Code Words and Hidden Meanings in Swinger Profiles

[kinkyscots 19]

Hello!

 

We've been purusing ads looking for a single male as of late. We've found that in many cases men will state in their ads that they are "very open minded" or "very kinky" or even "open to new experiences".

 

For the most part, these men are simply bisexual or bi curious and we're now wondering if there are secret code words and hidden meanings behind other adverts we've come across. Is it common here to use phrases like "very open minded" to indicate that one is bisexual? What other phrases should we key in to?

[CB_n_Red 16]

Good question! I reckon we would find the answer to that one useful as well!

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Out of curiosity, why have you come to believe that the phrases you mention are meant to be code words for bisexuality? Couldn't those same terms mean something entirely different?

 

Not trying to be smart...really don't know the answer or why you would think that. Thanks!

[Vespertine 31]

CB_n_Red said:

Good question! I reckon we would find the answer to that one useful as well!

 

Dito

 

We always wondered if there were certain code words hidden in adds.

If there is--- We'd sure like to know them!

[kinkyscots 19]

Out of curiosity, why have you come to believe that the phrases you mention are meant to be code words for bisexuality? Couldn't those same terms mean something entirely different?

 

Not trying to be smart...really don't know the answer or why you would think that. Thanks! - EBF

We've found that the majority of men who say these things in their adverts are bisexual. Perhaps we've made some assumptions, but it does seem apparent that there's a trend. Are there phrases and/or words here that spell out certain fetishes? For example, in Scotland "dogging" is very popular. It started when men would lurk in bushes at parks to watch couples going at it in hidden spots. Now many couples go to parks to find the doggers and usually allow them to join in their fun. Here, I think it's just simply called "public sex". LOL very straight forward!

[Elusive BiFem 70]

We've found that the majority of men who say these things in their adverts are bisexual. Perhaps we've made some assumptions, but it does seem apparent that there's a trend.

 

Right, but what I was wondering is if, after e-mailing or talking with these people using these phrases in their ads, they actually admitted to being bisexual or wanting bisexual experiences? Or, is this just an assumption you are making based on the phrases used?

 

I've seen the same phrases many times, but didn't think much of it other than they just thought that maybe swinging in general was kinky or they were new to the idea and open to new experiences.

 

I think I noticed that ya'll are in California. Are you really from Scotland? That is one of the few places I've ever really wanted to visit. I picture it as being so lush and green....just beautiful. - EBF

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

kinkyscots said:

. . . Is it common here to use phrases like "very open minded" to indicate that one is bisexual?

I've not discovered the phrase "very open minded" to indicate bisexual interests. Is there a place on the ad to list if you are straight, bisexual, or bicurious? Most swingers sites have this feature. Maybe you have not noticed how these males filled out that section of their profile.

 

We don't seek out single males, we search for couples, and we have found that couples are generally very good about stating clearly if they are bisexual or bicurious. Possibly this is different with ads by males.

 

The best way to approach people you are interested in is to ask them what they mean by the phrases used in their profile. Phrases, terms, words, mean different things to different people.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

LikeMinds321 said:

The best way to approach people you are interested in is to ask them what they mean by the phrases used in their profile. Phrases, terms, words, mean different things to different people.

 

Dito Dito I would ask people what they mean first. Since you may not know what certain phrases mean, the ones that right them may have no clue either. Therefor you might miss someone worth getting to know!

[CB_n_Red 16]

I think I noticed that ya'll are in California. Are you really from Scotland? That is one of the few places I've ever really wanted to visit. I picture it as being so lush and green....just beautiful. - EBF

 

Some of it is, but not in the winter....

 

Seriously, it's a great place. Glad it's not far away for us. In fact we'll be in Edinburgh in August. Looking forward to that.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

We've found that the majority of men who say these things in their adverts are bisexual.

Right, but what I was wondering is if, after e-mailing or talking with these people using these phrases in their ads, they actually admitted to being bisexual or wanting bisexual experiences?

Our experience has been the same as kinkyscots. Almost every time we have ever chatted with a gentleman who claimed to be “open minded,” that open-mindedness has included bisexuality. Even though we regard open-mindedness as a generally positive trait, because we have no interest in male bisexuality, we have taken to avoiding those who use that phrase in their ads.

[onenosbest 31]

When it is that time to find single men, we always ask that question to him if he is bi or not. We also have had probs reading some ads but never hesitated to ask..

