Breast cancer survivor

[Swtbutterfly 2]

Hello - hubby and I have been curious about the LS for years and were about to go to our first club in 2021 when I received the horrible news , fast forward to today I'm done with all IV treatments, my hair has grown in enough to look somewhat decent and we are again discussing the LS, my fear is being comfortable and received well at a club - I needed a double mastectomy and did reconstruction, although I'm not totally pleased with the results, i also had a rare cancer in 2013 that required major abdominal surgery, so needless to say my body has been thru the wringer and I have numerous scars.

Will this be a major turn-off to others? Should we even move forward with venturing into newbie territory?

[Gigasangel 58]

Honestly I believe you should. I understand your fears and self confidence issues after a double masectomy but honestly at least for me attraction especially in the life style has very little to do with the physical but more for the erotic nature of having that sexual fun with someone along with your spouse and enjoying the experience as a group it’s even better if you are all friends. That’s not to say you aren’t beautiful or sexy but scars are meant to show we are stronger then the thing that tried to kill us. That alone is sexy enough. So go and enjoy yourself with your spouse and have fun. Those who can’t look past your scars the signs of your triumph aren’t worth the time and energy. Keep it positive and move forward and have fun 

[PeterJ 948]

9 hours ago, Swtbutterfly said:

Hello - hubby and I have been curious about the LS for years and were about to go to our first club in 2021 when I received the horrible news , fast forward to today I'm done with all IV treatments, my hair has grown in enough to look somewhat decent and we are again discussing the LS, my fear is being comfortable and received well at a club - I needed a double mastectomy and did reconstruction, although I'm not totally pleased with the results, i also had a rare cancer in 2013 that required major abdominal surgery, so needless to say my body has been thru the wringer and I have numerous scars.

Will this be a major turn-off to others? Should we even move forward with venturing into newbie territory?

I encourage you and your husband to pursue your interest in exploring the lifestyle and I agree with Gigasangel, scars are almost a badge of honor, at least among those who have reached middle age or older. When I was in my early 60s I was invited to dinner at her home by a (vanilla for sure) female friend since college. We’d never been romantically or sexually involved but had a fairly close friendship. She was a single mom, tall, very pretty, a physician and also a cancer survivor who’d had breast reconstruction following a double mastectomy. After a bit of wine over dinner she confessed that because of her "disfigurement" she despaired of ever finding a romantic/sexual partner. I assured her that she was smart, very attractive and financially independent; plenty of men would find her desirable. "But I don’t have nipples!" was her response. I wish I’d handled that frustrated exclamation better than I did, but I wasn’t out to her regarding the breadth of my sexuality and very broad experiences in the lifestyle. So I didn’t tell my friend about my experience at a party with a beautiful woman who’d had one breast reconstructed and was scheduled to have the other breast removed the next week. While her husband and another man took turns giving her oral I alternated between kissing her on the face and mouth and telling her, with complete sincerity, how pretty and attractive I found her. 
 

But I’ll also admit that when I was an adolescent through my 20s I found physical imperfections a negative factor, though not a disqualifying one. My high-school girlfriend had a huge appendectomy scar and former wife had a post-surgical scar that wound halfway around her torso and distorted one of her breasts. I still was very turned on to them physically, but then each of these was in the context of a deep emotional relationship. That’s not the case at a club or party. People do make judgements about what they find attractive in terms of physical and personality attributes — as they do in our everyday vanilla lives. But you won’t be looking to engage sexually with every person there, just some small subset of them, one or two.

 

Two other thoughts. I had a friend who lost her breasts in her 20s. She was understandably self-conscious about that. So she wore a tee shirt when she had sex. Second, in my experience the older the mean age of the attendees, the less judgmental people are likely to be in terms of physical factors. (Of course you get to choose, and it may be that being 15 or 20 years older is a disqualifying condition for you with regard to a prospective partner…)

[Gigasangel 58]

PeterJ is correct, I think as I gotten older and my relationship with my spouse evolved my views about imperfections has considerably changed. When my wife and I decided to enter the lifestyle we were interested in the fun and adventure, we were interested in maybe finding a couple we could be friends with where we could go out to the movies, eat, or drink and come to one of our homes and have adult fun. In that pursuit I never was concerned or cared about the imperfections of the other couple like nipples or surgery free was a requirement. I don’t know if that has to do with age or because working in the OR I have seen more breasts and dicks of every variety then some seasoned swingers and in a professional capacity that it’s kinda removed my criticism and judgment due to understanding the pain behind those scars. They should never stop you from having fun. Go out and explore

