It works better if they have similar interest, but different personalities. Guys don't hang out with guys that are just like them. We look for friends that can do something we can't, that way we can always get together and be experts on everything when we go home. LOL Seriously, you will have to give them both a reason to be protective of you without feeling possessive towards you. That means BECOMING THEIR FRIEND!!! I don't know why that's such a foreign concept in swinging, but ask any couple that swings with single men and most will tell you the men are friends, not just stunt dicks. As a single woman, a single man who swings is going to be your best resource because you will have someone who is going to watch your back AND rub it the right way.

 

Just my opinion.

[N&G 207]

I guess I'll add my opinions here.

 

Question 1 :

 

Not everyone considers a picture to be that important. We are an older couple and neither of us is "Barbie and Ken". We don't expect our playmates to be that way and are more interested in the person than the package. Also my personal opinion is that a large percentage of ads by single women are fake so why should I believe a photo anyway.

 

I don't know why you have met so many possessive couples but I would suspect that they are just as possessive with other couples as well as singles. Keep trying.

 

Question 2 :

 

Have you thought about finding a single male partner that you can swing with? This enables you to meet as a couple and if you are comfortable with the people then either of you can meet alone for MFM or FMF. This works very well for couples that enjoy a variety of combinations. It certainly works for me. Of course you need to find a partner who isn't possessive himself.

[happy_single_bi 15]

2)...Be a little creative. Find two men you trust, either at a swing club, your hang outs, or online, and play with them separately. Let them know you are not "His Girlfriend", but a girl friend.

 

Seriously, you will have to give them both a reason to be protective of you without feeling possessive towards you. That means BECOMING THEIR FRIEND!!! I

 

A single man is going to be your best bet because you will have someone who is going to watch your back AND rub it the right way.

 

Just my opinion.

 

WOW...NOW that is good advice...thank you...

 

I have been corresponding with one gentleman in the lifestyle, who I really like as a friend ( he is sort of me with balls or I am him with breasts ...whatever... I will take your advise and go for a test drive

 

He has the same story with a different name. Sort of like __________ (insert name here). I admit I like men... I am bi fun not as my main preference but because women sure do know how to kiss! (I love kissing)

 

I suspect this will be like putting together any team for business... it is going to take time and some research into people's specialties.... but what fun research!

[happy_single_bi 15]

But then if you can find 2 that work and have your male friend there as well for support you should be ok.

 

isn't that called a MMMF ? foursome or moresome....I don't think I am quite ready for that...YET...

[Sexygirltina 15]

I am glad that I am not the only one who has approached this like a business project. The only problem is that while I have desired goal and what seems like good team members. My team members don't deliver their portion of the project within the timeline of the project goal. Or they want a million pictures of what the finished project should look like. If this were a real business I would be firing and starting a new team. Despite what I think is a pretty clear objective in my profile I still get the pic collectors, and single men masquerading as couples or married men masquerading as singles. Where do these people come from. HR has done a poor job of pre-screening.

 

I am on the verge of shelving this project and making another go at being a good girl.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Tina, no need to cancel the project just because HR has let you down! Perhaps the method of communicating your requirements should be changed to a more direct, personal one. Internet makes it too easy for the casual wanna-be to appear to be something they're not.

 

In other words, why not try a club?

[EternallySingle 32]

Tina, I don't think you could be a good girl. You'd probably end up like I was a few years ago. Always distracted, never sure when someone was serious or joking, and going out of your way not to have contact with people you suspect of being swingers by the way they dress or talk or look or breathe or...

 

well, being good is vastly overrated. Being great is the way to go LOL.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Tina, I've been following this thread since the beginning and had a question early on; however, I hesitated to ask and kept hoping the answer would pop up eventually. But just my luck... So now I'm just going to have to risk making a fool out of myself.

 

Early on, I got the impression you were looking primarily for a couple to team with to visit clubs together. I don't really understand why you are searching for another couple to visit clubs with you? Now keep in mind, I've never set foot in a club, but from what I understand, it just seems that couples that go to clubs would more often than not, want to meet other couples or have the occasional encounter with a relatively unknown single. I don't know...it just seems that you could visit the clubs on your own and find whatever it is you might be looking for. I guess I'm just sort of confused and don't really understand. The other thing I keep thinking...if a couple was interested in what you are looking for, why would they want to visit clubs with you? It seems they might be more interested in a "triad" sort of relationship and that would somewhat negate their interest in you.