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Greg & Sheryl said:

Our experience has been the same as kinkyscots. Almost every time we have ever chatted with a gentleman who claimed to be “open minded,” that open-mindedness has included bisexuality. Even though we regard open-mindedness as a generally positive trait, because we have no interest in male bisexuality, we have taken to avoiding those who use that phrase in their ads.

 

This is really interesting. I would have never thought that the open-minded comments were geared towards bisexuality among men. Live and learn.

[TeamSoBe 36]

I have been away for a long time so I'm reading back through older stuff, just found this.

 

Those phrases definitely all increase the chances that you're dealing with a bisexual or curious guy.

 

A code phrase that I have seen more and more lately in swinger ads is "p&p" or "pnp" or "p and p" or any variant. That means "party and play". It originally meant that the person or couple was looking for somebody to get cranked out on crystal meth with and then have crazy wild sex. Lately people who are into all kinds of different drugs like Ecstasy and Foxy are using it. Originally used a lot on gay sites, lately you'll see it all over AFF. I'm guessing that most people here will want to avoid ads that include the phrase "p&p". Just a heads-up...

[CB_n_Red 16]

Okay....I've heard of crystal meth and ecstasy, but what on earth is "Foxy"?

 

That's a new one on me!

[stoutgatte 25]

Interesting thread...

 

I would describe myself as very open minded, but I'm not bi or bi-curious at all... On the other hand, I have no need to say this in an ad...

[wrnakedru 38]

TeamSoBe said:

A code phrase that I have seen more and more lately in swinger ads is "p&p" or "pnp" or "p and p" or any variant. That means "party and play". It originally meant that the person or couple was looking for somebody to get cranked out on crystal meth with and then have crazy wild sex. Lately people who are into all kinds of different drugs like Ecstasy and Foxy are using it. Originally used a lot on gay sites, lately you'll see it all over AFF. I'm guessing that most people here will want to avoid ads that include the phrase "p&p". Just a heads-up...

 

Thank you so much for posting this! We have skimmed past those ads that say P&P since we didn't know for sure what it meant and couldn't find it in any site's glossary of terms. I suppose if there had been somebody that really otherwise piqued our interest, we would have just asked them. But that hasn't been the sole reason so far when we've opted not to attempt contact.

 

I had sort of figured it somehow referred to "Plug and Play" - - as in they were really into playing with a variety of "toys". Although we don't mind, rather enjoy, the occasional use of toys we don't think we'd enjoy those that always include toys as an important part of their fun. Surrender

 

And on the off chance it referred to the unenticing practice of partying 'till you puke, well, we really aren't interested in that!

 

Glad to know we weren't passing by something we would have liked!!

 

BTW, what does "Foxy" refer to - - another Ecstasy-type of drug? Am I correct in thinking that the Ecstasy that is out there today is quite a bit different from the one that was legal for several years in the 80's? I 've heard some scary stuff about today's Ecstasy and didn't know if that was DEA propaganda or true - as the stories would not have been true regarding the 80's version.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

wrnakedru said:

BTW, what does "Foxy" refer to - - another Ecstasy-type of drug? Am I correct in thinking that the Ecstasy that is out there today is quite a bit different from the one that was legal for several years in the 80's? I 've heard some scary stuff about today's Ecstasy and didn't know if that was DEA propaganda or true - as the stories would not have been true regarding the 80's version. WR

 

Watch it, WR! You're on the verge of giving your age away. Of course, in my youth, I already knew what P&P meant. Yeah. Right.

 

So what does Foxy mean? I wonder if these are terms that Julie should add to the dictionary thing for others like...uhhhh....WR. - EBF

[SteveInAZ 15]

Well then - I guess it's a good thing guys like me are just open about it. Seems to save a bunch of deciphering some mumbo jumbo...

[poster_guy03 15]

Foxy is an LSD like drug see https://www.justice.gov/archive/ndic/pubs6/6440/index.htm for some info.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Thank you, Poster_guy. Back in my day - uhhh...I mean WR's day... life was so much easier. Grass, pot, ludes...

 

Man! I would really hate to have teens around. You'd have to learn a whole new language just to keep up.

[Alura 2,774]

Quote

 

EBF wrote:

 

Man! I would really hate to have teens around. You'd have to learn a whole new language just to keep up.

 

 

Keep Up? With Teens? Whaahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah!!!!

 

[CB_n_Red 16]

Elusive BiFem said:

Man! I would really hate to have teens around. You'd have to learn a whole new language just to keep up.

 

You are not kidding!! I thought we had learned a lot from our kids (now 19, 20 and 23), but some things still elude us....