[twohots4u2 188]

The woman of the first couple we swung with previously had breast cancer and a double mastectomy.  When they lay down beside us in the couples room of the swing club, we were all nude except she was wearing a tank top.  My partner asked why she was wearing the tank top.  When the gal said she had a double mastectomy  and did not want to bother people with the scars, my partner apologized and felt like crawling under the mattress!  However, it broke the ice and we had a great time with them, with full swap and multiple orgasms all around.  

 

Bottom line.  Go ahead full steam into swinging.  Swingers are some of the most understanding people we know.   

Edited September 29, 2022 by twohots4u2

[njbm 2,870]

We played with a couple in same situation. She wore a bandeau top. We both succeeded in getting to the target. Really nice couple, did not faze us at all.

 

[MrMrsswinger 202]

On 9/27/2022 at 11:41 PM, Swtbutterfly said:

so needless to say my body has been thru the wringer and I have numerous scars.

Will this be a major turn-off to others?

 

I have no idea where this idea would come from. I have scars from breast enhancement, caesarean section and other surgeries. My SO has had multiple shoulder surgeries (two on each), two knee surgeries, and a variety of injury scars on his back, arms, etc (e.g. scars from fights, knife wounds, etc). No one has ever said anything about them. 

 

I honestly would be floored if someone would be turned off by scars. Maybe, just maybe, a younger couple (in their 20's for example) who hasn't lived may be surprised by scars but even that seems far fetched.

 

Be proud, be confident. I've never had anyone complain about my caesarean scar while I rode them.  😀

[discreetplay 235]

Mrs Swinger is 100% correct. As a male in this lifestyle I've never really noticed scars on others. During some down time in between sessions I've had conversations about "battle scars". I have a few minor ones (none of mine have incredible stories like Mr Swinger has!). I really don't know why a scar would be seen as a turn off.

 

 

7 minutes ago, MrMrsswinger said:

I've never had anyone complain about my caesarean scar while I rode them.  😀

 

Well said!

 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,387]

Life gives you battle scars.  As mature swingers we're comfortable with that.  I personally think a warm smile, a fairly normal HWP, and friendly and engaging disposition is enough to make friends at any swing club.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

We have said it before, we will say it again: the most important sex organ is the one located between the ears.  Not the ones between the shoulders. Not ones between the thighs.

 

That someone has survived a couple of cancers, including all of the accompanying surgical, radiological, and chemotherapies is reason for them to celebrate every day. It is also a great reason to celebrate with them!

 

Scars and other so-called 'imperfections' bring authenticity to life. Much like postmarks on a letter or stamps in a passport, they begin to tell the content's story. 

 

Be unafraid. Be proud. It doesn't get sexier than that. 

[lcmim 1,082]

FL is correct. As the male half here, I  prefer real people with real bodies. Scars and such matter not a bit.

 

I have,with my wife's approval, loved one lady within the lifestyle.

 

The lady was in the final stages of MS when we met. The force of her person made every  bodily insult disappear.

[AndrewandAnn 360]

Age and maturity has a way of sharpening one's sense of what really matters. And what doesn't.

 

To our tastes, sex appeal and desirability has far more to do with attitude and personality, and much less to do with some shallow, idealized notion of what 'sexy' is supposed to 'look' like. 

 

We don't know anyone who makes his or her way into the later innings of life without some hard won scars--physical, emotional, or otherwise. We'd like to think we wear ours well. And we're attracted to others who do, too.

 

 

[Prism 4]

Learning about the LS - which we’ve yet to embrace as a couple - has been a fantastic journey. One of the greatest attributes of most Lifestylers however is acceptance. And it’s not just for fucking; it’s acceptance of who we are mentally AND in our own bodies without  pretense. 
 

This is exactly the sort of transformative growth I hope to have with me and Alanis someday soon. 

 

Not to be too sappy, but thank you all for being in this group, having me here, and sharing your experiences with everyone.

 

Joey & A