 

I think I've now confused myself even further.

[EternallySingle 32]

Actually, EBF, I THINK I know where she's coming from. She likes going to swing clubs, but doesn't like going by herself. I don't know if she doesn't know or doesn't trust any single men who live near her, or if she wants someone to 'play' with before or after her visit to the club, but she simply doesn't want to go alone. For that reason, she's looking for people willing to go to clubs with her.

 

And you are right. Most couples are not going to want to go to the clubs with her on a regular basis. Most single men would not either, at least not until they became close enough to know exactly where they stood with each other. "A bird in the hand beats two in the bush" kind of thing.

 

hmm...that's an English saying and those crazy Brits sometimes call women birds. hmmm....

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Actually, EBF, I THINK I know where she's coming from. She likes going to swing clubs, but doesn't like going by herself.

 

You may very well be correct, ES, and I wondered the same thing. However, she seems like a very strong and "I know what I want" type of person so the idea of her not wanting to go alone just didn't fit with the personality I'm assuming she has.

 

Sorry, Tina...here we are talking all around you and assigning specific characteristics to you...none of which may be true. And I've gotten myself in trouble too many times not to know better than to do something like that. I'm never correct.

[Sexygirltina 15]

Eternally Single pretty much hit the nail on the head I love going to swing clubs but have found that it is too much of a challenge to do it by myself.

 

The reason that I am looking for couple or a single to go to clubs are and you pick any from the list but on any given night one will happen:

 

1. Someone mistakes Single Female for Walking Buffett even after being informed that I am not interested. At which point I get to play my favorite game of peel the octopus off.

 

2. I am really tired of going to events and and not having the click that I need to take it to the next level. As any couple that attends the clubs will tell you some nights you just dont feel attracted to any one at the club. As a result I slip out a little earlier than closing and end up back in my room frustrated and unsatisfied. I could choose someone that I am not attracted to but I live with the belief of "no regrets". Having a couple I click with would solve that problem.

 

There are couples out there and few single men who are interested in the same thing. I say this because when I was with the couple I came into the lifestyle with these very individuals invested a great deal of time doing all they could to split us up so that they could move into their spot. Unfortunately for them the couple I was with were important to me and I was not going to split with them for another couple only as a result of our interactions no longer working out for us.

 

As the club scene rotates a lot of the people you meet either go to other clubs or drop out of the lifestyle so I am not really aware of any of the aforementioned couples or singles but I know they exist.

 

Why would a couple want to have single female and go to a club? Because it is fun and because everyone is guaranteed to have sexually charged night with the culmination being when the three of you are alone. Because as any man who has ever been part of triad will tell you there are very few pleasures quite as great as walking into a club with a woman on each arm.

 

You are right that I do have the type of personality that I could go on my own. But that is more of business persona that I have to maintain Monday thru Friday. On the weekends I want to be free to be woman, soft, passionate, and 100% woman. Going on my own doesn't allow me that freedom.

[happy_single_bi 15]

You are right that I do have the type of personality that I could go on my own. But that is more of business persona that I have to maintain Monday thru Friday. On the weekends I want to be free to be woman, soft, passionate, and 100% woman. Going on my own doesn't allow me that freedom

OK my turn...I am very much the same (as Tina)...but my reason for not wanting to go to the local club on my own is two fold...

 

One: I have been there as part of a couple. I do not wish my ex to loose face or deal with the inevitable ‘who’s friends are they’ routine.

 

Two: Going to a club (any club) alone is like going for a run... I don't run without my dog. It is just not safe. I learned along time ago if you want to end up being the central park jogger you go out alone. I have had to do more than peel off octopi. I have had to get a purple belt and put at least one person on the ground with a dislocated knee cap.

 

 

And just for good measure

 

 

Three: Since when do girls ever go to the bathroom by themselves let alone to a swing club?

 

 

To me the obvious answer to our dilemma would be that she and I hook up and go to the club together as “hunting lionesses"

 

I am sure we would be successful in stalking and taking down our prey...

 

What do you say Tina? Want to hang with a good looking older white woman?

[BradAndJanet 70]

Eternally Single pretty much hit the nail on the head I love going to swing clubs but have found that it is too much of a challenge to do it by myself.

...

Oops, sorry Tina, I got it now. Please excuse my dumb question...

[Sexygirltina 15]

person on the ground with a dislocated knee cap.