 

Not that they deliberately hide things. In fact we are constantly both amazed and pleased at how open they are with us, but I guess some things they just don't think to mention. Maybe for the best

[TeamSoBe 36]

I kind of thought that pnp thing might be useful information to drop here. I'll mention any others that I can think of but that's the most dangerous. Crystal meth people are generally not people you want to be with. Risky lifestyle.

 

Foxy is a pretty neat and relatively new one. You see it in little capsules and yeah it's like acid but far sexier. It's way more likely to make people get frisky than Ecstasy because it's not as intense emotionally but it still makes you feel all groovy. Ecstasy and Foxy users are more likely to be just normal people who like to party rather than serious hardcore weirdos like the "pnp" crystal meth people. I know plenty of real safe and responsible doctor and lawyer types who like to take a pill on the weekends instead of drinking. Don't freak out if somebody mentions E or Foxy, do run away if they mention crystal or pnp. In most cases you don't have to worry about it because they will ask you some question that you have no idea what they are talking about, they will see that you didn't recognize the slang, and they will just go away then because they are looking for other meth heads anyway. Not always though, some of them are kind of strange and enjoy introducing the stuff to new people, especially sexy couples where they can get laid and get new customers out of it at the same time.

 

I mention all of this because just about everybody who I know around my age grew up doing a whole different kind of thing on the weekends as a teenager than a lot of the older people around these forums did. If you meet a lot of couples in their late 20's and early 30's then you are going to meet more and more people who were doing E at college parties when they were 18 instead of drinking. I was and plenty of my friends my age who have by now struggled through medical schools and law schools and starting businesses and the like were partying the same way and still do. Just don't assume too much if anybody admits to using E or Foxy.

 

And yeah, when E was legal in the late 80's (when I was 16 - 18) it was easy to get totally pure MDMA. Once the feds outlawed the stuff drug trafficking rules suddenly applied and now dealers cut pills with things. Relatively rarely with anything dangerous but very commonly with things like ephedra that just end up making you feel all speedy and jittery instead of opened up and happy and empathetic. Safe and responsible kids test their pills before taking them with kits that you can get from a $50 donation to a non-profit harm prevention organization. Really safe kids let the dumb kids sample each batch of pills first and then they buy and take only the good ones.

 

I'm sure that plenty of people will have mean things to say about me being positive about any kind of drug. All that I have to say is that screwing my wife and friends in little intimate room full of five or six close friends all rolling on the same dose of ecstasy is the most alive that I have ever felt in my entire life. But of course crystal people say the same thing. All relative I guess.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I'm sure that plenty of people will have mean things to say about me being positive about any kind of drug.

 

I won't say a mean thing, I promise, and I appreciate the information. But I wonder...have you ever considered that some of the anxiety you discussed in another thread could be related to the use of ecstasy? Anxiety is a side effect and from what I've read and heard, it does something to either the serotonin or dopamine levels - can't remember which - but those normal levels are never recovered. Just wondering. - EBF

[TeamSoBe 36]

I know what you're saying but nope, doubt it. Was super duper shy and exactly like I was describing all through junior high and high school before any of that. I was always wary of the long-term effects and always had a never-more-than-once-every-three-weeks rule. Been too busy lately to party, haven't since like 2002 or something. Or no, before 9/11 I think, not really sure. Still super shy.

 

Ecstasy is the one substance that makes me forget how inhibited and shy I am. It would be dangerous if I did it a lot looking for that but I don't, I just enjoy how it frees me from all of that when I'm on it.

[fun_pairTX 26]

About as easy as nailing jello to a tree..................

Mrs Fun and I have 2 of them still........................pass the prozac sweetie.

[willisensei 15]

Back in the age before the internet swingers connected via magazine ads and P & P used to mean Photo and Phone. Has it changed?

[DigginIt 1,132]

So a very common theme we have heard throughout our five years of being in the lifestyle is complaints around fakes, picture collectors, single guys posing as couples, bed-notchers, etc., that are encountered on the various lifestyle sites. Obviously, there are no easy, singular identifiable (sometimes there are ) characteristics but taken as a whole, we believe there are always hints that will help you interpret what you are looking at.

 

People reading this should understand that some of the advice will weed out potentially good people but we feel that the increase in success is worth the loss of a few good profiles. Also, very importantly, while this list is hopefully entertaining, don’t take a single item by itself but use it as a weighted scale. One item may not mean anything but two or three on a single profile, watch out!! Also, some of these things are just good advice.

 

Here are a couple of the things that we have identified. Please add your own:

 

• If their profile states they are 37 / 42 and they joined in 2003, you can almost bank that the last time they updated their age was in 2003 and they are now 48 / 53.
  
