For Men and Women Who Swing Solo

[Miss_Piggy 98]

This question for for the women and men who play solo and then run home to tell their wife/husband about it.

 

How much do you tell about the encounter?

Do you give every single detail about everything that happens in an exciting steamy story?

 

The reason I ask is that I seem to have trouble going into too much detail. It's not that I'm trying to keeping things secret. It's just that I don't really know what to say. I find myself saying things like, "Well I did my usual stuff." I tell about any of the things that seemed to stand out or be unique in some way but I'm no good at telling an exciting story. Just wondering if anyone else out there has this difficulty.

 

~Piggy

[akamgaxoxo 25]

Gee, Miss Piggy..I have problems describing something that happens right there in a same room situation! Ahhh, I am glad I am not the only one. But let me ask, how did you two decide on rolling solo? Was it a large discussion...and is it the excitement of it that you continue to roll solo? I mean I would love to, but at the same time I have my own fears as I am sure my hubby does too.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

I don't recall any big discussions on the subject, akamgaxoxo. I think it was more that we couldn't think of any good reasons for us not to go it alone. It's a different experience. And there is definitely something exciting and naughty about being with someone else alone. I think the most important thing (as far as my fears go) is being able to find a man you trust enough to be alone with.

 

[Now, I don't want anyone to forget my first question - anyone find it hard to talk about details of an encounter? ]

[desert_dwellers 18]

This is a situation that I can totally relate to (at least from the receiving end). Mrs. Desert_Dwellers has gone solo twice now (last night was the second) both times with the same man and both times I was keenly interested in hearing the details. She was hesitant at first because she didn't want to upset me. Do you think that plays a part in your storytelling?

 

-J

[lcjtsd 20]

I love it when my wife goes and plays by herself. It is the naughtiness that's exciting. When I ask her how things went, she also gives me the "We Screwed", "I sucked him" answers. How did I solve this? She always takes a video camera now. I can now see exactly what went on. When she gets home we watch the video together and has no problem telling me exactly what she was feeling/thinking at a particular moment.

[SweetErika 15]

I had a hard time telling my husband about my encounters with another woman. I think I was afraid if I made it sound too good, he'd feel inadequate, but it's also hard for me to put what happened into words. I did well recounting all of the details when he asked me specific questions ("did you play with her breasts? what was that like?") or put it in a chronological context ("what did you do first? then what?" etc.) though. So asking detailed questions and telling the story from the beginning might be helpful?

[Denver2some 15]

The few times my husband and I tried playing solo, we found that I am terrible at telling the details! My husband wanted every single detail but I felt completely ridiculous, like I was reading outloud from Penthouse or something. After a couple of pointless rounds of "and then what happened" and "oh, you know ..." we just decided I enjoy doing things much more than I enjoy talking about them.

 

Since we always play together now, he can relive the "detailed version" in his head as many times as he likes. facelick

[wrnakedru 38]

My present hubbby [of 13 years] and I do not play separately so this is not a current issue for me.

 

However, my ex husband and I quite frequently went our separate ways. In keeping with the idea of our activity being a "togetherness" thing, I tried for a while at his urging to share it with him with words. I found myself feeling much the same as expressed by others here; either feeling like I was a Penthouse forum letter in the flesh, or simply unable to give it the verbal version that he sought.

 

I know our dwindling relationship that eventually ended in divorce probably had a lot of impact on my willingness to even "tell the story" as I felt it somehow diminished the pleasure I may have experienced by trying to explain it. We tried only once or twice for him to tell me of his activity, but I discovered I did not have the same interest in hearing of his escapades as he did in hearing mine.

 

As I have said, this was a marriage that already had a litany of problems so this was not the root of the problem. But considering the problems, our choice to indulge in separate play was probably not a wise one. Eventually, both of us came to recognize the stories weren't going to be told because what we did, we did for ourselves. And it served to be the source of further division between us.

 

I think any inherrent danger to the relationship can be avoided if the primary relationship is the source of the most important and the most enjoyable sexual activity either of you experiences. I would urge those whose marriages are whole to find some way to share the separate activity, either through "story" telling, video, whatever. The frequency of separate activity should never exceed the activities you enjoy when you party with others as a couple.

 

I believe it is most important to maintain an active and healthy sex life together alone and it should occur with more frequency than any other category.

[deeptouch 21]

Going solo is a huge turnon for me. I love to have my wife come home with cum still in her. I also like to come home after work and find that she has fucked and still has cum in her. As to the details we also have a little trouble relating those.

 

We got even naughtier. I installed a one way mirror in our closet wall that looks into our bedroom. We have set it up so that I am in the closet and can watch her fuck. Its always with someone we know and most always with the hubby of someone we swap with.

 

e have also done solo's in the Airport parking garage when a friend is stopping over on a flight. She will wear nothing but a long coat, park in the garage and have him find her in the car. She will fuck him there and then come home and tell me about it.

 

I have done the same thing a few times, but it is much easier to have her do it than me. The end result is a very exciting experiance that we never get tired of doing. The after encounter sex between us is unbelievable.

 

My advice .... don't worry, be happy.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

hmmm... I like the video idea.

[desert_dwellers 18]

I do have to add a bit to J's telling.....

 

When I returned home from my solo, he was so turned on, I had the most awesome sex I hav ehad in a good six months! It turned him on as much as it did me!!!!

 

I can admit, I had a hard time giving details because I was a bit afraid of how he may react. But, once I did, i didn't regret it! LOL

 

-S

[Dave_kat 227]

It took me (Dave) almost two years to get comfortable with the fact of kat's bisexuality. Unfortunately, where we live, we have a predominance of gay/lesbians with very few admittedly bi women around. So in order for her to fulfill her desires for other women, well I've had to let go of the "play together" rule.

