Being told you are judging!

[enhancer 1,586]

Why is it so many attached guys playing alone feel the need to tell you that you are judging them when you tell them you are not interested in playing with attached guys? Even though it is on our profiles they still feel the need to message then get upset when you tell them we do not play with attached guys.  Maybe it would be judging if we sent them a list of the many reasons we do not play with attached guys, but we don’t.

 

If you are an attached guy playing alone do not be surprised that many people have no interest in you!  You are not in high demand.

[TeamCalgary 169]

Enhancer, give us some context here please.

 

We read your post, and for us, the interpretation was that you avoided attached males due to the potential ethical considerations;

did we understand your intent?

[enhancer 1,586]

44 minutes ago, TeamCalgary said:

Enhancer, give us some context here please.

 

We read your post, and for us, the interpretation was that you avoided attached males due to the potential ethical considerations;

did we understand your intent?

We avoid attached males due to many reasons including ethical considerations!  The point is if we already have in our profile we are not at all interested in attached males and they still feel the need to message us then they should not act surprised when we say we are not interested and tell us we are judging.  If we put something in our profile it is there for a reason.  People can save some time and actually read profiles before they send messages.  We do.  If someone wrote in their profile they are not interested in men over 50, or curvy bi women that squirt we are not going to message them and tell them they are judgemental for not being interested.  We are just not going to message them.

[NWAtlSwing 526]

Men ask because they might get a yes. It takes them little time to ask, and if you say no, so what? the cost to them is low.

 

[patsfan5864 43]

Who cares what they think? You’re inviting someone into your intimate relationship, they can blow it out their ass if they don’t like your rules.

 

We’re always polite when telling someone we’re not interested, we usually just say “Sorry, not a good match, best of luck in your search”. If they get pissy or start asking why, we just block them and move on, no sweat.

[TnA83 314]

Good and proper judgment is the key to living a long, healthy and prosperous life.  I'm tired to death of people that rip us for being judgemental. There are definite clues as to who is a good match and who is not. We are called on to make good choices and judgments on a daily basis for every aspect of our lives.

 

Swinging is not an activity without risks, both physical and psychological.  Again, we have to make choices that work for ourselves and our partners. If some dude gets bent out of shape because a given couple won't play with him because he's a cheater (or hall pass or whatever) it's none of his business why.  The answer is simply no.  

[TeamCalgary 169]

Well stated TnA83, thank you. 

[enhancer 1,586]

So many people could avoid being butt hurt if they would just read god damn profiles before they start firing off messages, flirts and friend requests.  

[shy_couple 460]

Agree. 
 

We are the same as it relates to truly single singles. We pretty much are only available on Saturday nights. That certainly take the wind out of most married guys sails. 
 

Also red flags with only available to meet weekday during the day. 
 

If you want to call it judgemental, then fine but, if you are willing to cheat, lie, and disrespect the person you swore lifelong devotion, what are you willing to hide from a piece of ass you found on the internet?

 

Judgmental? Maybe? Protecting ourselves? Absolutely.
 

 

[couplers 4,717]

I agree that people can choose to play or not play with whomever they want, but two questions: 

1. Do you feel the same about attached women, or is a unicorn somehow different? 

2. What constitutes "attached"?  Married, definitely, but what about engaged? Living together?  Have a child or not?  Going steady? It's a spectrum.

[enhancer 1,586]

7 hours ago, couplers said:

I agree that people can choose to play or not play with whomever they want, but two questions: 

1. Do you feel the same about attached women, or is a unicorn somehow different? 

2. What constitutes "attached"?  Married, definitely, but what about engaged? Living together?  Have a child or not?  Going steady? It's a spectrum.

We have never had a woman in an open relationship message us in the many years we have been online! Seldom even see profiles of women in open relationships.  Makes you wonder how open these relationships are? Messages from guys claiming to be in an open relationship almost daily.  

 

We we have been messaged by attached women that were not in open relationships though!  We did not take them up on their offer either.  Just not the kind of people we want to spend any of our time with.  People that care so little about their own spouse are not people we are attracted too.

 

For us attached is two people that are in a committed relationship!  Meaning they love each other and look at each other as a life partner regardless of what their rules are.  FWB does not count as attached.

[Numex 2,459]

On 10/13/2022 at 11:34 AM, enhancer said:

Why is it so many attached guys playing alone feel the need to tell you that you are judging them when you tell them you are not interested in playing with attached guys?

These are men who put finding a woman who would be monogamous with them above sexual interest and are now desperate for sex.  They should have married a woman who demonstrated a higher sex drive than theirs and let her play as she needed.  Not that I had so much foresight, but that's how it ended up with my wife and me.

 

On 10/13/2022 at 2:01 PM, enhancer said:

We avoid attached males due to many reasons including ethical considerations!

When she was single, my wife had relationships mostly with married men for a number of reasons I've talked about before; some women as well, but I think most were single.  After we married and I decided that she should play again, one of my three rules was unless the spouse approved, no married men (or women) both for ethical reasons as well as practical ones.

[shy_couple 460]

Same for “single” females. 
 
Married is the hard line. Attached (LTR, living together, etc.) is still are line I don’t think we would cross for male or female. FWB, sounds more like f—- buddies than attached. So would consider it. 
 

As far as female vs. male, has never come up. It’s always the guys approaching to meet. 

Edited October 16, 2022 by shy_couple