• If they say they are 37/42 and you look at their certs and everyone they are sleeping with is in their late 50’s…your spidey senses should be tingling.
  
• If you see a string of new single unicorns, all in their lower 20’s hitting the ‘new profile’ list, all stating how they are looking to expand their horizons, bring your wallet to the first meeting, it’s probably going to cost you something $$$ also known as - if it seems too good to be true, it’s too good to be true.
  
• If they don’t have anything intelligent to say in their profile, chances are they won’t have anything intelligent to say when you meet them.
  
• It seems almost everyone pads their age/weight within 10 yrs/15 lbs. so if they are already at the far end of your acceptable scale, pun intended, you might want to wait and meet them at a social.
  
• Someone that has their yahoo contact in their profile and their account is free, you have to question if they can’t afford the 14 bucks a month - can they afford a night out with you?
  
• They are only available during certain hours…like when the husband/wife is at work. We suggest skipping them.
  
• Any single guy profile that has a name such as cock4fuck, pussy pounder, etc. You should expect to get exactly that and not much more.
  
• If there are no pictures of the man then he’s a Sasquatch or there is a 30 year age gap between them.
  
• If they have 300 pictures - we don’t really know what this means but it worries us.
  
• If either of them are holding a weapon in their poses and they want to take you back to their cabin in the woods. If this sounds interesting, you really need to think about drinking less.
  

 

Keep it going.

[Chicup 41]

• If their pictures look grainy they are scanned and very old
  
• If they have a dozen+ pictures, the most unattractive are their current ones
  
• If they say they don't have pictures due to a "sensitive" job, they are not ready to swing
  
• If they talk about how good they are at having sex, prepare to be disappointed.
   
  

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

It has been suggested that if multiple uses of the word drama indicated drama.

 

Or #1 thing to look out for is "I have been temporarily reassigned to a large project and the wife has given permission for me to play separate". We met a guy at a house party that had it on his profile. He was chatting up the wife in a hot tub and asked her if she wanted to take it inside. She asked where his wife was and he proceeds to show us his profile and text messages form his wife. We passed.

[Chicup 41]

Great point.

 

• Never trust a guy with a hall pass when you haven't spoken to his wife.
  
• 
  

[Chicup 41]

• If their pictures look grainy they are scanned and very old
  

 

Sigh- We just got one of those. Shes listed as close to 50, but has these really hot photos online and all are scanned. I'm guessing at LEAST 10 years old, probably older. The age isn't the issue but in our experience if someone (the husband) is using pictures that old there is a good reason for it.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Thought of this one last night as I came across a profile I see all the time:

 

• If there are several pictures of her feet - it means that she has finally lost enough weight to see them and she's very excited about it.
  

[confused12524 201]

We met a couple a few years ago that she was without exaggeration at LEAST 100 lbs. more than her pics. It was so awkward. We had chatted online for a long time and all felt like we were friends already.

 

We walked into the restaurant and our jaws dropped. It sucked because they were so happy to meet us and at dinner we got along GREAT. As friends......they were comfortable enough to complain to us about people being downright rude to them when they meet. And how "nobody is serious". They have had countless G-rated meets that ended after dinner.

 

Thankfully we had let them know in advance we don't "play on the first date". They stayed in contact after and there was no way to avoid it. I finally told her honestly that it wasn't right misrepresenting themselves and they would have much better luck being honest and attracting others who were interested.

 

Instead of doing that they doubled down. Left the same pics and rewrote their profile as a mean, nasty, QUIT WASTING OUR TIME......profile.

 

Sad because they could have plenty of fun.

[DigginIt 1,132]

We met a couple a few years ago that she was without exaggeration at LEAST 100 lbs. more than her pics. It was so awkward. We had chatted online for a long time and all felt like we were friends already.

 

We walked into the restaurant and our jaws dropped. It sucked because they were so happy to meet us and at dinner we got along GREAT. As friends...they were comfortable enough to complain to us about people being downright rude to them when they meet. And how "nobody is serious". They have had countless G-rated meets that ended after dinner.

 

Thankfully we had let them know in advance we don't "play on the first date". They stayed in contact after and there was no way to avoid it. I finally told her honestly that it wasn't right misrepresenting themselves and they would have much better luck being honest and attracting others who were interested.

 

Instead of doing that they doubled down. Left the same pics and rewrote their profile as a mean, nasty, QUIT WASTING OUR TIME...profile.

 

Sad because they could have plenty of fun.