 

It was rough, and I'll freely admit I was feeling a bit jealous and inadequate with regards to the whole situation.

 

Most of the women that my wife meets/sleeps with are uncomfortable with my presence even in the same house (my imagineation runs wild, I'm thinking a lot of these women are afraid I'm going to jump in where I'm not wanted) and so when kat has a girl that she is sleeping with, I either have to leave if they have a date here, or she goes off to their place.

 

I've also learned not to ask questions. I honestly do not want to know some answers. Questions as to whether or not the girl eats her out better than I do is quite loaded, as in all honesty, what man can even think about competing with that (although I do give it my best darn shot)?

[willyoats 324]

Shortly after we got married we agreed on openness. She soon had an affair that lasted many months with many encounters. I loved to hear the details; it was a great turnon that enhaced our own sex life. I had a couple of unsuccessful attempts at seduction at that time.

 

For a variety of reasons we did not do anything more for several years and then started swinging together. After a while, we also started swinging alone as in an open marriage. She always wanted to hear about what I did, and I could describe it in considerable detail, to the delight of both of us.

 

When she had an adventure, she had more difficulty giving me a narrative about what happened. That was not from reluctance but rather because she just can't tell a story. So, I sort of got shortchanged on that score. However, I could tell when she had a good time, which made it all OK.

 

I suspect this is a general pattern: men can usually be more descriptive orally, while women have much more difficulty painting a verbal picture. That has certainly been my experience when discussing sexual adventures with men and women.

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know? I'm a writer and have no difficulty at all writing about encounters of other people.

 

But, when it comes to my own..., I choke! Now, I have written about the swinging adventures we had years ago and keep those on a diary site for my own pleasure but I didn't really write them for anyone else.

 

I equate this to dirty talk while you're having sex. It's fun, it's stimulating, and it's very erotic. But, right after the sex it's be difficult to relate, right? You just sort of lose that creative energy when you lose your, well, let's just say, incentive! LOL!

 

Plus, isn't it a bit rude to brag to your #1 about how great someone else was? I find a sheepish grin and a "it was fun" enough to satisfy my curiosity. And, guys, if you're really wanting to know how good it was for them..., go down and find the evidence! ~

[creamylips 16]

Yes!! The cam is your friend!! When my hubby goes off to have fun and I'm not with him at the time, I get all the juicy details first hand via the vid cam, later on- sometimes via a web cam! It's fantastic. He would have a tough time going into detail with me also. Now I get to see exactly how much he was into it, and it's a huge turn on!

[deeptouch 21]

The first time I did a CAM was with the wife of a friend. She and I happened to bump into each other on line. It was a couple that we had partied with so we knew each other well. One thing lead to another and we were soon having steamy conversation. We both understood that while we were chatting that each of us was playing. So we both turned on our CAMs and got very creative. She had her leg up over an arm on the chair she was in and had pulled her yellow cotton panties down. She was touching herself and encouraged me to do the same. As things got even better, she got a dildo from somewhere. She told me to get some Saranwrap.

 

We continued to self play until we were both ready. She asked me to put the saranwrap around my cock when I was ready to cum so she could see it, and how much I came. I asked her to put the dildo in and stradle the arm of the chair .... we did and we both agreed that it was sensational sex.

 

The next time we got together as a forsome we told our spouses ... they couldn't wait to fuck, and neither could we. The neat part was the after sex for the next week.

 

Cam sex can be a great erotic experiance. There have been other events after this one also.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My experience is akin to Wrunaked. We don't swing solo, however I did with my ex and at first I had no trouble telling him the details and it was even fun. But, as other issues developed in our relationship, I found that my solo play was one of the few real enjoyments I had in life and I wanted it to be mine alone, so I stopped telling him as much. This just compounded our other issues, which eventually led to our divorce.

[creamylips 16]

For solo play, you need to be in a stable and loving relationship- that has no room for jealosies or insecurities. Hubby and I have been doing group and solo play for 17 years!

but we have a different take on sex than many people do. For us, our playtime is sex to be enjoyed for fun, and thats it. We have successfully seperated our love for each other from our LS. We understand the dynamics completely, and appreciate them.

Our love is our own- for nobody else, we just happen to have sex with others also!! If a swing LS or open marriage is causing your marriage grief- then you are just not ready for it.

 

Don't push your partner to divulge details. Sometimes it's just not our business to know every little thought or action. To truly be unselfish is to let the other have those experiences with out explanation.

 

But,as usual, I digress. The cam can be helpful in those types of sitations. That way your partner doesn't have to explain every thought or detail, you can just watch for yourself- and I'm sure it will be self explanatory!!Unless your partner comes home with a frown on their face, it's a given that they had a great time.

[unusualsuspects 26]

creamylips, we totally agree with your reply.

 

We do think that physical details are best shared in an open environment where the discussion leads to more heat rather than using it to make notches in a bedpost or otherwise keep score. We, use the details like a personal porno and always end up in bed :-)

 

I am at the point where I don't need to know every detail. I do need to know it was a safe and rewarding experience and worthwhile. At the same time, she knows what details work best for me, and I support her keeping some to herself. This works out for all the physical details, but the emotional details we have to share all of those. We're both keenly aware that separating lust and emotional attachment is not easy when you're having great sex, so we keep tabs on that, but having open communication about it is the major prerequisite.

 

Open communication doesn't mean telling everything, but it means providing a non-judgemental environment to talk about anything.

 

The other point, though, is the relationship where playing separately reinforces the love of playing together. It doesn't (and won't) make sense until you've experienced it... it's true love baby!