 

Three: Since when do girls ever go to the bathroom by themselves let alone to a swing club?

 

 

To me the obvious answer to our dilemma would be that she and I hook up and go to the club together as “hunting lionesses"

 

I am sure we would be successful in stalking and taking down our prey...

 

What do you say Tina? Want to hang with a good looking older white woman?

 

Lets Hunt together! The two of us together in a club focused and intent on our goals would be one heck of a force to be reckoned with. Are you close to the Farm? Interested in the Canadian Swing clubs?

 

BTW the bathroom analogy is perfect

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Man...have I ever confused the issue. I said I had been following this thread, but obviously not paying enough attention.

 

My original question from this AM was actually directed to happy_single_bi - or should have been. Sorry, happy_single_bi.

 

But, I've now gotten answers from both of you and appreciate it. But really, I still don't understand why you would want to go with a couple. In the first place, what is this thing I've read a billion times about no means no. Doesn't that apply to single women, too? If so, why would you be confronted with "octipi?"

 

If you wanted to play with another couple, what about the couple you came with? Wouldn't you be restricted to them, somewhat? At the least, wouldn't they feel that if you had come with them, you should stay with them?

 

As for going to a swing club alone, it seems I've read here that women frequently do that. In fact, I believe I've read before that it is relatively safe for a woman to go alone simply because most clubs have monitors and such. And if you have a purple belt and dislocate knee caps, I don't think you have much to fear anyway.

 

So...since both of ya'll are "working" this thread and I was totally confused on the names...either/and/or can answer - or not. - EBF

[happy_single_bi 15]

Dear Elusivebifem,

 

I don't know about Tina but I get unwelcome and unsolicited action every day. I can walk through the airport and ( for some reason especially when my hair is colored auburn) have men say things like - "You know what would look good on you?"

 

There seems to be an assumption that I am there to get some and I am desperate. It gets progressively more blatant toward the end of the night. (And I am talking about regular clubs as I have not been to a swing club single) Could be the increased alcohol content as the night goes on ... Drinking allot tends to bring out the asshole frat boy in some men.

 

I know my ex always said NO is the first syllable in negotiation....he must have clones.

 

Either way it would be nice to have someone else to watch your back, just in case. It would allow us to RELAX a little and not always be on alert posture. It is the advantage that being in a couple represents. The same as in scuba diving with a buddy, If you’re not on the boat and the end of the dive...they will notice and send people to look for you.

 

I think the ideal would be finding a friend (girl) in the lifestyle who has completely opposite likes in playmates , in order to avoid competition ... If more women would watch out for and give each other a hand ...OOOh that sounds kinky…lmao.... the clubs would be filled with us and we would probably loose are "precious few " status.

 

Hmmm ... I am getting used to the idea of being thought of as 'precious" maybe Tina and I should be the only pride of lioness’s.

 

 

How many should be in our pride? GRRRLLLSS night out would have a whole new meaning...I am beginning to visualize this. Any other single fems out there think it is a good idea?

 

 

How do you go about finding partners Elusiv if not by going to clubs?

[good times 991]

I am glad you asked this question EBF as I was wondering the same thing. At the club we go to their are usually several single gals there on coup[les night and they don't seem to have any of these problems. At our club if someone is acting inapropriately all one has to do is mention it to the host and next thing you know the offender is gone.

[happy_single_bi 15]

Now that is good to know...If you read my introduction you will see I am new to this. It is nice to know the lifestyle clubs are better policed than the real world bars.

 

There is hope...I still like the pride idea...I am a big plan b type....always prepared with backup plans.

[Sexygirltina 15]

EB. I am going to take this section of post

 

If you wanted to play with another couple, what about the couple you came with? Wouldn't you be restricted to them, somewhat? At the least, wouldn't they feel that if you had come with them, you should stay with them?

 

Herein lies problem. And this is why it is so important to be honest upfront. If I come with a couple I am not restricted to that couple and I am honest about that upfront. And vice versa that couple is not restricted to me. Should any of us feel the pulled in another direction we are free to follow it. That said you can rest assured that we will all be smiling before the night is over and if I come with couple I will play with that couple but that doesn't preclude play with another couple or a single. Depending on the couple that you are with the three of you may play with others or not it depends. As part of triad we all agreed that we were free to play with whomever. We tried to play as five and it didn't work as the male we brought in had performance issues when he realized there were there really three women there. The female and I would occasionally take a single male to play with or husband loaned to us for our personal enjoyment those times when our alpha male was out of town and couldn't attend the club with us. While at the farm I found a single female that I was drawn to but did not like my couple. We talked about it and they told me to play with her because if they had the chance they would. Now anyone who knows me knows that while I am bi beyond belief I have to have a male to reach the Big O. So by the time I got back to our room I was dying to share all the exploits of the night and to have a go at both members of my couple. The wife of the triad never tired of romping with single men and exercised that right frequently while at clubs.