 

You did the right thing (I'm sure you know that and do not need my reassurance, lol) and even went out on a limb (something that you would only expect your best of friends to do) and tried to help them. Sometimes people can't handle the truth and it's always easier to blame others than to look internally.

 

Feelings get hurt and often for the dumbest things. I just had to tell two couples (back to back) we were not interested because they smoked and one wrote back to us blasting us. I want to say, really? You're upset with me? If you had read our profile you would have seen the third fucking line, all by itself, in red -- Non Smokers Only. Just laugh it off and realize that you obviously saved yourself a lot of future drama.

[DigginIt 1,132]

• When you read - must have good hygiene and all of your teeth; it means they are from some backwards ass town where that is normal so please be different!
  

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

You did the right thing (I'm sure you know that and do not need my reassurance, lol) and even went out on a limb (something that you would only expect your best of friends to do) and tried to help them. Sometimes people can't handle the truth and it's always easier to blame others than to look internally.

 

Feelings get hurt and often for the dumbest things. I just had to tell two couples (back to back) we were not interested because they smoked and one wrote back to us blasting us. I want to say, really? You're upset with me? If you had read our profile you would have seen the third fucking line, all by itself, in red -- Non Smokers Only. Just laugh it off and realize that you obviously saved yourself a lot of future drama.

 

We have found the people who are the most deceptive in their adds also seem to be the ones who seem to have a literacy problem in reading adds.

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

We met a couple a few years ago that she was without exaggeration at LEAST 100 lbs. more than her pics. It was so awkward. We had chatted online for a long time and all felt like we were friends already.

 

We walked into the restaurant and our jaws dropped. It sucked because they were so happy to meet us and at dinner we got along GREAT. As friends...they were comfortable enough to complain to us about people being downright rude to them when they meet. And how "nobody is serious". They have had countless G-rated meets that ended after dinner.

 

Thankfully we had let them know in advance we don't "play on the first date". They stayed in contact after and there was no way to avoid it. I finally told her honestly that it wasn't right misrepresenting themselves and they would have much better luck being honest and attracting others who were interested.

 

Instead of doing that they doubled down. Left the same pics and rewrote their profile as a mean, nasty, QUIT WASTING OUR TIME...profile.

 

Sad because they could have plenty of fun.

 

I don't get why people do think they can get by with this. They must believe their wit and charm will so over power the deception and people won't care. We don't let our pics get more than a month old. We don't have our weights listed because we have both been on a regular diets and have been very successful in losing weight.

 

We have a simple policy when we meet people. If we find they have been intentionally deceptive we tell them why we feel they were and politely excuse ourselves from the meeting. Yes, people get offended, but if you are deceptive up front why should we believe you are going to remain deceptive.

[DigginIt 1,132]

We have a simple policy when we meet people. If we find they have been intentionally deceptive we tell them why we feel they were and politely excuse ourselves from the meeting. Yes, people get offended, but if you are deceptive up front why should we believe you are going to remain deceptive.

 

We would most likely stay through dinner. I'm not typically the confrontational type but MD has no problem stepping up to the plate and taking a swing. We would wait until after dinner though. We also agree that if they are that deceptive at the start then you should not expect anything that follows to be any different.

[81lizard69 470]

Bareback play is the only way they play. We have a couple that was chasing us for about a year... They seem to have it all... The house the car... The fancy kitchen with the uber name appliances... They sent us all the pics... but they only play bareback... Who wants that.

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

Bare back play is the only way the play.. We have a couple that was chasing us for about a year.. They seem to have it all ... The house, the car... The fancy kitchen with the uber name appliances.... They sent us all the pics... but they only play bare back... Who wants that.

 

To each is own I suppose. When we play it's ALWAYS with a condom unless we are very familiar with the other couple and their habits. We all take and accept a risk in making the choice to play but that does not mean we don't have to limit it.

 

Typically if I read or am told "no condoms" or "always play separate" I know they will not be a couple that we would want to play with.

[81lizard69 470]

To each is own I suppose. When we play it's ALWAYS with a condom unless we are very familiar with the other couple and their habits. We all take and accept a risk in making the choice to play but that does not mean we don't have to limit it.

 

Typically if I read or am told "no condoms" or "always play separate" I know they will not be a couple that we would want to play with.

 

We only play with condoms. No acceptations. They just keep perusing us... It says in our profile that we only play safe. I will add to this conversation by saying. Or starting a new category of. People you meet from a online website that do not read your profile or try to get you to change your mind about what your rules are. To me it's just easier to say what you do instead of being wishy-washy... But, that's the point of this thread. Being clear and communicating what you want.