 

I know of other couples where both women are straight so that can leave one of the women not getting any depending on the males ability to do a repeat performance in short time span.

 

Really it just comes down to personal preferences. Just like some people only go to house parties and hotel parties whereas some only go to organized events like swing clubs and conventions we have a personal preference for couples and swing clubs.

 

It is kind of hard because you have to go to a good club and see how much fun it can be.

 

Now as to the No means No thing. It is true. However I am just not the kind of person who would go complaining to club owners because someone touched me. The problem is that frequently the individual touches before asking if they can touch. In a case like that it is hard to say anything because you never had a chance to say no. You would have if you had been asked. While people should always ask before touching- Even I ask before touching another woman (shockingly not all are bi) many people in the lifestyle do it then apologize later.

[cristo 15]

One club you might want to consider is Kama Sutra in Philadelphia. The people there are very friendly and protective of one another. I had a lover who got into the lifestyle there and it really boosted her self confidence. Saturday night is reserved for married couples and single women so the odds of being bothered by someone's boorish behavior is low.

 

BTW single guys face the same problems you do. It takes a lot of confidence to walk into a swing club alone.

[Cr8tivecpl 15]

Okay...

 

I have read this post and I, for a minute, thought I was reading a recent, lifestyle, biography of myself. Relatively speaking, I am going through similar experiences. There is a major difference, because I am a male I don't get approached - that much. Now, as far as going to a singles club by myself, I am doing that for the first time tomorrow (Friday). I am going to TJ's. I have heard a lot about this club (all of it good) and I figure that now is as good a time as any to take the plunge. Possibly, I'll run into a couple that I know and there is great possibility that I won't run into anyone. Whatever the possibilities, the ideas of vulnerabilty that come to mind in this kind of situation give me a second of pause. However, I am an adventurous person and I am do for something new. So, I am jumpingh into the deep end come tomorrow night. I've only visited a club once before this and that was with my now ex-partner who had much more swing club experience than myself - she has been visiting clubs and swinging for the last seven or eight years. On my end it has been about eighteen months and most of that has been as part of a couple. So, her I am like a fish fresh out of water about to go flop about. But, I digress.

 

I think it has got to be hard for anyone to go into a swing club for the first time. I would think that the aqngst must be twice as bad for a single - especially a female. In either case both figuratively and literally you are going to be naked to the world - trying to hide in plain sight. For me, on one hand it is exciting as hell and on the other it is probably, to date, the scariest thing I have ever done. In recent years the other things that come to mind are my getting divorced after twenty years of marriage and coming into the swinging lifestyle - I have pretty much recovered from the divorce.

 

You are right there is safety and comfort in numbers. In the case of you and your MFM desires, I think everyone was right. Develop a swinging partnership with a very open-minded secure male and then the two of you should find someone that you both can feel comfortable with and at the same time someone with whom you, especially, can feel total comfort in the area of trust. It's hard to swim laps in this kind of pool but once folks see that you are serious and not just "fucking around" they make room for you and help you to attain what it is that you want. Before that happens, you are probably going to come across a huge gaggle of assholes who are bedpost-notchers; kiss a bunch of frogs and frogettes; encounter idiots (male and female) who neither understand nor appreciate what this lifestyle is all about; and meet many a neandrathal (sp) who will think that just because they have a cock and you have breasts that you are just gonna jump all over them. Have faith, not all of us guys are like that - hell, some of us are even patient, understanding, sensitive, and unselfish. You're gonna meet some really fine couples who are of the same ilk as well. Look for us you'll find us. Until you do, find another like Tina or a couple and go have some fun until you find the kind of situation that suits what you are seeking.

 

Lastly, and you knew this was coming, if you ever happen to be or if you are within fifty miles of Philly...gimme a shout...let's have a drink and we can share war stories and/or just get to know each other. What the hell, bring along your friend too.